Wife is a planning drinks with a single guy, how to respond

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November 6, 2015


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Title Wife is a planning drinks with a single guy, how to respond
Upvotes 11
Comments 69
Date 06 November 2015 02:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207928
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3rrjql/wife_is_a_planning_drinks_with_a_single_guy_how/
Similar Posts

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (12 children) | Copy

Why did she tell you about it?
Business lunch meeting and going out for drinks are not the same. She knows it, otherwise she wouldn't have needed to bring it up. There is an element of disrespect here that is a much bigger issue than your dead bedroom.
Have you been using active dread? Have you been doing things that she knows about that make her think you might cheat? If so, then this is her trying to get revenge.
Have you acted paranoid and possessive or calm and outcome independent? If the former, then she's telling you in advance because she's afraid of how you'd react if you found out by other means.
Is she secretly hoping that this guy wants to fuck her? She could be using him for validation of her attractiveness and may not go through with it. She might want to go through with it. You have no way of knowing.
Even if her intentions are good, he may just spike her drink and rape her. One on one drinks with a guy she doesn't know very well personally is poor judgment, especially for a married woman who will be in unfamiliar territory.
It's powertalk. She's got the upper hand in this interaction so far. Do you understand what she's telling you here?

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Doc. Rape is a trigger word around here, ya know ?? But seriously ... A man and a woman both of legal age get drunk and have sex. She regrets it.

Guess who " couldn't consent "? Even though both are intoxicated.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Speaking as a man with a successful career wife, this happens and there is nothing you can do about it (except use I-Phone tracker). At least you will know if they end up at a hotel but it doesn't inform you about the Blowjob in the parking lot.

This is not something to worry about to much if you are having frequent and good sex. A "Proverbs 31 Woman" is going to go out for business lunches with men. However, in a DB this is definitely a branch swing move. She will use her currency for advancement just like all of them.

One correction, a woman getting a "promotion" is NOT an SMV enhancer. Sure it is nice for the family income, but it does NOT make her more sexually attractive. Stop acting like it does and stop caring about your wife's career. Be happy for her success rather than resentful.

Are you sure the reason for the DB is YOU decided that your wife is such a queen now that she makes more than you that you no longer aggressively pursue her, throw her down, and fuck her silly? Imagine how that looks from her end.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One correction, a woman getting a "promotion" is NOT an SMV enhancer.

Thank you! I just spent ten minutes scanning this whole Hamsterfest looking to see if anyone caught that.

OP: You're so in your wife's frame you can't even see it. If you think her good job makes her a good catch you need to go back to basics. Start with the Main Sub sidebar.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hope he doesn't go down that route. I've not seen you tear a new one out of someone in a while... at least not without losing your keys first :)

OP, regardless of what you think about this... this man is the #1 proof that a power-career woman is not an intimidating show stopper

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't have first hand experience of this situation, though I'll tell you what I make of it anyway.

Watch what she does, not what she says.

So, she told you she's gonna have drinks with him. In a way, I think if she was "planning" something, she wouldn't have told you. However, these things "just happen", and AWALT, and tingles, and alcohol. So, what's a dude to do?

Short term, you can throw a hissy fit, and maybe she doesn't meet him this time, but then there'll be a next time, and so on. So I think that rules out a hissy fit.

I guess that your best ally here could be her hamster. The hamster is what's gonna rationalise away anything that might happen in the future, so getting it pre-emptively spinning for you might be the best option. No harm in telling her that you are not delighted about her having drinks alone with a single, successful guy, but also that you don't feel threatened by him and that you trust her to just keep it friendly. If she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat, and I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life watching your back like that. Make it clear that the situation is "noteworthy", but that you trust her. Of course, you can't really trust her, because AWALT, tingles, alcohol etc. Up your alpha game, be extra playful, keep displaying high value. That'll give the hamster something to chew on when Chad starts giving her tingles.

