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Female thinking vs. Male thinking in an LTR

by dll142 | February 11, 2019 | askMRP

111 upvotes

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My experience with the red pill has taught me more about the behavior of women in the last six months than my first 40 years on the planet. I’m QUICKLY learning A LOT on here and in this journey, I want to share my experiences to help and to keep improving on myself. One behavior that I have noticed is what I refer to the MACRO vs. MICRO principle. I will do the best to explain my thoughts and experiences and want to hear your takes and experiences on this subject as well.

Most men experience and do relationships from a MACRO standpoint. I define marco as the big picture, considering things such as overall long-term feeling trends. Examples of this type of thinking are long term personal growth trends, relationship equity (this is a big one), future or forward looking, prioritizing logically, beginning with the end goal in mind and looking at the ALL OVER sum of actions that get you there, and value of personal growth. These traits I describe are all masculine traits that we all strive to gain and develop in our MAPs. For example, if you and I have been friends for a long time, assuming we have a good rapport and trust each other, I can screw up and do something you find offensive, but we can quickly come to a reconciliation and understanding, then move on. You may be pissed at me, but you will look at my past behavior (i.e. relationship equity) and draw your conclusions about me and our friendship based on that. I can count on that and you will value and continue our friendship based on “how good of guy I am and always was.”

Women on the other hand tend to think on a MICRO level. They see interactions and experiences on how it makes them feel in a particular moment AND it’s almost ALWAYS tied to an emotion. For example, if I do something that pisses my wife off and irritates the hell out of her, she will feel like I was ALWAYS bad, ALWAYS behaved like that, and will assume that is the way it will continue. She will rant, she will bitch, and call me an asshole. It doesn’t matter if I was James Bond for the last three years and been “perfect” in every way, if I fuck up in her eyes THAT DAY, I’ve always been a fuck up. Then, days later, I can have fun with her, be playful, show her a great time, and kino effectively (i.e. give her positive feelz), then she’ll fuck my brains out and lay with me afterwards and tell me how much she loves me and wants to be with me forever. This behavior can seem alien to a man, because it is, and we don’t think this way. Women deal in irrationality and in the moment. The way they feel right now is their validation of their entire reality. It is one way this day, and different another.

THAT is a huge reason that arguing with woman in a fit of rage is completely pointless. They honestly don’t give a fuck about your past behavior or how good of a husband you are. They NEVER want to validate you either (I’ve learned that too). They almost seem cruel and downright amoral. I’ve made the mistake in the past of arguing with my wife. DEERing is the absolute WORST thing you can do. It puts you in a position of submission. I admit, I have struggled with this behavior, and still do on occasion. It is a hard one to kick, but it is essential. When you DEER, she sees (in that moment) a weak man… then her female mind draws that conclusion that he’s showing weakness… therefore he must be and has always been weak… I have a BETA bitch on my hands and I’m not fucking that!

That is another reason she will test. Her mind is a turbulent chaos. Our minds can be that way too, BUT most of the time we are able to tell ourselves that what we are feeling in the moment, is NOT an accurate reflection of the MACRO or big picture. We feel the MICRO, but are capable of subordinating that feeling to a value and thinking, “If I act on this, what will that do for the big picture as a whole?” In an example not in the context of marriage, sometimes we’ve all had rageful moments where we’d like to punch our boss in the face for being a dick, but we don’t because we know it would be detrimental to our long-term future. That’s the thing, in the context of your marriage, your wife doesn’t give a fuck OR think about how her negative MICRO or momentary feelings effect you, she just feels the uncontrollable urge to “unload” that on you, so she’ll feel better. That is her nature… accept it if you want to get or stay married. That is the hardest thing for me to understand and wrap my head around.

Women need to feel these emotional swings, in fact they crave it. This concept is called fractionation. It’s ironic that this very chaos, which we as men find baffling, is one key element that gives her the feelz and turns her on. It would torture us, and we’d probably beat someone’s ass for doing this to us, but women need us to do this to them. Those MICRO swings are the fractionation she needs (and your relationship) needs to create interest and desire in her.

I’m going to use another metaphor to illustrate my point. This same universal principle can be seen in the stock market, especially in short term traders vs. long term investors. Most of us think big picture while investing. We invest in good companies and stocks, hold them for a long time and sell them years down the road at a nice profit. This is MACRO or masculine thinking. Assuming it was a good investment in a good company, looking at the chart over a period of years will show an overall uptrend and positive growth. However, if you look closely at and zoom in on the line (daily level), it’s not smooth and always up trending. On a closer or MICRO level (day to day) it may have down trended and lost money over a given short period. For example, If you had solid research and you KNEW the company in which you were investing was solid long term, then you paid attention to and got sucked into the doom and gloom every day drama on the MSNBC and Fox Business channels saying “the stock in XYZ company is down today and yesterday and we don’t know why… traders are dumping it short term and it’s taking a hit.”, you may have gotten emotional and sold at a loss, or not have realized the gains you could get long term.

