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Men of MRP. How did/do you gain abundance mentality when in an LTR or marraige with your oneitis?

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March 4, 2016

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Title Men of MRP. How did/do you gain abundance mentality when in an LTR or marraige with your oneitis?
Author ktrpa
Upvotes 8
Comments 13
Date 04 March 2016 09:41 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
abundancelong term relationship

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start by making solid eye contact with as many women as possible. Then, once you recognise that they are not calling the cops on your "creepy" ass, start initiating conversations. Small talk. You are not trying to game them, you are not desperately seeking anything from them. You are just making some small talk. Once you get that part down, to the place where you can actually engage in a stress free conversation with a random woman, you can start paying attention to how the small talk flows. Are you the one pushing to keep the conversation going? Is she validating herself to you? Does she seem interested to keep the conversation going? Keep your ego in check. Pay attention to any feelings of privilege that you might feel to be so lucky as to be in a conversation with the woman. It's only small talk, get over yourself.

The abundance mentality arises from actual abundance. It's not a pep talk that you give yourself right before or after you get shot down. It's a genuine feeling of abundance. The abundance is already there, and all you gotta do is realise it or open your eyes to it. In the beginning, you'll be fighting your ego, most likely, on both positive and negative fronts. An ego based abundance mentality is weak. And an ego based scarcity mentality is weak.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

When I found MRP, there were already two women I knew of at work who were interested, and one of them was seriously interested. I didn't encourage it or discourage it, because I liked the attention and validation at the time (ie. was thinking like a loser.)
Upgraded wardrobe, positive attitude, got physical fitness back, and now women at work compliment me all the time, some of them actively flirting. I'm not gaming them or flirting with them, only being a positive influence in the environment. It's pleasant and fun interaction, but I don't use it for validation anymore. It's just a normal part of interacting with women that some of them will display some signs of attraction.
What about those two women who were interested before? I shut them down because I don't need their validation anymore. It's the same with my wife. I know that there are women who would do want to be with me. At this point I would find myself with a new partner very quickly, if I wanted one.
Abundance mentality cannot be about validation or you're no further ahead. It is about having the strength and confidence to walk away without being butthurt.
Backup plans are very helpful. Do you depend on your LTR/wife for more than just sex? Do you actually need her? How fucked would you be if you walked away today? Fix that. Have a fully formed backup plan. Money, kids, house, work - you have to be as self-sufficient as possible. She could leave you tomorrow. She could get hit by a bus tomorrow. You have to know that you'll be okay. If you wouldn't be, then you are an unattractive, dependent loser and she shouldn't be fucking you or following your lead on anything.
This isn't exclusive to your relationships with women. Here's an example from my work:
I work ridiculous hours in a dysfunctional department. I'm fixing things in the areas where I have administrative responsibilities, but it's still not an ideal environment. Having multiple offers to work elsewhere and developing a reputation in my region has had a big impact. The head of my division came to talk to me about the promotion and tenure deadlines. He wanted to remind me that I would be forced out of the hospital if I don't follow all the rules and make the grade. He saw my cheerful demeanor and the complete absence of anxiety. His response was to offer to take some of the paperwork responsibilities off my plate and redistribute them elsewhere in the organization with no change in my pay. That's the power of the abundance mentality when it's natural, when you don't wave it in anyone's face. If I had told him that I had other offers, it would have accomplished nothing.
You attain the abundance mentality by focusing on yourself. Improve yourself. Be honest with yourself. Be happy with yourself regardless of the outcome with your LTR/wife.
Looking at your post history, you make submissions and then you don't engage the people who respond. I don't know if it's a self-esteem issue or what, but you'll probably get more out of this by sharing more than a few one-liners. When people see that you don't engage them, they will stop responding to your questions. You're much less likely to get good advice.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Abundance mentality cannot be about validation or you're no further ahead

My first step was that I can get validation somewhere else too, there are abundant sources of it too! Low quality - but still.

My next step, I realized, first I need to validate myself. First, I need to keep it tight, keep it real, I need to OWN it. Then, the relationship with a woman, if I decide so, without any needs for validation, as I already validated myself through my actions.

This much for my thinking. Doing so is much, much harder and this is normal, do not adjust your TV set.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

By not fearing change and loss, but embracing it

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Personally, all I have to do is meditate for a few minutes on impermanence then take a look at all the bazillion women in the world.

Ever since I STARTED dating in high school (I emphasize started, because I had a time getting that first actual date compared to my peers.... as a junior in high school).

