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Looking for advice on last night for me.

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February 4, 2019
18 upvotes

So I tried to initiate with my wife of 8 years yesterday morning and was denied because our kids woke up and adulting prohibited anything. She said if I got them to bed at a decent time tonight, it was on.

Challenge accepted.

I am not a huge NFL fan and left my in law's house early after our weekly Sunday dinner there. The boys are asleep at 8 and it is on. She comes in and lays on the bed. I start removing her hoodie and she says that the clothes stay on. I tell her no and and keep going. Then she puts her finger in my face and says, "you'll take what you're given."

Knowing this was a shit test, I just went into the bathroom and took my contacts out and went to sleep. As I lay on the bed, she said, "are you really going to be that controlling over sex?"

"If that's the way you want to see it."

I think I fucked up after that because I told her that she had no reason to be that self conscious and if she didn't want to, I was happy to wait until she did. I told her that I wanted to bury my face in her tits and there to be nothing between us. I also said that I wasn't thrilled that when she said yes, she was still saying no. She just repeated that sometimes she like the bra on, which I won't fault her for that.

I am thinking of sending her a text and saying that I rehected her because of the "you'll take what you're getting." comments. Would this be advisable or should I just STFU?

If any of you turn down sex, how do you do it and. What kind shit tests have you gotten?


Post Information
Title Looking for advice on last night for me.
Author pesadelo
Upvotes 18
Comments 38
Date 04 February 2019 02:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/217847
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/an2bgi/looking_for_advice_on_last_night_for_me/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
shit test
Comments

[–]weakandsensitive25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said if I got them to bed at a decent time tonight, it was on.

Challenge accepted.

Stopped reading here.

Be sure to fold the laundry first too next time.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill33 points34 points  (1 child) | Copy

"you'll take what you're given."

That says all you need to know. Mommy wanted to doll out the sexytimes as she saw fit, if and only if you were a good boy.

Don't know your stats, don't know your plan, but this says everything.

This was a text book definition of starfish sex. "Just let me lay here until you get done."

Hit the gym. Get ripped.

You don't have to settle for starfish. Just get up and leave, and go do something else. In your case, since it was already bedtime, you were fine until you started to DEER.

So if it comes down to "You'll take what your given"

You have every right to pass. "Oh, no thanks."

Once you get fit, and get your shit together the dread will start to work and she will be less likely to offer up this kind of shit.

The other side is, game her all day. Get her out of mom mode and set the table for what you want. "Hey meet me under the covers naked at 9,"

Set expectations and do it in a way that she has to say no as opposed to saying yes. Then praise her when she does follow directions. Ignore and withdraw attention when she turns you down. Your goal is to give her good attention for good behavior, and no attention for bad.

Sidebar.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

she has to say no as opposed to saying yes.

Subtle but mighty

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Take what you are given? 🀣

That is like when I tell my kids they will eat what I cook or they can cook themselves or not eat at all.

Fuck that is funny. I like your wife.

[–]0io-Tsundere1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like his wife too. It *is* a funny remark. She has a sense of humor. OP should have played along, could have gone in a bunch of different directions. Just needs to make sure he satisfies himself when he fucks her in a situation like that and leaves her wanting more. Could get up and leave right after he cums and say "I'd go for round two, but only if you let me tie you up with that hoodie and make me hard again". OP is taking his wife's flirty-bitchy remarks too seriously. Treat her like a bratty teenager.

[–]2ndalRed Beret29 points30 points  (7 children) | Copy

You fucked up on many levels.

First, you negotiated for sex. She said if I got them to bed at a decent time tonight, it was on. This already means sex with your wife is conditional on you jumping through whatever hoops she decides. No chance for desire to exist in that situation. Everything after this is downhill.

Next, you got butthurt when she didn't consent to sex how you wanted it. You getting up and going to sleep may look stoic from the inside, but she can see right through that. She knows your pissed off and will use that against you of course, like she did.

Third, you engaged with her emotional reaction, justified your actions, and argued...all about sex. Great job.

And now you're asking if you should continue to engage in an emotional debate about sex or STFU.

