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Blowing up 7 year marriage after swallowing the red pill

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February 18, 2019
30 upvotes

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Title Blowing up 7 year marriage after swallowing the red pill
Author YungNblessed
Upvotes 30
Comments 62
Date 18 February 2019 11:28 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/219164
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/as3kqq/blowing_up_7_year_marriage_after_swallowing_the/
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the red pill
Comments

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine38 points39 points  (1 child) | Copy

Red pill saves the man. Not necessarily the marriage.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This right here...read Mating in captivity and State of Affairs.

Ex did the same thing. Left when it was easy. I take responsibility for my fair share and yet I sit here with the lingering smell of two girls pussy on my dick after the weekend.

[–]mabden21 points22 points  (3 children) | Copy

Your wife is a serial cheater. Serial cheaters are impossible to reconcile. Add in she is fighting you tooth and nail, your best option is divorce.

[–]YungNblessed5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hard truth. Thanks

[–]Big_Stomper0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Unfortunately she is fighting you tooth and nail more than likely because she does not have another branch to swing to yet.... be prepared for some major lashing out and a revised history from her. I experienced this first hand.

I’d also add to protect your kids’ ears from these conversations; she is more than likely going to freak out when the reality of becoming a middle aged single mother looks like.

[–]mabden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her fighting, for whatever reason, is a sure sign of no remorse. Lack of remorse = no reconciliation.

If her branch is out of reach, one would think she would be begging for reconciliation. Of course she could be that stupid.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret34 points35 points  (3 children) | Copy

she also became pregnant 4 months after we started dating

No accident

She swears it was just that and she didn't fuck him,

They all swear it wasn’t physical. Of course, she’ll only cop to what she got caught

If she doesn't get onboard, I'm fully prepared to end the marriage

cotradicted by

as it currently stands. I'm so fucking conflicted, I don't want my kids to grow up with divorced parents living in separate homes

Look, you aren’t ready. Keep working on yourself. Read the sidebar. Start emotionally and physically detaching from her, but don’t make it too obvious. Get your ducks in a row, and STFU about it to her... easier said than done. Start posting on OYS and keep lifting. When the time is right, pull the trigger.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start emotionally and physically detaching from her.

This is core. It's way harder than you think, especially with your Disney history

[–]YungNblessed4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Much appreciated. And you're right, I'm not ready.

[–]aherrns3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Golden.

[–]RicoDunne9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

"My mom and pretty much every other woman would praise me for being a perfect husband. I feel sick just writing this" Reactive cuck, simp, pedestalizer: Guys like you re-inforce the feminist imperative of male disposability and utility.

She's a lost cause. The best you can do is to save yourself and your kids by building a life that is not dependent on her.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Couples don't go to marriage counseling to help their marriage. They go to marriage counseling to help end their marriage.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah. You’re a tweener. Not ready for MRP; not ready for divorce. You aren’t prepared for shit.

Step1 - see a divorce attorney. Learn about what you’re up against with the law.

Step2 - get Mommy working. You didn’t mention it, but I assume you’re such a NG that she does t have to work for money. Vacation is over. Now.

Step3 - MRP. You’ve got to work on yourself. You sound like a mess. You think you’re aware, but you’re not. You’ve just recognized the wreckage of your marriage and you’re almost ready to see that you were the cause. It’s kind of time to untie the knot, but that would only get you back to where you started. You need to figure out how to not tie the knot again.

Step4 - start cleaning up finances. No unprotected sex. Get her name off property. Reduce credit card debt. Stash cash off the grid. Winter is coming.

[–]YungNblessed1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks. I've started my research and she does work. She actually makes similar to what I do

[–]JudgeDoom692 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step 1.5 - Paternity tests

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

/u/Big_Daddy_PDX is right, but he could save some keystrokes by telling you to see the Divorce Guide on the MRP sidebar.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

valid #verbose #guilty

[–]tspitsatgp12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

The correlation isn't between unplugging and blowing up your marriage. The correlation is between your wife engaging in emotional and/or physical affairs and your inability to enforce boundaries. Once your boundaries are clear and you are willing to enforce them then you possibly won't feel so conflicted about the situation. Getting to a place where your boundaries are clear and you are willing to enforce them is where the work is. Your wife is just a side show for now. You are not unplugged (neither am I yet), you've just had a glimpse of what life looks like outside the beta bubble.