In conclusion, what I’m trying to say, assuming you have a good wife or picked a good wife (which any woman that is not a BPD or psycho can potentially be a good wife), she is STILL going to throw those MICRO fits and make the stock in your company (i.e. your LTR) take a small down blip. If you give in, panic, and “sell” (i.e. get sucked in and DEER), you will lose. That behavior pattern in investing and in your LTR will make you a loser in the long run. Are there times you would select a stock in your portfolio that you initially thought was good, then for some reason or another changed for the worse, or turned out to be bad company to begin with? Sure, then you’d dump that stock and move on. See your wife or LTR the same. Watch for the long term behavior patterns and discount the short term shit fits. She is a woman. She will throw short term shit fits, but her goal, be it conscious or unconscious, is to validate your strength and leadership. Woman NEED validation, you must understand that. That is why they HATE when you seek that from them. Shit testing is validation seeking. It is a feminine behavior at is core. It embodies insecurity (the opposite of confidence). Women find security and confidence attractive because they are masculine traits. That creates polarity, which leads to long term happiness for both you and your wife.


Post Information
Title Female thinking vs. Male thinking in an LTR
Author dll142
Upvotes 111
Comments 35
Date 11 February 2019 04:34 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/215403
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/aphzxz/female_thinking_vs_male_thinking_in_an_ltr/
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Comments

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid. Ironically, I wrote a similar post yesterday, and I deleted it on accident. Your post is better than the one I wrote.

But, yes... a lot of men view women as a “mystery,” but if they understand a few key principles (this is one of them- that a woman’s current emotion is her reality), understanding women actually becomes simple.

[–]mrp_awakening11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, to a woman feelz = realz.

As far as validating goes... if you're having to be validated by her, than how valuable is your validation to her when she needs it? Your validation will be worthless if you yourself need validation. If your validation is worthless, she'll seek validation elsewhere.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine24 points25 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good post.

“They honestly don’t give a fuck about your past behavior or how good of a husband you are”

Yes. It’s “what have you done for me lately?” That’s why MRP says to add the words “right now” after everything she says she feelz... Their feelz are fluid as fuck, constantly changing, relative.

“That is the hardest thing for me to understand and wrap my head around.”

Me too. After I got it, I understood the saying about them acting like teenagers.

Edit:

“That creates polarity, which leads to long term happiness for both you and your wife.”

Yes. Traditional gender roles WORK. As soon as the husband starts acting like his wife’s needy gay best friend, it’s over.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy

The Way of the Superior Man goes into what you're calling the macro vs. micro. He elaborates on how the feminine will judge the masculine on its behavior and integrity right now and not from the track record of behavior and integrity. Regardless of how awesome you were in the past, you will be judged as you are and make her feel in this moment.

As you said, this might be unsettling for a man, however there is a significant advantage here as well. If you've been fucking up for years, then it doesn't really matter, because you can get your shit together right now and she'll start to react.

Men go through life alone and happily shouldering the burden of performance. That is our lot in life, and we should embrace it as such.

[–]dll142[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right on brother... before red pill, I was aware of this "shouldering the burden of performance" and used to be angry about it.... it ended up being a contributing factor in my divorce from my first wife. (one of many). I am now remarried and I have a "good" relationship, BUT I understand that it will only be "good" as long as I am leading and performing, and that I'm being judged in the right now.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

As you said, this might be unsettling for a man, however there is a significant advantage here as well. If you've been fucking up for years, then it doesn't really matter, because you can get your shit together right now and she'll start to react.

I have my shit together at the moment but my wife can't stop bringing up the past. The way I am right now doesn't mean shit if she gets anxious or angry with herself because she will have to hamster a reason as to why she is the way she is and its usually my fault.

Yesterday she brought up the fact that I told her family they couldn't come over randomly because its my house and I hate fucking pop-ins. I didn't care if they came from a different state, I still need a heads up. It happened 10 years ago!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have my shit together at the moment but my wife can't stop bringing up the past. The way I am right now doesn't mean shit if she gets anxious or angry with herself because she will have to hamster a reason as to why she is the way she is and its usually my fault.

Yesterday she brought up the fact that I told her family they couldn't come over randomly because its my house and I hate fucking pop-ins. I didn't care if they came from a different state, I still need a heads up. It happened 10 years ago!

I'd argue this is because something you're doing is giving her bad feelings, but she doesn't know what it is. So she reaches into the past to rationalize why she feels bad toward you now. That is probably one of the strongest negative memories she has of you, so it's the simple thing to grab.

