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Newly separated and becoming tired with spinning plates...

by broneilbro | January 30, 2019 | askMRP

19 upvotes

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Gents,

I have been posting for the past year about the shit show of my life. Anyways I am about 2 months from finalizing my divorce because the kid is involved but I have been lifting, reading, and fucking like a new man. I have to say a lot of the doctrine here has given me a new focus and I am truly enjoying life again. I am being a better father to my daughter and focused on that relationship as I should have. Relationship with the STBX is straight logistics and no issues there even though she is trying to blame me for the divorce which I am amused by.

The new freedom of dating has been great. I have had plenty of dates and girls which I spun for a while and I would not waste my time like I would have been before. It's truly interesting seeing the dating world and women through the RP as a single man.

One issue that I am recognizing with myself is that my time is minimum as I am 50% time sharing and I find myself getting tired spinning 2-3 plates with the 3-4 nights that I have free to myself. I am following the rules on controlling time and presence with them. If they start complaining about not spending time with me, I let them go. It's a valid reason but at the same time I won't waste time on them.

I am having good results but I have to say it's sort of losing it's shine because getting slightly exhausted by it if those that know what I mean. I am cutting the number down to 1-2 in the stable but it seems like there is an urge to go LTR and not spin. The main plate is a solid plate but I am keeping her on her toes with varying dread and she is eating it up.

For those that have divorced and dated how did you stop this from creeping up? Shall I just put of dating for a while?


Post Information
Title Newly separated and becoming tired with spinning plates...
Author broneilbro
Upvotes 19
Comments 56
Date 30 January 2019 06:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/210556
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/alg1ad/newly_separated_and_becoming_tired_with_spinning/
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Comments

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret27 points28 points  (8 children) | Copy

The people who demonize LTRs just suck at bitch management. Plate spinning is mandatory because it teaches us how to say no, what we actually like, and how to exercise true abundance.

You can't be red if you didn't hit true abundance. Once you've had it, however, you're a man and can do what you want.

LTR because you want it and she's good enough = A OK. LTR because you are lazy or settling = fuck off and just do your own thing for awhile. Doing the latter is the fast track to going full beta bitch and re-fucking yourself.

Few things sadder than a guy who unfucks himself only to undo it all.

[–]broneilbro[S] 6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

Gotcha. Issue I’m finding is that younger girls like the “seeing older guy” until I tell them my daughter comes first and they throw a tantrum. It’s cute and amusing at the same time. They spin up on that.

Went on a few dates with a girl who I later found to be a single mom which surprised me by not doing the “independent single moms are the best!” Routine I have seen.

Appreciate the advice and I guess it is what I need to consider.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't have kids so salt my advice but I personally believe keeping women content and on a leash is mostly marketing.

If instead of saying "you'll never be as important" which is blunt and never going to stoke a fan club, market it as "I'm very selective and building trust with anyone takes time." this subcommunicates the exact same message while making her feel special and privileged to be in the running for such an important position.

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gotcha. The point I got a cross was that I’m selective because it’s just not me dating them it’s my daughter and I if it gets to that point.

Some girls wanted to see photos of my girl on the second date and play insta mommy. I had to check that if you understand.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Forgot about baby rabies. You do you playa sounds like your system works.

[–]CaliEd2565 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I was solo raising three kids (baby mama is 95% out of picture) and ran into same scenarios, especially when dating pre wall women (I’m 38).

Her - Omg it’s like SO WEIRD you have THREE kids.

Me - Don’t worry, you’re never going to meet them.

Insert young girl tantrum and a hard next. I personally was unable to find any women WITHOUT kids that met my qualifications for a LTR.

You might have a different outcome given that you only have one kid, but plate spinning does get boring.

When I met LTR, I was already spinning three plates and told her it might be awhile before we could meet. She looked me straight in the eye and said “You must be busy with all those different girls you’re fucking.”

Spat my beer across the bar and started laughing my ass off. Point being, even if they’re boring, having the plates around keep you sharp and provides social proof that you’re an Alpha stud.

