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Friend's Wife Scared of Me

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October 16, 2015
8 upvotes

A new friend of mine (a neighbor) has been telling me that he's afraid that my friendship is causing fights between him and his wife. She's very friendly with me when I'm around and genuinely laughs and even stands close. But apparently she tells him that I seem intense, scary, and dangerous. And that she feels threatened by his friendship with me. Then he'll get into an argument with her. Then he avoids me for a couple days, comes over and brings me a beer and we're good. She only gets into it with him after if she's around me. He can come over to my place every day no problem but if she's around me, they fight.

What is this?

(This is my last post until next Friday. I'm keeping stuff to myself for a minute.)


Post Information
Title Friend's Wife Scared of Me
Author RedDeadWolverine
Upvotes 8
Comments 32
Date 16 October 2015 12:21 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/208015
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3oxebd/friends_wife_scared_of_me/
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[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Friend: why are you always looking at wolverine like that?

Friend's wife: he's uhm scary.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. She just walked over to talk to me while I was warming my truck up this morning. I led her husband and two of his friends in a lesson last night through no more Christian nice guy.

She told me that she feels like her family is safer with me nearby. Her dad saw me as I was leaving last night and told her, "That's the kind of neighbor you want in your neighborhood. They call that a sheepdog." I laughed, walked over to shake his hand and told him I just try to do the right thing when I can but thanks.

[–]nantucketghost12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

deleted REMOVED BY AUTOSCRIPT - GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

[–]mrpCamper2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This seems correct.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're not red knighting him are you?

The plugged in like telling people all about the neat shit their red knight buddy tells them.

Law 38

Edit: spelling

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nope. I'm subtle with friends. I'd prefer to just drop hints and take advantage of teachable moments over anything else.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's possible she's into you and doesn't know how to reconcile that.

How is her husband? Is he a typical married beta?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah he resists basic truths. I try to be gentle but he might need to have a nice guy rage fit before he's ready.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We all needed that

[–]itstartstoday1235 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

Church family. Feels guilty about tingles. Can't face you or your wife. I bet they have sex after they fight. She says she doesn't like you to prevent him from changing to be like you. She's afraid of the adage of you become like your friends. She's fighting for her beta bux by hating you. Not facing your wife......tingles and guilt.

Edit:your frame might cause her to try and relate to him the same way and he fails where you succeed.

[–]RPSigmaStigmaRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Church family. Feels guilty about tingles. Can't face you or your wife. I bet they have sex after they fight.

This part is right, but I think most guys here are missing the bigger point. She's attracted to him. It's exactly the same way a girl will tell the nice boy that the star quarterback is just some gross jerk, but will sneak off to fuck him on the side anyway.

It's just a rationalization to sooth the cognitive dissonance over feeling sexually attracted to him despite everything she's ever told her hubby about what she finds attractive.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Dude that is weird. I never thought I'd effect relationships by proximity.

[–]itstartstoday1232 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don't underestimate how quickly women Will latch on to a strong male. Even if it's mentally. Test it. Draw back from her when you see her and if she comes and starts conversations with you then you have your proof. There have been countless examples brought here about women dissing there husbands in front of the Alpha/approaching alpha guy. Your not trying to but remember, an alpha doesn't need to flirt, an alpha hits women on a primal level with just Who they are. This is just my opinion/analysis but test everything as the Good book says. Then you can act accordingly.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

She's not dissed him ever in front of me. But she does always seem to appear nearby, often I'll back up and bump into her when I didn't know she was there standing behind me somewhere. I thought maybe a coincidence but if you're right, I'm creating extra pressure for my friend who's transitioning to RP pretty slowly but surely. How can I help my friend?

[–]itstartstoday1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just inform him in private. Don't try to set him Up to look Good. He has to do all the work himself. Just be you. Make sure your game is tight around your wife. He needs to go through the material. Give him no more mister nice guy if he's ready. Don't put yourself out there to quickly. Its on him bro, he is responsible for himself. Just be a good example and lay it on him when he asks. He's a Guy so gibe it to him like we do here. Test his frame and then teach him about being a bitch when he fails one of your shit tests. Lead by example.

[–]enfier1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not your job to fix your friend's life and his wife being attracted to you is just par for the course. There's no need to act on it or make a big deal of it, just go on with your life and let him figure it out in time.

Them "getting into a fight" is probably just a big shit test he's failing.

[–]Trekneck4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Clear cut case of tingles, and she's feelin guilty as hell about having em it sounds like. I could be missin something here but it seems a bit off

[–]Squeezymypenisy2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

He sounds bluepill and she sounds like she has the tingles for you. I would not even get involved because there is no benefit.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Except that I'm slowly helping him turn redpill. And our wives are friends. But she stops talking to my wife after she sees me too. You're probably right.

[–]Squeezymypenisy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Didn't see you mention that. I guess that helps you, but yea the wife is horny for you. I mean its a situation of you being more of a man.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Women are afraid of these changes, and they sabotage them because they are afraid of change. This creates dread. Sometimes even small dread can make them freak out.

