Since reading The Surrendered Wife, I've tried harder to avoid questioning my husband's decisions, even if I don't think they're the best choice. Obviously if it's something very serious, I'll disagree. But I've tried to let more go, and the husband definitely seems happier for it.

We're currently traveling in Japan, a notoriously safe country where there is very little crime. We both were carrying backpacks and suitcases with us as we were en route to the airport to fly from one part of Japan to another. My husband put his backpack on the overhead rack and I had this moment where I thought, "that's a bad idea. It has our international driver's permit and our train passes. He should stick it on top of his suitcase so he can see it at all times, like I'm doing. I'm sure he'll forget it." But then I remembered RP and I told myself, "I'm sure it will be fine. I won't assume he'll be forgetful. Japan is safe. It's more important he's respected."

Sure enough, someone stole the backpack from just over our noses and took our documents. It will effectively cost us over $1000 to replace everything that was taken, and it ruined a good part of our trip because we couldn't drive and you can't get the international permit within Japan. My husband has been in a slight funk for 4-5 days because of it- he loves road trips and driving was what he most looked forward to. He's now very homesick and just not really into the trip anymore. I tried to handle this as well as possible, I wasn't critical. I focused on what we could do instead, finding buses to take us to our destination and hiding my sadness at not being able to do certain activities I wanted. He commented on how sweet I was being about it.

I even apologized, because he doesn't normally travel with a backpack but he agreed to this trip because I suggested it. He's just not used to traveling with a backpack and having to keep an eye on it. He admitted he kind of didn't want to take the back pack to begin with, but he didn't want to challenge or disagree with me about it. (He read NMMNG a while back, but he still struggles with saying no to things.)

I feel like this problem could have been avoided if either one of us has been willing to disagree with the other - either him saying no, he didn't want to carry the backpack or me saying no, you should keep it within your sight. So I'm curious:

  • What are the criteria you use to decide if something is worth disagreeing with the captain about?
  • Is there any way you can frame disagreement so it doesn't like you're trying to question the captain's wisdom?