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Six month check-in: Progress, Dread, and the Road Ahead

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February 24, 2019
20 upvotes

TL;DR – A recap of my first six months on MRP and a fuller description of the events that led me here.  I describe my path up to this point, which is DL 4 or 5. I finish by describing my plan as I see it now and asking for feedback.  My plan at this point is to focus on improving leadership skills and seduction/game. I have a six month goal of being able to pull plates if I want.

MAIN BODY

I’m posting this as a sort of extended OYS post.  It doesn’t appear in the typical OYS thread because I’m in the middle of a six-month ban from MRP.  Anyhow, this is part journal entry and part roadmap for whatever my path ends up being.

I conceive of my Red-Pill journey as having three main parts broken by two major events.  The first event occurred in Spring 2017 when I discovered the level of deception that my wife was capable of.  I’ll explain below. The period prior to this was my Pre-Blue Phase. I wasn’t really RP or BP at that point, I just was.  After Spring 2017 was my BP phase with an extra helping of Dead Bedroom. The second major event was finding TRP and then MRP in July/August of 2018.  That began my RP journey and brings me to this point.

Married, 45, wife 46, three kids, 5’8”, 160 lbs, 12 % BF.  DL 350, BS 280, BP 175, OHP 150. I don’t test my maxes often, a few of these are six months out of date.  I’ve been doing Crossfit 4x / week for a little over a year. Just completed Whole 30 diet, lost 7 lbs, and still adhere to much of it.  Dread Level: 4ish.

Readings: NMMNG (x2); MMSLP, MAP, How to Save a Low Sex Marriage, WISNIFG, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Models, Attraction is Not an Option, Book of Pook (parts of it), a lot of sidebar, tried WOTSM a few times but I don’t think I’m ready.

PRE-BLUE PHASE (Prior to Spring 2017)

I was a Nice Guy.  I played with the kids, had a good career, respected my wife.  I ran and biked a lot. Skied and climbed a little. I never got out of shape, but I never thought much about my attractiveness or my masculinity.  I drank A LOT. I smoked A LOT of pot. I played video games in the evening, looked at porn, got into stupid political arguments on social media. My career trajectory was fine, but not stellar.  I gave my wife a pass on everything because I figured she was the one taking care of the kids and she reminded me several times a day just how miserable she was. In the spirit of owning my shit, there’s a line from Book of Pook that I think summed up my existence pretty well (paraphrasing): “The first young man is facing TOWARDS infancy.  [He] wishes to climb back into the womb. [He] wishes a cushioned place in the world. [He] is ordinary, merely a filler of a void.” That was me – it still is in some ways.

I let my friends go; I let my hobbies go; I worked a lot, but not effectively.  I couldn’t have told you what I wanted – other than for the weekend to arrive so I could smoke a big bowl and go on a ten mile trail run.  Womblike, cushioned places were what I sought.

My wife generally ran our social life.  I didn’t really like her choice in friends, but didn’t think I had much say in the matter.  It seemed to revolve around who the kids were friends with.

FIRST EVENT – DECEPTION UNCOVERED

My wife forced a friendship between our kids and another family who I could see very clearly was a bad match for us and for our kids.  Their parenting style was horrendous, their kids were brats, their house was a disaster, and their dad, we’ll call him Chad, was always, always messing around on his phone.  I remember once they had us over for a BBQ, but Chad got too distracted, didn’t prepare anything, couldn’t work his grill, and so we all wound up going out somewhere. I was astonished at this poor performance.  Who the fuck can’t work their grill? A fucking gas grill?But my wife pressed on with the friendship.

Around this time, my wife started taking better care of herself.  She worked out, bought new clothes, changed her makeup scheme. She looked good.  We had a lot more sex. I felt like we had gotten through the hardest part of the young-kid years and were starting to reap some rewards.

Chad started coming up more and more in passing conversation.  My wife was nominally friends with his wife, but I don’t understand how anyone could be friends with his wife.  She was as exciting to talk to as a box of hammers and seemed miserable all the time. My wife started picking their kids up from school.  Their kids would come to our house, make a giant mess, and eat all of our food. Chad would come to get his kids later and once in a while I’d get home from work to find him sitting in my kitchen drinking my beer.  But for all that, he and I were not at all friends. He and my wife started working together on some political activism work and none of it seemed right to me.