She senses a disturbance in the force as you're becoming less codependent on her (with your recent reading), and/or you're properly DARE-ing instead of DEER-ing. Just treat her bringing up the past as another shit test; she's testing whether or not this new you is around to stay, or if this is just a temporary change meant to appease her. You're going to have to stay the course and let the 1000 ft. rope get taut.

[–]Kpwn883 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just treat her bringing up the past as another shit test

This. She is bringing up the past to see if it will rattle your frame. If it does, in her mind it is still there and it is still your weakness you haven't overcame. The way through this is fogging, amused mastery, and agree and amplify. Let her see it's in the past, you've moved on, and you don't care if she hasn't.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like it

[–]paterfamilias785 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed.

TLDR; women hold grudges and are attracted to emotionally stable men.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Then, days later, I can have fun with her, be playful, show her a great time, and kino effectively (i.e. give her positive feelz), then she’ll fuck my brains out and lay with me afterwards and tell me how much she loves me and wants to be with me forever.

This is exactly what has happened to me and I thought i was going crazy. One day I am the best husband in the world and the next I am a giant piece of shit that she can't stand being with for another second because I did something that reminded her of something I did in the past.

My wife brought up some shit from 10 years ago yesterday. How the fuck do they keep track of all this useless info without forgetting how to drive or something? Oh wait, maybe its why they are such shit drivers.

[–]mrp_awakening5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

One day I am the best husband in the world and the next I am a giant piece of shit that she can't stand being with for another second because I did something beta that reminded her of something beta I did in the past.

Fixed that for you. Simple solution... stop being beta.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fantastic solution, I wish I had thought of that sooner. Fuck me.

[–]cheesewindow1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great post. I studied Economics at University and this subject is split into two sides. Macro Economics and Micro Economics. While I'm no expert at all, I do have an interest.

The Macro side = Money supply, price controls, taxation, employment, markets. Fiscal policy, monetary policies. This gives you an overall picture of how the world/country works financially. How to give the country a better standing and planning long term for the future.

The Micro side = eg. Theory of the firm. How the single company interacts within the market and the wider guidelines.

Macro = More Vision for the country (relationship)

Micro = More Vision for the firm (single person)

Stacks up.

[–]ddiogenesofsinope1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Great post.

The way in which she reacts in the micro realm can be used to your advantage in that you can make her do anything as long as you give her the feels.

[–]dll142[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks.... the hardest part is not getting sucked into the shit storm during those micro bursts

[–]trpgeorge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How the fuck do u make those feelz come out

[–]hippagun1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man you just read my mind ..I was literally thinking about why women act this way after a big fight yesterday where she bashed me left and right and when I told her she was hurting me with her choice of words ..she just asked me to STFU and don’t play a victim 😅..this morning she woke up and called me as if nothing had happened..

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Every - fucking day- is a fresh reset.

Best version of yourself, by the fucking minute, about sines it all up

All you fucking retards out there .... lift, AA/AM.

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can't say enough about lifting.... it makes you healthier, look better, increases testosterone, and psychologically makes you more confident.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good post, it highlights the need to reset every day and not let yesterday's shit cloud today.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Feel free to post this in the main sub.

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.... I consider it an honor

[–]mtwinemn0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I've seen a few of my friends respond to their wives with tone and words that they aren't going to put up with their shit. I think the constant nit picking can get old especially when you no longer are looking for validation or don't give a fuck what she thinks, you're simply just tired of hearing it.

I've been recomping my body for the last month and a half. BF down to 10%. Disciplined not to miss a workout. Wife told me that her friend even commented to her that I'm looking jacked. Didn't seem to get her hamster running in fact just more bitchiness. Some say don't DEER but I think that is just as much as a pedestal standard. Sometimes a good "you're acting like a bitch" or "I'm not dealing with your shit" needs to be said.

[–]LghtrThrstngGods1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So she's not reacting as you would have wanted to your being jacked.

What's that called in the side bar reading again?

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are you a large cap buy and hold (LTR) type of guy or an IPO flipper (plates)?

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm an LTR guy. I've spun plates in the past and it was super fun, but wanting an LTR is a personal preference for me.

[–]doubleoseddon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with this in many ways but I also keep thinking about how my wife is pragmatic and I am a romantic. If we argue, I am the one who responds emotionally and she is the one with a calm and long view. So when we argue and she defaults to the way you just described, it’s always wrong-footed me and confused the hell out of me. So... thanks for this post - it’s helped me to understand and maybe I’ll be able to navigate conflict better in future.

[–]madwill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So what the hell is DEER?

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Defend Explain Excuse Rationalize

[–]u-had-it-coming0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Eye opener.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On the flip side - this is partially why men take so long to recognize and leave ( or change ) a bad but not overly acutely toxic relationship.

That and hoping for pussy I guess.

[–]soainhuso0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you so much.

This gave me so much insight.



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