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Found out Chad is starting to sniff around my wife. Wife might be setting up her branch to swing to.

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[deleted]
December 1, 2015
7 upvotes

AWALT. I had some red flags pop up and I knew there was someone she was emotionally leaning on while we were going through tough times, other than her parents and girlfriends. Actually, I just kept saying AWALT. No way a woman just cuts off emotionally and completely falls out of love unless she has a cushion to land on. I knew the key was her cellphone. Before we had trouble things were transparent and I knew all her passcodes etc.

Anyway, I finally saw what it was and I talked myself out of it. I said, 'don't violate her privacy.' But fuck it, she's untrustworthy. Just repeated AWALT. So I open her phone for a cursory glance. I figured it would be the run of the mill venting to her mom, sister and gf's. And I find messages from an old high school flame from as recent as Thanksgiving Day. Basically, she's venting to him about my behavior and he's talking shit on me. He lives out of state so nothing physical (yeah, yeah, I know what you guys will say) but I feel an emotional relationship is just as damaging. Anyway, I didn't have time to snoop further. I want to confront her on it but I don't think that's a good idea yet until I find out more. Her behavior lately is better so I'm a little worried I'm being setup. She mentioned to Chad that she's currently trapped with me b/c of custody in the event of a divorce etc. It all feels like the beginning of testing boundaries with the two and I want to squash it like a bug. I want to get some more details though, I want to see how far back this go, when the messaging started. And at the same time, I'm like, he can have her for all I care and have fun the first time she withholds affection and sex once you piss her off. Any other advice out there?

I already saw a lawyer before this. I'm financially in a good spot. I think divorce is inevitable, at least I'll probably file unless her behavior does an immediate 180 but it's doubtful.

EDIT: My bad, this guy is a grade A orbiter.

EDIT 2: I want to make it work with her, we have a 3 mos old FFS and have been married maybe a year. She simply sucks at being in a relationship and our 'damaging fights' where 'I'm just not nice' are simply laughable in the grand scheme of things.

Anyway, I went for a kiss hello when she got back from work. Going in I knew I would get a hard reject. Sure enough. I shook it off like a champ, didn't let it bother me. Then she has the audacity to accuse me of being mad. I laughed that off too. I had total OI. I could see her hamster spinning. Anyway, I changed the baby's diaper, handed him off. Then headed to the gym. I think she just had yogurt for dinner b/c I didn't plan anything for her. Got back from the gym, asked if she wanted to go to a party of a mutual friend this coming weekend, see if her parents can babysit. Inside I was hoping she would say no so I wouldn't have a wet blanket of a spouse there, but she seemed amenable to it. Anyway, I'm rereading MMSLP, I think I'm past the anger phase for this stuff to hopefully work.


Post Information
Title Found out Chad is starting to sniff around my wife. Wife might be setting up her branch to swing to.
Author
Upvotes 7
Comments 19
Date 01 December 2015 04:16 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207853
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3v0ggu/found_out_chad_is_starting_to_sniff_around_my/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALTbranch swingingChadhamsterorbiter
Comments

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't let her know that you know about this. It'll just bring things to a head.

Make sure absolutely everything is squared away and documented before you file. And stick with the party line. Just tell her that things aren't working out and you're not happy. Don't mention the other guy, don't give her justification, don't give her reasons, don't give her closure or drama. Just stick to the story. For your own good, for her own good, and for the kids, you need to do what's best for the family, and staying together is not what's best.

About 45 seconds after that revelation, she'll have your dick in her mouth and be begging you to reconsider. But even if she doesn't, she's actively looking for an exit. Opinions will vary as to whether you should dread the fuck out of her and save your marriage or just cut her loose, but I think once a woman's actually looking to leave -- not just complaining, not just unhappy, but actively looking for a way out -- then there's nothing to save.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

hell, at the very least, it's irresponsible not to be prepared at this point.

don't wait for the fire to get house insurance

[–]exbp4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I see someone who is angry at his wife's behavior but not taking any responsibility for it. Why is she looking to Chad for comfort, advice and leadership? Because she's weak, uncommitted and unaccountable? AWALT.

Second I see a man who's letting her control the frame. She texts Chad so you respond with divorce papers. But what do you want? Where are your goals and ambitions? If you want to spin plates while a stranger raises your kid then by all means proceed. But if you want some control over what happens to your family you've got to work out how to keep this ship together.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I need to figure out what I truly want too... I was hoping for a happy, sex charged marriage but that's probably not going to happen.

