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Wife wants to know that I want her for more than just sex...

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September 25, 2015

Every time I try to initiate, she recoils and says she wants to know that I love her for her and not just for her body. We've been deadbedroom for almost a year now and dying dead room for a few more than that. Always some sort of excuse from her. I know now that so many of her excuses are from me being beta and I need to own my shit, but that excuse is the most common one for years now. I tried to beta her into believing that I love her for her, but it is never enough.

How do I respond to this in a RP way? "You're right, I just want to fuck you"? Seems like that would go over like a ton of bricks. Then again, trying to blue-pill her into bed is working out real well.

Post Information
Title Wife wants to know that I want her for more than just sex...
Author hambley
Upvotes 7
Comments 42
Date 25 September 2015 11:02 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betathe blue pill-pill

[–]blowmelongblowmehard11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you read anything? This has to be the most used example in all the manosphere. "Do you want only want me for sex?" "No, you also make a great sandwich."

[–]RedCML8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Babe, sex is like your 3rd best thing."

Don't tell her what #1 and #2 are, just STFU.

[–]dandar46004 points5 points  (15 children) | Copy

There have been some great replies to that statement on /r/asktrp in the past, however I don't remember a guy stating it that was locked in a dead bedroom. Given that you have sex once out of 30 days or less, her saying this is comical at best.

The real problem is her recoiling from you when you initiate. That means that she finds your touch physically repulsive. It's not easy having sex with someone you find unattractive.

What books have you read from MRP sidebar? Are you lifting heavy weights? Are you overweight? Have you upgraded your wardrobe? Those should be your first and foremost goals. Having funny comebacks is not going to get you into her pants. If you're overweight you can lose 2 pounds per week easy. So reading books, diet and lifting should be your top goals. Once you lose weight you upgrade your wardrobe. By then she should already be more responsive to your touch.

Regarding the answers to her statement of "You just want me for sex," from the ones I recently saw, some that stood out were:

Not true, I also want you for blowjobs. Not true, I also like your cooking. Is that all you have to offer?

Your answers in the past were beta pukes that reaffirmed your love for her despite her not fucking you. You need to get it through your and her skull that your love and commitment is NOT unconditional.

Also read 12 levels of dread.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy

Thanks for the reply. I'm reading NMMNG right now and have been reading the MRP sub. I need to start lifting. I ride my bike to work every day, so I'm in decent shape, definitely a little flabby.

Is there a recommended way to get into lifting? I've always been intrigued by crossfit, but never had the balls to try it. There are a few crossfit gyms in my city, would that be a good route?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

Can't be mad that it isn't working if you're not starting the work.

Try picking up something heavy and putting it down a bunch of times

[–]Trekneck2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Try picking up something heavy and putting it down a bunch of times

This really needs to be a slogan for Golds Gym

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]Trekneck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The best part?.... "why are you here?"

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

And then next time, make it heavier or do it more times.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm picturing skinner bouncing a basketball when trapped in the garage.

Next time try to break that record

[–]dandar46002 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I ride my bike to work every day

Good start but not really necessary. Strong legs and chicken arms are not going to introduce tingles (speaking from experience.) Do it for yourself if you like it but you need to lift weights.

I got into lifting using Stronglifts 5x5 app. It's more about power lifting than crossfit though. Go to /r/fitness and read the sidebar there for more options. I just go to LA Fitness and use the squat racks and bench press. If a gym has those, it doesn't matter what it calls itself.

You need to finish NMMNG first. It will open your eyes. Try putting away time to get it done asap. Once you're done with NMMNG read Married Man Sex Life Primer. Those two books are great at motivating you to change. After that read The Best of Rational Male - Year One. That will permanently unplug you and make swallowing the pill an easy albeit a bitter process.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I ride because I enjoy it and because it is cheaper than driving.

I'm about 66% done with NMMNG. It definitely has had me pegged in certain spots. I'm looking forward to MMSLP.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I need to start lifting.

That is all you need right now.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've lifted on and off over the years. Mostly off in my late 30's. I started CrossFit and can tell you it will definitely get you into shape again. Through CrossFit, I'm now focused on Oly lifting. I found a great gym, with great trainers who knew what they were doing. CrossFit is criticized for shitty programming; some of it well deserved, some of it not so much.

But here's what I got out of it. Start. Do something. Find your passion in the Gym. I hated going to the gym because it was boring. I didn't know what to do or how to lift or have real goals. When I joined CrossFit there were people there who knew how to lift, we have a specific program (Wendler) besides the usual workouts. We measure our results and set timely goals. So if you can do this on your own, great, if you need a little motivation or guidance, find that in a local gym with great talent. But the key is getting out there and getting after it.

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I ride my bike to work every day, so I'm in decent shape, definitely a little flabby.

One of these things is not like the other.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I have a decent base of muscle and can pedal my bike real fast-like, but don't have a beach bod. I was very overweight most of my childhood through the first half of high school. I lost a bunch of weight, got down to my ideal (about 175, I'm 6-1),but had loose/flabby skin from the years of fat. After that figured what did it matter, so I let it slip to 195, and have been stuck around 210 for years. Idk what to do about the loose skin, and I let that discourage me. Time to own it and figure out what to do with it.

[–]Redneck001Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

but don't have a beach bod

There's your goal. A "beach bod" is that guy turning heads when his shirt comes off and moistening panties. A cyclist is not going to wet any panties.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The key to loose skin is filling it with muscle :P Semi-kidding.

In all honesty, the loose skin is a reminder of past sins. (speaking from experience). Bulk up with muscle, it will offset a majority of it. With enough water and training it should retract... FUCKING slowly... but slowly.

