x-post from MRP [MRP Theory] Fighting 2.0

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August 12, 2015

TLDR: After the red pill, everything that was a fight is now a test. When I feel like I'm in a fight, I recognise that I'm being tested and I choose my response appropriately.


I've started to notice recently, as the red pill goes down, that the things I am doing trigger a lot of my Bluepill Feelz. Feelings of butthurt, feelings of anger, feelings of (covert) contract violation. These things cannot just be switched off, or ignored. However, I have also recently begun to feel happy about these painful memories being triggered. I am happy because I can see them for what they are. Happy to be mindfully aware of them, but not controlled by them. Often, they help me by allowing me to ask myself "what would the old me do?", and then I can chart a new course, instead of following the old map.



WISNIFG describes how humans gained the skill of verbal assertiveness which is a useful, nonviolent response to the "fight or flight" reflex. In the early stages of unplugging, I detected the "fight or flight" response cogs whirring and recognised the places where the old me would do the wrong thing and engage. The new me recognises this instinct as a test of my frame.


Don't get me wrong, the feelz are there, and they do bleed out into my frame sometimes. I've started to come up with some coping mechanisms. Strategies let's call them. The most effective so far has been to recognise shit tests and comfort tests and to frame them in my Bluepill context. This works naturally because I had my eyes closed for so long. This way, I don't have to think about how to frame them in RP lingo. I just call them what I always called them before : fights and arguments.


Bluepill me would tread carefully, avoiding fights wherever possible, cos, fights = no love and no sex. Whenever a fight or argument kicked off, Bluepill me would try to defuse the situation, or placate my opponent, or just ride out the storm of silent treatment and cold shouldering until my opponent "got over it".


Noobs to MRP seem to think that the RP approach to these things is to "flip the script", or basicly invert everything. That's not totally incorrect, but it is not totally correct either. One version of a flipped script would be to chart a course straight into the storm, rather than avoid it. And when in the middle of a storm, to climb up the mast shouting "is that all you've got!" and shaking your fist at the storm. This is totally reckless, and is the fast track way to nuke your marriage. If you don't want to be married, then don't come to MRP for help, it's not what we're about in here.


The MRP way to flip the script is much more subtle, and much more difficult. It requires an expert captain. One who knows his ship and his crew. One who plots his course, and understands that storms will happen, and the ship might get a bit damaged, and perseveres in spite of the danger.


I don't provoke fights or arguments, but I don't steer away from them either. To me, they are no longer fights or arguments. To my wife, they still are. She most likely will always see them as fights or arguments. But I changed the rules. The course of my life is no longer determined by "weathering the storm", because I know that these are not storms.


Every situation which my vestigial Bluepill persona flags as a fight or an argument is a cue. Rather than suppress or ignore these cues, I use them to get my thoughts together. They still feel like fights, but I realise that I'm not fighting. I'm not standing there taking punches either. I float like a butterfly, but I don't need to sting like a bee (at home...)


Fights (shit tests and comfort tests) are unavoidable. Bluepill me tried to avoid them or at least limit the damage to our relationship. That was all wrong. That approach put the welfare of the relationship above my own happiness. That approach cannot ever work. I only have complete control over my own actions. I steer my own boat. It's a nice boat, luxurious, comfortable, safe, spacious. I keep it like that. There's room for her on board. I like it when she's on board. But sometimes she wants to jump overboard. I throw out the life raft, and maybe slow the boat down a little so she can catch up, but I don't change course or jump in after her.

Post Information
Title x-post from MRP [MRP Theory] Fighting 2.0
Author FearDearg2015
Upvotes 7
Comments 2
Date 12 August 2015 05:47 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/208196
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3govzw/xpost_from_mrp_mrp_theory_fighting_20/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtMAPWISNIFGframeshit testcomfort testassertivethe red pillthe blue pill

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a basic illustration of establishing and maintaining frame. Instead of seeing his wife's every worry, concern, or complaint as legit, he now sees that he has a clear agenda, and though valid concerns from his wife are to be addressed and good suggestions to be considered, he has made it clear -- at least in his own mind -- what needs to be done, and does not let the noise coming at him distract from that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The MRP way to flip the script is much more subtle, and much more difficult. It requires an expert captain.

Right. Which is why we advocate so strongly to noobs to STFU, and if that fails, STFU some more. Not saying anything with an amused smirk on your face, then simply leaving has such immense power over shit tests.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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