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Do things change when baby is born vs. when your SO is pregnant?

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February 7, 2019
11 upvotes

Right now me and my pregnant SO are living together.

I have 2 main problems that I feel might change when the baby is born in 4 months.

  1. Sex of course. Right now she's taking a bunch of vitamins / meds and it's messing with her sex drive. She doesn't show any passion or desire for me and it sucks. One time we were making out and I went down to finger her and she was dry. We were having sex often before she was pregnant and at times her sex drive was higher than mine. Will her sex drive come back after the baby is born?
  2. She's overwhelmingly clingy and needy. She wants to be around me at all times. She'll follow me around the house. This morning I decided to go to work early. 2 hours early. I am heading out of town for the weekend so I had stuff I had to pack into the car. Right now we are sleeping in separate rooms in separate beds because both beds are full size and 1 full size bed isn't big enough for both of us. (King size bed arriving this weekend) Anyways she notices that I get up early, goes to lay down on my bed, and watches me come in and out of the room while I'm packing stuff. I'd come back into the room, she'd put her phone down, and then watches me move about the room. It was more creepy than cute.

It's frustrating having her want to be around me this much and keeping it all non-sexual. I still find her attractive so having her trying to cuddle me and smother me is like smelling a juicy hamburger and not being able to eat it.

So my questions, does the sex drive come back after baby is born?

and does the neediness / clinginess also go away when the baby is born due to her needing to put all her attention and time on the baby?

This is my first kid so I'm completely clueless. Please share your experiences.


Post Information
Title Do things change when baby is born vs. when your SO is pregnant?
Author gioxcas
Upvotes 11
Comments 64
Date 07 February 2019 06:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/217452
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ao6vkg/do_things_change_when_baby_is_born_vs_when_your/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando24 points25 points  (10 children) | Copy

One thing that always brings back a woman's sex drive after having a baby is the desire to have another baby.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dangerous territory my friend.

[–]gioxcas[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

I'll keep this in mind but will wrap the fuck up next time!

[–]awyden19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

It’s been said here that all bets are off when she is pregnant. She’s about to give birth to a child. Of course she’s clingy. She feels fat, bloated, unsexy, and of course scared and worried. What are you doing to pass these comfort tests? Now is the time to be an oak. Don’t OD on red pills and be an asshole.

[–]gioxcas[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I searched "pregnant" on the search bar and am now going to read previous posts.

What are you doing to pass these comfort tests?

Of course I just maintain frame and act as her rock. Whenever she's worried about something I'll stay calm and tell her not to worry about it. I give her long hugs and cuddles but some times it's so overwhelming that I have to pull back to essentially catch my breathe.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is a HUGE difference between being the oak and the rock. You need to know the difference.

OAK = gently sways in the wind of her storms, and is there.

ROCK = doesn't move a fucking inch in her storms, doesn't fucking care if it's there.

[–]BurnedRemains0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol fuck I OD on redpills daily. Rip me.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret14 points15 points  (8 children) | Copy

Who the fuck knows...Her hormones are going crazy, and she's a woman, so that could change by this afternoon. Worry more about yourself... Stay focused on your needs and getting them met. I wish I'd known RP principles when my wife was pregnant...she smiled in the Dr's office at 2 months when he told us she couldn't have sex (twins & high risk pregnancy). It was my low point as a man seeing her thrilled that she didn't have to fuck me for 7 months.

3 years later and me being a better version of myself, my needs are met with enthusiasm. If I had that pregnancy to do over, Id have lifted like a mother fucker, read like crazy, provided some comfort (she is carrying your child) and let dread do it's job...if you are a valuable man, she'll want to fuck you whether she's pregnant, menopausal or whatever. If she doesn't... You have options.

[–]gioxcas[S] 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Stay focused on your needs and getting them met.

How do I do this if her passion and desire are gone right now? The doctor did tell us during the first trimester to avoid sex for 4 weeks but that was a few months ago and she's been able to have sex but just doesn't want to.

I guess I could still max my looks and SMV and just wait for the next 4+ months.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

You can't control what she will do... Only your actions. Try to be attractive (be the oak) and don't be unattractive. Keep initiating - recognize that her body is changing and she probably hugely self conscious about it, so offer some comfort - game her, let her know she's sexy...make it known that you still want that ass.

[–]gioxcas[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was doing that for a while but recently stopped gaming her when she displayed a lack of sex drive. I pulled back and focused on other things but I was essentially applying dread game which I've learned just recently that dread game is a bad thing to do to your pregnant SO.

I might need to be more verbal and "ask" for blowjobs / handjobs so I could at least get some relief even though I feel like "asking" for sex is beta and a little sad but it's better than nothing right?

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just. Fuck. Your. Woman. If she's dry, buy some water-based lube. Stop giving so many fucks. What, are you like 20 or something?

