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[911] I mate guarded and the guy told my wife

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Mr_Happy_42
February 10, 2016
14 upvotes
askMRP

Please help, I mate guarded a guy that asked my wife to go workout at the gym (rock climbing). I had the talk with him last week and told him to back off, it's not appropriate and I wont' stand for it (he's married). I found out he asked her to hang out by looking through her facebook private messages. Today at the gym he talked to her about this when I was in another room. All of a sudden my wife left from the gym before our class together with a group of people we work out with every week. I confirmed she's at home now with our daughter. I don't know what to do. I'm sure she is embarrassed and livid with me. My mother was watching our daughter and she said that when my wife picked her up to take her home she seemed calm and composed. I left class before it started too and I'm at my workshop now to figure this out and am looking for a recording device to have on me when I go home to cover my ass if she goes nuclear. I confronted the guy at the gym tonight after I noticed my wife was gong and all my calls to her where going straight to voice mail. He confirmed that he talked to my wife tonight and he told me to get away from him, said he talked to her about this because he felt she knew something and then told me he wanted to stay out of it and told me to leave him alone. I've never seen any other evidence of them communicating via text or facebook besides him asking her to hang out last week via private messenger on facebook.

??? Do I fog, apologize, what do I do? This is the second time she'll know I looked at her phone and she's already sick of my jealous behavior in the past (nothing this bad).


Post Information
Title [911] I mate guarded and the guy told my wife
Author Mr_Happy_42
Upvotes 14
Comments 88
Date 10 February 2016 01:57 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207675
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/450axy/911_i_mate_guarded_and_the_guy_told_my_wife/
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[–]Griever11422 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you have the balls to mate guard, have the balls to deal with your wife

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

so simple, so eloquent, so true.

[–]Griever1142 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, praise from Ceaser!

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (29 children) | Copy

Let me understand the chain of events:

1-Guy private messages your wife for a meeting. Not important what it is for.

2- You look at wife messages then confront guy to back off.

3- Guy talks to your wife at gym, or wife talks to guy privately behind your back.

4- After their huddle, Wife leaves gym suddenly, then won't answer your calls. Odd. Maybe she is afraid? Feeling guilty? Is worried about nuking her marriage? Following his directions?

5 - Later You re-confront guy and he tells you to stay away from him - odd. Is he afraid? Feeling guilty? Following your wife's directions?

And now, you are afraid she is pissed at YOU?

Is she mis-directing you with her statements about being sick of your jealous behavior? A common ploy of a cheater.

Somewhere in all this SHE has defined the problem as you being jealous. You are completely in her frame. So much so that you are directing your attention to blame Guy, and blame yourself; but where is your indignation over HER behavior?

It might be time for you to start defining the problem as HER secretive behavior and your reasonable concern.

And yes, it is time for a chat with the guy's wife, with your wife in attendance. Just to be sure there are no mis-understandings and to clear the air of your reasonable concerns.

[–]Mr_Happy_42[S] 2 points3 points  (26 children) | Copy

Got home, could tell wife was angry. She didn't say much. She said she is going to her parents in the morning and she's done and wants to go our separate ways. Also, that I won't be able to check her texts and Facebook anymore. She's going to leave and I'll stay with our daughter. She offered to watch her over the weekend and I declined. I need as much time as I can log with my daughter at this point. I'm trying not to show any emotion to her, even though I'm a mess inside and crying myself to sleep. She's sleeping downstairs on the couch and I'm upstairs with my daughter. My mother also has major surgery on her back on Monday and I don't know how I'm doing to get through all of this alone. I'll need to call friends and family to help.

I'm still very new to mrp, i've read Athol Kay's book, seen the BPP videos, started reading the other books in the side bar. Been Rock climbing and active enough to ode 70lbs. Down to 215lbs with. Goal of 185-190

I handled the situation by offering to talk, saying I messed up bad and apologized. No further explanations. She asked if I had disrespected any of her other friends and I said no. Just the two talks with the guy. She said she was still leaving. I don't see any point to call this guy out any further and embarrass myself. I'm sure by now he's covered his ass with his wife. My gut says my wife was not having anything with him but I'm still beyond pissed she is so flirty and friends with a lot of dudes at our climbing gym.

