How to have the ability to give fast witty responses?

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February 15, 2019

A while ago a guy on asktrp made a post asking how he should handle people giving him shit about a video of him fingering a girl in the club going locally viral. One of the more respected responders on asktrp said to respond with “I was looking for my car keys”. It was fucking golden and had me burst out with laughter. A solid response. Which got me thinking, how do you guys come up with such quality witty responses so fast? Someone recommended watching a lot of Stand Up, any comedians you guys would recommend?

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Title How to have the ability to give fast witty responses?
Author BurntYams
Upvotes 63
Comments 71
Date 15 February 2019 11:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
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[–]boy_named_su51 points52 points  (20 children) | Copy

  1. watch standup, like you said. I like Louis CK, Patrice O'Neal, Bill Hicks, James Acaster, Sebastian Maniscalco, Chris Rock
  2. take an improv class - I did and it's fun, and challenging
  3. read Oscar Wilde

[–]thrwy7547934 points35 points  (7 children) | Copy

Good list. I'll add:

4. Play any modern competitive online games.

[–]BurntYams[S] 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

I’m not sure how that’ll help or if that’s sarcasm, elaborate?

[–]boy_named_su24 points25 points  (4 children) | Copy

good for trash talk

also, watch The League for expert-level trash talk

[–]Thizzlebot18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is rare advice and I'll consign on this. Playing halo 2 when it came out made me one of the fastest wits in the west and I still have that ability. Also good podcasts with comedians and quick thinkers. I love Conan O'Brians podcast because of his wit and listening to it so much it spills over to my life

[–]resnine6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Conan is a God of wit. It's not even planned scripts with him, so much of his material is off the cuff.

[–]BurntYams[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah I see, thanks man. I’m sure LoL would be great for the trash talk lmao. I’ll check out The League, thanks

[–]MisterMarbles19881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

it's true. I've been roasted so badly playing RB6:Siege that I couldn't help but crack up laughing at how good the (horribly mean) jokes were. Builds a thick skin, too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not relevant for europe.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do standup.

[–]BurntYams[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks for the tangible advice, I’ll look into these

[–]boy_named_su2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

oh and Bill Burr

[–]myfriendknowsall 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

any Bill Burr (or other specific vids from comedians) videos I should watch? like OP, I am also trying to get my wit game up.

[–]thenewyorkmind 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I wouldn't recommend trying the same wit as Bill Burr because he shits on women constantly. Men and women have different humors so don't remove your filter around women because you've listened to Bill Burr for hours and it had you laughing on the floor. Personal experience

[–]boy_named_su0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hes got a couple specials on Netflix. Though his podcasts have more trash talk and one liners

[–]blackswan2whiteswan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would add Sh*t my dad says. The guy has also a book.

Goohgle. Sh"t drill instructor says. If you want real trash talk

[–]MrSlommy71 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Any particular book by Oscar Wilde you'd recommend?

[–]boy_named_su1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]MrSlommy71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers mate lol

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One more that came to mind:

5. Hang around blue-collar workers, or blue-collar types.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

One thing that really worked for me was writing FRs for myself. So often after a date/fuck I would note down my gotchas and would think what the perfect reply would have been. Then I would write it down. Not surprisingly situations with women are not as unique as we think them to be. They really don't have a lot of variety when it comes to shit testing. In that sense I am not a natural but it works for me. Further, as a rule of thumb if you don't know what to say A & A or a smirk are nice goto responses.

[–]BurntYams[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn that’s a great Idea holy fuck. I’ll start doing this, thanks for leaving this comment

[–]resnine7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

I think the real "art" of it is thinking outside of the box. Think about this.. at its core funny things are things you NEVER expected someone to say. It's usually clever and at an angle you wouldn't have though of. That's part of it. You got to think of things in ways other people aren't thinking. That keeps you fresh, fun, and interesting to be around. Bill Burr is funny. But shit just go to your local improv near you. Just listening to these guys isn't enough, you have to practice it and in your own style. Like learning the guitar, don't just do cover songs, do originals.

[–]BurntYams[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Don’t just do cover songs, do originals” I like that man, thanks

[–]MisterMarbles19880 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sometimes I say shit like this intuitively but other times I can't think of anything funny to say to save my life.

The other day I woke up, felt well-rested and good. Went to Chick Fil A for breakfast and a girl was cleaning/wiping down the table I walked over to to wait for my food. Said the first funny thing that popped into my head, "Now, don't clean it TOO much" and she laughed and said she couldn't help it.

Thing is, I'm not sure why that day I was so at-ease with saying funny things like that but other days I'm not. Too bad you can't bottle it.

[–]resnine0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not to bust your chops "Now, don't clean it TOO much" is not really funny, at least not to me. At best it's low-level humor. Just being 100% honest. The good thing is, she laughed a lot. I've noticed girls that when laugh at jokes that aren't really all that funny most likely find your attractive for one or multiple reasons.

[–]MisterMarbles19880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's fine. I think the delivery helped, but either way she laughed heartily and liked it. I'm definitely no comedian but I love making girls laugh and can do it fairly easily. Maybe that just means I'm attractive tho

[–]resnine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's an artform. I recall reading somewhere that making a girl laugh raises her attraction to you by 10%, so that's a start in the right direction.

[–]Look_Ma_Im_On_Reddit16 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy

Have a fast witty brain

[–]throwitpplaway28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy

Step 1. Be intelligent Step 2: Dont be dumb

[–]resnine3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Step 3. Don't be lazy.

[–]Fonzoon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step 4. Don’t sweat profusely

[–]prankster9990 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Ya... Read. Exercise.

Both eliminate mental slothfulness.

[–]SlothFactsBot2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Did someone mention sloths? Here's a random fact!