I finally looked on her phone one day and was astonished at the volume and content of texting between Chad and her.  All sorts of emotional validation surrounding their political activism. The occasional random conversation about nothing.  Texts in the morning. Texts in the evening. Texts during the day. Nothing exactly incriminating, but a lot of it.

I fucking hit the roof.  I told her if I started feeling like a chump, things were going to get very ugly.  I actually think I handled this part of it properly. Problem: I was a paper tiger and she knew it.  I had no ability to walk away. It wasn’t in my mental makeup to torch a marriage. I could hardly even conceive of what was happening.  I think she sensed this and pushed back hard. She got closer and closer to him. I got bluer and bluer.

BLUE PILL / DEAD BEDROOM

I was confused, scared, hurt, you name it.  I told her all the time how much I loved her.  I bought gifts. I expressed my feelings to her.  I would buy anything for the kids and her and still have the credit card debt to show for it (almost unfucked as of this writing).  I told her over and over that I didn’t want to lose her. I started reading books on marriage and communication and how to be the smiling guy in the sweater, etc.  I was constantly anxious. I started working out a lot more to get out the anxiety. For a while I was doing 100 pushups every day. I ran all the time.  I meditated, I prayed, I told myself over and over that this was all in my head and was related to my attachment styles and whatever other forms of denial I could come up with.   The sex dried up almost entirely.  We would go months without having sex.  She could cut me to pieces just by looking at me in a mean way – which she did almost all of the time.  I openly wept in front of her on a few occasions. And – I was fucking pissed. I would shout in my car all the way to work and often all the way home as well.  Nothing made sense to me.

If I’m being 100 % honest, I don’t think she was fucking Chad.  But in any case, I didn’t like her relationship with him, she knew it, and she doubled and tripled down on it anyhow.  For a while I went into spy mode. I put a tracking device on her car. I made a habit of looking on her phone. I followed her in a work car a few times.  I would show up at our house unannounced in the middle of the day. When she was at her activism meetings, I would drive by to make sure she was where she said she would be.  I never found anything out of place. But I was fucking miserable. I didn’t sleep well. I drank all the time.

I actually had a “the talk” with her about how I wanted us to have sex more often.  You can imagine how well that went.

Despite how pitiful the Blue Pill phase was, I did have a few accomplishments.  I began going to Crossfit. I know it isn’t exactly “lifting”, but it has many of the same benefits.  I stopped smoking pot and playing video games entirely. I learned how to meditate. Toward the end, I greatly reduced my alcohol consumption.  These things have helped me subsequently.

Finally, one day, it came to me:  Our relationship, the way I understood it, was dead.  There was something there, but it wasn’t what it was before. That was gone, dead.  And I was staring at the corpse.

I’m not terribly woo woo, but once this sunk in, I swear to God I found TRP completely by accident within about 24 hours.  If I had found TRP even a week earlier, I probably would have dismissed the entire premise.

RED PILL / DREAD PATH

All of us can probably remember our initial unplugging.  I don’t know what to say about mine except that it was the only thing that had made sense to me in the preceding 14 months.  A lot of what I had experienced finally made sense.

I’m not going to win any land speed competitions for my Red Pill path.  I had some quick gains about a month or two into unplugging. Some of the stupidest PUA stuff actually worked on my wife.  Sex came back pretty strong. We were having sex 2x per week. I was getting fairly regular BJ’s. We would send little flirty, sexy texts to each other through the day.  But this didn’t last. I was only DL 1 or 2 max. I still hadn’t hardened up on the inside. I was still pursuing Blue Pill ends with a little bit of PUA mixed in.

I took a series of trips in the fall for work and for guy time.  The first few of these didn’t go so well. I was still paranoid about her relationship with Chad and, in all honesty, I didn’t like being away from my wife or my kids.  I didn’t have a lot of fun on the trips because I was missing the kids and my wife. That whole “mommy” trope that gets thrown around on this sub really hits the nail on the head.  I still looked at my wife as “mommy” and didn’t like being that far from her.

About this time I read WISNIFG and Seven Habits in quick succession.  Something clicked for me and I started to understand that I had come to MRP with the spotlight on my wife – as many of us do – and I had failed to take the light off of her and shine it on myself instead.

I also began to realize some of the benefits of RP approaches to parenting, my career, and relationships outside of my marriage.

Before my next work trip, I decided to focus on one thing only – taking control of my emotional state.  I came up with a scheme that worked pretty well for me. I’ll call this the 5 Step Rule. It is: Maintenance (First, do no harm; Keep the focus on yourself) – i.e. Don’t fuck yourself up and catch yourself early if you start doing it.

