Wife does not like attitude and then talks alot

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October 2, 2015
8 upvotes

edit:: Thanks for the advice, gentlemen. Couple things to glean from the thread 1)find those covert contracts, 2)communication is still important, 3)dont punish a wife for being a woman

Wife says that my IDGAF attitude is destroying our marriage and that i dont listen to her, care what she has to say, or communicate.

I initiate sex, she says no, i say, "no big deal. i need to rest for work tomorrow anyway" then she says she feels like crap because sex is "no big deal" to me.

Second, she is upset because previously i used to tell her what time i would be home by texting and i would text her asking how she is throughout the day and i completely stopped cold turkey. I told her "ill be home around ten after work. Just expect that" but i dont tell her that "ill be on time" or "ill be late."

(caveat: when she was a crazy woman she would shout things like, "i hope you get killed on your way to work" so it really doesnt bother me if she thinks i got hit by a car or not. I ride my bicycle to work).

Thirdly, she says i dont listen to her anymore. We were walking to the car after going to the gym and she was talking about her new business venture and i was listening but acting fairly uninterested and she said, "when you listen to me it makes me feel cared for." And i replied, "when you suck my dick it makes me feel cared for." She literally started crying...in the parking lot...at the gym. She has only given me a blow job once in our entire marriage (5 years) because "it hurts my mouth" and "It makes me feel degraded." I was not expecting that response.

So - couple questions i have for my mentors:

  1. Communication to let her know i wasnt hit by a car? Not too sure if she just wanted to keep track of me or actually cares for safety. I doubt it is the latter.
  2. Listening to her when she talks when she doesnt put out? I do care about her excitement in life, i want to share in her accomplishments.
  3. Continue to express my expectations about sex? She knows what i expect but continues to say, "If i dont feel that you care for me, my body doesnt get turned on and it will just hurt me!"

Not victim puking, just questions. In this whole conversation this morning about how my attitude is destroying our marriage not once did she say how her actions or attitudes contribute leading me to believe that she honestly does not the the ability of empathy and cannot look past her feelings.


Post Information
Title Wife does not like attitude and then talks alot
Author The_New_Me_RP
Upvotes 8
Comments 33
Date 02 October 2015 10:28 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/208057
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3na4jp/wife_does_not_like_attitude_and_then_talks_alot/
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Comments

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

when you listen to me it makes me feel cared for." And i replied, "when you suck my dick it makes me feel cared for."

Some guys are smooth and sexy and some are like this guy.

You last sentence showed some understanding. Read up Rollos recent posts on female solopsism.

You can whine about this fact or you can learn to work with it.

[–]BooksofMagic3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Communication to let her know i wasnt hit by a car? Not too sure if she just wanted to keep track of me or actually cares for safety. I doubt it is the latter.

Nothing wrong with the Captain of the ship letting his crew know what his timetable is. To give a brief example - if she is cooking dinner how will she know when to have it ready for? You need to keep communicating the normal stuff, just STFU when it comes to shit tests and and urges to whine about ANYTHING.

Listening to her when she talks when she doesnt put out? I do care about her excitement in life, i want to share in her accomplishments.

So share in them. Nothing wrong in sharing the accomplishements of the people you care for. Just don't let her start making you responsible for any work that goes towards them. Make sure that she accomplishes these things all on her own so she can build herself up with you cheerleading from the sidelines. It's possible to be supportive and still remain an alpha.

Continue to express my expectations about sex? She knows what i expect but continues to say, "If i dont feel that you care for me, my body doesnt get turned on and it will just hurt me!"

This one is tough. I think that if you start meeting some confort tests again (you are ignoring them ALL right now) I bet this issue just goes away. By overdoing the IDGAF and STFU stuff you are stressing her out. Your role as Captain is to to make sure everyone in your charge is OK. It's fine to give her a little silent treatment when needed but not as a general course of action.

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks!

I do not ignore all comfort tests. When she starts a sentence with, "am i..." i tend to feel those are comfort tests. I put my arms around her, draw her close, and tell her "everything is going to be fine"

When she starts a sentence with "You..." i assume, and most likely, those are shit tests and i generally ignore them. Or, i try to agree and amplify but i tend to feel that i do not do that correctly. She will say something like "You never listen to me." and i will reply, "You are right, i did not hear anything you said for the last five years."

