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Can't deal with the anger, so I'll end it.

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October 5, 2015
10 upvotes

I was in a deadbedroom for three and a half years. One year ago I discovered /r/deadbedrooms, but this subreddit is a rather depressing sub: People reassure themselves in hating their SO. But this subreddit didn't help me at all, besides showing that I'm not alone in a situation like this.

After a post I made their some savior sent me a private message and told me about the redpill. This was 12 months ago. Unrelated to this I started hitting the gym, a place I went to during my university days very regular. I stopped because the older I grew, my days very filled by more and more responsibilities.

I read some threads of /r/theredpill and I have to say I agreed with most of the ideas, but I didn't spend much time there. A bunch of angry virigins are people to give me advice. About two months later I had my first encounter with /m/marriedredpill and enjoyed reading the [FR]s over there. They gave me hope. All in all I took some time to sallow that pill, I started listening to /u/bluepillprofessor 's podcast, got NMMNG. Dr Roger Glover described my personality ridiculously precisely. I taught this book has all the answers I need. As I went to the gym, I decided to make some friends – to connect with other man. Besides joining my girlfriend's circle for social interaction, I went out with some guys from work occasionally or spent time with my friends from back in the day. Unfortunately this wasn't to often, because we all moved to different places and visiting them was a major time invest. As I was occupied by Sos, or to be exact: I felt like I had to be there for her. A typical stupid covert contract, because I believed if I fulfill her all emotional needs, she'll fulfill my physical needs.

Having my new gym buddies, I enjoyed my time at the gym. Also I took the initiative to organize barbecues to grill some protein rich sea food and chicken. Worth mentioning none of my four gym buddies invited their wifes/partners. I had found a new occupation, I started to look better (It's amazing how fast you see success if you put really dedication in working out and nutrition), I got compliments on my new build body from old friends, and random females – my partner never complimented me.

My life got better; I did as Glover told me. I went on trips to visit my friends. My partner became also more happy – maybe because it's more enjoyable to live with a less miserable partner or she had time to ride Chad Thundercock ( I have no reason to think she's cheating, but in retrospective: today after I finished swallowing the Redpill, I have no doubt that this isn't an unlikely possibility, since she was a sexual being before the deadbedroom).

During this time I continued to read more /r/mrp, I read the next four books of the sidebar. I started to track her cycle ( was easy because she never failed to complain about her period), I started to request sexual activity, did kino all the time, used STFU and AA. Sex life increased although I can't count the times I was called being a dick. Increase means in my case, that we went up from no sex to sex once a month and occasionally handjobs. Sex wasn't good she continued to complain about vaginal pain and told me hurry up, during handjobs she complained that her arm hurts from wanking me off. I decided on getting a new hobby (playing soccer again, a thing I started to do through all my childhood days and youth) and on successfully applying to a better position in my company (by simply asking for it). I spent less time at home. I was happy. The sex life got better, sex became a every two week thing

Until recently: I evaluated the app clue and the notes I made. Now I'm just motherfucking angry. Why because I noticed that my fucking partner is repulsed by my sperm, especially during her ovulation window. She's absolute focused on avoid any contact with my spern, during intercourse and during handjobs. This is the biggest humiliation I had ever endured. Helpful to understand her behavior was this https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/ by /u/archwinger and a story a biologist at a zoo told me years ago ( female Chimpanzees have an interesting sex life, during her ovulation window they only fuck the alpha male and are absolutely repulsed by beta male's sperm. Apes masturbate a lot and if a female sees a beta male jerking off when she ovulating, she moves a way from him very quickly. At times there's unable to get pregnant [males aren't aware of that] she fuck with the betas to get benefits and avoid aggression).

So this revelation that I'm just an absolute beta to my partner, was yesterday. I'm devastated, I couldn't think clearly all day, I thought about her two previous partners, who had many alpha traits, and how they fucked my partner in all kinky ways. ( I know this, because during dating we talked a lot about our sexual history). All I get is fucking duty sex or fucking handjobs.

I am deeply disgusted by her, my self esteem crushed within a single day. After work I went to a bar on my own to get hammered (which I'm doing right now, I'm lucky enough that this shitty bar filled with loosers has w-lan.. So have mercy on my writing I'm drunk and I'm french so my English isn't the best. This weekend I have to attend a wedding with her, but I don't feel like I can continue this relationship after this. Although last week was the best week, we had in years: I fucked her four times (more often than in 2014). The reason for this sudden change of her heart? Mate guarding: Last Friday she came to my workplace to fetch me because we were going to a concert straight after work. And I did some thing which took all my balls, I flirted with my 21 year old, hot, blonde trainee in front of her. Speaking of mate guarding: When we started dating I had two female friends which were great friends to me and also had sex with. At the time the relationship with my partner became serious, I stopped fucking them, but kept in touch with them, because they were great friends. My partner was of course jealous, accused me of cheating on her, cried before I met with one of this women. But our sex life was the most awesome I ever had. Finally she made me cut them off from my life and boom deadbedroom.