Take a fucking guess, man.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You fucked up on many levels.

That was my exact thought. Glad you took the time to break it down

[–]donmcde5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

Everything I was goign to say. Only thing I'll add is

"you'll take what you're given."

comes accross as her giving you a chance to not a bitch that jumped through hoops to get sex. She doesn't want to have sex with a bitch. She wanted you to be a man and instead you just went to bed.

That line to me is nothing but foreplay. You put your hand around the bitch's throat and with a smirk on your face you say "I'll take what's mine" Opportunity missed. Live and learn. STFU

[–]weakandsensitive5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

"you'll take what you're given."

Wrong. That line is a natural continuation of OP's shit thought process of "Challenge Accepted!" There is no foreplay there.

The right thought process is "Bitch please."

You put your hand around the bitch's throat and with a smirk on your face you say "I'll take what's mine" Opportunity missed

I'll note that if you're wrong in your assessment, congratulations, you've just planted physical evidence of sexual assault.

[–]donmcde1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'll note that if you're wrong in your assessment, congratulations, you've just planted physical evidence of sexual assault.

I'm really curious to hear how much force you use when you have your hand around a woman's throat.

[–]BostonBrakeJob3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Point he's making is it doesn't matter. If she's really not into it, it can get ugly quick. You don't have to leave a bruise...all she has to do is tell a story.

[–]Tbonesupreme2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't cut the windpipe off, dude.

It's not really choking, it's more that you use her neck as a point of control. If she wants to ACTUALLY be choked, she'll wrap her hands around yours and squeeze a little, or push against your hands. That's the queue.

Just like when you're hitting it from the back and "pulling hair". You don't have to know how hard to pull. You pull hard enough to tilt her head back, she'll push her head forward hard enough to create the pull she's looking for, really without knowing it.

[–]Tbonesupreme1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I, too, thought that she sounds like a bitch who wants to get dominated.

I wouldn't think it was her laying out conditions, but her daring you to overpower her.

"This bitch wants to get choked" crossed my mind before you wrote it.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Looks at OP post history. Weeps for what being a Man once meant.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am thinking of sending her a text and saying that... Would this be advisable or should I just STFU?

There are exceptions, but any time you find yourself asking this question, the answer is almost always going to be STFU.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said if I got them to bed at a decent time tonight, it was on.

Maybe that's how she feels right now. Maybe she will feel like it later, or maybe she won't. You can't take promises of sex at a later time or date seriously.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women break rules for alphas, and they make rules for betas. It was never about the kids, she just doesn't want to fuck you.

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

First of all, when you said

I told her that she had no reason to be that self conscious and if she didn't want to, I was happy to wait until she did

You validated her actions, misread her intent, and totally missed what she was feeling.

You should have been gaming her before hand. Slap on the ass while no one was looking. Hand on the thigh on the drive home. Text her from across the room to meet in the bathroom to make out really quickly. THEN, when you were about to put the boys to bed, TOLD HER what to go put on!! Flirting throughout the day like a private inside joke or secret mission to get HER hamster working and wondering about what you are gonna do to her so she is looking forward to it, tension is building, and anticipation swells. She was shit testing you because she told you she was feeling playful but didn't play with her.

Secondly, when you "went to sleep" I sense a disturbance in the force telling me that you were pouting and let it be known that you were butthurt. Therefore you were clearly punishing her by rejecting her. That's a woman's move. She wasn't in the mood yet because you didn't game her or escalate kino before hitting the bed. You were lazy and waited to the last minute thinking everything was a done deal and didn't even try to create a good moment.

Once you got to the point where you realized she was unhappy, a better yet less intelligent but correct response you could have done was to stfu and given her some good ol captain caveman as a "reward" for her behavior. She was still willing to let you smash even though it really appears SHE wanted to make it a day of sexy flirting. A much better response would be to tease and flirt with her now in an attempt to get her engaged even though it was last minute.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am thinking of sending her a text and saying that I rehected her because of the "you'll take what you're getting." comments. Would this be advisable or should I just STFU?