She also asked for her wedding ring back, she has not worn it since September of 2015 because she says it's too small since she's been rock climbing and her fingers got bigger and a pain to take and off each time she goes climbing. The ring is currently in my mothers safe, Which my wife asked to hold on too.

Do I give this back to her? I've got all the credit cards on lock down and access to all our accounts so her and I have only been on cash on a Dave Ramsey envelope system for the last few weeks. She doesn't work right now but has a 4 year degree and years of work experience. I don't think she has more then $20 in here wallet now.

I'm typing this on a mobile, pls excuse any typos or errors. I'll post my victim puke soon with all the background. I wish I would have found this place 2 years ago. I feel hopeless and lost.

[–]SepeanRed Beret16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

My mother also has major surgery on her back on Monday and I don't know how I'm doing to get through all of this alone.

Cut out the victim bullshit. You'll get through it alone if you have to. You're not going to die. Stop thinking about difficult times as something you might not be able to get through. It'll just suck, no more, no less.

One thing I learned in the army was that there's a lot of ground from your brain telling you "I can't do this anymore" to actually not being able to do it anymore. It's just some shit your brains tells you when things get uncomfortable, learn to ignore it.

I handled the situation by offering to talk, saying I messed up bad and apologized.

That's not handling it, that's being spineless.

She asked if I had disrespected any of her other friends and I said no.

You stepped solidly into her frame there. You're agreeing your disrespected him, which you didn't.

She said she was still leaving.

She is not leaving because you called out the guy. That's a minor thing that no one would leave over.

It's either a bluff to get you to comply, or she's fed up with your beta ways.

I wish I would have found this place 2 years ago. I feel hopeless and lost.

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

Get with the program. Begin lifting, learn to hold frame, do all the shit we tell you to do. This thing with your wife leaving is either a bluff or it is going to play out in slow motion. If you step on the gas and improve your SMV, she'll come back to you and become a good wife; the real risk for your marriage is that she'll do (or has done) something you don't want to forgive her for.

And even if stuff doesn't work out, your improved SMV will be just what you need to move on.

I'm still very new to mrp, i've read Athol Kay's book, seen the BPP videos, started reading the other books in the side bar. Been Rock climbing and active enough to ode 70lbs. Down to 215lbs with. Goal of 185-190

You can't just read, bro. You have to do. You're not holding frame. You're not passing shit tests. You're not lifting. Ask yourself why you're not following the instructions?

You're a man. You're able to change. You're able to look at your failures and adapt to overcome them. You're able to soldier on. You'll build the skillset so you can handle things that once scared the shit out of you with ease and confidence.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

there's a lot of ground from your brain telling you "I can't do this anymore" to actually not being able to do it anymore. It's just some shit your brains tells you when things get uncomfortable, learn to ignore it.

I find that this thought runs through my head on the last rep of every set at the gym. I can almost hear myself saying "shut up brain, recruit the muscle fibres you pussy"

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah.

Every experienced lifter should try to lift to failure, to know where that line is. It's not something that should be done until it can be done safely and with good form, but anyone who can do it correctly and never lifted to failure should do so. Set the safety bars high in the squat rack (no ass to the grass this time), load up with the weight for your 5RPM, and then go for 6, 7, 8, however many it takes to fail. Push out the reps until you drop. Not until you don't want to anymore, but until your muscles literally fail and you fall.

[–]MRPguy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

load up with the weight for your 5RPM, and then go for 6, 7, 8, however many it takes to fail.

If you can rep a 5RM more than 5 times, it isn't your 5RM! I tell my training clients this all the time. When I ask them to find a 3RM and it gets heavy, that doesn't mean they've found it. Keep adding weight until they can't get a 4th rep, that's the 3RM.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy

This is all coming unwound over you talking to the guy. Must be a lot more to this.

If she is done- you can't control that. Just say OK for now. Nothing is over till it is over.

You have a lot going on w/mom's stuff Monday. You might let her keep your daughter just this time so you can take care of yourself and get the help you need lined up.

