It's all fairly simple. The rope has been tightening over the last 3 months and I'm looking for a way to lead my wife in a different direction over time and would like to know from others who might have encountered this situation.
My wife is a hard working woman, good drive to get house stuff done, but has slacked over the last year and is now picking back up good wifely duties in the last 3-4 months again. She is neat and tidy (somewhat OCD at times) and since the rope has been tightening over the last few months I've watched her actions and observed the following:
- Six months ago, I just took over everything. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, getting kids to school. It had to be done.
- She bought a planner and began managing her week/days more effectively, although she's not that great at it, she's trying.
- She is eating more, and trying to gain weight (she is very very underweight now)
- Always generally receptive to my affection, offers affection herself when I don't
- Laundry has improved greatly. Always done.
- She cooks 5/7 nights a week, up from me cooking 75% of the time
- Generally happier, more energy to play with the kids
- Living in her feminine frame rather than my captain/masculine one about 90% of the time.
- Spotless home. Good cleaning, overall doing her wifely duties and chores without complaint or abandon.
- Never shit tests me on chores anymore (I'm OYS here)
- Sex is currently 2x week. It will start as starfish 50% of the time, I can lead her out of starfish 75% of the time. Better quality and slightly more quantity than 6 months ago, but still a long way to go.
She still complains a couple of times a week about how she is failing as a wife/mother (down from everyday) - so I reward all of these positive steps enthusiastically when it's warranted to build feelz. All of these actions I have been pleased with, except sex is still not as often or enthusiastic as I'd like. Although I can appreciate all the things that she is doing, she has not upped her game in the bedroom in the same way that she has outside of it.
She seeks my praise/validation: "All the laundry is done!" "I'm going to cook dinner in a bit. I hope it's not too spicy for you." "I washed your shirts and hung them up" "I got this for you like you asked". I can ask her nearly anything and she'll put her mind to it and do it for me.
She is very submissive with asking permission from me for almost everything in her life. Taking a break, watching the kids if she needs to go grocery shopping, looking into a new hobby, or what's for dinner. She asks for my input and
permission on EVERYTHING. She will comply with simple commands (get me coffee, grab me something from the room, pick me up something at the store while you're out, etc).
I have been working extremely hard the last month on building genuine emotion within our relationship and it has improved greatly on her submissiveness. She is settling into her feminine frame. She is always generally receptive to any affection I offer and will seek out affection sometimes if she hasn't had it all day. Or she will comfort test to get those feelz.
I have over the last 6 months been in a process to create my slut, which she is receptive to once I have her in the bedroom and leading with DEVI. She is very submissive in the bedroom generally and nothing is off limits. Initiations have gone from 40% to 75%. I initiate about every other day when I feel like it. If we don't fuck that day, we usually do the next day or so.
How do I go about leading her positive energy into other areas that I desire more? I suspect dread is the answer, but would like input from others who have experienced this before.
TLDR; Wife is improving after watching me do so for over 6 months. Rope is tightening. Making positive changes with my leading. Only area not improving at the same pace is the bedroom. I'm willing to be patient. I realize this is a process, so I don't want to go Rambo (again). Dread level is probably 5-6, but I suck at withdrawing my time/attention since most "no's" are at bedtime.