New guy here, found MRP about 2 months ago and have been reading everything, still in progress.
Married 6 years, 1 kid, wife is a stay at home mom, I own/run a successful business.
Lifts: bench 255, squat 385, deadlift 415, overhead press 185
Stats: 5 ft 10 - 205lbs Not sure about bodyfat but i'm fairly lean.
For the most part my life is excellent. My wife is a good wife and a great mother. Shit test come and go but nothing major. Sex about 3 times per week and is good, no complaints there either. House, business, finances are doing well and progressing as I've planned. So now to the problem...
Around the end of my first year of marriage sex started to drop off and my wife started acting kinda strange. Alarm bells went off and I had this gut feeling she was cheating on me. I dug in and tried to find out what was going on but I never got any conclusion. Out of frustration I eventually asked her straight out but she denied everything. The problem with that (outside of the stupidity of asking) is that she denied things I knew to be true so I lost trust.
While this was going on I spent more time on myself, my business and at the gym. Had I known about MRP back then I would have probably had a better game plan but all I knew was the gym so I did that. I never found any real evidence of her cheating but my gut won't let it go. No matter how much logic says nothing happened my gut insists that a women does not act that way for no reason.
Sometime after all this she got pregnant and then everything changed. I had little trust in her by then so I paternity tested my kid and I'm sure he's mine. Since I had no evidence I decided to move forward and to try and push this shit out of my mind. But it's been 4 years and I still regularly think about this. For me cheating is a deal breaker and my gut and my head are in constant conflict. I realize I will probably never know the truth but do I simply live with this?
Any guys out there dealt with this sort of thing? Do I need to squash my ego am I being an insecure bitch? I'm okay if she cheated, I would divorce her and move on but I hate the idea that she fucking cucked me and I'll never know the truth. This shit fuels some seriously intense gym sessions but I'm fucking tired of living in doubt. I'm not even sure what I'm asking cause I don't see a resolution but fuck this makes me angry... I'm tired of thinking about it so I'd thought I ask for another perspective.
I know I could go out a fuck some other chicks but at the end of the day I'd still be married to a women I don't trust. Loyalty is important to me so I wont do this but I've considered it and I don't think it would help. How do I stop thinking about things I'll never know the answer to?