Three-toed sloths are diurnal(awake during daylight) and Two-toed are nocturnal.

[–]Fonzoon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

was pretty sure “diurnal” would’ve meant they had two ways to urinate

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K1810 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

Increase your IDGAF. Don't look for the right response, it's more about attitude.

[–]Fonzoon0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

no. it’s both

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K180 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, but you don't want to be sitting there overthinking it. A lot of guys get stuck wanting the perfect 'script' for everything. Ultimately, once you loosen up, relax, and don't give a fuck, you can pretty much say anything.

Women read your emotional state, not so much words. To them, the medium is the message.

Sure, there are some good responses, but if dude's are overthinking, just relax and say whatever.

[–]Fonzoon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yeah, put that way, you’re 100% right. you can have some lines, but you have to have improvized rhythm while it’s happening, which can only happen if you’re relaxed with idgaf attitude. the knowledge is the foundation you need prior so you don’t naturally come off as an idiot

[–]Comeup4209 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Practice. Improv, cold approach etc. stand up comedy And last but not least, meditation and a clean diet

[–]huey7647 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

How tf does having a clean diet help?

[–]jwarner95 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Being able to think clearer because you have sufficient energy and aren't crashing from a carb overload.

[–]resnine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]goblinboglin2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

piracetam + phenibut

silver tongue 101

[–]ThrowawayAccountPass0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

The retards here dont know advanced drug techniques but seriously you will mess up your head if you use them both are GABA related and you really dont want to mess with GABA energetic neuron signaling

[–]goblinboglin0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

nah, piracetam is not gabaergic, it's the most researched nootropic and the oldest, really cheap, has to be taken for quite some time to get effects, though

phenibut WDs are overrated by retards using dosages like 5g+ daily, if dosage is kept at 4g/week like how it's used officially then there isn't problem

people with tendency to get addicted should stay away from anything except water and food, those who are them know

[–]ThrowawayAccountPass-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Piracetam is a cyclic derivative of GABA while not gabaergic it can mess up things its not supposed to and thats why is illegal in the us and prescription based in most countries

Phenibut is illegal in AU and most of Europe and not fda approved in the us and generally speaking I wouldnt take a drug made is russia in the 60s

[–]Vikingcel1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would trust a drug made in the 60s Russia more than a drug made today in the US.

[–]goblinboglin0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

phenibut is legal in europe and rest of the world

illegal only in australia

I live in Europe lol, stop bullshitting

Piracetam is not gabaergic, period

It's not prescription based, it's otc in 95% of europe, in US as supplement lol

[–]ThrowawayAccountPass-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy


Bruh I study medicine in fucking europe so let me know which drugs are used and which are not. You probably live in a shithole country from the east block where drugs rain supreme and no one gives a fuck. As far as im concecerned you can go and OD on this shit no fuks given

As far as Piracetam read again in a cyclic derivative of GABA

That fucking chemical relation can mess things up it happens all the time, a good amount of poisonous substances kill you like that. Most drugs made are based on chemically related forms of your fucking proteins so they can bind to the correct receptors so yeah never said its gabaergic learn to be attentive to the details

[–]goblinboglin0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I study medicine in central Europe.

You know shit.

[–]ThrowawayAccountPass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Romania or Bulgaria is not central, at best they are a Balkan state more like former east block good internet speeds though 😉

[–]OfficerWade1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Use lines you hear in your social groups, movies, work, friends and family and begin adopting them as your own lines.

I once had a girl tell me I would like the book “stealing like an artist” but this is another topic. I believe it’s in reference to ecclesiastes “there’s nothing new under the sun”

Edit: the book is written by Austin Klein for those wondering and it’s a very cute lil book filled with “10 things nobody told you about being creative”

[–]MrBigBolls1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mindfulness & practice

[–]PlanKash 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

you're either born with it or you're not bud..

[–]resnine1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't think so. It's fluid. When you associate yourself with witty people it rubs off on you. But if you are going through a rough-patch with no social life this is where you suffer. Like they say you are the sum of five people you most associate yourself with.

[–]PlanKash 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

thats interesting, what is the saying if you do not even associate yourself with 5 people on a regular basis? (besides sexually)

[–]resnine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't associate with anyone? Then you just become a hermit, talk to yourself and become withdrawn, and social-skills begin to deteriorate. This is why you really need people around you who make you better. Quality friends are worth their weight in gold.

[–]gregoire_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]ReformSociety0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Recollect the moments where there was opportunity for witty responses (but you couldn't come up with any at that moment) and think about what you could've said.

[–]jbpostv0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get rest and start thinking about your surroundings as something to laugh at. But above all get sleep. I can’t game for shit sleep deprived or hungover anymore.

[–]BurntYams[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, remember to stay hydrated, also.

[–]person84450 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Most of it has been said. But also hang out with witty funny people.

[–]Fonzoon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I learned most of my shit off of reddit tbh. I like to save funny and creative comments. For the way to say it, I usually hear/say it at csgo. None of it is really intentional, just the fun of being creative.

Seinfeld is also a masterpiece for this sort of shit, both in content, delivery (voice and timing), and body language. mostly because it relates to perennial real life things.

you can literally see little golden examples anywhere, just have to pay attention and remember them. even animals can teach you, esp to be genuine.

experimenting is useful to see what you shouldn’t do. but ive found copying is much faster to learn

I usually overdo it though, so I don’t know how well I learn, but Im convinced that’s the wat.

trolling shit some ppl take too seriously is always a joy

[–]ThrowawayAccountPass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]addwater0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to become present.

Present energy is the key.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

you just gotta get smarter

[–]resnine2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sometimes you got to get dumber

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You've got to be smart to be dumber

[–]resnine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

now ya getting it

[–]BurntYams[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


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