[–]exbp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've gone from twice a month to 3 times a week in about 18 months. I'm sure there are others who have done better but that's where I want it. But there's plenty more I want and the wheels are turning to get me there. And it's all my effort, my changes, my work; nothing came about from discussions with her.

So consider this transgression a big flashing warning sign to kick your ass into gear. Get a goal in mind and make a plan for how to get there (read or re-read MMSLP). Remember that the worse off you are, the longer it takes for her to see the changes, believe them, and finally respond to them. And damn near everything when you're married with kids is slow as molasses anyway.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is still most likely up to you.

[–]CountpudyoolaMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Like /u/Archwinger said:

Make sure you get your shit in order and document but my take is the following:

How many of us were the orbiter / beta-ear girlfriend in the past? Where did that get you? She ever let you touch her boob after listening to her complain about CHAD for a while?

I have multiple real life examples I lived from my sad sack nice-guy days in h.s./ college and even after once. And I can tell you...it never worked.

How many guys end up at the red pill because "All the girls complain to me about their Chads , and I listen like a good friend AND SHE GOES BACK TO HIM!

I mean I even bought her flowers to feel better when he wouldn't return her texts.

I listened to her about her family that he was ambivalent towards.

I drove her to the mall and bought her lunch while she bitched about his golf taking precedence over her. She even got a little flirty and I bought her a little stuffed animal from the kiosk.

But she never touched my pee-pee! WAAAAHH

"

IT'S BETTER TO BE THE ONE SHE'S COMPLAINING ABOUT THAN THE ONE SHE'S COMPLAINING TO.

How is HE handling it? Is he listening well, and just echoing her complaints (like you indicate) ie beta girlfriend behavior? Are her complaints that she's horny and wants him or that she's upset you're being a meany selfish head and don't want to buy her a new car?

Chad doesn't orbit.

Chad would come in and flex his muscles while you're holding her purse and she goes off to blow him in the bathroom.

EDIT: I'd also wager half the time they do this anyway is hoping you'll over hear, get wind or whatever and come in mad and emotional and give her some craved drama. Fuck words to you and about you or to whom. It's all about her actions.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That dude is no Chad. He's a friendzoned little bitch.

I encourage my wife to have girlfriends. This dude sounds like a good one. Yougogurl!

[–]spexer3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

AWALT is not a pass for you not to take responsibility.

Women are responsive. she is responding to you. The state of your marriage is due to your lack of leadership.

So the good news is that you are in charge. Now figure out what you want and do it.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think divorce is inevitable, at least I'll probably file unless her behavior does an immediate 180 but it's doubtful.

One way to make her behavior turn a 180 is to confront her. The alternative to divorce is to lay it out, no contact with Chad in the future, sex on demand, etc. Option A or Option B. Dread Level 10.

I have a rare disagreement with /u/Archwinger on this one. Talking trash to a guy out of State on private social media does not indicate there is "nothing left to save." OP can save this quite easily IMHO.

Problem is he hasn't told us what HE wants. Only what he thinks is "inevitable."

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think any advice is dependent on what you actually want to accomplish.

Do you want to divorce her? You want her to forget Chad and repair things? Want to buy time and learn more while setting self up emotionally, legally, financially for any outcome?

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

You sound like you're already pretty squared away. I don't have any advice but I'm curious to know what kind of behaviors she was bitching to him about. Was it beta behaviors or alpha behaviors, and how was he talking shit about them? I'm not trying to be all up in your business, just curious about the focus of her issues with your behavior.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Wish I had it verbatim but this is from memory. It was beta behavior if I remember on why we got in to it. Our fight had something to do with conflict resolution and she couldn't deal with setting the schedule for the week which devolved into her name calling so I walked away. The next day my behavior had passive-aggressive tendencies so she confronts me. I try to be stoic about it but essentially her behavior is inappropriate.

Anyway, his response was asking how big I am and how he wants to kick my ass. She also talked about how I wanted sole custody which was months ago when we really had our falling out. And he was very supportive with saying what kind of guy wants to take a child away from his mother.

[–]Squeezymypenisy1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

He sounds beta as shit. This is no chad.

[–]exbp1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

He doesn't have to be Chad with married women, he just has to appear a teeny bit more manly in whatever her area of focus is right now. That's enough to get her legs in the air.

[–]Squeezymypenisy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was more referring to op calling him chad.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He's definitely not a Chad, just misuse of the term on my part. It's actually quite pathetic what he's doing.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

vultures live longer than toothless lions

[–]0kool740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

EXACTLY!!!!! If he was a Chad he wouldn't be giving a fuck about her situation.



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