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What is it with women and their frame recovery after a breakup?

Reddit View
January 30, 2019


-She breaks up with me

-I ask “are you sure this is what you want?” She says “yes”.

-I respond with “Ok.” and go radio silent.

-10min later she sends me some stupid pic on IG, i dont respond.

-Next morning she says “Good Morning 🤗” with a text immediately after saying “oh wait..” I dont respond.

-20 minutes after that saying a bunch of shit now like “I hyu cause I honestly forgot about yesterday. I was just mad yesterday. I do want you, just not like this”. I’m still not responding.

1: Wtf is up with this? Isnt this what she wanted?

2: Am i doing this right?

First relationship/breakup.

Post Information
Title What is it with women and their frame recovery after a breakup?
Author illimit_ableman
Upvotes 160
Comments 75
Date 30 January 2019 02:12 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]effyouasshole314 points315 points  (30 children) | Copy

Its basically a nuclear shit-test. She dumps you, then sees if you're hurt about it. If so, you prove that she can do better than you, and it remains a permanent break-up. Otherwise, by signaling that you don't care, you project high value; hence, she wants you back. So yes, you are doing it right. Very right.

Shit-tests are a normal part of female interaction, but some types (like this one) strongly imply that she's going to be more work than she's worth.

I recommend that you demote her to plate status. Wait a couple days, then invite her over for sex.

I get the feeling you're new to RP theory, so you'll want to study up on how to spin plates, and how to hold frame. Otherwise, you'll get sucked into her frame and things won't go well for you (i.e.: high drama and no sex). In the meantime, game other women.

[–]raoko55 points56 points  (16 children) | Copy

I don't recommend spinning ex's. Done it once and it was constant shit test everyday. I had to break it after 6 months. Sex was great but sex is not worth it when the bitch is cray cray.

[–]alphabachelor16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. I’ve won ex’s back and experienced the same.

My read is they start to resent you for your frame (as all their other boyfriends acted like herbs) and have to break you to get back on top in their mind.

The best revenge is to keep them in orbit just close enough that they can see/know you’re spinning plates.

[–]omega_dawg9319 points20 points  (13 children) | Copy

they're all crazy.

[–]raoko12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

She was lvl 10 cray cray

[–]omega_dawg9322 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

but be honest, when they're THAT crazy, the sex is also crazy good.

[–]raoko12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

fucking touche

[–]ironchef-uk6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This man knows

[–]QueenSlapFight8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy

AWALT doesn't mean they're all identical. Just that they're all similar. Some are crazier than others.

[–]SICFJC0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]lokilis95 points96 points  (0 children) | Copy

This, emphasis on game other women

[–]airmcnair0612 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

I recommend that you demote her to plate status. Wait a couple days, then invite her over for sex.

I disagree with this, and here's why:

I get the feeling you're new to RP theory, so you'll want to study up on how to spin plates, and how to hold frame. Otherwise, you'll get sucked into her frame and things won't go well for you (i.e.: high drama and no sex). In the meantime, game other women.

Since this is his first breakup, he won't be able to effectively "spin" the one girl he's ever been with without getting sucked back into her vortex and getting comfortable again.

As you said, she seems not worth the trouble based on how quickly her behavior changed, so I'd recommend to just move on and save yourself the headache. Continue with the radio silence. Since this is your first relationship/breakup, I'd say don't even consider hooking up with this girl until you've had sex with someone else.

If op tries to spin her as a plate without an abundance mindset, it will end badly for op.

[–]GiraffeOnWheels0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely. Maybe a couple post break up sessions with her then get out when it starts crumbling.

[–]aanarchist5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not a lot of guys will be able to pull that off they'll catch feels again. It's better to just perma next her to keep your dignity up and hers down.

[–]Don_Draper2711 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I actually recommend that OP just hard next's this one.

In the position he's in, he can start with a clean slate and start implementing red pill principles.

He can use the emotions from the break up to "fuel" his drive into bettering himself and improving his life.

[–]wiffofass 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

I was redpilled and got oneitis for a chick. She smelled it and did a similar test. Even despite all the shit I've read on here I went beta as fuck and pretty much begged/asked her to reconsider (she was on vacation for a month). Then we ghosted each other until she came back and contacted me again and pretty much told me she knew we were gonna keep seeing each other. But the attraction was already dead. They want us to pass the tests.