I've never been single for more than a month unless I decided to take a break. That on it's own is kind of fucked up so I'm not bragging. Because I never got to really pursue anything without the constant thought of having another person involved. And over the years of BP training I lost more and more of my drive and opportunities.

After blooping my first wife away and a few rebounds I made myself be single for a year. Monk mode before I knew about such a thing. By the time I got back to dating I was pulling much higher quality women.

People are in a constant state of flux. Somewhere a compatible girl for you (for a night or a ltr) is available or is looking to become available. Probably close by.

Hardly anyone lives in a tiny village anymore so hooray for abundance and you're on the internet so I'm assuming you're not emailing from the Serengeti or outback.

Like /u/Feardearg2015 said, make that all important eye contact. It's the only way to really get a read on what's going on behind their ocular cavities. Or if she's blind I guess tap her on the shoulder?

You've got nothing to lose.

So whether you're single and looking to make a connection or married and just keeping your game sharp that first look interchange is always the same.

I'll go one further and say who gives a shit if THEY aren't attracted to you and you give em them "warm and creepies". Move along. Who gives a shit? Even Brad Pitt creeps out somebody. Have a warm mild smile or smirk like you just heard something that made your day. I know there's some preaching about intense eye-contact with no smile, but that's not my bag (and I'm not sure I'd want attention from the type of chick who responds to that. To each his own.)

That's step one. Once that ice is broken you'll notice how amenable just about any chick is to just chat. It's what they plus even if it's going no where and just an exercise they're getting some validation and keeping their girl-game up. It's like sparring.

Set your limits but know them. I'm not surprised anymore at how easy it is to have conversations with a gender you're no longer fearing rejection from. Me being currently married it's also easier to put a stop to the conversation first...which incidentally can also raise tingles.

If you're having real trouble with starting it, start with the girls you DON'T find attractive. You'll still benefit from the practice and you'll make someone feel nice that doesn't normally get chatted up. Then you'll find it easier to move up the HB ladder.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you need to start approaching women, plain and simple, approach women that are hotter than your wife, then your mindset will become 'if i got a hot one once, i can get a hot one again.' it won't be some mantra you repeat yourself, it'll actually be true.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have a near-life experience, and lose the Oneitis.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have a friend who works for the government. This friend has to find fathers when single moms come looking for state aid. There was a woman who came in a few days ago.

friend: "Okay, what can you tell me about the father of your child?"
single mom: "Oh, I don't much about him. I'm just a side chick."
f:"A side chick?"
sm:"Yeah. When he wants a blow job he calls me up and I go take care of him."
f:"What's his name?"
sm:"I don't know his last name. I'm just a side chick."

I want you to let this interaction sink in with you a while.

Why are you putting your LTR on a pedestal? Why do you have oneitis?

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy


[–]ktrpa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Awareness that your wife is nothing special.

Awareness that she may be the mother of your kids but her "loyalty" and her "love" and her "passion" are made out of the aether.

Awareness that her feelings are completely contingent on what you give her.

Awareness that if you give her strong, masculine emotions she will behave like a woman.

Awareness that if you get sick, depressed, or are dying of cancer that she will remove her "love" at the precise time you were counting on it and needed her most.

Awareness that while it is possible she can flip into "mother mode" and continue to "love" it will be something entirely different. Like I always say, some angels of mercy can even wash the dick of a dying husband- but NONE of them want to suck that dick.

Awareness that you are alone, that there is no "happily ever after" and that your wife will leave you for another man in a second if you stop providing her the emotions she wants- or she finds somebody better.

Awareness of AWALT.

[–]MRP_MATT0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is where I am struggling. Awareness.

Awareness that her feelings are completely contingent on what you give her.

She completely gives zero affection and shows no desire. I know I have to work on what I need to work on, but do I continue to be affectionate and show desire from her even though I get nothing from her? Do I continue to show her I love her and genuinely care for her? One of the things I am really trying to get over is not relying on those emotions/feelings from her. Some days I'm good and know I would be fine without them, other days I crumble and feel like I really need it, but I think it is getting better.

the emotions she wants

Like what?

Devouring your book by the way, great stuff.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the emotions she wants

Positive, strong, masculine emotions are what she wants.

Do you continue to show her love? Yes! If she is providing what you need. If not, if her love is conditional, then guess what? So must your love be.

Only when you truly don't need her love will she be able to give it to you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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