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PE and fucked up my response

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January 15, 2016
7 upvotes

This is an obvious throwaway, and an embarassing admission. I need an ass whooping.

Background

Wife and I have been together 5 years, married three years. The first year sex was amazing and constant, but then we had three kids in four years. Over the course of the past four years we have had sex a half dozen times.

Present

Swallowed the pill about three months ago. Killing it in the gym (lost 25lbs, loads more to go, but my SMV is considerably higher than it has been). Killing it at work too. I fucked up with my wife by talking about "upcoming changes" early on, but I've been doing a great job with STFU and being cocky, funny and lighthearted since. I took up old hobbies again that get me out of the house a bit more. I'm fixing shit around the house before she even knows that shit needs to get fixed. I shaved off a prematurely gray beard, bought some cowboy jeans and am finally starting to give my wife tingles.

After all this work of creating a new frame (really almost a new persona entirely), she finally got horny enough to fuck yesterday. I built it up for hours with flirting, kino, etc. Then, dammit, I fell asleep on the couch watching the GOP debate.

When I woke up, she was already in bed asleep with our two month old next to her. I crawled in bed next to her, got her horny (will spare the details, not necessary) and went in for the fuck.

Then, damn. One thrust and done. Nothing I could have done to prevent it. I was just ... done.

So all that work I have done to become cocky, funny, lighthearted ... really someone that others want to be around ... just blew up in a second. I laid there in shock, felt like a fat kid who just blew his virginity in one load, and had NOTHING to say. My wife was saying "It's alright, it's alright" and I finally responded with the worst fucking thing I could say - "I'm so sorry. I'll do better next time."

Fuck fuck fuck.

She was asleep again in minutes.

What I think I should have done

I'm honestly not sure here. I did a bit of googling and searching on reddit but failed to come up with a good response. If I made a joke of it, I would be making a joke at my own expense. Self deprecation can work okay in certain circumstances, but the last thing I think I want to do is make fun of my sexual abilities in front of my wife.

I could have just STFU and rolled over and gone to sleep, but I can't see that turning out well considering this was our first sexual experience in almost a year.

So I am putting this question out to you mean bastards. What should I have done differently, and now that I am where I am, how can I rebuild my frame in her eyes?


Post Information
Title PE and fucked up my response
Author DamnDoneInOne
Upvotes 7
Comments 41
Date 15 January 2016 05:42 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207733
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4144ta/pe_and_fucked_up_my_response/
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Comments

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

Next time just think of Ted Cruz's smarmy smile. If that doesn't stop you from blowing your load early, I got nothing.

Seriously though, given your sexless past, do you jack off? Fuck, if I go out of town for four days and don't shoot one out of the chamber, then go into PIV sex when I get home, then I'm going to blow my load in my wife in 13.5 seconds. It was a damn good 13.5 seconds though.

Which sound facetious, but I would actually recommend you start thinking this way. I'm sure in your mind you imagined some orgasmic lovemaking fuckfest that made her spontaneously realize, oh my God, I forgot how good sex feels, let's do this constantly! But you're not going on a game show and pitching your idea to Mark Cuban. This won't be the last time you fuck your wife, and if it is then it definitely won't be the last time you fuck a woman. So relax, and enjoy it, and if that enjoyment only lasts 13.5 seconds, oh well.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

So herein lies another complication/conundrum.

I'm Catholic, albeit a much worse Catholic than I was a few months ago. Jacking off is something I actively avoid trying to do. Not saying it doesn't happen, but when it does there is a shitload of guilt and shame involved.

I was actually thinking that I probably should have bit the bullet and unloaded a couple of hours before the act last night regardless, because I was going into this with months worth of buildup.

And you nailed my thought process. I pictured porn quality, mind blowing sex ... using all of the techniques I had read about in Sex God Method. Instead I got insert then oops.

Good advice, thanks.

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Look, what you have to realize is the values of your religion, with respect to sex, probably have you playing a sucker's game.

It encourages a very sex-negative mindset not just for your wife - who has been taught her sexuality is something to be protected and defended since she was like, 6 years old. But also for you, since you literally can't even tug on your man stick a couple times without hyperventilating into a guilt-induced state of hypoxia.

Recognize that organized religion often puts a premium on "virtue" as defined by "suffering" and sacrifice. Jesus died for your sins, the least you could do is not beat off like a hedonist in Gomorrah, right?

Your morals are your own, but I doubt you'll really be able to mentally embrace anything in the Sex God Method if you are literally this uncomfortable with your own body. The concept of you bending your wife over the bed and railing her from behind appeals to you. Imagining the specifics though, probably makes you uncomfortable. And why wouldn't it? This isn't the sweet lovemaking that a pure virtuous woman deserves. This is just primal fucking that will surely "degrade" your wife and her sexuality.

So realize, buddy, you probably can't get to a sex-positive, creatively sexual and fulfilling marriage, unless you let go of a lot of this baggage. And honestly, I would recommend doing this for your children, if not for yourself. They should get a chance to see their parents model the idea that virtue and sex-positive relations are not mutually exclusive. And that they, in turn, will seek in their own relationships.