[–]YungNblessed2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

So what does it mean to be unplugged?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're unplugged when you see the code behind the program, and can manipulate the code at will.

At first you dodge bullets.

Then you don't have to.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you'll know it when you feel it.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy

She fucked him and others. I guarantee it.

You are 29. You can reboot. I guarantee it. I am 39 and have, you have 10 years on me.

Beyond that it divorce is tactical. What state, ages of kids, salary etc. there are tactical reasons to get divorced before 10 years of marriage.

Beyond that, what do you want? I sure as fuck dont care.

If you are not happy then make yourself happy. No one else will and no one else fucking cares.

Beyond that, cut the shit and OYS. Thats all the free cycles you get from me with this level of faggot effort.

[–]FuckTheBP8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are not happy then make yourself happy. No one else will and no one else fucking cares.

Truth. Awesome fucking statement. OP needs a year of figuring out how to get his shit together before blowing up an already existing crisis.

He's got at least a month of internal rage to deal with before the real routine of fixing himself sets in - if he really wants to.

I'll be joining you in the OYS threads, OP.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy gets it.

[–]mrpthrowa5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let me tell you this.

It's just not worth it dude. She'll never see you as that man.

Your kids will be fine. Get 50/50 custody.

Do you realise that the first pregnancy was deceit on her part to get you locked in? now that's something that'll fuck you up.

Go DNA test all of your children by the way.

Move on with your life, it's not worth wasting any more of it for a deceitful cheating whore.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

Right now you are having an emotional reaction to the inputs offered to you.

Emotional decisions are mostly ill timed and badly planned for.

Build your MAP and work accordingly. You have some time left to unfuck yourself by building a better version of yourself and working to a set plan instead of getting angry and reacting emotionally.

You have been duped. We all have. If I had a buck for every time an older woman praised a young man and held him forth as a shiny example of manhood because he is raising Suzie's spawn as his own I would not be short of cash.

Your wife is cheating, let's not call it something else. Emotional cheating doesn't feel so bad because she didn't suck his dick, but believe me, for a woman it takes a lot to open up to someone like that, it is intimate. We view it as not so bad, but it is pretty serious. And she keeps on doing it and in the process, fights all resonable steps from your side to have a normal relationship.

As others have already said, build yourself and get your plan onto place.

[–]YungNblessed1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Damn right its an emotional reaction. Being told over and over I fucked up is great motivation.

Looking for some actionable advice/good books on cutting ties emotionally when you live in the same house and have kids.

[–]CrazyLegs783 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Move her to a separate room in YOUR house. Cut communications to a bare minimum required for the kids/logistics. Do what you have to for the house and kids and do whatever the fuck you want in your free time-go plan, lift, STFU, hobbies- and do not give a fuck at all!. If she's truly remorseful, she'll comply and start to get nervous about her future with you. If she is not remorseful, she will begin looking for an exit. Either way, you will be distancing yourself and she will show you through her actions what she is about. I'm not saying you should cheat, but if you are honest about your stats, you need to develop your abundance mentality. All of this will help you get over one-itis

[–]YungNblessed0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Appreciate that advice. Putting this into action now.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she's truly remorseful, she'll comply and start to get nervous about her future with you. If she is not remorseful, she will begin looking for an exit.

When you are your Mental Point of Origin, the question of whether she's remorseful or not becomes irrelevant.

When you're not, you have more important things to do... again, it's irrelevant.

Focus on you.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Finish the sidebar books. Looking for a book to fit a particular set of circumstances are a hit and miss affair as most books have to cater for a wider audience. Have a look at stoicism, it will help you realize you are wasting energy on something futile. Focus energy on things you can change.

To build mental fortitude you need a mission to focus on. You already have a lot going for you job wise and lifting wise. Find a pleasurable pursuit to take you out of the home and will occupy your mind so that your thoughts don't drift to how shitty your relationship is but rather how to get closer to perfecting your chosen pursuit.

Remove your wife from under the microscope, it taps too much energy for no result.