When she's back, be on the lookout for strange behaviour, but keep in mind that unless you actually follow her, you'll never really know if something happened. Main thing is not to let this disrupt your frame, or knock you off your path. You are a high value man, and she knows that messing around would put that at risk. It's her life and decision ultimately.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, this is a tough spot and I totally feel for you. You basically only have two choices since there's no way you'll be able to up your SMV high enough in time for her trip.

Option 1 is you lay down the law. Tell you have too much respect for yourself to be the chump who lets his woman run around getting drinks with single guys at night, and if you find out she got drinks with him, it's over. Maybe propose lunch instead, I don't know. The key to this is to DGAF while you lay this out for her. Have a smile on your face like "I'm a man who respects myself, these are my boundries, take them or leave them but I'll be fine either way"

Option 2 is you give zero fucks about the whole thing and act like this guy is just some little bug you're not worried about at all. Like you forgot she was even getting lunch with him because you're so awesome and you know it that you don't waste your time thinking about other dudes. Meanwhile, while she's at her drinks date you go out and do your own thing. Not sure if you guys are in social media but I'm sure if she started getting alerts and pics of you at a bar or club with friends (including girls) it might get her hamster spinning in your direction. Basically have a better time than she is having.

Obviously you understand how SMV works, and you seem to understand the underlying factors at play here. Always keep improving and always keep not giving a fuck about anyone but yourself and your kids. Good luck brother.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

When a wife tells you she is meeting a guy for drinks, you immediately say,

"okay, I have to go now, TTYL"

"Okay... B-... and then hang up.

Ignore further texts or calls, get a babysitter, go out and play.. Bonus points if it's somewhere one of her single friends might be.

Tellin her outright is tantamount to throwing a fit. Just doing it implies YDGAF. If you are seen and word gets out that you were out having fun without her and talking to women, itnisnimplied that you are a few tiers higher than you were before.

You can't control what she does... And she can't control you.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

My initial thought is that this would come off as somewhat childish "Look what I can do, na nanana boo boo"

I don't have a kid, but I would go with something like " So the babysitter is coming at 7? ok Great! B-"

from the point of view of what the hell is she doing not discussing any plans that potentially involve needing child care in advance and just assuming you will be available...

Given that this is a planned trip, and it seems he agreed to stay home, he should still stay home with the kid.

Otherwise, be less available

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I know I give off a hippyish kind of IDGAF , but I have some deal-breakers.

This would be one. My wife stating this intent I'd take as she is committed to oath breaking and rubbing my nose in it as she feels like she's got her hand on the next branch and there's shit all I could do.

I plan to tell her I'm disappointed she thinks meeting a man for a date is appropriate for a married woman.

Sun Tzu would probably tell you: You don't attack from a point of weakness. You think she gives a shit about your "disappointment"? Waah.

<smirk> "You do that." Is probably the best from this point you could do.

Then I'd talk to a lawyer, get my legal shit together, and it'd be done. Not my fault it was just a bluff, certain things I just can't take as such. The clear level of contempt goes beyond appropriate for a married couple in my dynamic.

If you truly were viewed by her as high value smv then all you'd need to say is "No." probably preceded by a chuckle.

I doubt you'd be here if this was viewed by you as even an option .

BUT I'm also not some young urban jet-setter. So I have no idea how common this shit is in your circle. My wife is a sahm/ part time teacher and I've never had a taste for "career" women. I see it as unattractive and unfeminine. Maybe fine for a plate when dating. But no point in marrying one.

So for your lifestyle it might be more appropriate for you to just go ahead, tell her while she's gone you also have a meeting and already have a baby sitter lined up. Then follow through and go have "drinks" with chicks yourself while she's away , and then you two pick up when she gets back. How tiresome and dramatic. But I get it, different strokes for different folks.

a sidenote:

goal to reach Blue Pill Professor dread endgame next spring

Not sure why the top of the dread ladder is a goal for you. You should only step up what you need to when you need to.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I plan to tell her I'm disappointed she thinks meeting a man for a date is appropriate for a married woman.