Which plate was easier to get, the first or the third? Obviously the third because you’re so deep in abundance mentality that you DNGAF if she flakes on you.

TLDR - Plates keep your playa hand strong. Any LTR you get involved with starts off in YOUR FRAME, yearning to prove that she is better than all the rest.

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

That’s the thing with the girls. They know my schedule to a degree and so they try to lock down. One girl tried to schedule my next 3 weekends which I laughed at and said I have plans and she got offended like I was already hers. She is also the one that randomly showed up unannounced and it was a hard NeXT.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are these girls young? I’ve never had a woman show up unannounced, but I’m 38, women I dated were usually mid 20s to early 30s

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m 33. That girl was a 26 year old teacher who drove 30-40 minutes on a Sunday morning. She was lucky I had kicked one girl out about an hour before. I had told her weeks before that she crossed boundaries and withdrew. Guess she didn’t take the hint.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red9 points10 points  (10 children) | Copy

I had 6 plates when I was at my peak.

That was literally fucking exhausting. I was changing sheets more often than a 15yo boy.

Getting laid like a freak was my goal for a while.

I reached that goal, the squeezing became more difficult than gulping the juice, so I eased out.

Down to 2-3 plates and a sub.

Made my retirement dream my new mission.

Pussy is only important if you're not getting enough.

Nobody says you need to spin 3plates a week remain out of the clutches of betadom.

As long as you're doing shit with your eyes open, doing things for you, then what else do you need?

[–]CaliEd2562 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Why change the sheets? Fucking hysterical when they find some other girls hair in your bed.

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Same thought here, i like for the hamster wheel that is her mind to spin into oblivion.

[–]CaliEd2563 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

LTR used to text me before she came over “Who’s hair am I going to find today?” I dunno, they all look the same after awhile.

She also would have me tell her exactly how I fucked the other girl, and then bang her in exactly the same way. Same positions, say the same things, cum the same way. Cuckqueans are real.

[–]j_arbuckle20121 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

The vast majority of women get deeply, deeply aroused by the idea of their manly, Dominant man fucking and Dominating other women. This fantasy is so common that I fully believe that cuckquean is the default mode for 90% of women.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

No shit? 90% is a bold number. I’m not disagreeing, but wondering if you have any sources to back it up. 62% have rape fantasies, but wasn’t able to find any info on cuckqueans.

Makes sense with Hypergamous nature of women.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dread Game works about 90% of the time so that is pretty good evidence the vast majority of women are Cuck Queens or something very close. Certainly the vast majority of women get wet imagining their man banging other women. Competition get's the juices flowing and confirms that they have a man who is in demand and desired by other women.

Of course in the case of "cheating" the wife/GF still gets wet but, amazingly, we have discovered that women have conscious free will and can choose not to act on their arousal. Who knew?

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely agree.

“Women want a man that other women want to fuck.”

Cuckquean is just an extension of that RP truth.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Cumstains, wetspots, oil and sweat... don't you guys have messy sex?

And my sheets are all different sold colors... plates knew what was up, no words necessary.

One even mentioned I change my sheets more that any guys she's ever known...

"I like clean sheets."

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My current LTR likes it when I fuck her in the wet spot after the Tinder sluts leave. One-sided open relationship. She asks me if she should go get counseling because she likes it so much, I tell her "You're perfect, never change."

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hope Birth Control is in your control. That sounds like a woman who wants your sperm and an 'oops' waiting to happen.

[–]Imaginary_Historian7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't need to be seeing 3 women to have the abundance mentality, you just have to know that you can spin all those plates if you want to. If spinning a particular plate gets exhausting then don't spin that one at all.

For that matter you can have the abundance mentality while choosing to not date at all, and frankly that is the best choice a lot of times. I consciously chose not to date for months after my own divorce and it was one of the best choices I ever made.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

. If they start complaining about not spending time with me, I let them go.

So a girl showing her interest in the way they know how is instant game over. ?

Makes no sense to me.