[–]Dialerstring9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Put your exit plan in place bro, I know mine is. There’s a post on here called “Cut The Shit” so be sure to read it. Also get DNA test if you haven’t and chances are she’s fucked both Chad and Tyron. If she is capable of having MULTIPLE emotional affairs behind your back, then you are an idiot to believe she hasn’t been physical. EVEN if she is telling the truth (which you don’t know) you have to assume she’s been fucked.. b/c she’s already lied. Look man side bar is your friend and set some boundaries. We have the same story almost except my Wife broke my little fucking heart. My wife said she was to tired to have sex (at 7pm) cool. I threw on joggers and took my ass to the gym and it’s 10pm where I’m at now. OYS and STFU and don’t make the mistake of catering to her dumb ass like I did my wife. You lose even more respect that’s assuming there’s any left. Oh and remove “The 5 Love Languages” and “One More Try” from your Amazon shopping cart. Good luck

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The level of manipulation you are being subjected too is pretty fuckef up.

You do have to decide what you really want.

In the mean time, dna tests and this last incidence of cheating is prine example.

Have you ever seen a horse ridden until it dies ?

There is no saving your marraige and there is no saving her.

BTW stop 1 rep max.

Top divorce attorney. Radio silence except kids.

Marriage counseling and an emotional affair, who in the fuck are kidding ?

Wake the fuck up

[–]redismyfuture5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ok, if no one else caught it, guess I'll say it.

Slow down bro. This who things reads like a covert contract with her. You'll MRP up in an attempt to get her to stop all her Tom foolery, or you'll show her when you divorce her. Then she'll really know how much she screwed up by letting you go!

I was the Disney dad too. All the women in my life praised me for being a great dad and husband. It took me at least 6 months to root out all my subconscious covert contract. They were deep. Took me just as long to really root out and reprogram my need to validation from them. Shit takes time. Slow your role a bit and figure YOUR shit out before you start scorched Earthing or saving your marriage.

Oh, and your a faggot.

[–]YungNblessed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. Yeah I fucked up

[–]vivid_mind2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You realise that "a walk" mean trip to a public toilet and fuck? Unless the guy was super beta, nobody would waste time for "a walk". Dude, run!

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

1RM bench 325

Jesus Christ, some of you post these crazy bench stats you must so swole yet you're so beta and thirsty it's insane , you're either lying or you're just plain autistic.

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Decent bench doesn't bestow alpha.

Lotta betas find shelter in the weight room. "If I get jacked/strong enough, <insert> will notice."

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"If I get jacked/strong enough, <insert> will notice."

That's actually kinda true. But without game 'n frame all she'll notice is a strong loser.

[–]Reach180Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right. And buried in my quote is the assumption that it's a particular oneitis that you want to have notice you.

She may notice, but you're still too much of pussy to go talk to her, so noticed is all you'll get. You'd be better off if you skipped the lifting and did the talking rather than lift til she approaches.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I want to try and make marriage work in my frame under my terms

Wants are all well and good. But don't labor under this outcome that this is the goal. The goal is a good you... good everything else follows or makes way for other good.

[–]YungNblessed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely needed to hear that.

[–]GoodWillFunky4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have a coffee https://youtu.be/6xOOreA-gUg

And poached eggs https://youtu.be/ALMvW4_A99U

The rest is STFU, lift, OYS.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife is a hoe.

23 and single mom. What'd you expect?

Also, with how you describe yourself, any are you surprised?

[–]BostonBrakeJob5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

A tale as old as time.

A new OYS thread starts on the main sub tomorrow. You should start there too.

[–]YungNblessed1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not familiar with OYS. I mean I get the concept but I've excelled in every other aspect of life, it ain't like I'm a fat piece of shit with no job.

How does OYS apply in this situation? Serious question. I feel like I'm doing that shit

[–]Chump_No_More2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

How does OYS apply in this situation? Serious question. I feel like I'm doing that shit

You're trying to use the red-pill to solve blue pill goals. Forget about how you thinking you're handling your shit... this detail alone shows that you're still a fucking disaster in the things that actually matter.

A significant component of OYS is mindset. As Rollo says, "Alpha is a mindset, not a demographic".