How is she going to leave if she has no money? And if she is leaving, she needs to put on her adult cap and figure out where the money is going to come from. With HER declaration, IT SHOULD NOT COME FROM YOU. Not now. You aren't leaving her; she is leaving you.

Right now she has you emotionally down on the mat. Basically delivered a knockout blow to you and your family.

The wedding ring is interesting that she would want it now. Don't, just don't for now. Delay giving it to her. Strange that a woman leaving her husband would think she is entitled to the symbol of the marriage, and fully confident that you would give it to her.

From what you describe, the only one really broken up about her leaving is you. Does this tell you something?

Slow down. Get some time to calm down. Let some of the vets here help you.

Calling: u/Jacktenofhearts u/stonepimpletilists, u/Bluepillprofessor? Anybody home?

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

This guy has been acting like a beta control freak this whole marriage. This is probably just the most recent in many incidents of him shifting his anxiety on to her.

Look at how much of a meltdown OP is having in his comments here at the idea his wife could leave. Do you think this manifested overnight, or he's always been this anxious hand-wringing loser who would constantly whine about anything his wife did that made him uncomfortable?

This is why she seems to abruptly done with everything. It's her that's deciding to finally enforce boundaries, not him.

If OP indicates any introspection on how his pattern of this behavior has fucked up his marriage, I might be inclined to give him advice on how to salvage this. But he's just acting like a hysterical mess. Red Pill advice is meant for men struggling to enforce boundaries, this guy has over-enforced boundaries so nothing in the toolkit works. He already tightened the screw nut with so much pressure that it snapped right off. What the fuck tool is gonna fix that now? Not any if the simple ones. But here is OP screaming HALP WHAT TOOL DO I USE NOW.

OP - your wife won't divorce you just yet. You have a kid, and like a soda machine toppling over, it wobbles back and forth a few times before actually crashing down. Whether you throw your body into keeping it upright, or just chew your nails off in anxiety as younwatch it continue to wobble, is up to you.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP - your wife won't divorce you just yet.

The fact that she left WITHOUT the kid suggests, to me, that she's aware she needs a cooling off period. Then she'll figure out her next move.

But I agree with you. There's likely a history of control issues that extend further than "I got caught looking at her phone a second time."

There's no RP in his situation. This is old fashioned control/jealously.

Edit: The fact that OP wants to victim puke and give us more background indicates there's a history of this kind of shit.

Me? I'd own up to my mistakes, set a course of action/improvement, and set some real boundaries. The other dude is irrelevant; if it wasn't him, it would be another dude just like him.

OP needs to figure out why his wife is receptive to other dudes. The "why" will be his shortcomings that need fixing.

Edit2: Wife appears to have run textbook RP. Improving her SMV at the gym, dread game, flirting with guys, setting boundaries, removing attention, OI and DGAF.

OP has a serious uphill climb, while his hamster is running in hyperdrive.

There's way more here, than OP looked at her phone and confronted a guy. Wife didn't even delete message, knowing that OP would likely see it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

that's unusually succinct for you jack

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You don't know how good that hard core Navy red validation makes me feel, stone.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Of that, we agree

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

long and short of it is OP sucks. so why is it surprising at all that op's wife is looking for something better?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

done.

my favorite part is where he laid his first boundary, and both of them laughed in his face, then asked for the ring back.

At no point is OP self reflecting on how far gone he is when no one takes him seriously when he tells another man to get away from his fucking wife.

I used to sail with a guy, looked like telley savalas and a california raison had a child, Thought his fat wife was cheating on him one day, so he took time off from the candy factory he worked at, snuck into his own house and caught them, breaking a window and cutting himself in the process. The guy proceeded to beat the fuck out of him in his own house, and the wife called the cops and got him arrested.

Sunstrum, if this is you, PM me, because we can do this off line.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Moral of story, dont go sailing with Stone

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

he was a sonar guy, they don't even count.

fucking ping bosuns. Though he got caught in rope stores on day fucking the bosun ex girlfriend of the guy who was caught with CP on his home computer during our deployment. Sweet and pleasant enough girl, but just couldn't keep her vag off of crazy.

first time ever I saw a shipmate bang a girl, and everyones immediate reaction not to high five him, but to look at her and go 'him?'.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

:}

[–]blarggggggggggg3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's playing you.

