First post, long time lurker. Warning- may contain traces of victim puke, brag rights and validation seeking. Hoping to get some critical feedback though.
Married 8 years. One kid nearly 2 years old. Been Beta primarily. Been a major pussy at start of marriage and continued to be through out.
Sex for me had always been 'good'. Averaging 3-4 times per week for the last 8 years. Quantity of sex HAD never been an issue for me- so I thought. It did become monotonous at times but not even close to a dead bedroom. I was still fapping though 2-3 times a week on top of this. I put it down to addicted to porn and tried several times to go no-fap. Never worked. Definitely addicted to porn. I was always the one initiating sex too. Got her watching porn with me too early in marriage. Made it easier most times to have sex. Less work.
Overall though, during the last few years of marriage, I guess, I had been 'content' with life. Wife was extremely clingy at start of marriage (extremely clingy). She still is at times, in a way, that is good, maybe that's why I always had consistent sex.
But you don't know what you don't know.
I initially stumbled across these forums in the pursuit of something more kinkier to liven up the bedroom. Threesomes (FFM). I've fantasized about them and talked about them with the wife on and off in the past. Recently I got really into it and almost convinced her into doing it. Sex got 5 times better when I forced the fantasy onto the wife. We even took a day off to go to a hotel to have a fuck session - all day.
However, I had a mother of of all covert contracts in place. I was so fucking blue pill I was willing to be cuckolded. "Give the wife an MMF, and I shall receive a FFM shortly thereafter". I was even willing to let her do all the fun stuff, while I only watched, even during the first FFM! I feel sick admitting this.
Post RP swallow
Learned about RP a few months ago now. Makes me puke thinking about it now. What the hell was I thinking?! Utter disgust at my self. RP has given me a better perspective on life. But for me now, it is more around creating a better me, and a better family.
What's improved post RP
I'm lifting: Cutting down at the moment. Lifting 4 days. Injured elbow, so can't lift more than 50% on anything that requires elbow lockout. Abs are nearly visible. So can't let this elbow injury deter me from seeing my abs.
I'm more dominant: I'm dominating the bedroom now. I'm directive in day-to-day tasks. I'm being an authority when it comes to son and leading by example.
Making decisions: Purchased a new car without asking her! Picked two cars, brought her along to see them both. Got her opinion. Went to see a third by my self and bought that one instead. Biggest dare I have completed in life. I haven't bought a pair of undies without tell her in the past. Shit test did ensue but result was positive.
Sex: Yes amigos. Sex has gone up even more and quality has improved by [insert any exorbitant number here]%. She is also initiating now. I'm bragging now, but we come home from work together, normally as we're changing out of work clothes, she'll on some days drop her clothes and bend over, telling me to fuck her. She has started deep throating. She's taking cum on the face. She swallowed yesterday for the first time- and she smiled and gave me an air kiss as she did so.
No more FAP: I have stopped fapping. i can't remember last time I did. No more hours on porn. I don't know why this has happened. I haven't forced it or tried. It just happened. But damn it feels good.
Confidence: I have upped my confidence through looking better and talking better. Still needs work as below, but certainly some improvement seen here.
What needs to be done
Too much! I have too much to work on. I have/do almost zero of the following: Hobby, Martial Arts or outdoor activity, Friends and social circle. I have no friends. I need to make some!
Lifting: want to become bigger. Can only do that after I shred down. Will lean bulk next year. CAN. NOT. WAIT, Motherfuckers!
Wife: must encourage her to take up a hobby also so she isn't as clingy. I need my space so I can focus on the above activities. Side note, she can turn her SMV points on easily. She's very pretty and get's made offers all the time. She makes it obvious when it happens. Shit tests. I take it as a positive, there's not much I can do about them, but at least she confides in me. Usually AA or AM them.
Tone down STFU: I need to tone it down, I've become too quiet. I need to be more fun to hang around with. Wife called me boring last week. I know in MMSLP this is described as a warning sign. But considering everything going on, I do think I need to up my Beta a bit now and let her know where I'm heading. Incident this week has seen shit tests go up exponentially and she let out a few (i believe genuine) concerns for assurance. Should I giver her the 'it's me, not you' talk?
Threesome honesty: told my wife early after discovering RP that it's not happening. Well at least not an MMF. The MMF was a mistake, I'm not comfortable with it and it's something I deep down find disgusting. The FFM was for me and was my fantasy. She continues to bring it up now and then but I stick with my guns. If we ever do an FFM then it's me all the way baby. If she wants an MMF, sure she can, I'll help her pack her bags. She's welcome to do what she wants when she leaves the house permanently. Side note, I think deep down she wouldn't mind an FFM either.
Business: I work for someone at the moment. Paper pusher. I really need to get something happening on my own. Working on an idea but it's not moving along, well because of the next weakness.
Approaching: I really need to work on this. I'm working on my approach anxiety. This is largely from a business perspective (not approaching other women). I need to learn to approach potential customers. I went to speak to a few potential customers yesterday. I walked around the building for one hour early this week, before I gave up and returned to work. I tried again yesterday. I walked around for half an hour this time before just saying 'fuck it' and approached the person. Had an awesome chat with him and got what I needed. Failed to do second person. Returned to work. Aaaargh! how do I get over this???
I think that should do for now. Post has gone way longer than anticipated. No Apologies. If you've read it, then give me some feedback!