AWALT. I had some red flags pop up and I knew there was someone she was emotionally leaning on while we were going through tough times, other than her parents and girlfriends. Actually, I just kept saying AWALT. No way a woman just cuts off emotionally and completely falls out of love unless she has a cushion to land on. I knew the key was her cellphone. Before we had trouble things were transparent and I knew all her passcodes etc.
Anyway, I finally saw what it was and I talked myself out of it. I said, 'don't violate her privacy.' But fuck it, she's untrustworthy. Just repeated AWALT. So I open her phone for a cursory glance. I figured it would be the run of the mill venting to her mom, sister and gf's. And I find messages from an old high school flame from as recent as Thanksgiving Day. Basically, she's venting to him about my behavior and he's talking shit on me. He lives out of state so nothing physical (yeah, yeah, I know what you guys will say) but I feel an emotional relationship is just as damaging. Anyway, I didn't have time to snoop further. I want to confront her on it but I don't think that's a good idea yet until I find out more. Her behavior lately is better so I'm a little worried I'm being setup. She mentioned to Chad that she's currently trapped with me b/c of custody in the event of a divorce etc. It all feels like the beginning of testing boundaries with the two and I want to squash it like a bug. I want to get some more details though, I want to see how far back this go, when the messaging started. And at the same time, I'm like, he can have her for all I care and have fun the first time she withholds affection and sex once you piss her off. Any other advice out there?
I already saw a lawyer before this. I'm financially in a good spot. I think divorce is inevitable, at least I'll probably file unless her behavior does an immediate 180 but it's doubtful.
EDIT: My bad, this guy is a grade A orbiter.
EDIT 2: I want to make it work with her, we have a 3 mos old FFS and have been married maybe a year. She simply sucks at being in a relationship and our 'damaging fights' where 'I'm just not nice' are simply laughable in the grand scheme of things.
Anyway, I went for a kiss hello when she got back from work. Going in I knew I would get a hard reject. Sure enough. I shook it off like a champ, didn't let it bother me. Then she has the audacity to accuse me of being mad. I laughed that off too. I had total OI. I could see her hamster spinning. Anyway, I changed the baby's diaper, handed him off. Then headed to the gym. I think she just had yogurt for dinner b/c I didn't plan anything for her. Got back from the gym, asked if she wanted to go to a party of a mutual friend this coming weekend, see if her parents can babysit. Inside I was hoping she would say no so I wouldn't have a wet blanket of a spouse there, but she seemed amenable to it. Anyway, I'm rereading MMSLP, I think I'm past the anger phase for this stuff to hopefully work.