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The Main Event versus the End Event

Reddit View
August 14, 2015

I'm married w/ a young child. I have been beta bux my whole marriage. My wife is a SAHM, I have a 6 figure salary, and am an overweight BB trying to claw out of the depths of the second level of hell and into RP. Gym changes are starting to be noticable as I started the gym prior to RP.

The hardest part of RP to swallow was the fact that I have to accept the fact that my marriage is nuked and going forward I'm working on myself. For some reason I imagined my wife wouldn't react in that manner, however it's been the total opposite.

Sex has been maybe two times a month. When we do have sex it is beyond starfish horrible. Sex is always one position because she claims all the others hurt. I read SGM and attempted some dominance which failed miserably with her in the bathroom for 20 minutes claiming how bad it hurt. This would make sense if I had a 12 inch cock, which isn't the case. I've been sending lots of kino, kisses here and there and still have a dead bedroom. I try to push through LMR and still get the hard no. When told no, I roll over and go to sleep.

My largest problem in my life from what I can tell has been the implied covert contracts that I have littered throughout my social relationships. I have eliminated the covert contracts and my decisions are now FIRM. My wife has said multiple times that "she hates the new me and doesn't know if she can live life like this.". Utilizing RP, I've fogged by saying "I understand, but please don't threaten divorce. If I'm going to divorce you, you'll know because the lawyer will serve you with papers." To which she will respond, "What you don't love me?". I then A&A by "Of course I love you, who else would ?" and smack her ass.

The other common argument is that I have taken all the power out of her life since she's a SAHM and she needs to get a job so she can get credit, bills in her own name, etc, etc, etc. I chalk it up to a woman's equivalent of dread since she's saying she needs a job so she can get an apartment, car, cell phone etc. My common response is "That sounds great and I'd support it 100%". There is never any other action take and that normally stops the argument. To be honest, I haven't taken power from her. Rather I've set clear boundaries and when the she-bitch rears it's ugly head I just A&A, AM, Fog, or leave the damn room. This sends her hamster into maximum overdrive.

However, the threat of divorce seems to be her go-to these days. Just today during my lunch, I met her and my son. I sit in the car and notice my son has markers to which I say "Do you know he has markers?". She gets snipy and comes back w/ an unacceptable tone "If he has markers then YOU take care of it!". I told her that's an unacceptable way to talk to me and she continues the yelling so I informed her I'm getting back in my car and heading back to work.

On the way back to work she calls and says she's done w/ the marriage. I Agree saying "Okay - Let me know when you're moving out" She then goes on to say I don't love her and that I disrespect her. I told her I loved her but would never force someone who hates me to live with me. Conversation is ended with her crying uncontrollably.

Fast-forward a few hours and she calls me at work. Asks me if I want her to make me dinner before she leaves tonight to go out w/ her friends (they planned a night out earlier in the week). I said sure that sounds great, I'll be home at X:XX time.

After typing this I realize I fucked up with the marker situation. I should have just taken the markers from my son initially and never said a damn word. I am continuing the gym lifting heavy weights, rarely break frame, and have eliminated covert contracts and set clear boundaries. I have no fucking clue what to make of all of this. I feel like I live in 2 alternate realities and am constantly being switched back and forth between the two.

Post Information
Title The Main Event versus the End Event
Author RealEstateRockstar
Upvotes 7
Comments 17
Date 14 August 2015 06:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
A&Aalpha fux beta buxbetadread gameframehamsterkinolast minute resistancedominancelift

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Tough situation. The transition can be hard on both parties sometimes.

You don't have a particular question here, so I'll offer some general observations.

Your wife is seeing the change and it's scaring her. The comments about power and the new you - inevitable if not actually positive in some cases. Stay the course.

She will shit test you hard to see if you are just playing or if this is your new frame. I think you have been getting that already from what you describe. But be mindful of the fact that sometimes the tests subtly transition from shit to comfort. Don't miss opportunities to show her you still want her (supposing you do).

Be ready for the possibility that this ends in divorce. She had her frame in place, you as betabux and she in charge. You know what that looks like and how it goes. If you've drawn a line in the sand be prepared to enforce it. You only get one life, you should be happy with it.