[–]jtzabor1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Shes being clingy and your giving her all the attention she wants right? Take a bunch of that away. Maybe that would help. Hell I skipped a ton of appts and spent plenty of time away so she stayed normalish.

[–]gioxcas[S] -3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

your giving her all the attention she wants right?

No I'm not. I've been trying to distance myself and have more private alone time. I don't think she gets what I'm trying to imply so when I get back into town I'm going to sit her down and let her know that I need some space and privacy but that I will cuddle her and hang out with her when I don't feel so overwhelmed.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, talk moar. That always works.

[–]Kpwn886 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to sit her down and let her know that I need some space and privacy but that I will cuddle her and hang out with her when I don't feel so overwhelmed.

DEERing will only make it worse

[–]helaughsinhidden7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

does the sex drive come back after baby is born?

Perhaps. We have 5 kids, what I've learned...

FEELZ. You are going to have some serious competition for giving her feelz, especially if your game sucks, and it sounds like it does. Baby is going to be making her heart swell, burst, and fill her with bubbles and butterflies for a while. Especially if she is breast feeding. Hormones will be crazy.

DREAD. You will have to take your dread game down a few notches. It's not good to be making a new mommy worry about her man leaving right now, so you're going to take some damage points here. You can counter a lot by being involved and supportive for her. Also, watch the Facebook/Twitter/Insta likes shoot through the roof. Nothing pulls more external validation like new baby pics. She is going to feel like a fucking celebrity for a while and that will make you seem less important.

SLEEP. Women aren't horny if they aren't sleeping well. Insist that the baby is in it's own room as soon as possible if not immediately. Oh, never co-sleep with the baby in bed. It quickly becomes the norm and no woman wants to have sex like a porn star in heat with a little baby close enough to share a facial. Try to wake up for as many diapers and bottles as you can to help her sleep. It is NOT beta behavior to care for your baby, it's just parenting. You aren't really doing it FOR HER anyway, it's for the benefit of your child, it's not all about tit for tat.

NEEDINESS. YMMV to be honest. For my wife, she became less clingy but more needy with our girls. Like they were more stressful than the boys were (we got 3 boys, 2 girls). Baby is going to need her too, so she won't have so much time to worry about her own needs.

CONFIDENCE. Most women take a huge hit here and it helps boost dread if they are insecure about baby weight. I think it's a dick move to directly comment on it, but know it's there and she's feeling it. Keep going to the gym and let the hamster do the talking for you. Lack of confidence also means lack of feeling sexy, so compliments and proper game will do her (I mean you) a lot of good.

[–]gioxcas[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She is going to feel like a fucking celebrity for a while and that will make you seem less important.

I'm cool with this. I don't care for attention and validation. I just like doing my own thing and working on myself and my goals.

Try to wake up for as many diapers and bottles as you can to help her sleep.

Yeah we've already agreed that we're going to be taking turns each night taking care of the baby.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh yeah, and congratulations too!

Being a father is the shit and after a while you're gonna wonder how you remained motivated to do anything productive that wasn't for the benefit of your family.

Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, never co-sleep with the baby in bed.

This is wise.

This next bit needs some fixing though:

It quickly becomes the norm and no woman wants to excuse for a woman to not have sex like a porn star.

OP will find out soon enough if he got turned into the plowhorse.

[–]equinoxshadows0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent response. As a dad of 3, I couldn't agree more. OP would be wise to read this more than once.

[–]Imaginary_Historian8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think it's vitamins. It's hormones. Women will try to tell you that hormones aren't a big deal but really, hormones control them. Depending on hormones, women sometimes want alpha fucks. Then other times they want beta comfort. Bonding and no sex could mean she is wants the beta stuff from you. If you aren't giving it, she may just want it more.

It was the opposite for me. Mine was horny as hell when pregnant. We fucked all the time, even one hour before we went to the hospital to give birth. She couldn't get enough.

Once the kid was born her sex drive went to zero. Her sex drive started to recover after I talked to other women in front of her and it triggered some jealousy or something.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy

“does the sex drive come back after baby is born?”

Yes, if you utilize MRP concepts and don’t turn into a Beta Sitcom Dad tm

[–]gioxcas[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Beta is absolutely not an option.

Do I just wack it in the shower while her sex drive is non existent for the next 4+ months?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beta is absolutely not an option.

Sounds to me like you are already there McFly.

[–]JCX_Pulse10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Question: are you wacking in the shower to hide it from her? Still new here, but my impression is you shouldnt hide your sexual desires if that is the case.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Still try .. if she says no, no big deal. The 2nd trimester should be your friend- she should get freaky. Take advantage of it.

Perhaps get a side piece to take the edge off.

[–]gioxcas[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's in the 2nd trimester FML!