Interesting enough, during the conversation today i said, "i want you to be successful. I will sabotage that. However, i expect you to fulfill your part of the domestic duties as well. If i picked up a new sport, say, mountain biking, but i stopped going to work and let the mortgage go into foreclosure, would that be acceptable? No. Like wise, i do not expect that your hobbies keep you from performing your part of the domestic duties"

[–]rurpe3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Second, she is upset because previously i used to tell her what time i would be home by texting and i would text her asking how she is throughout the day and i completely stopped cold turkey. I told her "ill be home around ten after work. Just expect that" but i dont tell her that "ill be on time" or "ill be late."

You are taking IDGAF and STFU too literally. You still have to communicate with your wife.

Thirdly, she says i dont listen to her anymore. We were walking to the car after going to the gym and she was talking about her new business venture and i was listening but acting fairly uninterested and she said, "when you listen to me it makes me feel cared for." And i replied, "when you suck my dick it makes me feel cared for." She literally started crying...in the parking lot...at the gym. She has only given me a blow job once in our entire marriage (5 years) because "it hurts my mouth" and "It makes me feel degraded." I was not expecting that response.

Again, not every conversation needs to be about getting your dick sucked, sex, or displaying a flippant attitude. There is a time and a place for this shit, and you are getting it wrong.

Continue to express my expectations about sex? She knows what i expect but continues to say, "If i dont feel that you care for me, my body doesnt get turned on and it will just hurt me!"

Your wife is telling you exactly what we tell you but you are too focused on sex to get it. YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE DESIRE. Talking about it will not work. You need to start acting like a man who uses actions to solve problems instead of words.

In this whole conversation this morning about how my attitude is destroying our marriage not once did she say how her actions or attitudes contribute leading me to believe that she honestly does not the the ability of empathy and cannot look past her feelings.

Your shitty attitude and covert contracts are killing your marriage, not your wifes feels. Learn to deal with them like a man instead of pouty child and your life may be different soon

[–]BooksofMagic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All good points. Very well said.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

If i dont feel that you care for me, my body doesnt get turned on and it will just hurt me!"

Do you? Care for her? How could you listen to that and (wait for it) not take her in your arms and comfort her like a scared little girl?

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

To be honest: No, i do not care.

When she stands and cries i just want to laugh in her face and tell her how ugly she looks with tears streaming down her cheeks.

There is not bitterness, or hate, or anger. I think, if anything, there is mistrust. After years of being emotionally manipulated i view tears as simply that, a form of manipulation instead of an outward appearance of helplessness.

[–]BooksofMagic7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ah but I think you ARE angry. You don't mistrust her, you want to punish her. Punish her for all the covert contracts over the years that she has failed.

I think you are also afraid that she won't change. That she can't be the woman you want her to be (more covert contracts BTW). That you aren't man enough to handle her. So I will remind you of the immortal words of Yoda:

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

If you want to move forward, you need to let EVERYTHING go. An IDGAF attitute only works when you really don't give a fuck. If you really do want to laugh at her when she is crying, then I really think you have be more introspective of this attitude and why you take enjoyment from her suffering. Don't hate the dog for being a dog. Don't hate the teenager for being a teenager. Don't hate your wife for being a woman because AWALT.

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]BooksofMagic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're welcome! I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor. Remember this is TRP on hard mode.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahh, anger phase. Just a heads up. This feeling of anger goes away and most people reestablish a solid marriage- unless you nuke it during the short period of time when you are really pissed.

[–]thisisme00070 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

How much of WISNIFG have you read?

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] -1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy

None. Im on Athol Kay's book at the moment since it is next on the list after NMNNG. Does WISNIFG address this?

She told me today that our "friends" have approached her because they were worried about my new attitude and about her. Wondering if i need to address these friend's concerns.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Does WISNIFG address this?

It addresses how to fog and facilitate communication without being a douche.

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

best to skip athol kay and go to WISNIFG?

[–]thisisme00072 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What is taking you so long to read? Don't skip just put the time in.

[–]Trekneck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

NMMNG, MMSL, WISNIFG. Download em on kindle, you can breeze thru em real quick. MMSL seems like where you need to be, you seem like your regurgitating things you've seen in comments without actually reading the logic behind them from the sidebar.