Actually, this is probably the best one out of all the brainstorming in here... Totally gets the point across, sets a boundry, and without any butmad or bravado whatsoever. It's too bad that your alternative might be where he's at

And spousey and I are career yuppies... groups for networking, groups for drinks after work. It's never a 1v1 affair. People always like to cover their ass, and unless the guys a total douche orbiter, he's aware of shitting where you eat.

So either he's a beta orbiter and OP is super defensive, or they already are fucking/about to. Either way, someone here is missing the social cues as to whats going on IMHO

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of unknowns. I see it working only with the right delivery. When in doubt I always go the least amount of words as possible.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy

Ulrimatecad will have an opinion, and your won't like it.

Are you a shit tier man. If so, then the problem is you aren't a prize. Work on that.

If you are, then she's disrespectful. Girls don't schedule 1 on 1 with men.

I'm guessing the former. Wish her well, unfuck yourself, and be prepared to walk away, especially because you should be able to replace her if she acts on this.

I guarantee a cursory look at their bbm, text, email and Facebook messages will tell you what you need to know. Changes in behaviour too. Trust your gut, and..

do not act like a child, insecure, or butmad at any of this. She isn't yours. It was just your turn. Internalize this DGAF attitude

Start being awesome. There's no way a man with a little daughter shouldn't be able to get all kinds of female attention.

Or you might as well put his dick in yourself

Your map is no guarantee you'll keep her, it's a guarantee you'll be happy... The two things are not connected.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep. He's been slipping up somewhere for sure.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

maybe she is just a cunty bitch.

can't do anything about that though, just give her enough rope to hang herself with, with a gentle reminder about what stakes she's playing with.

[–]throwayreddd2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Let's say I'm a top tier man, I just let feelz go away. So how do I handle the disrespect?

[–]rurpe7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

She would be afraid of losing a top tier man and wouldn't be pulling this type of shit. If she did, a look with a raised eyebrow or a laugh would destroy this instantly.

MRP is not about controlling our wives. They have free will and will do whatever the fuck they want. MRP is about controlling ourselves and making ourselves attractive so that our wives are drawn to us.

You need to start reading the sidebar and start on the 12 levels of dread (read carefully and do not skip steps, take your time at each step).

[–]Squeezymypenisy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be ready to leave. If you are top tier then she is branch swinging and the marriage is practically over. You have a plan of action for that?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Let's say we don't blow smoke up your ass.

If she died, right now, how long until you'd have another girl in your bedroom? If the answer is anything other than a few days, then you have work to do.

Heres the problem, you can set a boundry, but if you aren't high value enough, then it's just nagging and whining. It won't be respected, and will largely be a bluff.

how about this approach? Lets say you tell her you aren't comfortable with this, or you don't want her to go. then she says no or dismisses you out of hand?

What do you do then? If the answer isn't the kind to inspire dread in her, it isn't a boundry. If you don't follow through, it isn't a boundry.

Right now, if I was in your situation, give her enough rope to hang herself with. no guilting her, no crying about not trusting her... If she wants to fuck a dude, theres nothing... nothing you can do about it.

Accept it, inernalize it. Worry about you.

But to answer with your 'top tier' assumption. you have three tools at your disposal. attention, affection, and commitment.

three carrots, which you remove, commensurate with the value she brings to you. cucolding me while I sit at home with my kid? I'd be packing her bags post haste and seeking legal representation, or at the very least demoting her to plate status while I get my shit together.

A lot of guys on here (me included) have the nuclear football. An action plan to handle these worst case scenarios. You fill yours with what you need, and use it when you have to.

Remember, worrying about her is insecurity on your part. I'm not saying it won't happen, you'll knowmore than me on that... I'm just saying you should be the kind of man that women don't do this to, or the kind of man who doesn't take it to heart when they do, just send them off and get back to being awesome.

back to the main point. Just what are you prepared to do here? Do that, or get the fuck over it.