Just stfu. You can't fuck anything up with your mouth closed unless its eating pussy and if you were any good at that she would be asking for it.

[–]Redpillbrigade178 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

The moment you accepted her words at face value is the moment you died inside. She saw it and she knows it. She doesn’t want to be fucked by a pussy. Can you blame her?

[–]Reach180Red Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Play along. It's a pretty simple shit test. You don't pass those by storming off. The Wedding Crashers "Just the tip" joke is the same dynamic. Only if you were in the Vince Vaughn role, you'd storm out because you don't want just the tip.

So simply play the game. In my experience, it's pretty easy to get the clothes off mid fuck if you start with them on. Women like the feeling of being stripped when they're turned on. Ever fuck anywhere not private? You're usually not going to start off with her naked, but by the end all she's wearing is a pile of pants around one ankle and a bra strap hanging off her wrist.

[–]0io-Tsundere2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think this is a much better answer than refusing. "You'll take what you're given" is kind of bitchy-flirty dirty talk. Once you get going get creative and flip her over, make all kinds of demands, see where you can go with it. Climb up and straddle her face while she's in the hoodie. Just because it starts with her clothes on doesn't mean that it's going to end up that way. Have some fun with it. Could even role-play. "You're that cheap slut in the hoodie who wanted a ride in the bus station." Just don't be boring and butthurt. Refusing under these circumstances to me just comes off as sulking. Instead see what kind of wild situation you can get into with the hoodie on. Maybe wear your clothes too. Whatever you do, don't be boring.

[–]Reach180Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

"You'll take what you're given" is kind of bitchy-flirty dirty talk.

If your frame is "This chick wants to fuck me", you treat it as flirty shit test.

If your frame is "I hope i get some pussy" then you see that comment as a rejection.

[–]mrpthrowa3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

holy crap dude...

none of this would be a problem if you were good enough to get another girl

My advice... you have at least a year of self improvement to do... get busy

[–]ManguZa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

STFU.
She can have her preferences and her needs, but follow her wants only if she follow yours first. You're not happy to wait, but you don't want to have sex with a woman not enthusiast about it. Work on you for that she seek sex from you and not the other way.

[–]0io-Tsundere2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you should have had sex anyway, just go caveman style, hard and fast. Then take the hoodie off or slide it up or whatever. Once you're fucking tell her to take it off. If she says no, that's fine, just tell her that it's going to get all messed up when you cum all over her. If she still wants to wear the hoodie, that's fine. Fuck her in whatever way will make you come as fast as possible. I'd make sure cum gets all over her face and hoodie, especially if that's not your normal style. Having sex in a situation like this one gives you lots of opportunity to demonstrate that you're selfish and dominant and only care about getting your own needs met, which is the signal you need to be sending, especially when it comes to sex. In the future you can tell her what outfit to put on instead, and if she doesn't I would still have sex anyway.

Everyone else already told you that you need to be in great shape, low body fat, lifting heavy weights. That's all true. While you're working on that, you can at least be very dominant and demanding in bed. Signs that you're on the right track will be complaints that you only use her for sex, that you don't care about anyone else's feelings, and that you're an asshole. Just agree with her on that. These are all shit-tests. If she's sobbing and crying and saying you found someone else and you don't love her anymore, then you give comfort and reassurance.

Kids running around the house can be cock-blockers. I'd be setting up situations whenever possible when the kids are not around and initiating then.

[–]Tbonesupreme2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's fucking disgusting when grown men use "adulting" as a verb.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

you'll take what you're given

I see this as profoundly disrespectful and would not tolerate it at all. I think you reaction was measured.

When she brings it up again I would press my advantage and "broken record" something like: "You are mistaken thinking I will let you tell me how to have sex."

I would be open and giving about any suggestions she might have but shooshing you away like a little boy who has to earn his treat from mommy. Oh Hell no!

