How to handle girl mentioning her past boyfriends?

HurricaneHugues · 2020-09-07T10:41:47+00:00

Listen dude. Dating girls is all about letting them put themselves in their own boxes. Do not Police their behavior, do not be judgemental. Let them be their natural selves around you, and you only have to treat them how they act. If they act respectful and respectable, treat them with great respect. If they're a little loose goosy on their morals, have your fun with them but don't invest yourself. It's that simple.

Girl wants to keep talking about her ex any chance she gets? Let her. Just focus on getting your dick in her mouth and that's it. Let her think about her exes, she ain't yours. The key is to not start fantasizing about the future with them. Becayse then you will feel too invested and any trashy behavior from them will feel incongruent with your fantasy. Let them be themselves. They are the ones who disqualify themselves.

mrpoopistan · 2020-09-07T04:36:18+00:00

This is an attempt to demonstrate value. She wants to show you that she's in-demand.

I usually try to find a funny way to put the whole story down without being too much of a dick. Years ago I dated a chick who told me she had fucked an NFL player. Without missing a beat, I told her, "Punters don't count."

Also, she's probably signalling some risk-taking behaviors. That's usually a greenlight.

Project_Zero_Betas · 2020-09-07T04:17:47+00:00

Shes trying to qualify herself for you if shes doing it sparingly. If its constant than next because it means shes comparing you to her past.

WIA20XX · 2020-09-07T12:30:52+00:00

You already know what you should do, Put your god damned foot down.

But you're not gonna do it. I know it. The sharp dudes here know it.

I'm dating this girl and first date went pretty cool. She insisted on splitting the bill.

I like her looks and she seems pretty smart and educated. Anyhow, she keeps bringing her ex-boyfriends into discussion

You wrote her good qualities first, not what annoys you first. That's telling. You already value this chick more than your own concerns ON THE FIRST DATE.

This broad is already setting the agenda. Already got you reacting to her bs.

You're the leader, so LEAD.

If she doesn't want to cooperate, let her walk.

Dudes talking about how to finesse the situation are trying to hit you with blue pill relationship stuff.

No.

This is the red pill. The Man sets the agenda. He values himself. His needs must be met first, before the needs of others.

It might sound harsh. It might go against everything you've been taught about fairness - and guess what - it is harsh, it's not fair. But that's how the world works.

You can continue to be an emotional hostage of your own making, or you can fight for your freedom.

This is your first big test.

Can a I tell a chick that she's annoying the fuck out of me? That she needs to knock it off. That she needs to self edit? That I'm not going to engage in her bullshit?

Take back the frame.

Good luck

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-09-07T08:51:19+00:00

Women tend to “narrate” their lives. Pay no mind. At some point rhetorically ask, “Do I need to hear abt other men?” She should get the hint. If she gets defensive or uppity, say That was a rhetorical question. It’s not for you to answer, it’s for you to think about.”

DrunkOldBear · 2020-09-07T09:04:03+00:00

Just don't do as I did by marrying her. The exes thing won't just popup more frequently but will also be a constant problem. And wanting it or not, you will be sleeping with all of them, waking up with all of them and basically living with all of them.

WhatRemainsAfter · 2020-09-07T10:46:25+00:00

She is carrying baggage from past relationship.

Chances are if you date her and get serious, you too will end up being emotionally damaged.

Keep her as a plate. Nothing more.

Yoramus · 2020-09-07T09:22:51+00:00

Ask her calmly a simple question. Do you miss your exes?

If she says yes, leave. You don't want to be in a relationship with a woman who misses other partners. She may amend that afterwards but it's for you to decide.

If she says no ask her: When will you stop bringing them up? What will make you stop that? Now how to continue will depend on her response.

rhofire · 2020-09-07T08:45:04+00:00

[deleted]

TXJohn83 · 2020-09-07T06:38:58+00:00

It depends on the context she could be trying to place you on a pedestal, or trying to sell her value. But, take a step back and look at her, it is a common BPD behavior and if she has more red flags you need to run.

