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Read though NMMNG and decided to take 3 months off sex. Advise?

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January 12, 2016
7 upvotes

(Insert title here) on the 15th will be month #1. I've searched various venues on NMMNG and I can't find a place for the no sex trial period and I am currently running with this blind.

Something that maybe relevant is she has been on the pill that prevents shark week to once every three months. I got a vasectomy a few months ago and am good to go in that aspect. She never ovulates on said pill and I just know it's terrible for her and my ovulation fun days are nill. She took her last pill on Sunday night and I'm excited to see how she responds to her normal cycle again.

I feel as though I'm making some progress in I don't care how how she feels when it comes to my actions. It does make it a lot easier to stfu for most shit test and I actually told her I didn't have the patience to listen to her shit one night (this caused her to get very angry to which I got up and went to bed right away). I'm getting some good practice on other shit test and I do find some of them pretty funny so maybe that's a milestone for me.

Yes I talked with her about this 3 month no sex period and with some reluctance she agreed. I still try and flirt with her and sometimes she is receptive to it. Most times she is not. I still try and mess around with her but when it gets to a certain point she will stop and say something like "you said 3 months no sex". It feels natural to still be able to flirt with her and make out but I'm committed to the 3 months and I'm not going to argue the point with her.

Some advice on how this no sex period should go would be great. I've tried to find a men's issues group and found none in my area. I've talked to a men's issues therapist who was obviously a feminist in a mans body.

Sorry for the terrible lack of editing as typing and formatting are very foreign to me.


Post Information
Title Read though NMMNG and decided to take 3 months off sex. Advise?
Author Redpilllife79
Upvotes 7
Comments 38
Date 12 January 2016 03:43 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207746
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/40mwiv/read_though_nmmng_and_decided_to_take_3_months/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
shit testfeministNMMNG
Comments

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret10 points11 points  (8 children) | Copy

Where does it say in any of the sidebar readings to stop fucking your wife? We don't have any monk mode readings on MRP for a reason.

If you are a man then Marriage = sex. Do you not want to be married?

If sex is weaponized in your marriage, join the club! The secret is to increase your value as a man and develop options. She can weaponize the sex but YOU weaponize the denial of sex using Dread Game.

TLDR: I think it is a terrible strategy for EITHER partner to deny the other sex during a marriage.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are a man then Marriage = sex. Do you not want to be married?

OP, read this a few times as it is exactly what I was going to say.

Don't make this a 'thing', just embrace your masculinity and improve.

[–]IASGame0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It is one of the examples in NMMNG. A bad one IMO. I didn't like the book as much as others here.

Although I can see in some circumstances it may benefit the guy to see he

  1. already knows he ain't doing it so he can freely act as he wants to without having the "can I get her to have sex if I don't misbehave?" hanging over him (which was the point of the example in NMMNG)

  2. he can survive without it, so he can even divorce and go without for a while.

I think it is a bad example because worst case scenario, AWALT, the wife can hamster it into having an affair, and best case scenario.

It establishes that he can survive without it so she can throw that in his face later on, although the whole point is that you can't negotiate desire so if she throws that in his face as a shit test he can still deflect it if she wants sex (he needs to raise his SMV of course).

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she does cheat and I find out about it then the marriage is over, and I have set that firm boundary with her already, and I move on to the TRP. We were having sex once every 1-2 weeks maybe so I'm not missing out on much. I know you can't negotiate desire/attraction. And of course I'm working on my smv.

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

It says in NMMNG to go without sex for a while.

[–]dredpillman1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yes NMMNG does say that. I tried it and it was not helpful. Result was 'See I am not a sex fiend I can keep my hands off you!' So there. Now I see that in her eyes this looks like Huh he really doesn't care about sex with me, he is really not attracted to me and just wants to use me to get off. Not helpful. This aspect just led to a prolonging of my shaking off the Blue Pill (Did NMMNG before I know about the Red Pill)

Although the rest of NMMNG is good I don't recommend this aspect. If you do it is adding years of work on your relationship with your wife. It is an option but I suggest that if you work the rest of the resources and apply them you will find you don't need this. And DON'T talk about it with your wife.

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank your for the insight. I was hoping for feedback like this from someone who had tried it. Seems like I need to get out of it somehow. Any suggestions? I'm gonna look bad getting out of it I know but I need to come up with ideas. Maybe wait for ovulation and try to get out of it then. Idk if you read my post but we have already talked about it. I know I know bad move lol

[–]dredpillman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How to get out of it. Probably best to just play with her physically. When you have her hot just keep going. Strip off her underwear, shirt whatever she has on and if she says "what are you doing?". I can't help it. I've got to have you. With a growl.

She might say you just want to get off, answer with you I do. Whatever it is agree amplify till its silly or direct it to how you can't control yourself around her.