Owning your shit is knowing who you are, what you merit, pursuing what you want, and being unapologetic for it. All this talk and worry about her, and how she's not submitting shows you're not even close.

There is no Alpha with a side of Beta, there is only the man who’s genuine concern is first for himself, the man who prepares and provisions for himself, the man who maintains Frame to the point of arrogance because that’s who he is and what he genuinely merits. There is only the Man who improves his circumstance for his own benefit, and then, by association and merit, the benefit of those whom he loves and befriends.

This is who you want to be.

[–]YungNblessed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I need to hear that. Cool but I've also been learning about Oak, a family man that has the right mixture of alpha and beta traits. All this shit is easy to say when you're not staying your kids in the eyes. Call it whatever the fuck you want but I think it's a true issue a lot of man deal with

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The OYS thread is invaluable...

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this (the OYS) thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Post there as often as you can - weekly if possible. It forces you to evaluate where you are at and equally - if not more important - gives you a chance to get feedback from other posters who can see weaknesses and faults in your strategy / life / mission, etc.

OK, so you're not a fat piece of shit, you have a job. Congratulations on that. But your wife is / was fucking other men, which is why you are here. Luckily, you have come to the right place because in this sub, there are dozens of other posters who have been through / are going through the same shit as you and can help you, but only if you are willing to do two things - own your shit by posting where you are at and listening to the feedback you get.

You're not a snowflake, you're no special case and you get no hall pass here. So pull up your socks, start the hard slog and - eventually - you will reap the rewards.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look dude, it sucks. Yeah, we all know.

For the record, my first wife was young like yours and did the same shit your wife did. At first it was emotional affairs. Maybe physcial, I don't know. Then it kept escalating and she fucked a lot of dudes.

Unfortunately even if I would have found MRP back then (10 years ago) it still wouldn't have saved the marriage. Sometimes we'll always been seen as a beta provider. You had very limited time (4 months) to exude alpha qualities before she roped you in with an "accidental" pregnancy. Dude, my first wife got "accidental" pregnant too. It's all hypergamy.

My suggestion to you is to read the sidebar and lift. Learn. Go deep. Find your mission. Then, and only then will you be truly prepared to divorce her if the 1000ft rope doesn't tighten. Either way you'll be in a much better position to carry on with the next phase of your life with or without her. It won't matter then which you choose because you'll know. Right now, your hamster is going apeshit.

[–]MartinVDK911 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Make a MAP, write your action plan in OYS, but don't rambo the whole thing like I do. You need approx. 1 month for every year you have lost in the marriage to turn this ship around.

But tbh, if it's that abvious with the cheating, I guess your best bet would be a mid term go plan, to save yourself the headache.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you haven't read it yet, "Mindful Attraction plan " in the sidebar worked wonders for me over the past year, if your going to try to save the marriage. I might lose alpha points(tm) but in my situation at least I saved a good marriage and now we get along better than we did when we were dating. She's also under no illusions that ide stay with her no matter what, that's where the dread comes in.

[–]YungNblessed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm headed back to the sidebar for sure.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Societal norms and my behavior for the previous 7 years reinforce her unwillingness to submit.

Submit to what?

You are still way too deep into her Frame.

You are living your life, pursuing your passion, and owning your shit. She either comes along for the ride or she doesn't. Full stop.

She swears it was just that and she didn't fuck him

A woman does not isolate with a man for chaste walks and chats and a man does not pursue a woman for friendship. Of course they fucked.

If she doesn't get onboard, I'm fully prepared to end the marriage as it currently stands.

Get on board with what? That you are prioritizing your journey? She's a cheater, why the fuck do you care what she thinks or wants? Give her the end of proverbial 1000 ft of rope and let drift off in the skiff while you 'do you'. One of three things will happen:

  1. She'll pull herself back to the boat.
  2. She will cut the rope.
  3. Or you will.

Regardless, this is not a problem that needs solving right now, you're too busy creating and internalizing your value.

I don't want my kids to grow up with divorced parents living in separate homes.

FYI, divorce does not fuck kids up, dysfunctional co-parents fucks kids up... doesn't matter whether you're married or divorced.