Recognition (Honestly assess your degree of independence) – Do you need to straighten yourself out? Did you fail to maintain?

Response (Begin with the end in mind; Be guided by your principles) –What state do you want to find yourself in?  What person do you want to be? Are you stopping yourself from being that person?

Mastery (Get yourself back on your feet)

Functioning (You’re up, go back to Maintenance)

I’m writing this out, because I found this blueprint to be helpful with some other supporting actions later on.

I wrote out a Personal Mission Statement.  This makes more sense to me than a MAP, although I think they serve the same purpose.  I also think that once your PMS is solid, it should serve to define your Frame too. Frame, in this case, I am defining the way Blue Pill Professor describes it as (paraphrasing) “The best version of yourself”.  I organize my Personal Mission Statement as a series of Principles, which guide me. Each principle is comprised of several Goals that are mid-term projects meant to feed into a Principle. Each Goal has a set of Supporting Actions which are the things I do now to move forward.  Supporting Actions can be reminders, short objectives (days to weeks in duration), or habits that I would like to develop.

Sex picked up again for a while.  But then something funny happened – I just started seeing my wife, my life, my relationships, and myself in a different light.  I’ve seen other guys write about this too. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like I needed sex for validation. And I have little appetite for duty sex.  So, my attraction to my wife has fallen a lot. I’m not sure what to make of this just yet. But I like the path I’m on, so I’m pressing ahead.

I started coaching one of my kids’ athletic teams. I also started staying after Crossfit classes for some extra strength work because that’s a weak area for me.  So, between these two I have something scheduled six days a week. I think this put me in DL 3. (The sports season just ended, so I have a few free nights again)

I started noticing that I would still have the occasional victim puke, so I applied the 5 Step Rule (described above).  This seemed to work. Next, the condition of my house started bothering me so I’ve worked on a series of home improvement projects.  I spend about 45 minutes each night either cleaning or repairing something or helping the kids clean or repair something. I put in a few weekends of work on larger projects as well.  Recently, I think my wife has responded by getting off Facebook and helping out too.

That brings me to my present situation.  I believe that I’m getting close to DL 5.  I’m in a bit of a slump at the moment, but this seems to happen just before a step forward.    THE ROAD AHEAD

If there’s a question in this post, it is – What do I do next?  I want to keep this relatively simple, so my main focus areas are going to be 1) leadership skills; and, 2) seduction.

Leadership – I’m reading sections of Laws of Human Nature and re-reading Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  I have begun taking over aspects of the family life / household and will continue taking over more of it.  I see this as a fairly all-encompassing endeavor that will affect my parenting style, my marriage, my friendships, and of course my career.  This doesn’t come naturally to me.

Seduction - I have a six month goal of being able to pull plates if I want to.  Maybe I won’t want to, I haven’t decided. But this is something I should be able to do.  I have a rough plan in place to move me in that direction. Very briefly, it is: NoFap (Desire is the gas in the car); Basic tools (Seddit; re-read Pook; maybe others; I don’t want to overdo this part); Put myself in pickup situations (20-60 minutes a few times a week); Learn polarization (Be a man; communicate masculinity); Escalation; Rejection; Plate opportunities.  I went NoFap a few weeks ago and am still “king of the castle” as it were. I go out 1 or 2 nights a week. Sometimes by myself. This is hard for me.

I check in with Dread and still try to adhere to the path.  I’m having to adjust my mentality a bit because I didn’t picture myself getting past DL 4 or 5, but I think I’m in that range now.  Learning game and acting upon it obviously puts me way up at DL 8 or 9, which may be about right for a six month goal.

I’ll leave it at this for now.  Feedback is sought and appreciated. Let the “faggots” fly.  


Post Information
Title Six month check-in: Progress, Dread, and the Road Ahead
Author IRunYourRiver
Upvotes 20
Comments 33
Date 24 February 2019 05:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/219848
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/auahfj/six_month_checkin_progress_dread_and_the_road/
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Comments

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children) | Copy

It doesn’t appear in the typical OYS thread because I’m in the middle of a six-month ban from MRP.

Not that I can see. Either someone unbanned you or you have paranoid delusions...

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret15 points16 points  (16 children) | Copy

My plan at this point is to focus on improving leadership skills and seduction/game

First off, read The Rational Male ASAP. Game is what you want to understand, and seduction is a byproduct of game. That’s a very important distinction.

