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She's fighting with me, and I don't care.

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September 19, 2015
12 upvotes

We're fighting ... At least that's what she thinks. Maybe a year ago, I would have been an emotional wreck about it - wondering what I did wrong, what can I do to make it right?

Now: I don't really care. I'm just treating everything like its normal. I'm not being beta - but just doing what I want.

It all started Thursday. I got home. Ate dinner. After putting the kids to bed, I noticed the missus was pissed off. Ok - I'll bite - I was curious. "What's wrong," I asked. She replied "I had a shitty day." I responded "why, what happened?" No answer from her. So, I smack her on the ass and say - "well get into the bedroom, I'll make your day better." She says "you don't know when to stop." I reply "I sure don't." She then storms away and locks herself in the bedroom. (In this house that's a hard "No").

Since then, she hasn't really talked to me. And I don't really mind. I spent Thursday night cleaning the pool and getting it ready to use with the kids for the weekend. Then threw on some jazz and reread some of the sidebar materials. I remained jovial during this whole period - smiling at her when she walked by looking at me with a scowl.

Then yesterday she maintained radio silence all day long. I get home. We eat dinner. Kids go to bed. I hold her hand and then grab her ass. She says "I'm still mad at you." I reply "then let's have some makeup sex," and lead her to the bedroom. She rages again. Gives me a hard no. So, I make some plans with friends and head out for a few hours. She asks "where are you going?" I reply "out."

Today it's been more of the same. I'm taking it in stride. I did ask her what she's so mad about again. She didn't reply (still giving me the silent treatment). I smiled told her that I guess it's nothing important. She gave me a dirty look. Whatever.

We haven't talked today other than that brief exchange. I've asked her a few logistical things (to which she didn't reply), but that's about it. I'm acting normal - she's acting like a teenager.

A year ago, this would have bothered the shit out of me. Now, I don't really care. I fixed some shit in the backyard. Took the kids out for ice cream. Now, I'm kicking back on the couch watching some football with my son and she's doing whateverthefuck in the bedroom.

So, I guess my question is how I should I play this? Keep on doing what I'm doing? Pick a fight? Ignore her back? Feedback is appreciated.

(Btw: I've been lifting. Yesterday was leg day. I'm sore and today is a rest day.)


Post Information
Title She's fighting with me, and I don't care.
Author Ive_Had_Enuf
Upvotes 12
Comments 12
Date 19 September 2015 08:16 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/208097
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3llimk/shes_fighting_with_me_and_i_dont_care/
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Comments

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Keep doing exactly what you're doing. She's the one refusing to communicate like a normal adult who cares about the relationship.

What are you supposed to do? Beg her to open up to you? Maybe give her a footrub? Give up your sex life forever more because this one time she had a bad day for some vague, undisclosed reason, and sit on your hands waiting for a sexual invitation before you touch her again, hoping that maybe she'll have a good day eventually?

You're doing fine. The more she rejects, the more you pull away. Keep lifting, having fun with your kids, and going out. Stop asking her what's wrong. You did that already. You gave her a chance to answer a simple question like an adult.

I mean, what's the worst case scenario? She had a bad day because she fucked her boss or something? She'll come around, or eventually this blows up, your marriage ends, and you move on to somebody worth your time.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds fine to me. Just don't nag her to tell you. That will mean she pulled you into her frame.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep on doing what I'm doing?

Yep

Pick a fight?

No.

Ignore her back?

Not ignore, but only spend quality time with her. If she's still being a scowling harpy that can never equal quality time, so keep up your "other" time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I was curious. "What's wrong,"

If it was a problem, she'd come to you. If she was in something sexy and revealing a lot of skin, I'd be curious. Solid frame man.

Something to think about:

After too many hard no's on her part, whats her expectation of you even being around? Like /u/Archwinger said... This is all on her, and you're not going to reward bad behaviour. Works out well for the kids, thats an extra half hour a day of an awesome dad doing stuff with them.

I wonder, have you had a main event yet? How out of the ordinary is this stewing attitude been?

In the event she blows up over something that she's been stewing on for days/weeks, this one is an easy flip-the-script scenario.

When you get the outburst (and I'm sure it will come up eventually)

So you sat there, getting madder and madder over (timeframe) instead of talking to me like an adult? And you expect me to (insert bitch beta here)?

[–]mrpCamper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

DO NOT PICK A FIGHT!!! Sounds like you are actually doing fine.

[–]0kool740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're handling this one like a BOSS!!!!! Keep on keeping on brother

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you are doing quite well on your own. Thank you for the interesting read. Most of what everyone else wrote is quite good advice already.

I might only add to start leaving the house more. Take your kids somewhere fun and exciting that you like to do. Don't bother asking her. The more she locks herself in the bedroom, the more you pull away. Double bonus points for going out Friday night, dressed to impress, and if she asks just tell her you are going out. Doesn't matter where you go, just leave for 4-5 hours and return after 1am.

[–]Flathatter450 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good FR! This sounds eerily similar to what has been going on in my house the past few months. I've been following the advice given below, and its been working. After 20 plus years of marriage, I finally learned a way to end the fucking fights. Of course, I knew that even if the fighting did end, my wife would still be unhappy. She was unhappy as a SAHM, now she is unhappy as a full time wage slave. I hope she sees this, but I'm not holding my breath waiting for it. I'm happy, I am moving with a purpose and a long term vision, and I am the captain of my ship. The rest doesn't matter, because its nothing I can do anything about.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha, women. She had a bad day, you offer a playful gesture to try and snap her out of it, and suddenly she's mad at YOU and doesn't talk to you for days. Hahaha.

That's teenage angst if I ever saw it.

Keep ignoring, my friend. Keep being awesome, not to show her, but because you just are. This spell should have no effect on your daily life, except that you now have more time to get stuff done and have awesome times with your kids.

[–]LaimbeerAdvocate0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wasn't she comfort testing as opposed to shit testing? ie: "I had a shitty day" and in a way "I'm still mad at you" are both looking for comfort?



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