[–]dredpillman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you are playing, flirting, making out and she says didn't you say no sex for 3 months.... you say yeah but you get me so horny that I can't help it. I don't care what I said having you is more important than that.
Are you trying to prove you are not a sex fiend and can't keep your hands off her? If you succeed then you have proven to her that you don't really need sex, and shes not that important to you. If you 'fail' cause you can't make it for 3 months because she is so hot and you get horny and must have her then you set the tone that you tried it and no you can't live without sex, also in her eyes you can't live without her.
You can stop masturbating if you want don't go out of your way to tell her that but you can talk about it if it comes up. Your frame is the difference between her feeeeeling she makes you so horny you can't help yourself around her versus feeeeeeling like you are just using her to get off.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Why?

I actually told her I didn't have the patience to listen to her shit one night (this caused her to get very angry to which I got up and went to bed right away

Way to fuck up a shit test. OI doesn't mean you can take a punch, it means you should have something better to do, but you're giving her a window into your schedule.

OI would have been sitting there while she's mouthing off, then get up, laugh, and go do something, sleep... whatever. Telling her that you're taking your toys and going home only signals that a wee little girl gets under your skin, no one would fuck that.

Then again, you did say 3 months of no sex, if that was your plan, you're following through on your plan rather well.

At this point, you pretty much have to follow through, because being flippant will be even worse. It should go the same as if you were having sex. go be awesome, build a better man, an dole out your rewards commensurate to how much value your partner brings to your life.

I guess since you put pussy off the table, better hope she can cook and clean

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Way to fuck up a shit test. I knew it was a shit test and I didn't feel like listening to that one. Yes I could have sat there and listened to it but I just didn't have it in me that night. What I did isn't something I do every night. It only happened once. I am working on myself and I do feel kinda free from the sexual aspect of our relationship (I know it sounds fucked up) but coming from a "reforming nice guy" it really does. It also lets me see out relationship from a new perspective. Almost like I'm outside looking in.

[–]its-iceman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't have to stop fucking your wife to get a better perspective on your marriage. You've created a three-month crutch so you don't have to get your feelings hurt.

Leading your wife doesn't involve shitting on her and laughing at her. It's about leading. I don't think you know what you're doing.

So you're being a dick and not fucking her. This is How To Implode Your Marriage 101.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You could nuke it, or AM/AA.

Instead, you broke frame

Hence, failed a shit test

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's obvious you have read WISNIFG because your using BROKEN RECORD HERE. I agreed that I failed the shit test. The point I was trying to make was I didn't care if I failed it at that moment if I passed or failed anything.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hear what you're saying. I'm telling you that that is still a failure. that you did it on purpose is irrelevant.

Eventually, you won't have to dodge bullets

[–]enfier1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I've read through your reasons and I can kinda see the logic behind it. The problem is that denying your wife sex isn't fair to her either.

Instead of a 3 month break from sex, why not a 3 month break from caring about sex? If it happens it happens, if you feel like sex you'll initiate, if it doesn't happen you'll move on.

The birth control pill isn't your problem, your problem is that you aren't attractive. It's going to take some time to get from here to there and there isn't a fast track. In a month, your progress with lifting is barely showing.

You've been a "nice guy" for years now and another few months of it won't kill you. Execute the slow fade, not an abrupt transition. That gives your wife some time to adjust and putting it in slow motion gives you plenty of time to work on your SMV and make good choices along the way.

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"The problem is that denying your wife sex isn't fair to her either." Ha she hasn't asked me for sex for a very long time so I doubt it's a case of being fair to her or not. I made a big mistake early on and went to hard to fast with her so I'm still reeling from that. I know it's gonna take a while to increase my smv so I know I don't have much for leverage in that aspect yet. I'm now trying to go along with the slow fade.

[–]enfier0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It doesn't really matter. Sex is a major part of your agreement in marriage and unless there are actual medical issues, it's a poor idea to take it off the table.

A thought: Getting out of this is pretty easy. You just tell her "I thought about it and I realized that denying you sex isn't fair or conducive to staying married, so I'm no longer going to bother with the no sex for 3 months idea."

Then you know, don't expand on it.

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You want sex and your wife controls it. You GAF about rejection and she knows it. She weaponizes sex and you want it to stop. What do you do?

You can go monk mode and learn to not want sex, then her weapon is powerless. However, you told your wife your plan, which means when 3 months is up, nothing has changed. And, more importantly, do you think your wife is attracted to a man who doesn't want sex?

Or, you can make yourself the type of man who can fuck other women, or at least appear that way to your wife. Then, her weapon is powerless, because she knows if she doesn't fuck you, you have options.

Take the second path. It is way more fun, and your wife will actually become attracted to you in the process.