Breaking up seems the only solution after my realization. After sallowing the Pill how can anyone stay in a relationship where he was used as a beta provider ?

I'm not a very emotional person and I haven't felt this hate and anger in years.

Cheers brothers, thanks for enabling me to regain control over my life.

Edit: Thanks guy for your feedback.


Post Information
Title Can't deal with the anger, so I'll end it.
Author rp_orginalblend
Upvotes 10
Comments 32
Date 05 October 2015 08:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/208052
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3nmcyf/cant_deal_with_the_anger_so_ill_end_it/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
mate guardingalphabetaChadprovidercheatingkinothe red pillcovert contractNMMNG
Comments

[–]thisisme00078 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy

That is fucking lovely. It sounds like you aren't married and don't have kids. So why would you stick around?

[–]rp_orginalblend2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Because I'm a idiot, who became lazy and than needy.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are an idiot. Get over it. Dump her and improve. She'll likely leave you the second she gets a better offer on the table.

[–]rp_orginalblend2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You improve yourself and she either fucks you or fucks off

Most likely you're are right. As /u/rurpe stated my best move is to:

You improve yourself and she either fucks you or fucks off

This way I can benefit from the good sides of the relationship, enjoy mediocrit sex and continue my journey. Adding level 10,11,12 dread is something I want to imply. As I don't have nothing to loose in this relationship, this dread levels are a win/win situation for me.

Thanks for your direct reponse.

[–]thelotusknyte2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're lucky. No kids? Just leave.

[–]rp_orginalblend3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I also want to blame all those bluepill ideas about love and relationship I had. And onetis.

These ultimately allowed her to trick me into that shitty deal, which I called my sex life

[–]Glennus6264 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just remember, you're not a victim here. So get out of blaming anything other than yourself directly. Did your bp upbringing contribute? Absolutely, but you failed to break the shackles till now.

However, look at all the progress you've achieved in your life DESPITE the dead bedroom... your career is on a roll now, you've reconnected with old friends and made new ones. If she's repulsed by you, you need to make the focus not be only about fixing the deadbedroom, but about fixing your mentality.

You fucked girls galore before, and had an abundance mentality. It probably gave you a confidence you now lack in the bedroom. I would go into monk mode and work only on myself for the foreseeable future, and don't really talk with her about the future. Fill your life with MORE fun and fulfilling things outside of the house (NOT going out and drinking on a monday night by yourself).

[–]rp_orginalblend0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I regret my decision going to a bar yesterday. Monday evening is the only weekday I have no activity scheduled and as my anger prevented me from going home, so I figured a bar might be the best place to go. At least I could practice some flirting skills, which elevated my mood. You're right when I look at the achievements and progress I've made, I'm positive that my future will be bright.

[–]rurpe6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Even if you divorced your wife, your beta tendencies may lead you to a woman who treats you the same and you will end up at the bar asking the same questions and complaining about a different woman. Keep improving yourself and check the app in another 6 months to see if things have changed.

[–]rp_orginalblend2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'll continue my journey, I'll continue lifting, I'll continue reading. MRP was the most benefical thing, which happened to me in years, so I won't quite. Women having a stereotypical sexual response: As long as I'm a beta to my partner, I'll be most likely a beta to most other women. So more dread, more increasing my SMV and becoming better a holding frame is the way to go, right? That's true: As long as I have too many beta traits, I won't be a Alpha male to other women. Also making a decision if you have not many choices available So that's the best option for me: Sticking around, enjoy the good parts of the relationship and avoid the bad and continue self improvement until I can choose. And then end it, if I want to.

This is a perspective I could image, but how do I deal with all the anger until this future point in time?

[–]rurpe4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You improve yourself and she either fucks you or fucks off

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

What you're experiencing is totally normal for the unplugging process. Have you seen my Guide to The Anger Phase? One of the most important things about getting through the Anger Phase is to hang on and not make any life-changing decisions while still hyper-emotional. You'll get through this, and your life is going to be a whole lot better one way or another.