Learn rational egoism to fully integrate that. Stoicism, often suggested by MRP vets, is a great tool for focus and emotional control.

Good luck.

[–]RealEstateRockstar[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're right - there really isn't a question, although when I started writing I had every intention of asking one until I realized I acted like a beta with the marker situation. This turned out to be a Field Report and your comment verifies what I assumed. Seems like she's ready to pull the cord and I have to be okay with that. I really hate the idea of my son growing up without me there everyday, but you're right I only live one life.

You're also right about the shit tests. They are non-stop, I live in a war zone where shit tests rain down from the skies on an hourly basis. I actually read and implemented Mystery Method and Neil Straus's The game prior to marriage so I am great at deflecting shit tests, I just never put 2+2 together to realize that someone's wife would still shit test them until I found RP. I have a feeling the hard no's for sex are also her hamster wondering if Mr. Beta will come back w/ some covert contracts and ask for sex.

I consciously accepted the divorce when I started implementing dread level 1. I have drawn the boundaries and will stick to them. Like I said, I'd prefer not to divorce for my kid, but it is what it is. A beta life is not something I want to live.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They are non-stop, I live in a war zone where shit tests rain down from the skies on an hourly basis.

maw man... I don't know if you're taking it as a manly fight against the dragon, but I would suggest you think of them more like a 4 year old trying to push you over.

you've already got your MAP. And if she isn't seeing her role diminishing in your life as a threat, and act accordingly, then there's nothing you can do about that. Your map is your frame, your vision is your frame. The fact that you see the man you want to be and are moving towards that is your frame.

anything outside that is either amusing, funny, or intriguing.

While I kind of have an idea how you are tackling the shittests ATM, and used to be a huge fan of straus when I was single...

Try just cocking your head slightly when she goes off. Don't give any emotional feedback, wait patiently for her to finish, then go back to whatever you were doing. In her mind, she is shooting for emotional engagement, but doesn't have the emotional intelligence to handle it without being a giant child. And like all children, removing those emotional cues that she uses completely disarms this sort of thing.

I get the impression thats why she's losing her shit.

Also, if she was ready to pull the plug, she wouldn't be getting mad, she would be distant and checked out. That's why they bounce back faster after the end... they have been emotionally preparing for a while.

Remember, every time she gives you an emotion other than disinterest, she's still invested. Your goal is to be disinterested until such time as she decides to add value to your life... And if you can't wait any longer, find someone else who will.

Kid will be fine. Worst case scenario, she takes custody and a lot of your money... You will have a lot more free time now to secure more money, and while it's not ideal... keep positive. Eventualy that kid will be old enough to decide for herself, and if all she sees is the distant dad always helping her as best he can, and the angry harpy back home with her shitty boyfriend 'Ted'... you can come out ahead.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I had similar situation in the not too distant past. One day the conversation went something like this :

Her :" I cant do this any more, I dont know who you are, I am going to leave you, move Im packing " Me: (( non emotionally )) " Ok, Ill file tomorrow so you dont have to go" and plopped down on the bed and opened WISNIFG on the tablet.

that night she was crying telling me she cant loose me, she loves me, she was "trying to get attention in a bad way" etc

I am not saying this is how it will go, but its possible

[–]RealEstateRockstar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It must be a common thread. Like a wild animal backed into a corner realizing there's no other card to play. They are forced to show the vicious teeth and hope life goes back to the way it was with the BB saying "No baby PLLLLEEEEEASE don't divorce me.". Those days are long gone.

[–]fasterpussycatdie2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife went from threatening divorce as her go to manipulation ploy to fuck, I'm going to lose this guy if I don't stop being a cunt. She's even said so out loud to me. I don't explain to her why or how this happened I just smile inwardly to myself.

So, keep going. Don't be discouraged, be encouraged. SorcererKing is on the money, she sees the power dynamic changing and she's scared. It's going to be up to you to prove to her that you can handle your shit.