[–]Gogo4u-4 points-3 points  (3 children) | Copy

He's married, has kids and this is your advice?

If she died, right now, how long until you'd have another girl in your bedroom? If the answer is anything other than a few days, then you have work to do. 

lol. sounds like you need to unfuck your head from your ass man...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

contribute or fuck off.

[–]Gogo4u-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am contributing. I'm making sure the OP realizes the part I quoted was either hyperbole or retardation.

If you've spent any time on asktrp/askmrp, I'm sure you've seen plenty of people who take TRP to mean be a huge prick, care about no-one and look down on everyone you deem inferior. Hell, maybe that's what you think it means as well. However, I see TRP as a near exact opposite of those things. I don't want to see more people absorbing those ideas and trying to live life like that. It's not good for them and its not good when their actions are associated with TRP.

So while it might not be the contribution you wanted, its the contribution I though was needed.

[–]plein_old2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think maybe you are too worried about your SMV, or "externals" - external sources of validation for either you or the wife. This search never ends, there's always someone more successful who can come along, and the whole thing is founded on a sense of desperation. It's like building a mansion on top of quicksand.

I used to be with a woman who was hotter than me and made more than me. What she really wanted was for me to act like a man around her, not for me to get X number of promotions or lose Y number of pounds. Those might be nice, but they were secondary. Women don't count dollar signs, they just respond to emotions.

Bottom line is that (married) women are scary and force us to deal with our fears. I like the "Way of the Superior Man" book on the side bar.

But in your immediate situation, I'd say try not to feel threatened by the other dude. Don't presume it's a problem. Get over your insecurities. Presume that your wife values you. You're the father of her children. Women like to talk and fantasize and test people and wax and wane and flow all over the place, but it takes a really bad situation for them to want to disrupt their home, lose their husband and the father of their children. Of course blue pill men are experts at pushing women into that mindset.

Don't ever say you are "disappointed". You have to be like an oak standing in a fucking hurricane.

[–]plein_old2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, women don't take words as seriously as men do.

If a woman says some words, and her husband flips out, to her this means he's weak. He's not someone she can count on. He's unstable. He's like a little fragile daisy bending in the wind. In her mind she ain't even done anything yet, so why's he flipping out and acting unattractive and judgmental? Just confirms that she should check out what other men are like.

P.S. Um, what do you mean "combative"? Like psycho with knives combative? Always threatening legal action combative? Or just asserts herself and gets emotional?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

There is NO valid reason for a ANY woman to have drinks with ANY man for purposes other than "romantic" or sexual.

Take your

We operate in "sophisticated" socioeconomic zone where professional men and women might have drinks as "friends."

and please look in the mirror. THIS IS AN EXCUSE YOU ARE MAKING FOR HER.

"Power" social events are SOCIAL - they are NOT one on one, Spouses are ALWAYS invited. And any other one on one meets ALWAYS take place during the day for LEGITIMATE business reasons.

With that being said, here is a scenario :

You : I am disapointed that you think its OK to have drinks with this man"

Her : " It's just drinks, what are you worried about, hmmm?"

DID you note that shit test?

Try this " I see this as This is disrespectful of me and of our marriage" Hug , kiss on the forehead. Walk away.

If you are not ready to answer a " what are you gonna do about it" type question with " Get a divorce if needed" you're fucked.

BUT beyond all that, the REAL problem is that SHE doesn't value you enough to have either ASKED, or better yet, HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


Fully agree. My wife used to work in a corporate job, always had after hours functions and events. Always in a group scenario. She had many meetings, one on one with male co workers, sponsors and mentors. These where always in coffee shops or lunches in restaurants. Drinks after work was ALWAYS a departemental or group effort. I never had red flags over anything about her behaviour.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (11 children) | Copy

Going a bit deeper into the "you" part of your post, I see some red flags...

Red flag 1: I suspect you created a throwaway for this because you know that you are not swallowing the pill, and you are ashamed that you are not owning your shit. You are just lying to yourself.