She is suddenly making a big show, flipping the entire script to deflect any guilt away from herself for her behavior and bad thoughts.

Keep the ring, let her take some space for awhile and don't bother talking to that guy again.

Do you want to try to salvage the relationship? If so - retain a divorce lawyer and get a separation agreement drawn up. When she cools down and is still pushing to split up, hand her the agreement and tell her go for it. Be ready to take the L. Once it's real to her she may have second thoughts. That's when you will need rock solid frame and techniques to stop falling for any more emotional manipulation from her. Read When I Say No I Feel Guilty as soon as you can. Fog her bullshit and Broken Record your requirements and expectations from her.

If you stick together you need to get out of the mindset "omg she's flirty blah blah blah" You need to build yourself up so women are flirting with YOU and you have confidence you can replace the wife with someone better if necessary.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

note the complete lack of introspection and ownership.

your problem is your jealousy and your beta behaviors when trying to deflect jealousy.

look, you suck as a man and at this point, you frankly deserve to be cheated on. let's assume your woman is a halfway decent woman - she deserves better than the bullshit you're spewing.

i would never hold it against a woman if she fucked a better man. instead of bitching about the better man who's fucking your wife, maybe you should be putting that effort into being the better man and ditching your wife.

you come around asking all these strangers that have intimate consequences to your actual life. what is wrong with you? are you really that fucking scare to make your own decisions and weigh your own consequences?

edit: i'd also be surprised if anyone actually gave two shits about your pity party. some people might pay lip service, but what are they actually going to do to help you out? you got yourself into this situation. own you failure. or don't, doesn't impact me either way.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Got home, could tell wife was angry I was afraid of my wife.

FTFY

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said she is going to her parents in the morning and she's done and wants to go our separate ways.

Normally I stay out of askmrp but someone sent me over to this thread. I hate to break the news but this is textbook cheating. If she is hiding it, she is cheating. Period. Now she needs time away and she is done.

I messed up bad and apologized

Never apologize for guarding your mate. She isn't yours, but its your fucking turn.

Edit: Also at this point I would get a lawyer and file for divorce as soon as possible. No finances to plan for because you dont have finances will work really well.

[–]trp_dude2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A slightly different take from the other guys here, though I also think you screwed up.

Athol Kay says you should not mate guard until things get clearly inappropriate. Asking your wife to work out is not clearly inappropriate. If he texted her if he could "stretch her" or something similar, you need to take action. The action doesn't have to be so blunt. Why not just start going to the gym with your wife?

Second, you should always confront the wife first, not go behind her back.

Third, you should not have apologized. What's there to apologize for?

Fourth, it sounds like your SMV is way too low. In all likelihood, your marriage is over. Stop being whiny or needy. There is about 10% chance you could save it and it is with a 180.

[–]MRPguy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said she is going to her parents in the morning and she's done and wants to go our separate ways.

From a little mate-guarding to her wanting to split from you? This synopsis isn't the problem, you've had bigger problems for much longer.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She doesn't work right now but has a 4 year degree and years of work experience. I don't think she has more then $20 in here wallet now.

Question, why did this have any relevance to your story?

[–]Trekneck4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It was one more chance to talk about her

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, I think this is toast. This was an extreme Beta move to go behind your wife's back and mategaurd like that. You need to see a lawyer immediately. STAY IN YOUR home. DO NOT give up your child. Remain the primary custodian of your child and your home.

Not to add fuel to the fire but normal women don't get divorced over something like this. Could there be a reason she is so protective of her "friend" but not so protective of her family? Inquiring minds.

In any event, you cannot show weakness. You can show that you care and that you want to reconcile but YOU CANNOT SHOW WEAKNESS. I believe it is weakness from you (i.e. weak ass, underhanded pussy mate guarding) that prompted her to leave and it is only strength from you that has the possibility of making her return to the family.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP there you have it. The peanuts you smell, really is the elephant standing next to you, fucking, or trying to fuck, your wife.