We have seen many posts here of many women trying to block their men dieting, lifting, doing sports, or even hanging out with male friends. There is no rational reason for this, all those are healthy activities.

Unfortunately, there are two things that can happen. Your friend starts to not give a crap and stand up for himself, or he will stop talking to you. Right now this thing he is doing of giving in for a couple of days etc is the worse, because it is neither. It teaches his wife that bitching about this sort of works, so she will increase the intensity of the bitchiness in turn, until he stands up for himself, gives in, or does a victim puke.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think my wife makes it hard for me to understand how other women think. She's quiet and reserved and doesn't talk about feelings, nag me, etc. She likes it when I go work out and doesn't gripe if I suddenly want to go on an adventure without her and the kids. I have my wife the way I like her generally. As long as I know when to STFU I'm good. Other women seem like they are from another planet to me.

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women flow into the shape of their men. When we say AWALT, we mean they follow the same fluid dynamics. But the shape of the container is the man.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Next time you see her say "Boo!".

Have your neighbor dress like you for Halloween.

Stop carrying a chainsaw with you when you go ask for sugar.

Wear a really crazy Hawaiian shirt next time you'll be in her presence. If asked why say you're trying to cultivate a less "dangerous" air.

Then he'll get into an argument with her. Then he avoids me for a couple days, comes over and brings me a beer and we're good.

He's not passing shit tests. You just happen to be a catalyst.

If I ever see a wife henpecking a friend or shit testing him in front of me, I run chaff. In RP single pickup land, I'm sure it's more every guy for himself, but once married and around other couples you need to strengthen your hunting party. Either A.A. her over him or talk to him about her like she's not there (still going for an amused / joke style fashion). Note this is for friends I want to help. Or if I'm just tired of listening to his personal ear demon. This becomes easier because YOU are the subject of this. AWALT, womens is-a gonna shit test, but they aren't going to use me , especially in front of me, without my involvement. Hell, if it's a beta buddy of mine that has no hope of ever being a pants wearer, I'll just paint myself a big target on my chest to lighten his load if even for a minute.

It's also great practice for A.A. with any female since it's a soft target (not really intending to do anything but trade wits with). Hostile negotiating skills. Diffusion techniques. Whatever you do , your aim needs to be pass it well and steer the emotions to happy/fun land. Don't drop ahole bombs and then leave.

You can also tell if it's just straight up anger-pms land and in which case your best option is to bolt. You could end up making things worse during those times. It really is up to him to manage that shit.

You have to tailor the dynamic to match your relationship with the people, but still , never sit by idle.

If you don't know them that well, he wants to hang out, then just by leaving if things get nuts can possibly inspire him to get mad enough to stick up for himself (which it sorta sounds like he's doing, but if he's arguing with her he should be stepping out sooner).

Some examples since SToGTFO:

Intervene

Sis-in-law, we're at kids bday party, she's in her live in boyfriends ear yammering and henpecking away, the latest about their camera. I turn to him and say "Boy, your woman suuuuree is mouthy today!" in a overdone drawl. I get the camera from her "Duuur, which button calls the spaceship?" , she's laughing, she gets distracted and starts showing me the camera and it's features. I look interested for long enough.

Steer away

Out a bar, friend's girlfriend is drunkenly trying to pick fight with him, he's getting a bit beat down. He's usually REALLY good with a.a., but after moving in with her started to go down the beta path and they started arguing more. I just say "Hey , gotta steal <friend>, I promise I'll let you get back to yelling at him in a second, this is REALLY important. Grab him and we just go to the bar and order a drink. She actually just chills in absence of him and by the time we dominate the conversation and she's cooled off/lost her train of emotion.

YOYOB (You're on your own buddy)

Friend of mine has a milestone birthday. My wife and I agree to drive him home (really ends up being my wife being DD) so his wife can bolt and he can stay and enjoy hanging with friends at the bar. When we finally get to his house later I need to take a leak before we get back on the road home. I follow him up to his house, the moment he opens the door (I'm invisible behind him) his wife lays into him full scale angry demon. It was entirely a shock. She is 100% polite in front of people but this was a dark glimpse into a long time wife who totally wore the pants in the family. She was so geeked up angry that even noticing I was there she didn't stop. It was so visceral I couldn't really make out what she was saying but the jist I got was that it was late (like 1am) and he was drunk. Mind you , everyone aimed to get him drunk on his birthday... and she knew this. Anyway, after about decibel level 100 was reached I just looked at him and said "See ya later, man. Good luck!" and had my wife stop at a gas station so I could pee.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has tingles down under when around you, and she is probably feeling guilt.

[–]Realworld520 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He is a bitch and you must be commanding some RP. Kudos.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This sounds like over-thinking a situation. I'm with /u/rurpe here in thinking that she just doesn't like you for some reason that may or may not have anything to do with the red pill. Live the life that works for you. Not everyone will like you. Her behaving politely in your presence is meaningless.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she just doesn't like me then strong words like scary, dangerous, and intense seem out of place now that I give it thought.

[–]rurpe-3 points-2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Maybe she doesn't like you?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Could you at least try to troll in a more creative less obvious way?



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