Red flag 2: you say you are back in a dead bedroom. This is victim speak. If it's "back in a dead bedroom" after 6 months on "the pill", you know that it's your fault you are there. You know you've been slacking off, and now you are feeling some dread of your own. Sack up man.

Red flag 3: the tone of your post, in general, comes across as hamstering. You are making excuses and trying to rationalise the details to protect your ego. Stop doing that. If you dropped the ball, own it. If you've been slipping back to your pussy whipped days, own it. Sack up man.

Red flag 4

I plan to tell her I'm disappointed she thinks meeting a man for a date is appropriate for a married woman. And then watch what she does and escalate accordingly.

This kinda sums it up for me. There is nothing assertive about this plan.

[–]throwayreddd2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Throwaway because I suspect she's spying and has oddly dropped red pill terms at times. Prior to dead bedroom, sex was passionless starfish and lots of nasty rejection, man that shit gets old/hurtful so I've stopped initiating while I improve myself. But you're right, even that's a rationalization. The real truth is the romantic part of our marriage is dead, it is my fault, and I'm not sure I am able or willing to recover it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

most people create TRP accounts because they don't want femenist doxxing.

hiding from your spouse isn't a good reason. unapolegetically own who you are, and what you are becoming. IT's the only way you can become that man.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are not giving her tingles, she's gonna look elsewhere for them. What exactly do you want as an outcome here?

The real truth is the romantic part of our marriage is dead, it is my fault, and I'm not sure I am able or willing to recover it.

This still sounds like hamster speak. If it's a shit test, she WANTS you to stop her. Maybe not consciously, but that's what she wants. An alpha male stands up for his mating privileges. Sounds like you are going through the motions, but you are not internalising the red pill mindset.

[–]Quarter_Century_Club2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Which red pill terms is she dropping?

[–]rurpe1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

you should be using incognito mode in your browser to avoid snooping. google it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

let her snoop. What, she mad that internet strangers know she's a cold dead wife?

flip the script. Why would you be worried? You don't think you're a top tier wife?

[–]rurpe5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

never let the audience peek behind the curtain. it ruins the magic

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not arguing that. I'm arguing OPs need to hide his masculinity from his wife, like a bitch.

I don't talk about this, I don't want anything else taking credit for my MAP, but I'm not going to become batman to hide it from her. IF she wants to snoop, I'll shut that down when it comes up.

[–]Trekneck1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why would you be worried? You don't think you're a top tier wife?

Only real disclaimer to hiding vs not hiding would be the ability to maintain frame when found out. Newbies wife finds all his pukes on reddit and jumps him for it, clearly not going to be capable of handling it without his tail between his legs

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good point. at some point he's going to have to stand up to her, at least being aware of the mindset will help

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

good catch :)

[–]Quarter_Century_Club1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

How long have you been married? Kids? Any financial entanglements?


This appears to be a classic shit test on her part. She told you about this drink date to provoke a reaction and your plan is enter her frame by whining about how disappointed you are and that you have to trust her to be somewhere overnight. That's blue pill nonsense. You STFU about it and escalate your levels of dread immediately.

[–]throwayreddd2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy

We have kids, I'll be babysitting while she's out with Chad. 10 years marriage. Equal earners. She often destroys my frame, working on it but not there yet. It might be a shit test but I also think she's pretty excited, and there's legitimate professional benefit to the connection. I think she told me to help her hamster away what's really going on, that's she's going out of bounds.

On dread, thinking of telling her I'm getting a babysitter and going out that night, too.

[–]dandar46004 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Plus you're in a dead bedroom? If she fucks him you will never know. If she tells you ok I won't meet him, then meets him anyway you will never know. So just stfu and keep upping your smv. It's not like you have other cards to play.

Edit. Well you can always leave her and fight for split custody. You will at least avoid alimony and if you're awarded split custody you won't have to pay child support. So no divorce rape for you thanks to her earning potential.

