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Cheated - Deserve the Beating to Come

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January 4, 2016
7 upvotes

Not sure why I am posting except to selfishly drop this load off my shoulders and maybe be slapped back to reality. I want out of this fucking mess so bad. I went from redpill to bluepill quickly in the span of 2 years. Maybe someone can learn from my bullshit.

Married for 14 years. 3 kids. I am 40 and wife is 35 and I cheated on her with a 23 year old girl for the past 2 years. Oddly enough, I have have not been caught or had any negative consequences (yet), except for my sanity and massive guilt. Here is where I fucked up in so many ways.

Have had the perfect setup by society standards. Wife 3 kids, 2 dogs, successful career. I built a multimillion dollar business and I guess my ego got all fucked up in the success.

My wife is a perfect mother to our kids. We have had a good marriage with the normal ups and downs. More ups than downs. Right before all this went down, my dad died and the thought of mortality became front and center with me. I started buying stupid toys, spending money on crazy shit. Maybe midlife crisis? I'm not sure I believe the label, but there is some truth.

My wife started becoming frumpy and dressing like a slob. Turning cold and never in the mood for sex. I know this isn't her problem. It was mine. I was failing at leading her. I was so caught up in work and making big money, I maybe lost her.

On to the real fuckups. I was hiring for a new assistant. I interviewed this one girl. From the start of the interview I knew I was going to get in trouble with her. This girl was on a mission to fuck my brains out. Tiny little thing (5'2 and 110lbs), dark hair, dark eyes. Drop dead hb10. I thought unicorn. Sexy as hell and everything so soft and perky. Being around for a few years and knowing what these chicks can do to someone in power and also married was front and center my mind, but not strong enough to overcome the urge to dip the pen in company ink. I have fired employees for doing this exact thing.

About 2 weeks into her working at my company, we were fucking like crazy. The hormones and taboo of it all was insane. This chick was the best sex I have ever had. She was able to mold herself to exactly what I like. This ramped up my crazy spending, buying several 200k super cars, running off to "out of town business meetings". Overall just being a dumb pussy bluepill idiot.

She slowly started turning shitty on me eventually and dropped some shit about being borderline personality (BPD?). This is where I keep getting more caught in her fucking web. I craved the real fun/sexy times we had that I kept upping the game to recreate it. She would become abusive and forget about how much I have spent on her and done for her. She started fucking everyone under the sun (I have been std tested so many times). No STDs even after raw-dogging it. Her appeal was so strong and my bluepill ways kept me from immediately dropping her. She knew exactly the buttons to push to manipulate me. I was addicted to her affection and intense wild sex.

Somehow, things started to click in my head. I came to for brief periods to ask myself what the fuck am I doing. This shit is madness and I don't want to ruin everything I have worked hard for. I truly don't want to hurt my wife or children. I want to reconnect with her and lead this marriage. I want sanity, stability.

I started a slow plan to get her the fuck out of my life without setting off a shit storm. It was a long shot, but fuck I don't want this anymore. I got with my attorneys (on staff) and got her out of my company about a year ago. This didn't phase her. She kept the manipulation game up and I fell for her shit some more and paid to get her into a new apartment until she found another job. She did find another job, but I kept paying rent.

This bitch outright extorted 3 grand from me by threatening to expose to my wife. Thankfully I saved those texts and when I went to give her the money I recorded her conversation just in case the extortion continued I could have something to go to the police with. The relationship has been poison. Over the course of knowing her, I have given her over 20k in cash/gifts not including rent or utilities.

I have tried breaking it off and will go a month while she tries out some other guy and she comes right back killing me with manipulation. No matter how long it takes, she works on me through any open channel. I have blocked her from everything, but she finds ways to me and I become bluepill idiot x 100.

Here I am today, thankful nothing has been blown-up yet. Just my fucked up head and a little lighter in the wallet. I want this cunt out of my life so I can repair myself and my marriage. As fucked up as it sounds, I miss her. She toxically made me feel alive. However, I am a shell of my former self. I am anxious all the time, depressed and feel somewhat dependant on her. I was so wrapped up in her that at some level, I wanted to be caught so I could just lose it all and be with her. How fucked is that shit? I have everything, but want to be a cunt like that?

So there it is gents. Let me have it.

Follow-up


Post Information
Title Cheated - Deserve the Beating to Come
Author idonemessedupbad
Upvotes 7
Comments 18
Date 04 January 2016 02:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207769
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3zcs4r/cheated_deserve_the_beating_to_come/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
cheatingunicornsociety standardsstandardsgamethe red pillthe blue pillBPD
Comments

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol

[–]idonemessedupbad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

indeed

[–]midlifedick9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't see evidence of you knowing red pill concepts anywhere in this novel. It was a good read, though.

Sounds like married guy came into some money, then hired a crazy prostitute to be his assistant. The end.

You have abundance mentality in all things except pussy.

Your only hope as I see it is to actually learn the red pill concepts. Improve yourself and steel your mind to endure the inevitable blue pill crazy pussy boomerang of destruction you have flung out into the world. Maybe then you will have actual abundance mentality and multiple options.