[–]RichHomieCole6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Did something similar very recently. Learned the hard way. Oneitis can get you if you aren’t careful, and always be on the lookout for shittests, because they will come

[–]shedontmind 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

The power of oneitis can be fuckin biblical. I had been broken up from mine for YEARS. In the time since I had heaps of lays and a few relationships that I was in complete control of. I had been on the redpill for at least 2 years and in the best shape of my life when she re-contacted me. I was in town for a conference I go to every year and she hit me up. I figured, 'I got my shit sorted, rock solid frame, fit as fuck, why not take her for a ride'. Her texts were pretty flirty and insinuating a night of partying and sex. Even though everything seemed destined to succeed, I still braced my frame and mentally prepared.

None of this mattered. She destroyed me in every sense. Left me high and dry on her porch with a pitying hug. It was disgraceful. The next day I was just in awe of how I crumbled. This was 2 years ago and I'm in a great RP-dynamic relationship now, but holy shit life lesson. Never trust the oneitis, no matter far you think you've come.

[–]RichHomieCole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Amen. Can happen with old ones and even with new girls. It’s easy to start getting back in the unicorn mindset and thinking “she’s different” but AWALT is so true. She will shit test you, and you will fail if you aren’t prepared for it.

[–]HumbleRedPillStudent3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome replies here. It sounds like this girl was giving you drama disproportionate to her value, and has basically put you in the perfect position-- demoted herself to plate status.

Already those txts show her hamster firing up. Please, please for the love of God do not open up about your feelings. Enjoy the power-flip of this new dynamic and enjoy what will probably be hotter sex than you've ever gotten from her in your young life...when you're feeling it, if she's worth it.

Like they said, a week or two, then invite her over to "hang".

Get out of the house and start approaching other women now. Fire up the apps if you must.

[–]omega_dawg932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

this advice is spot on. OP read this slow and follow these instructions.

[–]nicyhasreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The moment a girl dumps me like that I plate her. Simple truth

[–]justnicepersonhater0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

wtf! i had it exact like that ! she after dumping checked if i will cling. i didnt react. she sent few more . i didnt cling at first but send too messages too much. then it became permanent breakup

fuck women logic

[–]WeddingCrasher9172 points73 points  (10 children) | Copy

All the advice you're getting here is gold. I was thinking maybe you should post it in relationship advice subreddit and see the vast gap in advice. Just for the lols

[–]effyouasshole71 points72 points  (5 children) | Copy

Top comment: "You just gotta COMMUNICATE more!!!"

[–]Andgelyo19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

“ I would talk to her and tell her that I’m mad, and didn’t like it. I would also tell her that I couldn’t sleep last night and remembered all the wonderful memories we had. Give her a call OP, tell her you miss her.” 🙃

I will never fucking take advice from random people on the internet except red pill members.

[–]WeddingCrasher912 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah. One of the stupid advise i took was to tell your girl you love her anyways when she denies sex

[–]Zakkaro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]i_forget_my_userids17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

You might be surprised. This behavior is toxic from most perspectives. You'll get a lot of "sever all ties and ignore" from all corners of Reddit.

[–]eucalipses5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was thinking maybe you should post it in relationship advice subreddit and see the vast gap in advice.

I did this experiment for you, screenshot: (I had to guess some ages.)

Here are the comments it received

The comments were unanimous and the same advice as this subreddit gave.

BUT -- you have to remember that that subreddit basically usually tells people to break it off.

then a moderator apologized to me in PM and said they don't do third-party posts, so they removed it.

I guess the advice isn't quite as firm as the advice here but pretty close. But as mentioned I think that subreddit is well-known for telling everyone to break up and go no-contact.

It was a fun experiment, but didn't have the results we expected. I was careful not to tag it either as "relationship" or "breakup" (but instead I tagged it as "dating" so as not to influence people). I PM'd the first couple of people who left comments (they didn't upvote it) thanking them for leaving a comment and asking them to upvote the submission so that maybe other people will see their comment and respond to it. That's how it got to 26 points, which is pretty good for a new post. (I asked 3 people, but those 3 points made a big difference, it started taking off.)