[–]RealEstateRockstar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds extremely similar to what's happening here. I had a healthy dinner of fresh salmon cooked, the house cleaned, and a good attitude from her before she left. Truly, I have to listen to the advice here and ignore what she says and watch what she does. AWALT apparently.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Maintain that (at least outward) positive attitude. It sounds like it's starting to dawn on her you aren't going to suffer through her testing anymore so she's pulling out all of the stops.

Her threatening divorce is worth the paper it's printed on. Since it's not... it's hot air only. Don't address it directly or act hurt or affected.

You can keep it up with the

"Ok then"

"It's been real"

"Next week on Divorce court"

To her "You don't love me"

ignore the bait, don't keep HA HA of course I do : <something witty>.

You "Yeah, I put up with this for fun!" smile , wink

Frown. "Awwww" just give her a hug.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My go to, and this isn't based off any reading is a bit underhanded.

Why wouldn't I love you baby? You do everything a good wife is supposed to do, and have no desire to trade it up.

Plausible deniability, and a single reminder of my expectations. Verry power talk

[–]RealEstateRockstar[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Next week on Divorce court"

I'll be using this one, made me chuckle.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just stay on track, you will be fine. Once you make peace with the fact that you are ok to divorce you will shake off her shit tests.

Currently you are still not 100% ok with the idea of a divorce, so each time she threatens you with it your reactions such as facial expression and body language give you away, even if the words you say is saying ' see you in court next week'.

Get to the point of not giving a fuck, then she will see it and stop her shit.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good to see you accept the marker situation as a fuck up.

It should have gone like this...

/sees markers in the back seat. You in your frame knows this is a bad idea regardless of what your wife thinks. Reaches back and takes markers away.


Deferring to your wife just made her in charge of making the decision of whether having markers is okay or not. It also put you in the position of another one of her children that can't handle his shit. She was right to snap at you.

Next time she threatens divorce, I'd say, "yeah, you've mentioned that several times. You must really mean it. I'll go to the divorce lawyer tomorrow and start the process."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Put paperwork all completed, only requiring her signature on the desk next time.

Dont negotiate with terrorists

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start tracking her cycle. This sound woman-crazy, not crazy-crazy.

My wife has said multiple times that "she hates the new me and doesn't know if she can live life like this."

Yes, they do that. Try to understand that being "Alpha" doesn't mean that you are a bully or you push her around. It means that you are in charge, and you make the hard decisions. It means you provide a strong, indefatigable frame, safety, affection when appropriate, and that you fuck her good. All of that is good for her but she is still living the Bluepill lie and interprets you taking charge as taking away her power.

[–]tbornott0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe it is just me, but you come out as indecisive. Let me give you examples:

On the way back to work she calls and says she's done w/ the marriage. I Agree saying "Okay - Let me know when you're moving out"

To me it sounds like you are just playing her down. Not believing her. It does not set any boundary. This is what I would do (and what I actually did say). "Either you do it or you don't. I don't want to hear about it ever again."

I chalk it up to a woman's equivalent of dread since she's saying she needs a job so she can get an apartment, car, cell phone etc. My common response is "That sounds great and I'd support it 100%".

This sounds a bit meh. "Yeah whatever honey." What you could respond depends on your frame. It might be "That sounds great. Family could really use some extra bucks. What did you have in mind?" And of course follow up on it too. Or you could just deny the request too.

Lay of the SGM stuff for now.

[–]RealEstateRockstar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. You're right I don't believe her on the divorce thing, next time it's brought up I'm going to use your response.

"Either you do it or you don't. I don't want to hear about it ever again."

[–]enfier0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm just reading this now and it was 6 days ago so I hope things are going better.

The foundation of TRP is to increase your SMV. On top of that you start to act like the man with a high SMV. Eventually your wife should recognize it and come along, but of course it's going to take her a while to see it. When she does you assume your position as Captain and guide the ship - at this point she doesn't really have much of a choice but to fall in line or leave.

It sounds as if you are trying to smash your way through these steps and you haven't done the hard work of increasing your actual SMV. You are trying to win this war with words, when the reality is that it will be won by consistent hard work and proven SMV.

Have you been through all the prior steps on the 12 Step Plan of Dread? Divorce doesn't even get mentioned until Step 10. If you've missed steps 1-9 then you are just inflicting unnecessary conflict on your relationship.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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