I apologize if my writing style sucks.
So far I've been cheated on physically by every single girlfriend I've ever had, except the last one which still crossed the line when it came to other men. Whose fault is that? I'll take the full blame for all of them. I've always been good looking, but growing up I was anything but manly. I was a bitch. Might still be, I don't know. When I turned 26 (currently 30), I found TRP and that's when I started heavily working out. I achieved a great physique. Worked hard and got a degree. Learned discipline. I have no problem getting women when I want to now. Women always basically demand a second date from me. I've come a long way. Although certainly far from where I want to be.
Anyways, me and my last LTR broke up about 3 months ago (for the best, found out at the end she was most definitely BPD). The thing that really made me give up on the relationship was when she started bringing up during our arguments how her coworker was nice and thoughtful and always asked her how she was feeling. Big red flag, obviously. Turns out this "nice" guy was just preying on my girl, giving her the type of attention that I stopped providing because I got a comfortable after a year of dating. Did she fuck him? I won't rule out the possibility but I doubt it. She's incredibly OCD when it comes to std's. Not important though. The point is, after a year of dating and commitment, she started entertaining another man's attention. She let another man come in between us who wasn't. Even. Fucking. Attractive. If you're going to even just THINK about branch swinging, at least do it right and do it with someone I'm intimidated by.
Then, 2 days ago I decided to whip out snapchat even though I rarely use the thing. Had a chick I took out like 3 years ago (HB8, hot blonde with big tits, gorgeous smile) who I never even fucked hit me up. I'm fairly up to date on her life since I scroll through instagram from time to time. She got married not too long ago and recently just had a baby. She starts telling me how her husband is gone for months at a time for his job and won't be back for a bit. So I decide to entertain it a little bit, wanting to confirm if what I think is happening is happening. And sure enough, she tells me how she wants to fuck me so bad, and if I could come over that night, sends me a nude selfie. I made up some bullshit excuse because I just don't have it in me. It honestly turns me off more than anything, knowing that her husband is out doing his best to provide for his new family and his wife is at home with the kid, selfishly unsatisfied because she's not getting the "attention she deserves". Probably has something to do with my upbringing.
I've also had a very closely related family member tell me how she was ready to branch swing that I won't go into due to possibly being doxxed on this account. But that one is fucking with me too.
Feel free to judge me for this I don't care, but I WANT an awesome long term relationship. I personally don't want to grow old alone. I want that badass wife who's my bestfriend. But this shit just doesn't seem to be attainable. Not in this day and age. Things are too fucked with social media. Maybe that's not the problem, I don't know. I know I personally have things to work on. I got boring in my last relationship, I got comfortable. But even after fixing that, shit doesn't seem possible.
Is the only way to do life is to embrace the Rational Male? Is it possible to have an awesome LTR these days? Like, what the fuck man. Lots of men are out here doing their best, while their woman is scrolling through instagram seeing all the "awesome" fake relationships, convincing themselves that they deserve better and need to get the "attention they deserve".
Fuck this shit.