I would imagine this will be hard to do as long as you think jerking off is wasting your seed, or whatever archaic principles are at the foundation of your guilt.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I did say I am a much worse Catholic now than I was a few months ago. I am trying to let go of a lot of the Church's teachings concerning sexuality, but I have to reason my way out of it just as I reasoned my way into it. Natural Law as expounded by Aquinas made sense to me. Then it left me a bitter guy with a gray beard and three kids.

For what it's worth, primal fucking is completely allowed between husband and wife, so long as the procreative aspect and the marital bonding aspect are both included/intended. The reason the Church frowns on masturbation is that neither procreation nor bonding are involved. It is a completely selfish act - thus the shame/guilt I experience afterwards. This has nothing to do with wasting seed, although it is possible that at the time these teachings were formulated the mistaken belief that a man has a limited amount of seed played into it.

I am learning that selfish is okay. I have to work this into my moral system, and it is taking some time.

Tonight I will fuck my wife like an animal. I'm going to start there.

[–]RocketManV0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Come to your own conclusions from the Bible.

[–]Redpilllife790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was raised catholic to and I know we are allowed to drink. Whiskey dick works wonders for me. Also you have to empty the chamber dude

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am trying to let go of a lot of the Church's teachings concerning sexuality

I prefer the Bible's teachings over Catholic doctrine. How about you start with the Song of Solomon. Almost all of this sex negative bullcrap the RCC puts out is contrary to the plain and clear meaning of scripture. Sex is a glorious gift from God that is celebrated in the Bible. Look at King David- a man "beloved" by God. Look at Abraham- the father of God's people who screwed his way through most of the Old Testament. The dude had multiple wives and slave girl sluts. I could go on but you get the idea.

[–]grncld0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck that guilt. "Cleaning the pipe" is a functional jack off, like if you had to give a fertility sample or something. I had the opposite issue where spanking it too often left me disinclined to initiate and performing poorly in our (2 or 3 times a month) sex. When I went NOFAP she thought I'd started sneaky taking viagra or spanish fly or some shit!!

I think you built it up too much in your mind, definitely. For the PE "oh fuck, we definitely need to practice this more..." then either get back in there or save it for tomorrow.

[–]mrpCamper6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'd think of this as success. You got the sex. Obviously, not what you were hoping for but better than nothing. So, now plan for next approach.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting way to look at it. Next approach will be tonight.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't overthink it, that shit will mess with your mind. I stopped fapping for various reasons, but the first two times I got to have sex I blew my load in about 5 thrusts.

How did I handle it? Just some amused mastery 'Thats all your getting' with a slap on the ass. Turned over and went to sleep.

Inside I was terrified, outside I was cool, I blew my load and was satisfied with my performance. The Litz is always happy with his performance is my attitude.

It happened 2 times in a row and that was that, now I last much longer.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

See, you're on the right track . The failure wasn't the PE; it was your reaction to it and your knee-jerk reflexive belief that you had to explain it. Difficult to hold frame in that; but gotta do it. "Damn" or "Ahh, fuck" or just saying nothing is the best thing, really.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You get laid 6 times in 4 years? And you're stressing over PE? Holy shit, I wouldn't have held out before I got my pants off.

The good news is, as you get in better shape, eat better foods, lift weights, this issue will resolve itself. I'd laugh about it, and keep moving forward.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Whenever I have shitty sex, I always try to play it off lightly like it was her fault for being too sexy, or it was all part of my plan. Make a light joke, slap her ass and kiss her then go to sleep. Your response wasn't terrible, it was bad, but don't cringe about it too hard. At least you didn't start crying or something.

Something that helped me when I was having shitty sex due to an injury was to buy my gf a vibrator. She's very closed off about sex so she would never have gotten one on her own, let alone use it. If I knew she wanted to fuck but I knew my dick would let me down I would just do stuff to her for a long time before hand. If I made her cum with my fingers, mouth, vibrator or whatever it didn't matter as much how quickly I came. Having that pressure lifted made it was easier for me to stay immersed in the moment and really enjoy myself. If I cum in 2 seconds it's cool, if I cum in 20 minutes it's cool too, she's already satisfied. Anyways, that's what worked for me.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

We have a toybox, but this wasn't that kind of sex. The buildup here was for dick. If my dick decides not to work, but it is dick that she wants ...

You make a solid point about taking the pressure off though. I think I need to separate the changes I have been making from the sex. I think I went into this with "and here is my reward for all the hard work" on my mind instead of "my wife is naked so I am going to fuck her now."

Does that make sense?

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It makes total sense. Stop doing these changing to get more and better sex. Start doing then just to become a better person. You're building it up to much because of all the work you're doing. Just do the work, you have to anyway.

[–]J_Incognito1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

"round one done! grab some gatorade"

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I like that. But gatorade is carby!

[–]its-iceman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Carby? Have another skinny girl margarita.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

G2

[–]chief_slap_ahoe0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You need to take DHA. Your hard ons will be harder and they will stay up after you get off. Keep lifting increase your cardio to get your system up

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I just added fish oil to my supplements yesterday. Been doing stronglifts 5x5 and killing it.