The 'fix' is you need to ignore that shit, 'oh that's nice', or ask her about herself, you have a few options, but if you can't get her to stop then soft next.

rad_dynamic · 2020-09-07T07:55:16+00:00

Personally I see this as she is trying to make you feel better than him and is subtly trying to get into another relationship

benhurensohn · 2020-09-07T04:28:17+00:00

[deleted]

XXXMersenne · 2020-09-07T08:45:26+00:00

Just tell her to shut the fuck up about them.

or flip the script & start yapping nonstop about your (imaginary) past lovers.

Dara rode dick as smooth as that merry go round
Pensioner Mrs Jones used to live next door, every weekend she'd take her dentures out and give me seizure inducing sloppy toppy
You're not as fat as my ex-ex. Good job.

You're not butthurt if you tell her to stop, it's just annoying—talk about something else bitch. That's it.

SteveStJohn · 2020-09-07T10:48:07+00:00

Whether she's shit testing, still hung up on her ex, or trying to qualify herself to you doesn't matter. Your reaction is the same: amused mastery.

beefstockcube · 2020-09-07T11:34:28+00:00

"If you want to add yourself to a list of Ex's keep talking, it's great you can take a dick but I'm not so interested in how you practiced"

Personally, the second part is a bit strong for me but I have said the first part - jovial but stern. Then close it down when she starts apologising with the "sorry I didn't realise BS" "Yeah well you are welcome to crawl back to one of them anytime".

She does it again bail.

I'd say it's validation, misplaced. Trying to create "I'm in demand" without realising it does the exact opposite. She may have been but that's past tense.

madr1401 · 2020-09-07T11:53:43+00:00

Obviously she hasn't moved on. Tell her that you're more about the present. Learn new things with her. And make her understand that she's made the right choice and her ex was a mistake. Show her how much better you are than her ex

Bungeeeeee · 2020-09-07T12:35:23+00:00

Ignore/pay no mind. So did you try to fuck her or what? She's at most plate material and you should have gone for ons there instead of waiting and then thinking about her and then even writing a post. Investment over the roof.

beginner_ · 2020-09-07T14:13:44+00:00

Your problem is probably scarcity mentality. She looks good enough to put your dick in put you lack the abundance to simply move on because you don't like her behavior.

You don't tell her to stop. Either you are compatible or not. Purely subjective and I understand totally it's annoying. If you had several similar looking chicks lined up, you simply wouldn't care and move on.

NO_TIP_JUST_SHAFT · 2020-09-07T08:12:24+00:00

I dated a girl once who was very into me and she started talking about her past relationships a lot as well. I would just sit there and nod, she kept talking non stop. In hindsight, it just gave her a real good dopamine rush to talk so much and she also hoped I would start sharing my past as well with her.

akihonj · 2020-09-07T08:58:47+00:00

A few things have been suggested and I'm going to put my two cents in as well.

I'm making a lot of assumptions here so you can either agree or not it's your choice.

If for example she's saying things like hey my ex used to drive that car, he was number two, them my ex used to drive that car, which is better than the other one but still not as good as yours then the same thing about jobs, music etc.

Then what you have is essentially the sleeping her way to the top kind of girl, she's a social climber. She's dating guys within social circles who can elevate her, so that I'm a few years she will meet somebody who will be better looking than her, but no too much, successful enough to fund her life and she won't have to work nor worry about student debt.

Plus she will be high enough within the social hierarchy that she will have done better than her parents.

Obviously this is all an assumption based off the little bit here. However these women are almost always the kind who climb high enough and enjoy a charming life until they find out they were married to a guy who slept with a friend, and then go through the divorce thing and eventually end up contacting an old flame through FB and settling at their actual level.

So if this is right then I'd suggest you take some time, do you want to be a run on the ladder for her knowing what's coming down the track as soon as she meets somebody within your circle who can further her along.

Jasperthekitteh · 2020-09-07T13:42:27+00:00

She is giving you massive hints about how shitty her exes were so pay attention.

jackandjill22 · 2020-09-07T15:59:57+00:00

pialox · 2020-09-08T01:00:32+00:00

Reframe: Just start mentioning things about your ex-boyfriends

Title	How to handle girl mentioning her past boyfriends?
Author	rutluv
Upvotes	104
Comments	72
Date	September 7, 2020 4:15 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/io0p6e/how_to_handle_girl_mentioning_her_past_boyfriends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-handle-girl-mentioning-her-past-boyfriends.212669 https://theredarchive.com/post/212669