Sex is off the table for months. Is this a good thing?

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October 8, 2015
7 upvotes

My wife and I have been struggling in the bedroom for a while due to kids and other issues. She's been doing well at providing services in other ways but still not as frequent as I would like and comfort tests are constant. She's expressed that she feels completely disconnected emotionally and that makes it hard to be physically attracted.

Now she's contracted more than one condition since the birth of our second child eight months ago resulting in sex being off the table completely for the past three months and after her appointment yesterday for at least another three. She also has zero sex drive because of child and discomfort.

So what would married red pill do in this situation? Back off completely and let her heal and provide comfort while you continue to work hard on yourself? That's what I'm inclined to do at this stage. It will give me months to keep applying things to myself and improve without having any conflict hopefully.

Edit: some more context for those who responded. This is definitely medical (I've seen the rash myself, it is ugly) and she's been to more than one doc, this final one finally seems to help because she's an actual gyno.

I am concerned that she's not interested in me sexually, she claims that this is because of emotional reasons. She's never had a good libido throughout her life because she had sexual trauma (rape) at a young age. I'm also exploring if this is a relationship I even want to be in because beta me wanted the other sides of things (kids, house, family, stability) but now that I'm exploring who I am those desires have changed.


Post Information
Title Sex is off the table for months. Is this a good thing?
Author marriedrpguy
Upvotes 7
Comments 15
Date 08 October 2015 02:12 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/208039
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3nz31m/sex_is_off_the_table_for_months_is_this_a_good/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betacomfort testthe red pill
Comments

[–]SepeanRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's expressed that she feels completely disconnected emotionally and that makes it hard to be physically attracted.

Whatever medical issues she has, it sounds like sex is off the table anyway because you're not alpha.

Read the sidebar and improve. You sound like you're living thoroughly in her frame and that is the first thing you need to drop. Stop listeningto her; maybe the medical issues and certainly everything else she said about her sex drive are flat out lies and hamstering over the fact she thinks you're behaving like a beta and she finds that so unattractive.

Alpha up.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

I am concerned that she's not interested in me sexually, she claims that this is because of emotional reasons. She's never had a good libido throughout her life because she had sexual trauma (rape) at a young age.

This is telling to me. Everyone else has told you the right things and that is fix yourself, so I won't belabor that.

But the quoted line is right out of NMMNG. Nice guys are also Captain-sav-a-ho's. We love to fix broken women. Oh, she had a bad child hood. Oh, she occasionally smokes crack. We make up a million excuses as to why a woman is a good woman instead of embracing the obvious that she's not.

You've made your bed, you have kids with her, and can't un-fuck that pooch. But what you can do is move forward and acknowledge that she is a broken woman. Every fiber in your being, every decision you make, action you take needs to recognize that she is broken.

So go out and lift some heavy shit and become awesome. Measure yourself against your peers, look for interest from other women. If you're doing great and women flirt with you, and your wife is still disconnected emotionally, that's on her. It's her burden to deal with, and not yours. So resist the temptation to be captain-sav-a-ho, and realize she may never be fixed. If that's the case it's time to move on. Are you ready to embrace that?

[–]marriedrpguy[S] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

This is obviously what I needed because it feels like someone just slapped me and told me to wake up. Thanks.

[–]ZeeyardSA1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am in a situation where my wife is not taking her weight and diet seriously. In a few months I may need to move on

[–]throwaway783487387-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am in a situation where my wife is not taking her weight and diet seriously. In a few months I may need to move on

Care to post your recent lifting progress pics?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Worry about your own progress for now

[–]ZeeyardSA0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Really u asking for pics from a throwaway?

Never been Fat always been lean..On a Bulk at the moment. Have gained 14lbs of Muscle so far. Ass is bigger, visible improvements in arm, shoulders and chest...consistently getting compliments from everyone around me on the gain. Pants are tight in the ass and thighs for the 1st time in my life. I catch the ladies at work looking at my ass...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've found that most of them are broken in some way. I knew a couple of women back in college who didn't seem broken, but they seemed to be the exception rather than the rule.

Most RP men are broken as well. The difference seems to be that they know they're broken and they're in the repair shop, trying to get fixed.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

comfort tests

yet

she feels completely disconnected emotionally

How do those two jive?

If she has some medical issues, she needs help with it, and of course support her in getting treatment. But again, unless that's affected her hand or mouth: the whole park shouldn't be closed for business and in order to maintain an emotional connection with you she aught to know the main pathway is through your groin area.

The rules and tools don't change.

Improve yourself, plan a lot of things out of the house. When you're together and you want to initiate , initiate, if she can't do anything traditional, get UNtraditional. Stop assuming with this boiler plate of post baby issues that everything is a comfort test. She needs to repair whatever "emotional connection disconnection" wire is loose internally. You encourage her to work on that with RP.

[–]SexistFlyingPig5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to askmrp.

She has a rash that prevents vaginal sex. Ok. Does she have it in her mouth too? She could still do lots of things for you, if she wanted to. But she doesn't.

This is the serious question: do you want that to change?

You are at level 0 of the (married) red pill. There's a lot that you have to learn. If you learn these lessons, and apply yourself to changing certain aspects of who you are, then your marriage will completely turn itself around. If you do not, then it will not, and your next posts can be over in /r/DeadBedrooms.

[–]arnieschwarz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did she tell you this? Or were you there when she was told by the doctor?

Red flag: "She must emotionally disconnected to have sex with you." This sounds like she married you for the bucks, not for the tingles and is not interested in you sexually.

[–]itstartstoday1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If your actually passing comfort tests then she would not feel emotionally disconnected.

Stop paying attention to her words.

[–]rp_orginalblend1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sex is off the table for months. Is this a good thing?

Does this sound like a good thing?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's not in love with you. Chances are you're a bitch, or she would not care if you to sit in the basement and jerk off the rest of your life.

Go be something, and stop asking someone who doesn't give a shit about your happiness what you should do.

[–]throwaway783487387-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

she had sexual trauma (rape) at a young age

I once dated a nurse, who was sexually abused by her uncle age 9. Great tits, small ass, we fucked like rabbits, everything was on the table and when I say everything I mean everything. She loved me. Man, those were the days.



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