[–]throwayreddd1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Honestly the dead bedroom is the deeper issue, I'm very frustrated and beaten down. If there wasn't a dead bedroom I wouldn't care nearly as much. In a marriage it is much easier to IDGAF when you are actually getting F'd.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

sounds like the issue is you not being the man you want to be yet, not her 'date'.

work on what you can, forget about what you can't, let the chips fall where they may

[–]throwayreddd1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You are correct, but doing nothing is passive advice, especially since this is a "whoops I slipped up" scenario for her, or the beginning of a branch swing. She's not explicitly looking to cheat, at this stage. No reason to let a chip fall when I can still catch it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're not doing nothing. You're controlling what your can.. You.

[–]plein_old0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Trying to control women's behavior, out of feeling threatened, is beta. She has to feel natural respect for you. "IDGAF" means you stop feeling threatened. (You can still feel angry, or hurt, but telling her about it makes it her responsibility to solve your emotions. She doesn't want that responsiblity - she resents it.) The minute you stop feeling threatened, you immediately will register a different response in her - even if things don't ultimately work out. You can't control her. You can't "buy" her love with money or promotions. You can only control you.

[–]MRPguy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If the bedroom wasn't dead these other issues wouldn't exist because she wouldn't treat you like crap. They aren't separate issues, they are all intertwined and hinge upon you being Captain, Alpha, King Dick.

[–]rurpe4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

On dread, thinking of telling her I'm getting a babysitter and going out that night, too.

That is overt dread. Try covert dread: Get a babysitter and let her find out about it on her own.

edit: You should also do it on a different day from her "date" so it doesn't seem like petty tit for tat bullshit

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

oh god yes...

the 'oh yea?' shit there was horrible. rational males GNO article would be a good read for OP here

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Try covert dread: Get a babysitter and let her find out about it on her own

I'm putting that one in the dread toolbox.

[–]rurpe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

covert dread is the most effective because it lets the imagination run wild

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have managed to not satisfy her hypergamy. There is no real context in this post, and its not surprising from a throwaway. Your SMV lacks to her, and she sees it as lower to boot. She is a professional and having drinks with a colleague inside her industry. Does she plan to choke on his sperm at the end of the date? Probably not. Maybe it just happened. AWALT. Things like drinks with a guy(s) are going to happen when you are in business. I think that trying to stop her or setting a boundary at your level is ill advised. If she wants to cheat, she will.

[–]whatagainst0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her to arrange the kid's babysitter while she's at it. Then go out, maybe tell her about it, if there is a good opportunity to do that.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No you are missing it man. If you are top tier she would actively avoid situations like this in fear of losing her top tier man.

You are not close to top tier, hence her basiclly going on a date. If he is better, trust me she will swing and I doubt you'll ever find out. Note men can only be friends with ugly women.

When she told you this she knew what it would imply and didn't care because she sees her SMV so much higher than yours. Best thing you can do is watch, listen and check up on her. Have an MAP plan in case she steps out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Oh, HELL no.

If she goes ahead with this, just prepare to walk. It will be more than drinks on the overnight trip. Much more than drinks.

She either already has slept with this man, or is planning to do so.

I'd lawyer up right now. You should be preparing to end the marriage, because she is.

[–]its-iceman2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

As someone who works in a white collar environment, people "get drinks" all the time in a professional setting. It could be with a group, or at an event. I've "had drinks" with women before, and it was strictly a tell me what you're working on these days or how's that project going kind of thing. Legitimately lawyering up over this seems like a gross overreaction.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP's situation is quite different. They're in a dead bedroom situation. She is on her own fitness kick and raising her own SMV. So, she's improving her body, but OP isn't getting to enjoy any of it.

She's going for drinks with another guy in her industry; he initiated it. They know each other. He basically asked her for a date and she accepted.

A man and woman don't get together for drinks, alone, on an overnight business trip, unless other activities are contemplated -- particularly where the woman involved isn't sleeping with her own husband.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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