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think I would've just played along and fucked her aggressively in her hoodie - pulling the hood a bit to apply pressure to her throat while I pound away from behind. I think her saying it speaks volumes about where op is in his progress, but him acting like a butthurt bitch didn't help his cause at all. BPP, you are man enough to tell your unruly first mate what is expected of her...I suspect OP doesn't yet have the frame for it. In this case, the boundary should've been set when she attached the condition of op getting the kids to bed to him getting laid. He should've confronted that, not her last minute resistance. IMO, since he didnt do that, the best course of action was to STFU & fuck her good.

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. The situation went down the toilet when he let her dictate the terms under which he was going to bang. He ceded the battle before it even got started.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What are your lifts and body fat numbers? What women do you have at your disposal to call up and fuck if she decides she's going to no longer get fucked by you like you want to fuck?

"I tried to initiate with my wife of 8 years yesterday morning and was denied". Who cares?

"She said if I got them to bed at a decent time tonight, it was on. Challenge accepted." You are new here. Why would you attach a chore to getting sex? Interest in sex is an emotional reaction to her brain and pussy getting wet because you are hot. Accepting a challenge here is like saying "sure manipulate me with you pussy... let's do that!!!". It's akin to choreplay.

"you'll take what you're given." Just fuck that pussy if that is what you want. You should have laughed at that right after with her laughing along with you saying "you are about to take what I'm gonna give", and then you should have fucked her asking her "do you like taking what I'm giving you, you little slut?" over and over until you come in her pussy telling her like you own it "TAKE WHAT I"M GIVING YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH". But you don't know how to do that kind of thing yet.

"I am thinking of sending her a text " oh fuck you are new to MRP

Turning down sex IMO should never be done unless it is completely vanilla and boring. Which incidentally I notice is more about how I'm leading the bedroom. What she was doing there, was trying to understand if the man about to fuck her was a pussy. She found out. And so he didn't fuck her, and it's a good thing her lizard brains says, because I cannot afford to have cheap poor DNA laden semen in my pussy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talk to her in person.

If I was told this, I would fuck her and after I got her hot I would use her clothing to restrain her and just bang her hard using the clothes as handles to push and pull against.

A hole is a hole. I do think you made a mistake but I certainly don't think her clothes should stay on if you want them off. You could be fucking her and in the process of her being hot start removing her clothes.

[–]JameisBong1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When unsure on what to say STFU,most important lesson in your RP journey. If she declines sex, take off go to the gym. Don't act butt hurt and reset the next day. Also starfish sex is worse than a DB situation...not sure what others would do, but in between I'd get escorts rather than take pity sex from my cunt ex wife.

[–]Frosteecat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The first time I got the β€œhurry up starfish” routine post RP I just slapped her ass gently, shook my head and gave her a β€œoh well/ok” grin & got up slowly and left the room.

Her hamster went into ORBIT. She came out after me and was completely dumbfounded and emotional about me leaving. I told her β€œI’d rather not have sex at all if it’s just duty sex”.

Lots of tears and wanted to start a fight. I just remained quiet, STFU and left a spot for her on the couch next to me, which she eventually sat in and put her head on my shoulder/chest.

That was the last time starfish was attempted on her part. Since then it’s been way better, including some on the knees looking up at me action I thought was never going to happen again.

Define boundaries, be the prize, be articulate without malice and STFU.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your whole interaction comes off as she is the alpha and you are the beta. You need to flip that dynamic.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think I fucked up after that because I told her

I told her

I also said

I am thinking of sending her a text and saying

After all you told her, would you fuck you? You know you should STFU but you're still too ego invested in being right and telling her you're right.

You missed a great way to be a cocky smartass with the "you'll take what you're given" comment also.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She said if I got them to bed at a decent time tonight, it was on.

I wouldn't have responded. I would've STFU.

Later, if she came looking for some (EXTREMELY unlikely), I would kindly decline in a completely nonchalant way. Say something like, "Oh, darn! it would've been fun... but I'm meeting "so and so" at the "wherever"... " Just get busy, remove your physical presence. Use this as a chance for dread and creating scarcity.

LOTS of reading still required it seems. Perhaps read the basics again (NMMNG, WISNIFG, and TRM).

[–]red88lobster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy



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