MMSL can be finished in a matter of days if you just make time to read for an hour or two throughout the day.

[–]BooksofMagic-1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

by 'Friends' she means the cadre of hamsters spinning their wheels inside her head. You've turned her world on it's head and she doesn't know how to get her power back.

Oh and where are you in Athol's book? He's very clear in it that you need to be alpha and beta when married. What you have done is slaughtered the beta and only show her alpha, which is making her crazy thinking you are on your way out the door. It's not the position you want to be in unless you really are on your way out the door. You have to provide some comfort (Athol mentiions comfort tests) to show her you mean to stick around, even if you are trying to run a little dread game too.

Bottom line is though - take things slower until you finish the Athol book at least.

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

i actually think she does mean a certain group of friends. I live within a fairly conservative Christian sphere of influence and i dont know any of the men to be red pill type. So, yes, our friends have approached her.

[–]BooksofMagic0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I live within a fairly conservative Christian sphere of influence

This is probably why she's averse blow jobs. I htink you need to stop pushing it so much at least for now. Let her settle into living with this new you first. Right now she thinks you have changed your spots completely and doesn't know what to do. She may want to please you but just the though of the BJ is emotionally hurting her. I had a girlfriend in high school just like this.

Stop nuking your relationship until you have read more books and are more familiar with what you need to do.

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She gave me blow jobs before we were married. It was only after we were married that they started hurting her mouth and degraded her.

At this part, i dont even really push blow jobs, i only used that as a snarky remark. She says, "i want to have sex with you but when i think about how terrible you are to me it turns me off." I see the red flag, but, honestly, i have no clue how to address it.

[–]BooksofMagic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

i only used that as a snarky remark

Snarky remarks just give her reasons not to do as you ask. Stop it. It's just giving her hamster ammunition against you.

It's obvious how apathetic you are to her right now. You need to get over the anger phase of TheRedPill ASAP.

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also - neither our christian friends nor church are against blow jobs. If anything they encourage sex for healthy marriages.

[–]The_New_Me_RP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i missed your edit:

Not very far in the book. At least, i havent read that part yet but from what ive read on MRP and TRP thread, i understand the concept. Especially MRP concept of the oak.

[–]RPcoyote0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hold on to your frame and your resolve, bud. Particularly important during times like these when she threatens and says you don't care about marriage etc (mine even scheduled couples therapy for us- read my old posts and great advice I got from guys here). You be the Oak. She'll come under your branches eventually.

[–]0kool740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wife says that my IDGAF attitude is destroying our marriage and that i dont listen to her, care what she has to say, or communicate.

Well honey, when you have something to say worth hearing, I'll be sure to pay attention!

I initiate sex, she says no, i say, "no big deal. i need to rest for work tomorrow anyway" then she says she feels like crap because sex is "no big deal" to me.

Well what the he double hockey sticks does she expect you to say? "oh thank you honey.....it makes me feel like such an amazing important man when you reject my sexual advances. Please give me more rejection." stupid idiot woman!!!

Second, she is upset because previously i used to tell her what time i would be home by texting blah blah blah

She doesn't seem to be all that into you so who gives a rat's ass why she wants to know what time you'll be home. Oh.....and it's good that you stopped that junk!!! :-)

And i replied, "when you suck my dick it makes me feel cared for." She literally started crying...in the parking lot...at the gym

Shit test handled like a BOSS!!!!!!!

  1. I don't think she cares either. Sounds more like controlling and micromanaging
  2. yea I can't hear what she's saying over the cacophony of the roaring sexual wasteland!
  3. has she given you any reason, other than belittling, degrading, and ignoring you, to care for her? Doesn't sound like it to me.

not once did she say how her actions or attitudes contribute

Unless presented with the possibility of certain death and destruction, the hamster will never acknowledge its faults!!!

[–]Trekneck-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

"when you listen to me it makes me feel cared for." And i replied, "when you suck my dick it makes me feel cared for."

Sidebar dude.... fucking sidebar...

[–]0kool742 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

sidebar what? her response is a shit test and he knocked it out of the park. yea maybe he was aggressive with it, but she doesn't give a crap about him at the moment and it's high time she start doing so or he's gonna be gone and with good reason!

[–]Trekneck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Touche



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