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The importance of initiating - advice needed

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October 24, 2015
7 upvotes

Hey All, I'm pretty new to RP, and been a true beta bitch for years - my first marriage, and now in my second marriage, having made the same mistakes. Thank fuck a colleague shared this site with me.

Currently I am working on simple things within my 10 yr marriage. I am looking at owning my shit, maintaining frame, A&A, STFU, and OI. Some shit tests I am missing, but I subscribe to the fact that I am the cause of my own problems.

I have already seen some results from following the advice on here, and I hope it continues. I am going to the gym three times a week (cardio and weights), watching what I eat, and looking to increase my SMV....which it is. I have been out spending money making myself look good (something I wouldn't normally do, due to feeling guilty - bb traits I know).

I am currently reading the pre-req's and posts, trying to soak it all up. Doing so is helping my new mindset, and I am becoming a more confident guy.

The major issue I have is dead bedroom. I am a guy and I am horny as fuck. My wife used to be, but previous conversations (before RP) with her have had her saying, "I don't know why my labido is low", etc etc (well I know now - because I'm not worth fucking).

Anyway, this is the question: Can someone explain the importance of initiating constantly, even when getting rejected? I have started to flirt, try bring tingles, etc......but the TRP talks about the importance of initiating constantly - I just want to understand the importance, and how it fits into TRP, even if rejected. I appreciate it could be in the pre-req's that I haven't got to yet. So if it is, can you just refer me to that and I will go read. Thx.

TLDR: Can someone explain the importance of always initiating please.


Post Information
Title The importance of initiating - advice needed
Author gixxerthouguy
Upvotes 7
Comments 14
Date 24 October 2015 05:39 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207980
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3q1wq2/the_importance_of_initiating_advice_needed/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
tinglesA&Abetaframesexual market valueshit testthe red pill
Comments

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Others have discussed the after effect of learning OI and rejection; rejection you know might come... So it's not a shock to your ego.

Initiating when you want keeps sex in your frame.

Why is this important? Isn't sex supposed to be a shared thing?

It's important later on and is probably the basis for all dread.

When you initiate constantly, she can never say, "you don't initiate, so how am I supposed to know?"

When you initiate constantly sex is in your frame and she is forced to reject you.

When you initiate constantly, you demonstrate your desire for her at a very base level.

When you initiate constantly and demonstrate your desire for sex which she has to constantly reject she is now the bad guy.

If you are doing things right, you are staying busy without her and keeping attention and time from her.

This is where some dread begins: she feels a little panicky when you aren't paying her attention.

As your SMV to her goes up and up and you are constantly being rejected and thusly constantly not being around, the dread goes into high output: her hamster tells her that if I'm rejecting him and he seems happy, he must be getting it somewhere else.

That's why we initiate: it demonstrates our hunger for something she isn't providing and our subsequent IDGAF attitude. That attitude demonstrates abundance and the fact that we might be willing to get it somewhere else if possible

A woman really ha one card in the relationship: sex. All the other shot she does: house stuff, kid maintenance, etc., is all shit I could do without her. I can have conversations with anyone.

I can have sex with anyone too, but I decided to only have sex with her with the tacit agreement that she makes that sex accessible to me. If she doesn't make it accessible, then my side of the agreement is now void and I will look elsewhere. This agreement is the basis for monogamy; monogamy is not the one person no matter what fairytale romcom bullshit, it's sexual exclusivity in exchange for sexual access.

[–]mrpCamper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A woman really ha one card in the relationship: sex. All the other shot she does: house stuff, kid maintenance, etc., is all shit I could do without her. I can have conversations with anyone.

Yup. When you are able to say "What the fuck do you do around here anyway?" - you will be where you need to be.

[–]gixxerthouguy[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Awesome reply mate, respect.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can someone explain the importance of initiating constantly, even when getting rejected?

The idea is that she feels your limitless sexual energy, and her hamster tells her that maybe it is so much it might go elsewhere. So her hamster imagines some social validation for your SMV, which makes you more attractive to her.