I don't think my problem is physical, but it might be.

[–]its-iceman0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't know if that's actually true, but I do know not all fish oil has DHA. Do your own research and figure it out though.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Using Dr. Tobias. Contains 600mg DHA.

[–]AnarchoSurfer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Best way to improve hard ons is jelqing. I didnt have any EQ (erection quality) issues but tried it anyways and my hardness and fullness went through the roof. Just make sure to be safe and dont overdo it. Also kegels will help op hold his load in a little longer.

[–]MRPguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Another response:

"Wow, you are much tighter than my other girlfriends."

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I'm so sorry. I'll do better next time."

Ouch. That was indeed the worst possible thing you could say.

If you have sex once a year, why would you be surprised that you don't last? That should be expected.

What should I have done differently,

After you cum, hold her tight and whisper in her ear something funny: "Well that didn't last as long as I had hoped." Don't let her go and don't get butthurt.

how can I rebuild my frame in her eyes?

Laugh, make jokes. Your frame is you just had sex and it didn't last as long as you wanted. So what? Fuck her again and it will last longer.

The solution to PE is to fuck her again right away- and don't get butthurt or discouraged.

[–]its-iceman0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sure it's a total bitch move, and you said the wrong stuff...

But six times in four years? I can't even blame you for blowing too soon. I think you can regain your losses by jumping right back on the horse and joking about it.

Also, nothing is worse for a sex life than kids in the bed with you. You shouldn't fuck your wife with the kid in the bed. That's probably part of the reason why you're not having any sex. Do you have couches in your basement or something? Create another environment where she'll be comfortable having sex with you more frequently, because with the number of rugrats you have, and the fact she's got them in bed with you is not helping.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That is absolutely a huge part of the reason we aren't having sex. The plan did not include the kid being in the bed, I assure you.

[–]its-iceman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I get it, I've been there. That's why I'm telling you about the magical world of the basement. "Hey babe, I've got something to show you in the basement" right after the kids' bedtime is a commonplace in our house.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A big part of your MAP needs to be getting your kids out of your bed ASAP, and into their own crib or bed. It is not healthy for you or them.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

I think you're a pussy for using a throwaway. fucking own it dude, this place is for you to own your shit. It's womanly to say, That wasn't me or I'm not like that. You were a one pump chump last night, fuck it.

There are several reasons for PE, look them up.

My question, is why not build up to fucking her again that night. If that happened to me I would have laughed, rubbed my cum all over her telling me not to wait for so long as the build up made me explode at just feeling the heat from her undercarriage, then I'd get back to flirting until I got rock hard again and then would have brought her to pound town properly.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I deserve that. "DamnDoneInOne" was a funny username that popped in my head and I wanted to use it.

I am in my forties, so it would have taken me probably about a half hour to reload. It was already past midnight when we got started, and I had to get up early for work.

So maybe another lesson learned is start earlier to build in some fuckup time?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So maybe another lesson learned is start earlier to build in some fuckup time?

Possible, another option is that you stop being so comfortable and stay up past your bedtime to have a fun night with the wife. Break the routine, Be UNPredictable it will also give you an inside joke with your wife the next day when you ask her if she's 'tired' from being a sex vixen all night.

Keep it young and fresh

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Easy solution to your "throwaway" is to not throw it away (unless you've got another active MRP account?)

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I have never posted before. I think this is my main now.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You failed. It's your fault. You can do better. Hear me out, and repeat this until you believe it. There's no getting around it. You have to own this. I know the feeling. It sucks. It sucks because you know it's a failure that cuts you to the bone. It sucks because you know SHE KNOWS it's a failure that cuts you to the bone. So there's no sugar coating it. And you know as clear as im writing this that saying anything to the contrary just feels like youre trying to cover something up.

Don't try and blame her, you know it's not her fault at all. I've said shit like "it's just that you're so hot" and felt like a fucking chump afterwards because we BOTH know that excuse is a load of shit. Blaming her also puts her on the defensive, and her mindset will be "why is he blaming me he fucked up".

Don't say sorry either. She knows you fucked up, you'll just look weaker throwing yourself upon her mercy.

Don't ignore it and roll over. Ignoring it shows her you aren't a man that confronts his problems.

Instead get pissed. "Fuck" is the only acceptable thing to say. You need to totally own this, and give her the inclination that you're totally owning it. You need her in your corner because you're only going to get better with practice (or medical treatment, depending on the cause), and guess what you need someone to practice with. This is just one of those things man you gotta admit 'yep I fucked up' and keep charging forward. Your brain isn't going to want to. It's going to go into defensive mode and scramble and think of anything it can to downplay this. Dont. Accept it. Then fix it. That's what men do.

[–]DamnDoneInOne[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I am definitely blaming myself and not her at all. I take full responsibility, which is why I've been kicking my ass over my response.

I agree that I should not have apologized. To me, that was a bigger fuckup than my damn, done in one.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop kicking yourself and just accept it. Get out of your head. Get out of the past



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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