I'll post my victim puke soon

Please don't. All the vets have told you in no uncertain terms, own it. Have to admit, I felt sorry for you that you seemed to be so clueless to your cheating wife. Get to work and post your progress.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

OK, /u/over60_stupid_loner

First off, on the face, when it comes to if a guy is/trying to sleep with your wife, I'd defer to him for advice on that. he's been that guy for longer than I've been alive, he knows what to look for.

Now with that aside, here's what I see;

You probably have laid your first boundary in god knows how long, and guess what? You've been such a pushover for so long, that they both immediately call your bluff. And it looks like they are right, because you're panicking right now. That is the feeling of your illusion of self worth running headfirst into the reality of your self worth.

I can say how I would deal with this, and it would probably sort things out (one way or another) but I might as well just give you the parts to a bomb and tell you to get building...

You have noticed a giant elephant in the room, which you refused to deal with for the time it took him to grow into the specimen he is today, that's on you. Right now, you need to let go of any semblance of fair play, or take anything you currently have in your life for granted. you're just too late to the party.

I kind of wish you went numb after this. It would make it much easier for what I would suggest you do now. Go to MRP, read all the sidebar books, get your ass to the gym (since you haven't seemed to mention her not going with you, I'm guessing you don't go) and generally build your self worth to be more in line with where you thought it was. Theres a lot of ego protection and bullshit you have to deprogram out of yourself too, because it's fucking cringe-worthy to read. I'm guessing if you actually followed through with your boundary on this guy, he would probably kick your ass, and your wife would console him for his bruised hand. Start applying the 12 levels of dread. /u/bluepillprofessor just finished and released his book describing these things in great detail.

And once you have a base (or preferably before) start to get an idea about what the fuck you actually want out of this, because just going with the flow is going to get you fucked.

And... you have a daughter. guess you're playing for keeps now. Get someone who knows more than you about custody, preferably with a law degree. Theres a wealth of knowledge out there from divorced guys, I'm sure they can give you some of it, if you post it as a question. The common ones I see are logging your good parenting, recording all conversations where she shits on you etc.

So yeah, you're not going to be able to do anything about this, so you might as well start working on you, heaven forbid you are the kind of man who is taken seriously when you tell someone to stop flirting with your fucking wife, and she... perhaps thinks twice about doing so.

As for your immediate situation, say nothing, do nothing, react to nothing. It's in the air now, everyone knows you know, and that you aren't happy about it, all any more talking will do is give them room to shame you into crying about it alone while he tries/does fuck your wife and laugh about it.

Get to work

EDIT:

She said she is going to her parents in the morning and she's done and wants to go our separate ways.

Ha! battle lines are drawn, you've got a genuine threat in your house, act appropriately

She also asked for her wedding ring back

Spacey says it better than I could

I handled the situation by offering to talk, saying I messed up bad and apologized. No further explanations.

Fuck, too late. You basically had her kick you in the nuts, and are proud because you didn't allow her to spit on you afterwards

victim puke soon

don't. no one gives a shit, you aren't a sad little victim, you're a pathetic man. You want a conversation? Post about how you've owned your shit, lay out your failures so you can deal with them, and throw up a fucking plan. Everyone here will be more than happy to fine tune it to perfection, and hold you to task on its implementation. But don't for one second think we are going to sit here with you and call her a bitch all day

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

In another life, I would have been the guy and it would have gone down just like this. Now CAD is the guy…..

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

ah, the under 50_stupid_loner.

I really wish someday you'd start posting more of your 'you know you're a cuck when' posts. You could be that ex hacker that hardens security for firms.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

hardening security sounds gay.

Seriously, I'm just lucky to get logged in.

Wonder if CAD is going weigh in on this guy.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Whats it hurt to pile one more onto the fire?

I'm pretty sure I can paraphrase.

Shes fucking him, you aren't fucking anyone and crying because she got mad that you told her dick to fuck off... Tell me where the problem is there champ.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's really good. Don't need CAD now…..

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am inspired to do a post on proper mateguarding in an LTR

I'll try and do tonight after the gym.

Teaser.....Don't mate guard you pussy

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Question - where's a link to bluepill professor's book?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Question - where's a link to bluepill professor's book?

https://bluepillprofessor.wordpress.com/2015/05/22/hello-world/

It's on the sidebar but it is a link to a link (inside the audio links item).