[–]spexer2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

"You are having issues because I want to be with you physically? Your real concern should be when I don't want you physically - and this attitude is helping to get me there."

[–]0kool741 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like this response. Direct, powerful, but only if followed up with action.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a mixture between manipulation and not knowing what she's talking about.

Just go to MRP read the material and work on yourself. Are you lifting? Getting your diet locked down? Taking time to hang out with other guys you respect?

Stop trying to fuck her for now, and use the energy you're wasting on that and improve yourself instead.

[–]enfier2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's just a shit test, read the article on shit tests: It's not a hard no, she's just putting up a little defense and probably would be more turned on if you can push through it instead of giving up. Obviously this doesn't mean keep going through a hard no where she flatly turns you down.

The easiest method to past this is STFU, which is recommended for newbies (it's called Ignore in that article). Just keep going and ignore her words.

The key is not to show a reaction to it - if you come across as hurt or angry then you haven't passed the shit test. That's why STFU works the best for newbies, if you don't say anything it's hard to fuck up.

After you've got that down you can try a pressure flip where you just spin the accusation on her "Well how do I know you aren't just using me for my body?" best delivered with a grin.

It's not a serious accusation, it's not a no, don't make the mistake of taking it too seriously.

[–]Raiden22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Glad you came over here instead of wallowing away in deadbedrooms. You've got a lot to read and a long road ahead of you but the payoff will be worth it.

The bottom line here is that you're not angry enough! Work your way through the books and our sidebar but don't forget to stop by at TRP as a lot of the AWALT scenarios and good theory posts that you need to read only come up over there. You need to understand why she has been treating you the way she has been and how she'll continue to behave, as well as what tests are coming and how to swat her away like a bothersome fly. You'll be angry with her when you get further into your reading, but you'll be even angrier with yourself for letting things slide as far as they have. You'll be mad that you didn't know this stuff when you were younger and you'll be mad at all of the clear chances you missed because no one told you how women work.

Use your anger in the gym and stop rewarding her with your attention. She recoils when you touch her for fuck's sake! That's as clear of a green light as the universe can give you to devote all of your free time to becoming the man you were meant to be and stop trying to please her. Your attention is valuable, and you aren't going to give it to someone who recoils at the thought of touching you, henpecks you and denies you your right to sex as a married man. She needs to earn your love and respect but she won't give it to you if you aren't worth it.

Once you're the prize she won't be able to stop herself from blowing you. Just keep you head down and work your ass off and make sure to post over in deadbedrooms once you've turned it around.

[–]pullypants2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't respond, shrug and go to sleep, the next day improve. Keep improving until she wants you, if she doesn't go to plan b.

Responding badly does more damage than not responding at all. I've been through all the ways you do this wrong, asking for sex nicely, asking what I'm doing wrong, asking how I can make it better. As everyone here will tell you, it doesn't work.

You can't force anyone to like you, and trying usually makes them dislike you more. It's needy and to women it's even repulsive. The good news is you're half way there with your wife, she married you, there's something there. Get it back.

The problem is you. Solve it. Stop crying about it. Be a man.

[–]mabden1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

I love her for her, but it is never enough.

And it never will be.

This shit test, along with the recoiling from touch, is due to fundamental lack of attraction. If you haven't already, read the Course Prerequisites on marriedredpill:

The Married Man Sex Life Primer

No More Mr Nice Guy

Learn, understand, and implement Covert Contracts and Outcome Independence.

[–]dandar46003 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

implement Covert Contracts and Outcome Independence.

You mean eliminate covert contracts and implement outcome independence.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]mabden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]zo342 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

...implement covert contracts?

[–]Trekneck1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

For the love of god please get NMMNG on Audible immediately, it will be a tremendous help. Followed immediately if not at the same time by MMSL. You'll find that your mindset will change almost immediately as these books expose all of the dumb shit you've tried to do to get her affection and how it's actually prohibited you from getting what you're wanting.

[–]zo341 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

See, I read NMMNG and what I got from it was not "moar covert contracts". I got something along the lines of "stop that shit and never do it again."

[–]Trekneck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Clearly you read the material

[–]spexer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

no - you should not do covert contracts. Not sure what he is getting at there.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you right now? And be honest

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not really. I feel like we rushed into marriage and I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I've spent a lot of years resenting her because my covert contracts never panned out. I stumbled on MRP via deadbedrooms. Reading the side bar has made me realize that so much of the shit in our marriage is my fault when I've been blaming her for it (at least in my head, too nice guy to blame her to her facr). A month ago I would have said that I'm just sticking around for the non-existent sex, but I feel like I owe it to both of us to stop being a beta bitch, swallow the RP and see how things shake out. If it doesn't go anywhere, at least I'll be on a much better path if I decide to leave.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then clearly you do want her for the home, if I'm understanding?

Own it.

[–]SexistFlyingPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What the fuck does she offer other than sex?

When you react to this statement, you are falling into her frame. Your entire premise is built on what she has set forth.

What she's really saying is, "I think you should go to the gym and lift more so that you're hot, make me wetter than a swamp in springtime, and make me want to jump you every time you come home."

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In other words, "husband, you don't need sex." Imagine you're her hunky alpha (which you will become because you're going to start lifting stat, right?). Its not much of a stretch to believe that she would be thrilled that you want her for sex.

Whatever you do, don't try to explain how guys are different than girls and sex is a biological need, blah blah shit. Logic and reason are no match for the hamster of a woman who is not attracted to you.

Get to the gym and silently start building your physique. That's the number one change that will make her attracted at a raw, physical level. Which I'm imagining is why you're here.

Lift. Now.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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