[–]broneilbro[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry I meant that if they complain about me not coming out on the nights that I have my daughter and still complain, I next them. I’m upfront about the days that I have my daughter unless there is a special event, I’m off limits in that sense.

My daughter comes first to a plate in that sense.

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

she is trying to blame me for the divorce

It is your fault. It was your blue pill beta bullshit that caused her vag to dry up for you and get wet for Chad. If you don't internalize that we as men are key to both success and failure in our own lives and relationships, you are just gonna fuck up your next LTR.

Learn this before you start getting oneitis again and start thinking you found a unicorn. You'll get into another LRT and think she's the shit because while she's auditioning for wife, she is gonna act like she's "different than other women" "doesn't like drama" and "is cool with your ex and just loves your daughter" and impersonating a unicorn. Then, once your are whipped, the shit tests will start coming, you'll see the baby mamma's fighting, and you'll fail thinking it's not your fault and the next one will leave with another kid, cash, and prizes.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Completely agree with you. Shall I accept full responsibility for it based on living per the social norms? I am pretty much accepting it and moving forward with that mindset.

You are correct about ensuring the oneitis and avoiding it. Since I have been single, I had three of the many girls I've seen tell me they have fallen for me only after a few weeks. I realized how ugly this is given the fact that would have been me in the past (there is somewhat a ghost in me that would if she was a unicorn). I am definitely not rushing this and I know I have to reread the RP knowledge base to keep the knife sharp.

[–]JudgeDoom697 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I did the same thing early on. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement and want to go out every other night. Eventually you become sleep deprived, and it also can get expensive. So you start to burn out on it.

One option would be to pare it down to one or two plates for a while and slow down to one or two nights per week.

Also, there's no shame in getting into a LTR if you choose. There's virtually no risk of going back to Oneitis now that you have swallowed the red pill and you've seen first hand what a woman is capable of. Just remember AWALT and she's not yours, it's just your turn.

she is trying to blame me for the divorce

Of course she is trying to blame you. A woman's rationalization hamster allows her to talk herself into anything. It is just a mechanism to relieve herself of guilt for what she did while you were deployed.

Keep improving your SMV. That is the best revenge.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

because getting slightly exhausted by it

Suck it up.

And for this:

there is an urge to go LTR and not spin.

Dude. Take some time before jumping into a LTR. Did you unfuck yourself yet, or are you sprinkling a bit of alpha on it.

Because you don't want to be like Steve.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are right on both fronts. I think just the logistics is of having only 3 nights to spin is what is causing the “fuck it” mentality.

One plate whined constantly about the nights that I have my daughter and won’t concede and after the second time I dropped her.

I’m not looking for an LTR but having one plate at a time is enticing if that makes sense.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do whatever allows you to live the way you want to live. If that means one woman, then that's your choice. The whole point is that you make the rules for how you live your own life, not anyone else.

My current situation is married, one local plate that I see a couple times a month, and one out of town that I only see a few times a year. Just recently parted ways with another who moved away (military wife in an open marriage). Not in any hurry to replace her, nor am I looking for anything more from the others. I get plenty of pussy from my wife and the others are just for fun. As soon as it becomes more work than fun, it's time to cut it off.

For your situation, there is a middle ground between LTR and spinning. You can always cut down to 1 but still keep your options open.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is what I’m balancing. I have a lot going on but still it’s a new perspective and approach to relationships.

The girl hasn’t been really in a LTR because she’s just not into them, but when asked what we are in I just state “let’s just keep fucking and laughing, it’s over when that stops” she ate that up. No label but she’s a good balance so no real arguments.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most guys will feel drawn to a LTR as they get older. Now that you learned how easy pussy is, so much so that you turn it down on the regular, you’re in a much better mindset to adequately judge if a girl is worth a LTR. Most beta chumps jump at the first girl that spreads for them.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s what it is. Since I’ve gotten back the pussy has come easier than I thought but that’s because BP me would jump through hoops.