[–]rp_orginalblend3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for providing that link. Going to read it tomorrow. Writing this post and reading the responses helped me to cool down a little bit.

[–]enfier1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What's the critical difference between a roommate, a friend and a girlfriend? The sex.

Once she stopped fucking you, was she really your girlfriend any more?

[–]dandar46001 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

After swallowing the pill, I only got one hand job from my wife, about a week ago and was disgusted with myself as a result. It reminded me of days when I was fat beta and couldn't get her to muster any more effort than duty HJ.

[–]rp_orginalblend1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fascinating how low you can sink, if you are a sex starved beta. I feel you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

not married + no kids = NEXT.

Then unfuck yourself.

[–]blarggggggggggg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

seriously, why play dread games or other games when you could just GTFO.

Why invest time in this bitch when there are hundreds of others, and with your new knowledge and improvements you could find someone much more compatible who appreciates you.

[–]zo340 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

I'm trying so hard to not blurt out VICTIM PUKE and the only reason I can keep it in is there is so much TRP language in there.

Here's the bottom line: you have a covert contract with your SO that she should 1) like sex with you because you've alpha'd up and 2) that she should like your sperm because you're so alpha now.

But our sex life was the most awesome I ever had. Finally she made me cut them off from my life and boom deadbedroom.

You've no dread game left, breh. She doesn't think you have the ability to land anything better than her, so she's stopped dolling out sex. You need steps 10, 11, and 12.

[–]rp_orginalblend2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Dread level 11 is an idea I already had.

If you make it to this point you must be mentally checked out enough and pissed off enough to actually move out and file for divorce if things don't improve. * I'm ready to do that. But the problem indeed is that it won't be easy to find anyone hotter than her. Don't get me wrong, I can get attention from women. I spent the rest of the evening at the bar flirting with a group of girls, which was enjoyable. If she wasn't that hot, I wouldn't have fallen for all that shit. And honestly I don't feel like settling with less. On the other hand during my days as a student I have had a problem to stick my dick into girls with lower SMVs.

Isn't /r/askmrp partly ment to allow victims to puke. At least better than crying in my pillow.

[–]zo340 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I never said you couldn't.

As to being with her because she's hot: just don't, man. I know that TRP is "The Way of Banging Hot Chicks" but MRP is "The Way of Becoming Awesome". Just because she's hot doesn't mean you should let her shit on your awesome parade.

Mostly you need to think about why you're mad. Every time you have a thought that points at her, rephrase it to point at you. Write that shit down and then do something about it.

Example:

She has duty sex with me and treats me like a beta.

FTFY

My SMV is crap and I haven't properly internalized TRP princeples and therefore I have been relegated to duty sex.

[–]rp_orginalblend2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. I already made a list with my beta traits, which I want/need to eliminate to have a more fulfilled life. Also it took me some time to accept that these principles are accurate observations and conclusion about the nature of women and men. And so I'm still busy to make this principles part of my everyday life.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

If it took significant effort to flirt with that 21-year-old, then you're not ready for dread level 11. This isn't deadbedrooms.
 
If Clue pisses you off then don't use it for a few months.

[–]rp_orginalblend1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Flirting with women doesn't take a lot of effort, but flirting in fornt of my SO with women took a lot of effort (because I was afraid that this will piss her off). I'm not going to dread level 11 instantly, but I'll stop restricting myself from flirting with other women in presence of my partner.Level 11 is a goal I want to reach within the next weeks or month.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

/u/BluepillProfessor suggests a minimum of one month per level in the 12 steps of dread. Take it slow. The other danger of going too fast is the temptation to keep the focus on her when you are planning an ultimatum or a side piece. Focus on yourself, your needs, your own self improvement and a clearer picture will emerge of what you actually need. It will no longer be about punishing her, making her understand, or anything else. You will have a plan for your life and she will have the option of joining you.
 
Personally I wouldn't start playing with active dread until her perception of your SMV surpasses her own SMV. At that point mate retention and mate guarding behaviors will already be happening regularly and disrespect will be replaced with shit and comfort tests, so you may not need level 11.

[–]rp_orginalblend2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for reminding me of that. Time to invest some time in dread theory rereading. Until now I made the changes corresponding to the certain levels, when they felt natural to me. I always enjoyed flirting with women very much, but made sure that my SO never had an idea of my behavior to avoid her being jealous. Typical dishonest nice guy behavior. So the next step for me is to make sure, that she see me flirting like a horny 17 year old. I also got a business trip to Berlin coming up soon, so I want her hamster spinning, when I'm visiting Germany capital.



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