[–]WeddingCrasher918 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Appreciate the effort homeboy

[–]MisterRoid2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. It would be hilarious to compare the responses!

[–]icy_ghost9534 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re doing it right. You didn’t fumble the bag so the bitch wants you. Now it’s your choice but i would say to make her wait a bit, think of her bullshit ass action and make her lil hamster spin, and then hit her up for sex like my collegue up there proposed.

[–]josh_e_pants36 points37 points  (2 children) | Copy

Something sort of similar happened to me but on a much more dramatic scale and I didn't take the high road like you. We dated for four years, she was my first real GF and I was clueless about shit tests. We broke up but then suddenly she agreed to meet up after finding out I was using tinder. From her perspective, I made a convincing argument about how our relationship had been mostly great with a couple rocky patches, but I think it was probably her finding out I was trying to bang other girls that really did the trick. Under the pretense of potentially getting back together, I suggested we meet at one of the most expensive restaurants in town. Ugh. At one point, she shit tested me by saying that she would be "seeing someone", which she later said meant a psychiatrist. Hah. I demonstrated that I thought I couldn't do better than her by going into shock like a quivering little bitch, in a fancy restaurant. With me having failed the shit test epically, she left me with the huge bill. Like a month later I took a ferry to the states to buy her a cooler full of low calorie ice cream that you couldn't get here and she always wanted to try. I still can't believe that was me. She cut all contact because I was beta and had oneitis to the point of insanity. But, then I went on to bang a string of girls hotter than her and realized my SMV was about twice as high as I thought it was. And also the ansgt motivated me to get in better shape. I'm glad it ended but fuck am I embarrassed about how cringey my behaviour was.

[–]MisterRoid13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for sharing. That's some cringeworthy shit for sure, lol. But I think most of us here have been like that in the past. I know I have.

[–]nonutnovember771 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Around 6 months I was experiencing unbelievable neediness that I bought a friend girl (not a gf or an ex) a ticket from Greece to Germany in the hope of getting late. She didn't even take the plane (even though she said she would) I'm still on my dry spell but man the change in thinking and attitude I experienced in the last three months.. I was a complete joke

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten109 points110 points  (2 children) | Copy

Most young men think "closure" is a thing because they listen to what women say, which is retarded and you shouldn't do that.

Here is a tip: closure is when she successfully proves to herself you are a fucking loser she correctly chose to discard for the next best thing.

She is trying to chump you out. Maintain no contact and maintain hard next. If she is relentless over a few weeks, feel free to plate her at a STRONG arm's length.

[–]dgillz24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

closure is when she successfully proves to herself you are a fucking loser she correctly chose to discard for the next best thing.


[–]mineralranch6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wisdom right here. I don't know, maybe most of life isn't supposed to be tied up in a nice little bow. Maybe the only resolution necessary is moving on.

[–]MisterRoid25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy

I recommend not responding to texts like that at all. She should at least call you. If she does I think it's fine to answer the call, but even then keep it short and no serious discussions.

[–]AlexDD24 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Keep the call conversation short and meet. Remain silent face to face until she apologizes. You could also do something you enjoy while she's talking as to give her very little attention. Treat her like an annoying child. Do not initiate sex, instead let her do the first step. I personnaly like to resist until she almost begs for it.

[–]GiraffeOnWheels0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Went on a first date last week and told her I don't have sex on the first date. All night some of the best sex I've had. Recommend 10/10

[–]AlexDD20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Even better if you can make her guess without telling her.

[–]ImNotSue20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step back, and think about this for a second.

"I forgot I broke up with you."

Would any rational person think this statement makes any sense, or that the person speaking it is telling you the truth? Should we even have to consider and rationalize our answer 'no, it is not thruthful' by stating the obvious, that a breakup is a meaningful and emotional event which forgetting would be in the domain of the mentally unwell?