[–]jtzabor4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Kids 3 now. she stayed the same through pregnancy and after birth. Problem after birth is just finding some damn time away form the kid. So she may have a huge drive and you will have a whole 3 min to exploit.

[–]gioxcas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We have plenty of friends and family already offering to baby sit so we will get some time away but I understand that lack of time and energy are factors in having sex when the baby is born.

I was just having a hard time wrapping my head around the dead bedroom now but I understand that it's hormones and just pregnant woman stuff.

[–]ManguZa2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Neediness/Clinginess go away.
It's depends of the woman for the sex drive. Moreover tiredness and baby worry can be obstacles.
You need to work on yourself on the new points that she seek : protection, super daddy.

[–]gioxcas[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I'm hoping that the sex drive comes back. Especially because I used to have to tell her no sometimes when she wanted sex. The contrast is so large that it's very difficult to try and get used to.

Moreover tiredness and baby worry can be obstacles.

I understand this and will be as prepared as I could be. As long as the desire and passion are there I'm okay with not too frequent sex but right now it's been completely deadbedroom.

[–]ManguZa2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

First months will probably be worse, but if you keep your frame with her and with the baby she'll come back to you.

[–]gioxcas[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

First few months are understandable as her vagina is recovering from the birth and we're going to be getting accustomed to taking care of a baby.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Oh no, it's worse. Breast feeding releases oxytocin so she bonds with baby. She'll only have eyes for the little one as long as he's on the tit.

[–]gioxcas[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's the goal. Hopefully she stops smothering me like a wet burrito.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your sex allotment will be "duty" at best under that scheme.

[–]nantucketghost2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah man, hormones screws everything up. Don't judge much when a women is preggo. they'll cry at some sappy commercial and eat you under the table.

Sex afterwards is awesome. Sex, boobs, milk... Yeah, it's hot.

Oh, and you're going to love your kid. Congrats. Your brain is going to switch over the second your kid is born. It's weird. People say it, but it's true, and you can't understand it until after you have your own.

Her neediness will fully be transferred to the baby. I mean, you're going to get ignored at first. And you will be ok with it. Late nights with baby? Nope. All her.

But how she's acting now? All hormones. Just suck it up and let it slide. It will all change again.

[–]gioxcas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks!

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Who knows. I was absolutely repulsed at my wife during her pregnancy and refused to even touch her. She was actually pretty horny during pregnancy, as I - just not to her at all.

Some guys find fat preggo women attractive. Not this guy.

She helped me make two beautiful, awesome kids though, so I will always love her for that even though she has tried, and continue to try to take them away from me via the courts.

After the second kid was born, and she lost the baby fat, then yes both our sex drives came back.

Maybe you are just ugly.

There are times where I regret how poorly I treated her physically during her pregnancies, but I just couldnt get past my kid being down there, and having sex.

Yeah I know psychically and anatomically its all good.

It was mental.

[–]gioxcas[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Opposite for me I guess. I still find my SO attractive (her tits are HUGE) but I guess a mix of her self consciousness and her meds have taken away her drive.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Are her nipples big, dark and weird yet? That shit creeped me out.

[–]gioxcas[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

They're getting bigger and darker but she's very white. Like German light blonde blue eyes white so they've gone from light pink to darker pink. Not so much purple or brown.

They're still fun to look at and she's told me that she's now at double E size. I call them Weapons of Mass Erection and Weapons of Mass Ejaculation.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I call them Weapons of Mass Erection and Weapons of Mass Ejaculation.

I think I just figured out why she won't fuck. 😀

[–]gioxcas[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

COME ON BRO. I'm still working on my dad jokes!

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some guys find fat preggo women attractive.

checking in. oh yeah, loved fucking her doggy style while reaching around rubbing that big belly.

[–]mrssmithhh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Youch. Rough. I try to sympathize with guys who don't find their wive attractive during pregnancy since I know that men are so visual, but my husband felt that way about me during both pregnancies, and it feels like such a betrayal. It's one of the main reasons why I don't want a third. I took a hit for the team by sacrificing my body to him and our future, and he then is repulsed by the results of that sacrifice? And he tells me that he can't desire me because my stomach isn't flat, like a non-pregnant woman? Yeah, I got back in shape very quickly after they were born, but it really is a huge betrayal. Pregnancy and childbirth are the apex of femininity, and instead of being desired for submitting myself to him and to the scary job of handing over my body to create new life, I was not wanted because I did not look like a girl who was not pregnant, and who therefore did not choose to give herself over to him completely. So in my eyes, giving myself to him so totally felt like it was a bad decision, since he seemed to value girls who chose to remain free and unimpregnated by him.

[–]Tbonesupreme3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

When the child is born, NEVER miss a doctor's appointment. Whatever she does for the baby, you do for the baby. Keep a diary and calendar. Do your best to be an equal parent.