Some idiots are recommending telling your wife. Don't. Why? To ease your conscious? To "get what you deserve?" If you are so ill prepared to handle your own actions, how do you think this would affect her?! Time for you to get strong and shoulder your own burden.

Search for the welcome post and start reading!

[–]idonemessedupbad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the reply. I do have much work ahead.

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only reason you want to tell your wife is because you think that's the only way to ensure you don't get charmed by Ms. BPD again.

Which is some weak as shit thinking.

I would advise this as your general roadmap.

First you need to get Ms. BPD out of your life for good. I can't tell you whether you should tell your wife or not. But I can tell you that it shouldn't happen until several months, if not a year, after your last contact with Ms. BPD.

Then:

I guess my ego got all fucked up in the success.

Since you apparently run a very successful business, you're a high achieving male. This tendency for self-destruction is actually very common. Think about Tiger Woods, Anthony Weiner, etc. What's your gut response about what those guys did? What the fuck were you thinking? Why do something this flagrant and blatant? Did you WANT to get caught?

What they were thinking was typically some combination of:

  • Risk-taking was a big part of their success. The anxiety of taking a risk is oddly comforting for them.
  • Life is boring if they're not "living on the edge" in same fashion. So these guys need to constantly manufacture situations to put themselves on the edge. And if they get away with it, they have to manufacture an even more dramatic situation.
  • There is likely some level of "imposter syndrome" haunting them, and so they'll either get away with it (chasing away any doubts they're a faker because they got away with it) or they'll get caught (giving them the relief that at least everyone knows they're the fraud they are).
  • And/Or there are delusions of grandeur. Their success implies they overcame large odds stacked against them. They don't consider failure, because they didn't fail in their previous efforts. The rules don't apply to them.

In your post I see parts of all of these thoughts, and I also see you've done very little introspection on this, to the point where you may want to consider individual therapy. You will not have very much success in finding a path back to leading your family and your marriage, if you can't figure out why you decided to get off that path to begin with. In other words:

She toxically made me feel alive.

You need to find other things that make you "feel alive." It will be hard to figure that out when you don't even know where your mental models of "feeling alive" came from.

Until you've done that, then you can contemplate telling your wife. Because currently you'd only be doing it to stop your weak-willedness with Ms. BPD, and relieve your feelings of imposter syndrome. In other words you'd only be doing it for yourself and not for her. And think: what will happen when you tell her? You'll probably devastate your wife, earn her contempt for you, and witness the self-loathing for herself. And for what? Why do that? Because you think she should know the truth? Fine, then tell her when the reason for telling her is because you want her to know the truth. Right now you'd only be telling her for YOUR own reasons, which is silly.

[–]spexer4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

telling your wife would be yet another selfish act done for emotion.

Put together an action plan, and work on yourself.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cool story, bro.

What are you going to do to fix the mess you've created?

[–]Sapphire_Jizz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not much to say, but I'll echo what others have said about your guilty conscience and whether you should tell your wife.

Do not tell your wife for now. Only consider telling her once you have all your shit together, are thoroughly owning your shit, and have solved your mental issues (self-destructive, addictive behaviors, etc.) . If you tell her now or in the near future you will probably destroy your family and get divorce raped. Prepare for these things first, then decide.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Midlife crisis is a lie

About 2 weeks into her working at my company, we were fucking like crazy.

Borrowed time, but you already know that.

Drop dead hb10

your rating is skewed, guaranteed.

Now lets cut the bullshit. you don't give a shit that you cheated, you gave a shit because another woman in your life is manipulating you, because you're weak. not only are you weak, but you are making no effort not to be weak. your wife is fat and complacent, and why wouldn't she? I'll bet she hasn't had to fuck you in a while either, right? And I'm guessing this is the first girl (assistant) who showed you a whiff in years? Probably hired her full on 'covert contract' if I hire her, she will fuck and desire me like my wife cant?

There is no magic post that will unfuck your situation. you just have to put in the work you should have put in 12 years ago. Lots of reading, working out, and frame ahead of you. The fact that you're not here because you think you have to fix you (the lip service was nice however, makes me feelz) is irrelevant.

As for the blackmail, do what you like, but it only works because she has something over you. Consider removing that. Get her ass in jail, fess up to the wife, or just let her find out, lawyers would be good for these kind of things, clearly you have the money for it. Ideally, a good man is at a point where he cheats, and the wife doesn't leave. She would rather share an alpha than lose him. the fact you're afraid she'll take your shit when you tell her tells me, you already know how good a man you are generally. That's where I would focus, you just let life happen to you, and clearly stronger people have decided how that will work out.

I could sum up your post as:

Wifes gotten fat and lazy, you've been too weak to address this, and let the first sociopath throw a pussy at me I could find. Now it costs money, what do?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here I am today, thankful nothing has been blown-up yet. Just my fucked up head and a little lighter in the wallet. I want this cunt out of my life so I can repair myself and my marriage. As fucked up as it sounds, I miss her. She toxically made me feel alive. However, I am a shell of my former self. I am anxious all the time, depressed and feel somewhat dependant on her. I was so wrapped up in her that at some level, I wanted to be caught so I could just lose it all and be with her. How fucked is that shit? I have everything, but want to be a cunt like that?