Secondly, quit fucking rambling and get to the point. You actually made some decent progress for six months, but don’t get too far ahead of yourself. This is a marathon, not a race.

Finally, stop the crossfit BS- When I go to the gym, it’s almost all chicks doing CrossFit. That, and guys who can dead lift 400 pounds, but look like they don’t even lift. Start the stronglifts 5 x 5 program.

[–]IRunYourRiver[S] 3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy

Solid advice. Thanks.

Game is what you want to understand, and seduction is a byproduct of game. That’s a very important distinction.

Bingo. See? I'm totally new to this. Will start The Rational Male.

You actually made some decent progress for six months, but don’t get too far ahead of yourself. This is a marathon, not a race.

Huh. Interesting. I think of myself as dawdling. This is good feedback. It may appear that I'm leaping ahead by thinking about learning game at this stage. But I know this is going to take me a long time so I figure I might as well get started now.

Finally, stop the crossfit BS- When I go to the gym, it’s almost all chicks doing CrossFit. That, and guys who can dead lift 400 pounds, but look like they don’t even lift. Start the stronglifts 5 x 5 program.

Fair criticism of Crossfit. I've thought about switching to 5x5 and may still do it. For now, I get too much out of Crossfit. I like the quasi-competitve nature of it, I've made a ton of friends there, and I continually meet people who are into lots of cool things other than Crossfit (running, kayaking, skiing, ultimate frisbee etc.). There are also lots of social activities around Crossfit that get me out of the house and interacting with fun, interesting (albeit brainwashed) people.

[–]Reach180Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't let a bunch of randos on the internet talk you out of something you like doing.

A lot of this critique of Crossfit is bullshit. People see Crossfit fail compilations and know a few assholes who do Crossfit - who were also assholes when they didn't do Crossfit - and they assume it's just a bunch of assholes flailing around on the pull up bars.

I've got a handful of friends who get great results from Crossfit, look great, make a ton of friends there, and they compete and have a blast.

I'd never do it, because lifting heavy is easier for me. I'm an 'anything over 5 reps is cardio, and I don't do cardio' type of guy. So I do what works for me.

Some Crossfit gyms suck. Some meathead gyms suck. Some are great. Do what works. If Crossfit works for you, do it. If it makes you want to go to the gym, stick with it.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

It may appear that I'm leaping ahead by thinking about learning game at this stage. But I know this is going to take me a long time so I figure I might as well get started now.

I was referring mainly to the dread levels. Take your time on those. Don’t jump ahead before you’re ready— especially level 8. That could backfire badly if you’re not fully ready.

Fair criticism of Crossfit. I've thought about switching to 5x5 and may still do it.

There’s a reason we constantly stress real lifting. It’s because it is the best for of exercise for men by far. Don’t be the guy deadlifting 400 and benching 175.

[–]buckeyeboy19770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am this guy you are talking about. I pulled 4 plates but max out on bench at 200. For the past two months I have been doing more bodybuilding type workouts so I can actually look as strong as I am. For some reason though my bench just inches up.

[–]slappysq1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

That, and guys who can dead lift 400 pounds, but look like they don’t even lift.

If this is anything like the CF box that I looked into, it's because they're bouncing the bar like a basketball off the floor when they deadlift.

[–]IRunYourRiver[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I wouldn't say that. The DL bounce is common when you're doing rounds for time. The 1 RM workouts are not common, but are done a lot differently. Look at it this way, if you were doing a workout of, say, 3 rounds of 36 pushups, 24 burpees, and 12 of 70 % of your 1 RM DL as fast as you can, you need to have your form dialed in if you plan on ever walking again. We warm up the movements for a solid half hour before something like that.

But there are valid arguments against CF - you don't see gains in your top end strength; it isn't clear that it has the same effects on your testosterone level; you're in a class setting so you aren't necessarily taking control of your fitness; it doesn't build muscle mass the same way lifting does; etc.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You forgot an important one: cross fit does dumb shit and it's only a matter of time before you get injured doing it.

[–]IRunYourRiver[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man, you are not kidding. It does feel like playing with fire at times.

[–]animalapemachine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The group dynamic and social element of crossfit may facilitate DL 3. You are meeting cool people who do a lot of exciting and interesting activities---

that kind of stuff builds on itself and opens doors. you are meeting people, you are expressing vitality, doing things with other people outside of the house and outside of the marriage.

That creates opportunity and opportunity makes hamster wheels spin.