It is far more likely spoken for another reason. You need to not look at the words spoken as their face value, but the reason behind it. The mantras of 'this is a shit test', 'women are like children', 'women are driven by their hamster' and so on, they have some truth to them. Would it make sense that she is shit testing you? Or giving a childlike excuse for a behavior she is at fault for? Or would rationalize to herself and excuse for a rash behavior so she can avoid cognitive dissonance of her own actions? Or did she actually forget she broke up with you?

A lot of the advice here is good. Hopefully it will help you answer your own questions in the future as you grow.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do want you, just not like this

That's your easy tell this is huge shit test. Here she is literally saying she wants you to ask her to come back so she can put some conditions on it and turn you into a beta. This is a grab for your dignity and your balls. Whatever you do don't fall for this, everything else is secondary.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Why do you care what she wanted? Do what you want.

  2. Sure, close enough. Find other women. Busted people don't deserve relationships.

[–]scanfan20229 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't ever get back into a relationship with her. Continue no contact and proceed like she doesn't exist.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t even waste your time just move on

[–]midas446 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Answers, in order:

  1. ignore it.
  2. yes.

[–]PurpleSweetz8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is beyond female nature and shit tests - this is legit immature bullshit.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

At best it's a nuclear comfort test. At worst, she actually is loopy enough to think this an appropriate 180 to pull based on feels.

Could be either really. Dont stick around to find out.

[–]TheBlackAlistar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know you did it right when two years later she's still trying to throw feelers out to see if you'll reply.

[–]KlubTHEMinecarttrapb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, so there's a stidy that shows that women are ultimately hit more emotional than a man after a break up. However, they get over this quicker. The man, will always have this breakup experience deep in him, and it takes longer, if not forever to get over it. Doesn't exactly answer the question, but it's interesting and unfortunate nonetheless.

[–]goblinboglin3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seems like you have oneitis for her, if you are that concerned.

Honestly you don't want women like that in your life, indecisive and stupid.

Go for abundance mentality and get some new prospects mate.

Good luck

[–]idontevenlift370 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

They make decisions purely based on emotion. She doesn’t know how to control her feelings so she just goes wherever they take her no matter how drastically or quickly they change. I’m guessing you’re both relatively young too? Examples like this are why I think it’s laughable that some people think girls mature faster than boys. Edit: you did nothing wrong, actually quite surprised how well you handled your first relationship. Don’t respond to her if she keeps pestering you.

[–]Eldudearino891 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Especially when they start dating the guy they cheated on you with. That always cracks me up.

[–]Kpwn880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok. This is how it works. Modern women have been given unearned power, and because of that they do not know how to handle the power responsibly. This puts them in positions where they will abuse it in ways that screw themselves over royally.

In this case, she shot herself in the foot by breaking up with him. The reason I say this, is because now she has put herself in a lose-lose scenario. Basically, if he doesn't take her back, she will realize she fucked up and lost a high value male. If he does take her back, she will realize he is so low value she can break up with him and he will put up with it(i.e. the relationship is in her frame) Either way she's fucked. He's fucked too if he takes her back.

Message to OP: Do not think you can take her back and maintain frame by telling her, "next time it's over for good" This may work temporarily, but it is an ultimatum, which makes you look weak and controlling. Subconsciously, she will resent you and not even realize why if you do this. She will ultimately branch swing as soon as she finds another guy if you go this route. Ask me how I know.

You have two choices at this point:1. take her back and become her bitch, or 2. don't take her back and keep your dignity and know she will forever see you as "the one that got away".

[–]InsidiousCurve0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Emotional maturity with this one is real low lol. Test her by saying: "oh, I'm not that interested anymore...etc." If she doesn't apologize and accept the strength of your frame, then prob not a LTR.

[–]1walawalawa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had this situation with a few girls. They would break up expecting me to chase. I didn't. They would freak out and chase.

My mistake was to get back together. Don't make the same mistake.

Girls are emotional creatures but a break up is an extreme measure. She does this and you come back...and you've lost frame.

[–]red2hilt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP, it doesn't sound like it from the fact that she sent you an IG pic 10 minutes later, but could she have had some guy she was into and didn't want to cheat? However the timing doesn't really support this. just curious.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh I forgot that I put a downpayment on a house yesterday. I'm so random!

[–]TheGoblinTurkey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pls post every text she sends this is gold.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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