[–]0io-1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

IMHO Another reason is just that the additional touching and kino helps bond you and your wife. I'm back into a "dating" or "pre-marriage" level of making out and snogging which is kind of nice. We're now exchanging quick kisses in the car while waiting for the red light to turn green, wife was playing footsie under the table in a booth in a restaurant (which she hasn't done for years). She's now expecting kisses and hugs around the house and when she comes in the door. She's all over me compared to how she was even though it's not going to turn into sex every time, of course. Much improved.

It reminds me of a method of working out where you do a few push-ups or chin-ups throughout every day when something happens, such as every time there's a new song on the radio, or every time there's a commercial on TV... rather than trying to do 50 push ups at once you just do a few every time the trigger happens. If you keep it up for a few weeks, it will be no big deal to do hundreds of push-ups at once because you've gotten used to doing them on-demand all day long.

Some of the time you initiate and she won't be in the mood, other times she'll be in the mood for some making out but not sex, and other times she'll be in the mood for sex even if it's just because she's bored. Sometimes she'll be really into it.

[–]itsgavinc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Another reason is just that the additional touching and kino helps bond you and your wife. I'm back into a "dating" or "pre-marriage" level of making out and snogging which is kind of nice.

YES! Good for you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Everyone's different. I took a break from initiating at the beginning. In the past I was sometimes initiating for the wrong reasons: long time since we last had sex, babysitting, because she might say yes, because of something she said. I initiated for many reasons other than wanting to have sex with my wife right then. After two months I started initiating again, having already made a number of improvements in my life. Now I only initiate when I actually want sex. The result - good sex. Frequent sex. Wife no longer feels pressured.
If you are trying to have sex with her every day then laying off a bit might be good for both of you. Take a little break. Start initiating again when you want to have sex with her and have a sense of outcome independence in case she says no.

[–]gixxerthouguy[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Cheers for that. I don't try to initiate every day, but I have read on here that it is important. Or that is the impression I get. I am just working on myself, but I don't want to be missing important steps. But I take your words on board. Thx MD.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't try to initiate every day, but I have read on here that it is important. Or that is the impression I get.

It is only important if it is important to you. Is it? If you are happy with sex every other day- NOT compared to how you are now but ideally- then you should initiate every other day. It is up to you not us.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There are reasons why it's important, and every individual dude ultimately decides for himself what's right for him. In your situation, initiating PROPERLY (ie. no discussions about it, just do it) as much as possible will help you internalise outcome independence with respect to sex. If you initiate all the time, and most of the time you end up not having sex, and yet you don't let that bother you and keep initiating anyway, that will help you. Sometimes she will be receptive, sometimes she won't. It's your duty to initiate, and its her prerogative to decide what happens next. Eventually you'll start to get the hang of things and you will be able to let go of the "rejection pain". However, those rejections (at the beginning) are because you just are not worth it to her. Accept that fact, and initiate anyway.

[–]gixxerthouguy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm used to the rejection pain - I've been beta too long! My mindset has been for a while that sex isn't worth the effort with her....we definitely have ups and downs, and most of the time its a battle of wills. Still early days for me - lift / diet, read, hold frame, repeat. I need to be patient, and become RP competent. But she is my wife, we have 2 great girls, and I want a shit hot relationship. As my SMV goes up, and I hold frame, I know it will come to me.

[–]whatagainst0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Initiating isn't a duty. It's fun. Even when you don't want sex all that much, you still have fun gaming her – which makes her want you because of constant game, and even more because you're not a piece of shit unable to control your own lust. Initiate without lust. Game her like you'd game any random woman you're interacting with on a daily basis – you don't expect or necessarily want sex from all these women—you're married—but you game them because you enjoy it. And then you just take her.

[–]itsgavinc0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Better to be rejected than to live with regret. Ingrain that in your brain. If you don't initiate, you will get nothing.

I initiate when it makes me happy. I don't initiate all day long non-stop because that becomes a covert contract (if I do X, then Red Pill says I'll be awesome). I truly enjoy my wife's company and the roles that we both hold in the marriage.

EDIT: I see that irateMD and Bluepillprofessor echoed similar sentiments in their comments.

[–]downvotesanimals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well put. You miss every shot you don't take.



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