Stopped getting blowjobs because I got good at giving them. Feedback wanted

cholomite · 2016-02-23T16:08:26+00:00

Whenever I would try she would say something like "pfft, where's my blowjob?" Or "I'll give you one after you give me one" Or some other saucy shit like that. I have no problem going down on my gf but there's a difference between a 10 min bj for me and a 45 min bj for her.

She is AA /AM'ing you.

somewhere along the line, her frame went from " He is doing this because he finds it fun" to " He is doing this because I deserve it because his dick is broke because( insert hamster wheel here"

Basically , giving her head went from a fun thing for you to do , to a domination thing on her part. You became the Sub. Its subconscious.

Then you are DEERing about how you need head to not come as fast. So you are negotiating.

What have you done to make your dick give her tingles via oral sex?

2016-02-23T16:15:35+00:00

One thing I've found is to use handplay, and just before she cums, put it in her face as if she was taking it, and let instinct take its course.

Just like handing someone a glass of water, they naturally then take a drink.

As for the rest, reward good behaviour, don't reward bad behaviour. How you implement that depends on the nuances of your life

BluepillProfessor · 2016-02-23T22:12:51+00:00

First of all, I thought this was the first(?) gay post on MRP. I am not aware that you "blow" your GF.

Second, while you are "blowing" your woman why not scoot around and inch it right in her mouth 69 style? Also, try using her hair like a handle.

enfier · 2016-02-23T23:01:46+00:00

So some cliff notes to human (and primate) motivation:

If someone is already motivated to do an activity, rewarding them for doing the activity will actually decrease their motivation.

Ceasing to provide the reward to a previous paid for task will generally result in refusal, even if the task was previously done for free.

Rewarding a behavior consistently is far less motivational than rewarding it infrequently and randomly.

In general, consistently providing a desired reward to start, then randomly tapering it off will give you an incredibly high level of motivation. See people addicted to video games or crack addicts.

So it's not really a surprise that repeatedly rewarding your girlfriend for merely existing turned a reward into an obligation and now she's going to be upset when you take it away. Whatever you do, don't trade for it, that will just make her like blowjobs less because now they are work.

In the future, tie your rewards to desired behavior, start them off fairly consistent then randomize it and never do anything consistently that you expect anything in return for. Once you've take out the trash every day for 2 weeks, it's now your job and worth zero points in your partner's eyes.

cholomite · 2016-02-23T16:06:20+00:00

It depends on your bedroom dynamic and how you communicate. If you're dominant in the bedroom then you guide her with your body and your words. If she talks about sex when you're not in the midst of it, you could go with something like, "Babe, you give fantastic oral sex. You're so sexy, the way you do it, and it helps me last so I can satisfy you." You could also do what /u/TrainingTheBrain does and just fuck more often.

I hate it when people try to keep score in the bedroom. Both of you are doing it right now...

TheRedStoic · 2016-02-23T19:17:31+00:00

"yeah I know you're ready, but you'll have to take care of me so we can enjoy this"

Blowjob first, long staying power second.

Just a suggestion, it works for me anyways, I've run into this hurdle a few times in the past and this directed it positively.

That being said, I usually do not put effort into pleasing my girls without pleasing myself. I do not like the standard it sets. what have you done for me lately is my right as leader, it's her duty as follower/leech.

NevrEndr · 2016-02-23T20:27:47+00:00

drink a glass of bourbon to last longer if it's been a few days without getting off.

works for me

youcantdenythat · 2016-02-23T22:01:40+00:00

Tease her more, make her work for that O she wants. Start on her then move away and tease the shit out of her until she is begging for anything.

Also, tie her up sometime and do whatever you want to her. Chicks usually love this. If you haven't done bondage before, read up a bit first because if you don't do it right it can go very bad.

You're going to have to withhold more and tease her more to get the power back in the bedroom.