[–]6TimesDown7TimesUp2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What's your background? Do you lift? What sidebar materials have you read? How long have you been unplugging?

Without that it makes it a bit tougher to give advice other than say, mate guarding, you're doing it wrong.

I'm all for boundaries, but it you're talking to the wrong person about this issue by talking to rock climbing dude.

Then talking to him again? About where and what your wife was doing?

No. Just stop.

Talk to your wife about this issue if even that. IDGAF and STFU would be better options but your hamster has fast and furious'd way past that point.

Sometimes when you really, really fuck up the best thing to do is own your shit and apologize.

Then get back to lifting, STFU and IDGAF and work through all the sidebar materials. Read Tomassi and all the MRP vets stuff on things like this and you'll have some better info to help you stop losing your shit instead of owning it.

Good luck.

[–]Tamnaeuth8 points9 points  (28 children) | Copy

The guy is a douchebag. Message his wife on FB, say you asked him to keep his distance, they have been messaging on FB, and even after that he went to your wife to say you asked him to keep distance. Just mention that you get a weird vibe and think it is inappropriate but he still persists.

See how he likes it when you go to his wife, which is what he has done to you. Don't back down, escalate, if he fucks you over, fuck him over as well.

If his wife doesn't care, publicly shame him. Tell others you think he acts inappropriate with your wife, play the victim and people will sympathize for your plight. Make him look like the douche bag.

Is he an instructor or does he hold a position at the gym? or just a friend?

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy

Woooooooooooooo. Let's embrace the beta mentality! Yeah! Lets completely not give a shit about being a high value individual.

You're assuming his wife doesn't know. Let's assume his wife does know and everything is on the up and up. Now what? Now you look like a needy fucking baby who tattles like a bitch. Way to go man. Way to fucking go.

[–]MRPguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let's assume his wife does know and everything is on the up and up.

His wife is enjoying the tingles she gets from knowing her guy can pull other hot chicks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

To be fair, doing the "us against the world" thing the guy did is classic pua technique.

OP should have owned it, since it was too late for otherwise. Wife isn't even mad, he just assumes mommy will fight when he gets home.

Plenty of time for slapping op down after he calms the fuck down and man's up.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

which works when you're roleplaying a fantasy. not when it's not a fantasy and the "our world" shtick is so far failed that any attempt at is just a demonstration of your social ineptitude.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Like it matters though, op tried his first boundary, and the both of them laughed in his face. Yet not once did he think maybe he has a deluded sense off self worth

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

truth.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Was thinking about the redpillroom posts.. Threaten to knock him out in the driveway lol.

Guy needs to learn not to disrespect a man in his house is all

[–]Tamnaeuth0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

what's this post? never heard of it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you'd have to find it the old fashioned way. basically a guy challenged in mixed company, probably the male social matrix article.

not applicable to op, but it's a good read

[–]cj_aubreyRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your real problem is that you care more about what your wife thinks than whats right for you and your family. Do what's right for you as a man and for your family. Don't apologize for it since that is sufficient justification for anything you'll need to do. What's with the 911? You think she'll leave because you told some asshole to leave her alone?

EDIT: Clearly more to this than the original post. OP, read all the prerequisites (so you at least understand the real issues) and post a proper summary. When my wife was threatening divorce people told me "women don't leave improving men". If you've made some progress you'll probably get another shot at her.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do I fog, apologize, what do I do? This is the second time she'll know I looked at her phone and she's already sick of my jealous behavior in the past (nothing this bad).

First off, you wonder if you should apologise. Apologise for what? Be specific. What do you feel you need to apologise for?

Every action you ever took, or will ever take, has consequences. Some are predictable consequences, and some are potential consequences. You are responsible for the consequences of your actions. You've got to this point, I suspect, by not taking ownership of that fact. You are taking action without proper regard for the consequences. And you are seeking advice about what action you should take next, once again deferring (or trying to defer) responsibility for the consequences that may come of that action.

