What are your thoughts on giving husband oral and other types of sexual release while recovering from childbirth?

Dancersep38 · 2019-02-15T16:38:04+00:00

I would discuss this with your husband and stay open minded until you're actually postpartum. Here is how it worked for us, but the key is that we were both on board and adapted to our real situation, not plans we made ahead of time.

While I was pregnant I was willing and able, but by the 3rd trimester he was too freaked out and wanted us to just take care of ourselves. This was fine by me since I was pretty exhausted anyways.

For the 6 week recovery neither of us had much desire. We're first time parents and there is SO much going on at first that really occupied all my time and energy. Physically I would have been willing and able to do some stuff around the 2 week mark. It just wasn't either of our priority. Absolutely do not risk penetration until you get the all clear.

Once I got the all clear we did try but it was quite painful for me until around 6 months PP. We just did oral and would always try penetration. Use lots of lube and foreplay. He needs to treat you like a virgin again for a while.

Now at a year out the sex is great when we can have it. We're averaging about once a week which isn't ideal, but it's not terrible. We literally implemented a "sex night." It's more important to us to make sure it happens than for it to be romantic or spontaneous. My blue pill friends have sex like once a month but then make fun of my "sex night." Whatever.

The key is to keep talking and adapting. So long as you're both happy with your sex life it doesn't really matter what anyone else does or thinks. Even pre-kids we were averaging 2-3 times per week. I know for some people that's no where near enough, but we're both happy with it, so who cares?

RubyWooToo · 2019-02-15T15:25:48+00:00

Ideally, it’s good for both of you to retain some form of intimacy through affection and other non-PIV sex acts while you’re in recovery.

But in the immediate aftermath of having a child, you need to prioritize your health and well-being. If that means that you’re too tired or in pain for certain acts (at least for the first few weeks after you give birth) your husband should be ok with masturbation. It’s just temporary after all.

SkankyLisaSteele · 2019-02-15T18:39:08+00:00

We were having sex pretty regularly a few weeks after getting home with the baby. And by “sex” I mean non-penetrative. Because that’s sex too. It was something I wanted also, and it was a way to connect that only required a napping baby and no other prep. I don’t need penetration to get off.

You are not obligated to put out if you’re exhausted. But if you want to, why not?

Btw I saw somewhere above that you’re having trouble getting off? That could be your pelvic floor. If you’re doing fine until the orgasm, and it just falls off a cliff, that’s pelvic floor dysfunction. It’s still weak after birth, and may recover on its own with time. If you aren’t having orgasms in a few months, see a PT.

thatmom397 · 2019-02-15T15:28:02+00:00

I had three c-sections and one 5-month restriction on intercourse because of a high-risk situation. By all means, find other ways to satisfy your husband during that time. People don’t just become non-sexual because they’re having children.

Aknagtehlriicnae · 2019-02-15T18:34:02+00:00

At first I think priority should be you and the baby, If he needs to masturbate for relief that is healthy and normal but you should not have to feel more pressure than you already do. Once your feeling better to be intimate explain that your lower areas are still off limits because you aren't feeling better yet but you still want the connection and that you will give him a BJ, Make sure to compliment each other, have nice cuddle sessions and allow him to graze his hands on places like your breasts and butt that will give you pleasant sensations too. Making out too can give a really strong foreplay connection.

Communication is the biggest key, maybe talk about getting him a pocket pussy to release tension, maybe even use the pocket pussy on him while he grazes his hands on you, or maybe he honestly doesn't mind just jerking off whenever he feels the need and thats it.

Ease into penetration, Communicate when things hurt and what you are willing to do. I'm sure he wants to please you too so maybe do a nice 69.

Also make sure you take care of your body as much as you can because the more you do the more it will start going back to normal, Exercise as tolerated, Drink Lots of Water and Try to eat healthy. Do your Kegals.

I personally like to have sex as a stress relief and my husband and I just spent alot of time with him being gentle with fingers and tongue and hand grazing and me just giving BJs and Handjobs and alot of making out and talking dirty.

Its nice to feel that you are still a human after birth and not just some diaper robot milk machine.

Theendisnearornot · 2019-02-16T00:49:51+00:00

I haven’t had a chance to read everything, but here goes my thoughts. I’ve had 4 kids. We never waited the 6 weeks (I never had any major tears or anything - so be mindful everyone’s healting is different).

The first week or so you will be in PMS on steroids - and those 9 month you had a break from your period? Yeah- that happens all in one week. And I cried nearly non stop and my milk was coming in and I was sweating like crazy... yeah I was a hot mess.
And all those wonderful pregnancy hormones are gone when you birth the placenta. So it can be a crazy couple of weeks. So don’t think about anything but taking care of you and that baby (and hopefully you have someone that can help with that part).

