Been lurking about 6 months, actually engaging since only ~10 weeks; just wanted to give a brief account of my experience so far, possibly as encouragement for others who are just starting or considering doing so. There’s far more shit to be owned that I can manage in this post; for now, I’ll try to keep things somewhat brief and focus on my previous (sexual and mental) situation, the changes I’ve enacted, and the changes that have occurred so far. The end gets a bit pornographic; just skip this post if that bothers you, I’m just detailing my experiences for guys who may be in a similar situation.
I've been in a deadbedroom relationship for almost ten years; the last five or so we've been married. I was much more alpha when we met and have always retained a certain alpha 'core', but have been an 'intellectual beta' and Superduper Nice Guy since the beginning. Meaning, for example, that I was the one to first postpone sex in the relationship, because I thought it was the 'right thing to do', even though I actually wanted it. Or, that I thought the appropriate response to my then girlfriend's waning sexual interest was to 'accept her feelings' and 'not push the issue'. This ultimately led to us having sex about 3-4 a year since our marriage. Pathetic. Amazingly, though, she managed to get pregnant early this year during one of our rare flings, and a few months ago we had our baby.
During the last few years of our marriage, and especially since conception of our child, I’ve felt a great deal of resentment and hostility towards my wife. At times I tried to deny this to myself; others, I spent half the day calling her a cunt under my breath. However, we got along decently for the most part, albeit with a complete and utter lack of passion; as little as six months ago I was looking at the prospect of having a child together with someone who otherwise might as well have been a flatmate. At some point, I had completely accepted my fate as a dedicated yet thoroughly celibate husband married to someone with a complete lack of libido who kissed him in much the same way his grandmother used to when he was a child. Again, pathetic. After reaching this low, my long-denied inner rage gradually boiled up enough to lead me to the realization that I was not going a be a happy person, husband, or father unless my relationship with my wife drastically changed.
I was, after years of infrequent, half-hearted attempts to save things, finally dedicated to making some real changes. Unfortunately, my first attempt was simply a continuation of my intellectual beta-ism - /deadbedrooms, heartfelt conversations with accompanying Youtube videos, and other attempts at negotiating desire. My wife responded as she always had to such attempts, with admissions of self-guilt, promises to try harder, and occasional pity hand jobs. Around this time I first found TRP and /marriedredpill. It still took me a good deal of time to start taking them seriously; my intellectual beta-ism was strong and even pity hand jobs can seem like quite an improvement to those whose bedroom is deader than doornails. I eventually read NMMNG (“That’s me to a T!”) and started implementing a few simple TRP ideas. These included:
- Concentrating on myself, my needs and desires
- Never saying ‘I don’t care…’
- Taking charge of plans and problems without consulting my wife
- Almost entirely giving up porn and masturbation
- Engaging more in personal hobbies that I used to practice much more
- Not treating my wife like royality - e.g. no more playing fetch
- Speaking my mind (or just shutting up when applicable)
- Started working out; first bodyweight, only very recently added lifting
These changes had already contributed a good deal towards putting me in a better mental state with regards to my life, wife and new life role as a father; however, many come here looking first for an answer to their sexual woes, and so I will spend the rest of this post talking about what has been the most surprising and impressive change so far.
Here’s the story. Sometime shortly before the birth, the pity hand jobs came to an end. The pregnancy ran into a few complications, and my wife was neither physically nor mentally in a place where I thought it was a good idea to further pursue the issue. (Importantly, this decision didn’t amount to a devaluing of my needs or desires like earlier ones had; it was made in line with them, and thus didn’t lead to any resentment on my part.) Thank goodness, the complications didn’t end up being serious, and our baby was born healthy a few months ago.
Coming out of over five years of beta-induced, deadbedroom marriage with an infant at home may seem like the worst possible situation to try to turn things around sexually, but after four weeks or so of seeing my wife’s engorged tits for hours a day during nursing, and without being in my previous state of masturbatory sedation, I was growing impatient to reinstate my quest. But by this point, I was convinced that redpill rather than deadbedroom methods were the way forward.
As my desire grew, I started being more physical with her throughout the day; squeezing her ass while hugging her, picking her up, and going in for long, deep kisses of the sort we hadn’t had in years. Even though the latter didn’t work as planned every time, in general her response to this kind of overtly sexual contact was much more positive than expected, and this response, combined with my improved mental attitude, allowed me to be much more outcome independent than in the past. Still, though, I made no move beyond this, as she was told to wait at least six weeks after birth to have sex and I was sure she’d shut any attempt down until then. One day though, about five weeks after birth, I went in for a deep kiss and ended up getting my best response yet; I felt good and decided to escalate, moved her forcefully into the bedroom and stripped her. I stood behind her, grabbing her tits while she reached back and stroked me.
Up until this point, this encounter resembled many of our 3-4 yearly flings but with somewhat more passion; what happened next, however, was completely new for both of us. Being more forceful than usual, I used my weight to bend her over the bed without pushing her onto it - an awkward position. She, not knowing if I was trying to push her onto the bed or something else, asked “What do you want?” At this point, my long-repressed alpha core, desire, and newly found outcome independence shoved my beta intellect out the door and, seeing an opportunity, took a risk. I said roughly “I want you to suck me.”, pushed her onto the bed and stuck my cock towards her mouth. Before this, I hadn’t received a blow job in over five years, probably closer to eight - I can’t remember the last time. Amazingly, she immediately went to work and very soon I pulled out and had an amazing orgasm all over her milky tits. I brought her to orgasm as well, then we went about our day, not mentioning anything about the encounter. That was about two weeks ago. Since then, I’ve had my cock sucked five or six times. This would have already been unbelievable to me just a few weeks ago, but the coup de grace came two nights ago. I had my cock in her mouth and hand on her clit and was getting close to the point of no return; I told her to “keep going” - my usual warning that I’m about to finish. Instead of pulling me out and stroking, she just kept sucking; I thought ‘fuck it’ and just started cumming in her mouth. She pulled me out after she realized what was happening and made me finish on her chest again.
Directly after we were done, she looked up at me, said my name and paused for a second. During that second, I had enough time to worry that she was going to tell me I’d gone too far, or that she didn’t like how things were developing. She’d only let me cum in her mouth once before, near the beginning of our relationship, and she’d more or less told me then that she hated it and didn’t want to do it again. But after the pause, she went on with “…I like that you make me do this…”. I processed this statement and its implications immediately; she wanted to keep talking, and my old beta self would have immediately engaged, pointing out how much more satisfied I am and how it’s good for my relationship with her and the baby too, and blah blah blah… Instead, as soon as these words were out of her mouth, I simply shushed her and gave her tits a squeeze. No more words were spoken, and this morning I simply pulled her into the shower with me and blew my load without apprehension directly into her mouth. I’m still very much at the beginning of exploring this new path in life, and I’m sure it won’t all be smooth sailing ahead, but I’m blown away by the results I’ve experienced so far.