One first date some girl started laying out hoops and I looked at her and ended the date there. I walked out after paying my tab and she ran after me. She did the “nobody has done that.” Me “they should have” kept walking. She didn’t leave and fucked like a bitch in heat.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's not a race! 1-2 is perfectly fine to keep in the stable.

If you want to whittle it down to 1 and exclusive then this can be done if you have choices.

However, the grass is always greener! Is dealing with a couple plates REALLY more exhausting than dealing with a wife? Really?

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha completely agree with you. Hell dealing with the EX is like spinning a plate, but it definitely has the abundance in the back of the head. Idk if girls can sense it but not chasing them drives them crazy.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Biologically, it is a race.

Rollo Tomassi - Men's biological imperative is unlimited access to unlimited sexuality. (paraphrased)

Lizard brain wants to beat out all the other Alpha's.

But damn good point about the wife work.

[–]Redpillbrigade172 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Prioritize them. Distinguish for example between your main plate / LTR and FBs, and ONS if you’re into that.

Keep investing in time with your main plate but be ready for her to walk. Quality over quantity. Keep FBs on the side ALWAYS and never promise monogamy to your main plate, even if you end up de facto only having sex with her for long periods of time. Dread is real when options are on the table. Do that and you’ll never have to cheat. You’ll just go have sex with whoever you want.

You’ll have her the way you train her. Think of (and tell) your main plate she’s the queen of your harem and she’ll never stop pleasing you. Have her consciously or subconsciously be on the lookout for a third for threesomes.

Have fun! You are an alpha, <5% man.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is what I’m focusing on. The LTR one has more pluses than minuses (all girls have them) but the FBs seem to be rotating the eat pray love bullshit. They are cool with fucking and dating but I don’t see a anything long term. ONS are slightly hard because I have my daughter most of the good nights but not really my tea except had a couple tinders for a while.

[–]CaliEd2562 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m in a one sided open relationship, you can pull it off if you stay strong, and find a girl submissive enough to be into it. The plates will help you get there.

As far as ranking plates, it’s cliche but I put them all on the Hot Crazy Matrix. Plotted all the pussy out, it does help you rationalize it and keep any feelz away.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I sit there and analyze it. The one plate was maybe 8B 3C because she was cute but crazy that I couldn’t handle. Another is 7B and 7C but had no time. The current is 8.5B and 6C as she has some stuff she’s working on but it’s nothing I can’t deal with.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you’re actually tired, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re bored that’s a different issue,

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, it’s a more of “I know I want more but maybe I’m bored to a degree?” Maybe a change in scenery will work and some new strange.

[–]framelessglasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are still knee deep in the dreaded "getting divorced mentality" as noted by your statement:

though she is trying to blame me for the divorce which I am amused by

That you even care enough to mention this is a big blue flag.

Keep dating, and avoid LTR's until you get past this bullshit thinking.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Mommy, I’m tired.

Get your T checked.

[–]CaliEd2562 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you ever spun this many plates? And I mean recently, not 15 years ago or in your young 20s.

I had four plates going last year, most Saturdays I would drill three of them in one day. It’s fun as fuck, but it is absolutely physically and mentally exhausting.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s life in a split family. You haven’t even scratched the surface; wait until you meet a professional chick that’s a high performer at work or a Doctor. Then you’ll see how much effort scheduling requires.

It gets pretty easy once you get to the mental place where you aren’t interested in plates. You’ll still find plates while you’re looking for an LTR, but, but it becomes very clear how to sort through we. That are a waste of time. Much easier to identify and pursue the high value one’s with purpose than fuck around hoping a plate turns into something real.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was dating a Resident doctor who was working weird schedules. I really didn’t get expectations or panties in a bunch when she would be late or flake. It was to hear a breath of fresh air but she would say things like “Why don’t you get upset that I don’t show up” shrugged shoulders and replied “if you do you do you don’t you don’t” she was perplexed by my dgaf “but I always have a plan b” casual wink. Blew her brain up. She found out she was getting transferred to Miami and we knew it wouldn’t work.

I do find myself more able now to see through bullshit that they sling. It’s something I wish I would have had years ago but new life started 12-15...



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