Whew... all that being said. My libido never dropped like some women so I wanted to have sex with my husband ASAP (my doctor said the longer you wait the more painful so he was totally ok with us trying as soon as we felt ready). But, yes, I did hand jobs and BJs when I just was tired.

I was never the mom that wouldn’t shower for days because of the baby and I was all about sleeping when the baby slept. But go out on dates as soon as you can (either get a sitter or babies are usually fairly portable - go between feedings & you have an hour to grab coffee).

For the first time having sex - have a glass of wine, take a warm bath, relax. Lots of foreplay & warm up and be ready to quit if it is too much.

Congrats on the baby!! :).

[deleted] · 2019-02-15T16:14:41+00:00

I love giving BJs and yes, they are great for after birth recovery time. Usually combined with me masturbating at the same time. We have four kids (within five years), and I must admit that we were less active after the births of our younger children. We were just too tired...

EDIT: You say that "you can't get off". Normally, you can, unless something extraordinary has happened in birth. The heaviest bleeding is usually over by the time you get back from hospital, and within a week or two it will be mere drops. It will last quite a while, but you might be able to have sex nevertheless, unless you have some nasty stitches. We usually had our first "normal" intercourse about three or four weeks after birth.

norahlady · 2019-02-15T17:28:48+00:00

I have no experience yet with pregnancy or childbirth, but I don't see why not. As long as you are feeling up to it, it seems like a great way to be intimate with each other :)

Zebleblic · 2019-02-16T05:23:48+00:00

I don't expect my wife to do anything if she doesn't feel up to it. It takes like 6-8 weeks to heal. If you had a surgery would you be expected to just jump back into it?

Zegiknie · 2019-02-17T11:16:27+00:00

I did blowjobs within a week, clitoral stimulation when bleeding stopped (orgasms help shrink and tone uterus!) and regular sex after the 6 week mark. I like being involved, feel lonely without.

People who say you can do it sooner go against medical advice. Women get hospitalized over infections they got by having sex too soon regularly. Just because it worked out for them, doesn't mean you should try it. There is an open wound in your womb, and after the bleeding stops, you're still susceptible for a while. Also, with bad luck, the bleeding comes back again after it stops or gets worse. Last delivery went fine for me, but moving houses and working too hard, it took 7 weeks for the bleeding to stop. It kept coming back again. Because of that, I waited for a weel of completely clean panties before I risked it again.

If he's rough normally, make sure he leaves the boobs alone at first. You can get mastitis from too rough handling of those.

We also have a rule that when we have a night divorce (he sleeps in guestroom sometimes), we always have sex first, so it doesn't feel like the kids stole our lovelife. And so I don't feel abandoned :-p

g_e_m_anscombe · 2019-02-16T05:29:09+00:00

As Catholics, we can’t have other types of sexual release. After the 6 week window, we tried and it was still painful for me. The nice thing about him not masturbating on his own is that it was very quick so I didn’t have to endure too long.

We got the Elvie, a medical device to help with the pelvic floor. It definitely helped speed up my recovery, and though it’s expensive, the promise that it would help us get to have better sex sooner persuaded my husband.

Being new parents, we both have a bit lower of a sex drive. But I also had a third degree tear which slowed down my recovery. If I were to do it over, I would apply more warm compresses during labor to help prevent such a severe tear. I think I would have been up for sex much sooner if not for the mega stitches I needed. It’s been four months now and things are pretty close to normal for us! So it does get better again!

nowyougotdryballs · 2019-02-15T15:16:51+00:00

Definetly bjs for sure. For the handjobs, definetly use coconut oil.

ReasonablyGoodMexica · 2019-02-16T02:10:46+00:00

Just let him know he can't give you oral. It can actually kill you due to air embolism.

organicsunshine · 2019-02-17T16:40:34+00:00

Most times libido drops due to insecurity. He saw this come out of me? How can he ever find that desireable? If you feel ready, go for it! Kegels are your friend. You dont need fancy shit to tighten your pelvic floor afterbirth. Squeeze when you drive, twist in your chair when you sit at work. Kick ass in an at home workout program (I loved slim in 6 by beachbody). Doing something for yourself will make you feel sexier and confident and more like yourself. So you had a kid...so what? You are still you. Be you.

reddishrobin · 2019-02-19T03:17:54+00:00

Of course I would help him. Whyever not? Those moms are selfish.

Title	What are your thoughts on giving husband oral and other types of sexual release while recovering from childbirth?
Author	Omfgimaweirdo
Upvotes	51
Comments	32
Date	February 15, 2019 3:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/aqxil0/what_are_your_thoughts_on_giving_husband_oral_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-are-your-thoughts-on-giving-husband-oral-and.218514 https://theredarchive.com/post/218514