My advice to you is to think carefully about what you desire as an outcome from the actions you will take going forward. What is your mission objective? What do you intend to make happen? It is important then to validate that objective. Is it achievable? Is it practical? What actions could you take to achieve it? What might be the consequences of those actions? Side effects? This process loops round a bit until you settle on a plan of action with which you are aware of and can tolerate the consequences. Some of the consequences might be unknown, but you'll be aware of where the variables are. Then, you take action.

she's already sick of my jealous behaviour in the past.

So what? What difference does that make for you and your life? Want to stop her being sick of your jealous behaviour? Stop being jealous, or stop getting caught, or whatever. Don't just apologise, and promise to be a good little boy, and then just go and repeat the behaviour that got you here. That's weak as fuck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Late to the party... but my 2 cents are:

Probably would have been better if you had this conversation with your wife instead of him a la "It's not appropriate. Let him know or I will."

But it didn't go down that way so what do you do now?

It's a bit beta when this shit happens , but the lesser apes are going to test the Silverback, that shit you have to laugh off and watch your wife for her reactions, BUT IMO this guy has his own wife, so his fuckery and sneakiness is less normal or even slightly respectable.

In the grand scheme of things: if she doesn't like having to forgo the deep validation,quasi dates, emotional affairs and setting up for 'oops his dick slipped in me' moments she shouldn't have pegged you down in a marriage. Any time she wants to go back to being single and rejoining that game tell her you'll help her pack.

?What do you do?

Were you wrong?

Let her know next time she needs to handle orbiters quicker or you will continue to.

And then up the hell out of your game. That guy might have just been an "I shoot for all targets, fucker" or he may have sniffed an opportunity.

She needs mate guarding, not the other way around.

Shit man, that guy leads with rock-climbing. You know why that works? Puts him in a quasi rescuer role while simultaneously upping the excitement factor. Allows for a lot of "helpful" touching. You're only paranoid if it isn't true. Admire his balls, but in your case ...fuck that guy...he's prowling on your turf. GRAB STICK BEAT CHEST. OOO OOOOOOOOO

[EDIT: A.M. opportunity...that's exactly what I'd be inclined to do if my wife complained about it afterwards, just look at her, thump my chest and go "OOOO OOOOO".]

[–]fasterpussycatdie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife is a whore and not worth keeping around. You are a weak man with no agency.

Work on yourself, raise your value as a man for your children to look up to.

Dump this useless raging cunt that brings frustration and anger and no value to your life.

And next time, keep your goddamn mouth shut and punish behavior you don't like by removing your time and affection. Adopt a don't give a fuck attitude, woman is replaceable.

JESUS FUCK

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your problem isn't with the guy who asked her to hang out. Your problem is with your wife who is private messaging other men on Facebook.

It's not another man's job to honor your wife's marriage vows. It's your wife's job to honor her own marriage vows. It's not his duty to refrain from interfering in her marriage. It's her duty not to step outside the marriage.

The problem isn't him. The problem is her. She is the one you needed to confront. She is the one who is misbehaving. She is the one who is in the wrong here.

Your marriage is between you and your wife; not between you, your wife, and another man she's talking to.

[–]TheRabbitTunnel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hate to break it to you, but its likely your wife isn't innocent in this. If this guy had to chance with her and she showed no interest, its more then likely he wouldn't have said this to her. Given that he even bothered to talk to her about its, its likely that they are "a thing" and he was letting her know her husband is onto them.

If I were you, I'd let her stray, make sure you have the evidence of it, and divorce her. Your wife wouldn't be mad at you for looking threw her phone/mateguarding if she was loyal.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women are so fucked up.

I have a female friend who has been beaten, smacked around, cut, and burned by her BF. Beating the hell out of her kept her coming back for more. Calling her garbage was just fine. Going hot-cold-hot-cold with days when he wouldn't even talk to her just made her want to fuck him more.

ONLY when he started to get jealous did she decide to leave him.

[–]AnarchoSurfer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How many male friends does she have? They aren't friends, they're orbiters hoping for sex.

[–]Squeezymypenisy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If they end up cheating, fuck his wife.

[–]MRPguy4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, no. Why would the other guy's wife want to stoop down to have sex with this beta schmuck? They are probably having a threesome.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh yeah, you are right in there on this one. Upvoted.



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