Sepean · 2016-02-23T19:00:59+00:00

Don't even attempt explaining why it is in her best interest to give you blowjobs. I can't even describe how badly you'd be stepping into her frame.

If you want a bj, tell her "suck my dick", "open your mouth", "get on your knees", or whatever is appropriate to the situation. If she doesn't comply, withdraw affection and sex.

No tricks. No mumbo jumbo. Just frame.

On the other hand, if you are not willing to enforce your boundaries, then keep on doing what you're doing and stop whining about it.

Trekneck · 2016-02-23T16:15:35+00:00

I have no problem going down on my gf but there's a difference between a 10 min bj for me and a 45 min bj for her.

Work on your warm up phase. Studies show anywhere from 10-45 minutes for most women to orgasm, but you can definitely influence how much work you have to do by warming her up before hand. Try teasing and withholding, works for mine everytime. Key here is to keep things different, cuz thats a hell of a long time to be goin down on a girl.

You've officially passed control of your bedroom back into her court my friend. Where you weren't getting any at all, now you're only getting it on her terms. It's time to switch things up and take back control of your bedroom.

First, stop hamstering about how long it takes you to cum. If you're truly focused in the moment on getting the quality sex you want, you'll have a lot less time to focus on whether you're about to cum too quick or whether or not she's enjoying it enough to cum. Fuck like you want to fuck, let the rest happen on it's own. If you're both in tune with what's going on, it should all happen anyway. While PE is a real issue for a lot of guys, your improved fitness and mindset alone should be helping to make a major difference in this area. Unfortunately, you've allowed yourself to do #2.

Second, stop playing ball on her terms. You've taken your re-energized sex life and you've once again attached all these rules to it. And yes, I do say you, not her, because you've given her full control over what happens in the bedroom.

So last night she's giving me a bj (first time in weeks), and I try to pull her up onto the bed to fuck but she turns me down because I didn't go down on her and she doesn't think I'll last long enough to get her off. I tell her don't worry about it and that I'm good to go and ill make her cum with my dick. She keeps sucking and I try to pull her up again and she gets pissy, and says shit like "I don't want to have sex if I'm not going to be able to get off" and it basically killed the whole mood and I just laughed and went to sleep. She said she was sorry and has been apologizing and shit since, but the whole thing threw me off. I was really fucking close to trying to explain to her that when I don't get off on the regular, I don't last as long. And if I just fucked her the night before, like last night, that I'll be good to go all night until she gets off too. I also wanted to explain how BJ's help me last longer when we fuck, but I defaulted to being outcome independent and Shutting the fuck up.

This is annoying garbage. Where is the control? Where is the variety? Beyond that, have neither of you realized that you can fuck, switch things up midway, and suddenly you're getting her off orally 10-15 minutes in? This gives you a chance to collect yourself, push off your own orgasm a bit, gets her off and lets you keep going.

Stop explaining, stop wanting to or trying to, and just fucking do it man. You know what you need to do already. TAKE BACK FUCKING CONTROL.

This all comes off as a game of "show me yours and I'll show you mine." You know what you want, so make it happen. If it means you have to up your game to give your girl the confidence she needs to know that she's gonna get hers to, then change shit up and show her.

dandar4600 · 2016-02-23T16:29:40+00:00

You have your hand. I get no fap but if you're going to be a minuteman might as well help yourself out and get off so that you can last longer. Also you should start going down on her as a prelude to sex. I pretty much go down on my wife every time we have sex. Before or during. It's a different kind of O from oral and from fucking and she likes them both.

Jesusourus_Rex · 2016-02-23T18:13:29+00:00

you stopped acting like an autist in bed

congratz

Title	Stopped getting blowjobs because I got good at giving them. Feedback wanted
Author	cholomite
Upvotes	2
Comments	27
Date	February 23, 2016 3:08 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/476zde/stopped_getting_blowjobs_because_i_got_good_at/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/stopped-getting-blowjobs-because-i-got-good-at.207649 https://theredarchive.com/post/207649