1 month after puking

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December 14, 2015

A month ago I was messaged a link to the RP subreddits, and then quickly directed over here, where I followed up with another victim puke-fest before getting off my ass and trying to get this damn pill out of the packaging.

Yesterday, my wife and i had sex for the first time in over six months.

She's been telling me that I'm more distant, less reactive (and "not listening") when she's had her outbursts. I have been managing 99% of the shit-tests by ignoring them, with a very rare AA thrown in to keep her on her toes.

It appears to be working - this wasn't starfish/pity sex, this was my beautiful wife of 4 years begging me to plow her harder, then telling me this morning that she's still sore from it. My response was an AM - "well, I'll let you rest another day, but then your ass is mine". Slap on the ass, walked out of the room...she just stood there looking dumbfounded for a good 5 seconds before following me.

Lifting, eating right, reading. Still a lot more work to do, but I'm definitely a believer.

Post Information
Title 1 month after puking
Author ma-trpta
Upvotes 18
Comments 10
Date 14 December 2015 04:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207827
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3wsswk/1_month_after_puking/
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[–]dandar46005 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Correct response to her complaining of being sore after sex is to say "You're welcome." with a smile and lightly slap that ass for an exclamation point. Beta Billy would not leave her feeling sore after sex so treat it as a compliment.

[–]ma-trpta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit-eating grin implied in my response. :)

[–]Redneck001Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Set the stage. Having sex regularly is the default. Not having sex is rare, and a solid reason is necessary (like, in my case, Deadlift Day).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

So how is her freakouts, meltdowns, and shit in front of the kids? The whole thing has started turning around?

Because, not going to lie, I didn't see much to salvage in that, she was actually physically abusive, and most argued it to be a show stopper

[–]ma-trpta[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Giving it a shot - trying to attribute everything to the PTSD/Grief side and less of the other. She changed psychiatrists and they've adjusted her meds. Managing her meltdowns (and stoppng them in stride) while passing her shit tests seem to be having a positive effect.

So far, no major meltdowns since last month's puke. It's likely a combination of things. I'm a cautiously optimistic person by nature, so we'll see how things pan out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good job then. Can only help things. by being a better man in all this

[–]turbosympathique1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your are on the right path. Some of the newby mistake that we have seen are the following.

  • Confusing comfort test for shit test: Sorting those out will really make a huge difference. When the power dynamic shift toward you. She will need reassurance, and that's normal and to be expected.

  • Being way to serious all the time. Treat her like a little sister, tease her make thing fun and light. It will help make the relationship fun and sexual again. It will make you both complicit and that is always fun.

[–]ma-trpta[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I read that holding frame was about being the best possible version of myself, and it's really what i'm trying to stick to.

If anything, my "default" state was to be overly serious already. I'm lightening things up, constantly teasing and making corny dirty jokes, being flirty and more talkative than my (admittedly introverted) nature.

Granted I make as many mistakes as the next person, but so far, so good. To be fair, she's been sick this week.

Still waiting on sexual round two, but not GAF'ing is helping with rejection.

[–]turbosympathique0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Once you find your groove and the right balance that work for you. The relationship dynamic change to something that you actually like and both enjoy.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Redouble your time at the gym. She got the dread and you got her attention. What are you going to do with it?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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