Well, you are a piece of work aren't you. Like in your title, Deserve the beatings to come, what did you think would happen?

You got money, and came to believe you could buy whatever you wanted. Then you bought it. Your ego took over your show, cause you thought it would work. You thought you could get away with it.

In the process your wife quit fucking you, then the 23 YearOldHoe quit fucking you. Now your not h-a-p-p-y, but you miss the 23 YOH, even tho she will probably lead to the destruction of your entire happy little life. If it wasn't the 23 YOH, you might have gone for another form of high, like crack or gambling. You could have spent $300-500 a trip on a regular basis on escorts, maybe had more fun, and it would have been cheaper.

My expertise in this is limited to my lifetime of making my own mistakes. So, I really don't believe that I have any good answers for you for a quick fix. But I do think that you are on a path of self destruction, and there really isn't a clue in your post that tells me why. My only help to you are some questions:

Why are you intent on destroying yourself, and everyone around you?

If you don't know why, do you have any idea how you are going to find out?

When you know why, what are you going to do about it?

Good Luck. You and everyone around you is going to need it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

meh.

[–]atticusfinch19732 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow this is the first MRP post that made me feel better about myself. someone who fucked up way worse than I did.

Let me tell you something - you did want to be caught so that you could get out of your marriage and do all these things without feeling guilty. You just didn't go all the way. Now you're whining about it.

Since it seems like you want to stay in your marriage, do not divulge anything - ever - and pray that the girl never goes full bonkers and tells your wife.

One of the tenants around here is to LEARN FROM MISTAKES. That means realizing that you need and crave that adrenaline rush and find another way to get it without destroying your family. There are dozens of ways to get that high without fucking girls half your age or blowing tons of money. Go find one and use that to make you feel fulfilled.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Trading money for sex is weak bro. Women WANT to fuck strong men and thats not you. Not from start, not now.

Good luck.

[–]outroversion0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lolllllllll

[–]idonemessedupbad[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Appreciate the beating fellas.

Yes, I am weak, dumb, retarded and fucked in the head. Haven't made too many monumental mistakes like this in my 40 years. But this takes the cake.

To start I am banning that bitch from my head and my life. Regroup and own my life like I did before I went off the deep end. At that point I will make a decision whether or not to discuss with wife, but at this point I am not in any shape to do that.

I have always enjoyed risk taking through business only. I have never been into drinking, drugs. I don't like losing control. But here I am way out of control because I got weak and decided to self destruct via some crazy pussy. /u/Sapphire_Jizz you nailed it with your reply. I very much appreciate you taking your time to write that. I believe the part about life becoming boring was more what I could relate to as why this took place. I got bored. I enjoyed putting myself on edge to feel something more than the thrill of manufacturing money. I took it way too far and got my head, life and balls all ready to be tossed into a god damn woodchipper.

If for some fucking miracle that slut doesn't drop a nuke on my world, I will never allow myself to be painted into a corner like that again. I will learn from this. If she does drop the nuke, I will face the blistering heat and hope there is no lasting radiation. What is left I will pick up and rebuild.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

shoot for something more concrete, your goals sound vague. problem with vague goals is that you are able to bullshit your failures into excuses and pseudo-success.

what was life before? How do you plan to address a potential nuke? Have you thoguht and mitigated the worst case scenario? I talked about SMESC in a post yesterday with a guy with a batshit wife coming back sunday... might be worth you looking into, in order to put some order onto your decisions moving forward.

BTW, it doesn't impress me to see you beating yourself up, and thanking us for doing the same. We aren't The View, we are all here to overcome shit, not beat ourselves up to allieviate some guilt (or worse, placating the expectation that we care about guilt)

A man doens't hope for miracles. D Day didn't happen with the plan of "If by some miracle we get a beachhead in France, we can start invading germany" It started with details, plans, and a general goal you can keep in mind when improvising.

You sound really good in business, surely that means you have some measure of detail oriented thought?

Oh, and don't kid yourself, your subordinates know you were fucking the help, unless you work in a 5k sized company, secrets are hard. I wouldn't be surprised if theres going to be issues with worker morale on this. I'd consider taking a second look on how the business is going... would be good practice on paying attention to obvious details.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to do some hooker math with your mistress AND your wife. Let us see how it works out, shall we?

$20,000 in cash gifts / $100 night = 200 nights of fucking. Was it worth it when you could have had a much younger and hotter range of women for the same price?

You don't give enough information to do the hooker math with your wife but I will place my bet right now sight unseen.

Remember, you are not paying a hooker to have sex. You are paying her to go away with no problems AFTER you have sex.

Finally, don't tell your wife. Use it to build your abundance mentality and fuck her right in the pussy.

[–]sunfistkid0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I'm curious what some of the vets around here might say, but I'm thinking there's nothing they can say that would make you feel any worse than you already feel. Having said that though, I would venture to guess you're about as good a candidate for monk mode that there is. It also sounds to me like it's only a matter of time before this heat seeking missile will deliver the message to your wife about what you've done. I would preemptiv



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