You need to be prepared for maximum custody and minimal child support if this thing goes south.

Unwed fathers have very little protection when it comes to child custody.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Pretty huge sex drive with my kid's pregnancy up till the last 2 weeks.

I feel like she should certainly be able to give you blow jobs on the regular if not consistent sex.

Does she reject you?

[–]gioxcas[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I also feel the same way about blowjobs. A few weeks ago I had to "ask" for one and she said that it's weird that I have to ask for them. She says that they should "just happen" (BITCH BUT THEY DON'T JUST HAPPEN WHICH IS WHY I HAVE TO ASK FOR THEM). I didn't say that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yah you should tell her for sure. Asking is alright

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right now me and my pregnant SO are living together.

I have 2 main problems that I feel might change when the baby is born in 4 months.

Sex of course....

You're up for a HUGE awakening. I'm not as optimistic as other redditors commenting here. Perhaps give this post a read.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/

[–]GrilledChickenZaxbys0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sex for me was uncomfortable as gell while pregnant it actually hurt. Maybe that's it?

[–]red88lobster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You seem to be fresh off the blue boat.

My advice would be to shut the fuck up.

Do not talk to her about how you need sex / blowjobs / handjobs. This will only dry her up more.

Do not give her space .Do not stop initiating.

You need to focus on making yourself more attractive.

I was blue during my first baby experience. I was red during my second and this time round my wife said ; "... isn't It weird how we're having more sex now than when we First met..."

My point is rather than asking if it gets better over time. Ask yourself what you can do/learn to make it better.

Also congrats. Babies are awesome :D

[–]Aechzen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You do you, but I would never have a kid without being married to the mother. Marriage does all kinds of things, including giving you legal protections to see your child and have a say in how your child is raised. You can accomplish all those things with legal agreements, but it's a lot easier and cheaper to 'make her an honest woman'. Maybe that explains her neediness, bro, more than her being pregnant per se.

does the sex drive come back after baby is born?

You didn't say how far along she is, and it's relevant. General reputation is that first tri women feel sick, puke, and generally feel like shit. General reputation is that third tri women are super-horny. I absolutely loved third-tri sex. My wife's pussy was basically extra-warm and pre-lubed. I also find pregnant women extremely attractive, so damn that was fun.

Post-pregnancy, different women are different. Some women want a lot of sex, and hopefully that happens to you. Some women do a lot of breastfeeding, get huge hormones from that and get repulsed by dick until they stop breastfeeding.

[–]mrssmithhh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ooooh man.

  1. Pregnancy changes everything about the way a woman's body and emotions respond to sex. I literally couldn't physically orgasm during my pregnancies from 4 months - 6 months post partum. I believe the hormones made those pelvic floor muscles too loose (everything loosens up to allow the body to split open to let the baby out). Also, I wasn't able to get wet until I stopped breastfeeding my last son. Not that I didn't feel desire, but I just couldn't get wet. It's a hormonal thing. She can't control it, and it's not a reflection on what she feels about you. Be sure not to make it about you, or you'll make her resentful.
  2. All pregnant women are overwhelmingly needy and clingy. I can't begin to describe how vulnerable pregnancy made me feel. Sounds like she's taking it to the extreme - maybe because she senses that your concern is about sex and having fun, when she needs you to be focused on doing everything you can to make sure she can bring the baby into a safe, stable, predictable world.

The sex drive does come back after the baby, but there is less time for sex, and yes,her focus will be consumed by the super-demanding, super-neediness of a newborn. Sex will come back faster if she is able to take time for herself and recover a sense of identity and attractiveness outside of "mom role." Sex will also come back if you are being what you should be, and don't give her a reason to resent you or think that you are failing in your role or being just another thing to care for by whining about sex all the time. She will already have one baby; don't make yourself baby #2 by asking her to take care of your needs. Also, men's testosterone usually drop when a baby arrives, so you may not think about sex quite so often, either.

A lot of guys on TRP mess up during a pregnancy by tying to be Alpha and pulling things like dread, or by being too stoic and silent when their woman desperately needs to see commitment, comfort, and long-term planning for stability. This is not the time to be a hard-ass. That could backfire so fast you may not ever recover. Pregnancy is such a scary time. She needs you in a very real way right now. Listen to all the advice saying to be The Oak. This is your bests bet on having a fulfilling sex life again and getting rid of the clinginess.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's frustrating having her want to be around me this much and keeping it all non-sexual. I still find her attractive so having her trying to cuddle me and smother me is like smelling a juicy hamburger and not being able to eat it.

Why? Could it work to use the Justin Fairfax style of initiation?

Or perhaps you could be slightly more circumspect and achieve an even better result?

Studies show that swallowing the semen of the babies father eases morning sickness so what's the problem?



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