Stop your shit. Lift, read, and initiate. Learn OI the hard way.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

So I interpret the 'no sex til I get my shit straight' strategy as 'I won't proactively try to initiate until I get my shit straight'. There's no reason to just not have sex at all. And there's REALLY no reason to tell your wife about it. Why tell her what your plans are? Are you looking for some kind of validation? Some 'oh look he's got some plan to get better I like that' from her? She doesn't give a shit. SHOWS her your progress. Don't tell her

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Did you read NMMNG?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I did. I also read MMSLP where Kay says to tell your wife:

 

"I don't really have a clue what to do to you , or for you , or with you, to make you feel loved by me, the way I do love you.” Say that "the way I do love you" bit with feeling. Pretend you’re in a movie and this is the turning point of the on screen romance.

 

He also advocated buying flowers randomly for her for no reason. That's why guys here say "take what works for you, throw out the rest". Not everything you read will work, and in fact those two excerpts I gave made me cringe...that's not red pill to me. Come to find out Kay is sort of selling out by bringing his wife on board and trying to counsel men AND women now to sell more books. The point is this is another instance of what I think will not work. In fact it's a quite common opinion not to tell your wife anything other than "I'm working on getting my shit together." If you tell her anything at all. I didnt, she never asked either. There's no reason for her to know. Acta non verba. I just got a raise. I used to go cheerfully tell the wife. Not this time, why does she need to know? Other than her validation, what reason do I have of telling her that? Other than validation what reason do you have to tell your wife of your plan?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see she agreed to celibacy, but reluctantly. That means she's not fully on board.

Three months is too long, particularly at your experience level.

I don't think this is a good idea.

[–]rurpe1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

Why did you want to stop having sex with your wife?

[–]stargazer355 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

The book advises it to break a nice guys oneitis, also to remove the womans ability to weaponise sex and to teach the man to NGAF. I've considered it myself as in my married its weaponized for sure.

[–]Trekneck1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Disagree. Pretending to NGAF about not getting laid in an already sexless or low sex marriage is bullshit. You do give a fuck, you're here because your marriage is not living up to your expectations. If you want to fuck your wife, fuck your wife. If she has no interest in fucking you, sidebar until you're worth fucking.

If you want to abstain from sex, stop the butt hurt and learn to abstain from bad sex.

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have yet to meet a man who isn't bothered in some way when his wife turns him down for sex on a consistent basis. Every guy here is bothered by it if they are turned down or they wouldn't have a reaction to it.

[–]Trekneck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Again, how you handle that is all that matters. You wouldn't stop working out for 3 months with the expectation that it'll lead to more gains and the gym wanting you inside it more right?

[–]rurpe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know. OP seems to have read the book but forgot to pick up on these key points and I wanted him to try and think about what he is doing and why.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The book advises it to break a nice guys oneitis

Is that idea for married guys?

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It doesn't say for a married couple it just said for couples in general.

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

These are some of the reasons. The book nailed me for a true nice guy and had no power when it comes to sex (of course I'm working on myself). Trust me I want to be having sex with my wife but when I'm having sex once every week I'm not missing out on to much anyway.

[–]opening_eyes1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah what is the end goal here? Do you know it? Does your wife know the end goal? Abstaining from bad sex or bad "terms" of sex is good. But what is your strategy for encouraging good sex? Are you giving up porn as well in this 90 day experiment?

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The end goal is to break my habit of relying on her to meet my sexual needs. Yes I'm abstaining from porn also.

[–]opening_eyes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Will she meet be the one to meet your "eventual" sexual needs or will you just stifle your sexual needs so you dont have them (as much) anymore. Dread is her fearing you will meet your sexual needs elsewhere. What you are explicitly telling her that you are just going to be less sexual, that your diminished sex drive isn't because you find her the lesser option. That she is helping you by turning you down from now on.

There is a power play there... that her pussy no longer calls the shots for the next few months, and that literally no sex is preferable to sex with her. But there is also an emasculation/reduced "responsibility" on her end.

Of all the exercises and examples in that book and with no mens group or suitable masculine guidance (to paraphrase you), what made you latch on to this particular lesson?

[–]ford_contourRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

FYI, sharing that plan with your wife seems unwise.

If she declared her intent to break her habit of relying on your for a place to live, you would probably conclude she was working up the nerve to divorce you. You would also probably be correct.

[–]stargazer350 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OP do you actually "need" to do this? Is she using sex as a control over you? Do you have oneitis (ie you see her as the golden pussy, only girl in the world ya de da). Do you have a life and own interests outside your marriage?

[–]Redpilllife79[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes to all except a life outside of our marriage that I'm working on also. Just started playing poker with some guys once a week and signed up for a night class once a week to learn a new skill where just men are involved.



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