[–]YungNblessed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn. Best advice yet. Much appreciated. Back to the side bar and focusing on improving

[–]RPeed1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This sucks man. And I would never wish it on anyone. But honestly it can be a hugely beneficial experience if you let it.

There are few quicker ways of learning AWALT, Oneitis is a sickness and most importantly that it is not OK to be a faggot.

Read up on divorces and ideally try not to leave the marital home.

I fully endorse Rambo behavior over inaction though so personally I would kick her out and fix myself after. You will have to weigh up if managing collateral damage is more important to you than a personal growth spurt.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She physically cheated for 110% certainty, more than once. She won’t admit to anything she wasn’t caught red handed for... you could use machiavellian founded techniques to get the truth from her fairly quickly, you could for example say over text “are you sure you did nothing?” When she says no, follow up with I spoke to the guy, he has suggested otherwise, did you want to chat in person?” This is a checkmate move, she might try to dodge it, but you can shut that down quickly too. She knows she has to tell the truth as the screenshot evidence of blatant lying could leak to her family and friends, which she genuinely fears.

Main reason for getting the truth is gonna be for ammunition in the divorce

Anyway welcome to the real world... it sucks, you’re gonna love it!

[–]kweikum10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The side bar has ways to elevating dread. If you want to experiment on how to create it in the hardest of environments, I would suggest you start there.

[–]mrp_awakening0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to start prioritizing yourself, setting boundaries, and leading. You need to do more than recognize that you're the prize... fucking make it obvious that you're the prize in every thing you do. Simultaneously, you need to start preparing financially and emotionally for divorce. Keep at it for a few months. Then be assertive... tell her how it is and how it needs to be, and that she can choose to come along or GTFO. Be outcome independent. She'll put up a fight, and will start threatening divorce. If you're truly OI, that's an empty threat. In a couple days, she'll either calm down and accept the new dynamic or you'll have to split ways. It's either that, or have a stable marriage as a beta cuck. Your choice.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]Don_Draper270 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If she doesn't get onboard, I'm fully prepared to end the marriage as it currently stands.

She will not get on board at first, guaranteed. I've never been married but I found TRP while I was in an LTR of 4 years. Instead of doing what everybody on the sub told me to do and just end it, I tried to "fix" it by applying levels of dread and increasing my SMV. I got HARD shit tests. Some times she'd bring up breaking up.

Every shit test felt like a thunderous storm followed by a large wave trying to engulf me underwater, but, when I would miraculously rise above the wave (barely), the surface of the water would settle very subtly (meaning the new "norm" of the relationship would improve, but only by very little).

Some things did get better like before TRP she would never send me nudes. I had to beg for photos of her in her bra. After TRP she was sending me photos and videos of her naked.

But, it still wasn't enough. I knew I still deserved much more and after a year, I broke up with her.

I'm so fucking conflicted, I don't want my kids to grow up with divorced parents living in separate homes but I also can't continue on in this bullshit trap of a relationship now that I'm unplugged.

I don't have kids either but I've grown up in toxic homes. My parents divorced when I was 5 and since then I had 3 different men live at home with us. They were all toxic in their own way and I remember that the happiest we ever were was when my mom was in between relationships. Sure, we were poor as fuck and my mom could barely afford rent, but she'd actually spend more time with us and give us all of her love and attention.

Because of this I've vowed to never allow my kids to grow up in a toxic home. To me, a toxic home is worse than visiting dad on weekends.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't have kids either but I've grown up in toxic homes. My parents divorced when I was 5 and since then I had 3 different men live at home with us. ... Because of this I've vowed to never allow my kids to grow up in a toxic home. To me, a toxic home is worse than visiting dad on weekends.

There's a catch 22 here, Donnie-boy, as you would've never had the 3 different men in toxic relationships with your mom if she would've stayed with your dad. So the question is whether /u/YungNblessed can and wants to get over his wife's actions, and if so, does he want to keep his family life together more than he'll end up resenting his wife?

It's possible that she only checked out emotionally 4 times because of the OP. Is it her fault, or is it actually all his fault? Of course the OP wants us to see him as awesome and it's all his wife's fault. Those of us watching at home can't know the truth, just like he can never know the truth of whether his wife was also physically checking out on him.



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