Furthermore doing CrossFit i's a hell of a lot better than hanging around the house while she gets to feel that you spend too much time at home.

At this stage of your physical development CrossFit may be the perfect fit for you. I'm not talking about some Cult like mind set forget all that. You are a man you do not get seduced by cult-think.

if there are a lot of tight asses in yoga pants doing squats don't you think that's going to give you some motivation to press harder...

Depending upon where you are on your path CrossFit could easily provide a lot of tangential benefits that working out solo at globohomo gym does not offer.

It's not a dick measuring contest sir. A lot of guys who are all pumped up and jacked up can't even take a deep breath without farting out their hemorrhoids. Which means they are stiff, immobile and they plod around like Groot.

And finally since it is your body and your health and your Fitness, you can do both. You can do CrossFit and StrongLifts (modified).

Don't limit your options

[–]SiegreicherMarsch2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Everything you're getting out of crossfit could be gotten from another hobby that doesn't directly interfere with real lifting, which should be a non-negotiable. I realize that sucks when you're so far into it, but ultimately you're limiting yourself the longer you continue. Something to chew on. In any case, enjoyed your post. I also found RP under woo woo circumstances: had reached a pretty low point personally, prayed for help, and found RP "by accident" shortly thereafter.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

That, and guys who can dead lift 400 pounds, but look like they don’t even lift.

Ahhh... is that what it is?

Shit, I had an experience recently when i saw this skinny dude with no muscle get under a bench and press like 40+ more pounds than me... I was in shock because the dude had no pec muscles and yet he was pressing more than me without concern.

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

They typically call that "athleticism".

[–]Imaginary_Historian9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

Have you considered gaming Chad's wife? Don't fuck her, but tease her next time you all get together, pay all sorts of attention to her, act interested. I bet Chad shuts it all down once his wife gets into you.

Plus stop calling him Chad. He doesn't sound like a Chad to me.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

He’s not Chad to you, to me, or even OP.

But he’s Chad to OPs wife, who was/is obviously getting ready to fuck him.

That doesn’t matter directly to OP, except he needs to pay attention so if/when she steps outside the marriage, OP is ready/willing to burn the shit to the ground.

[–]An_Actual_Politician1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude cant even work a grill, and when I read the write up I pictured him working for some kind of gibs me dat leftist. Real men are attracted to making their own way, not politicians who preach victimology and promise the government as a solution to every problem. Men solve their own fucking problems.

Maybe I'm totally wrong here. OP feel free to correct me.

[–]IRunYourRiver[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I have considered this. I just can't do it. My male value is not enough to overcome her boring nature.

Believe it or not, I've left a lot out of this post. Some of the details about Chad would make you think differently about him. Shit I shouldn't know about him but do.

[–]Imaginary_Historian2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not always about male value. Truth be told, when I was married I used to game my mother-in-law. Obviously not to fuck her but because she was a controlling, manipulative bitch to most people and I was having none of it. It worked, as in her mind I was the best son-in-law ever and she liked me more than her own daughter.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’s probably boring because Chad is actually a boring beta. From what I gather you were like me - a useless Omega and odds are your Chad is actually Billy Beta. You were literally providing nothing to your wife so she went for the Billy Beta that she thought she had in you but didn’t because you were literally a piece of useless shit.

I actually did game the other dudes wife and trust me it was a cake walk to get her giggling and flirting. My wife actually saw and was pissed because she knew exactly what I was doing but ain’t no hiding those tingles.

[–]RPeed8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like all this my dude. You are a faggot but we are all faggots on this day. Got some hot tips for ya:

  1. Read Rationale Male and all of Pook. Try and internalise the EMOTIONAL stuff. I think this will be new ground for you. Way of the Superior Man and even Sex God Method go there too;

  2. Work on your abundance: eye fuck some women with a smile all day (try not to be too creepy), get on tinder and bumble. Do some flirting IRL. Just start anywhere even if it’s a blurry selfie on tinder and keep correcting and refining;

  3. Get away from your wife and kids and live like you are single for a few days. Abuse a work trip if you can or just say you’re going to a funeral in the next state. Take your ring off. Minimum calls home.

Quit drinking and smoking entirely while doing this and cut down/out social media and tv. Give yourself some white space and some mental energy and you’ll start having some ideas about where you want to go.

[–]hack3geRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

That moment when the wife goggles come off is definitely jarring - give it some time and don’t do anything rash. I’ve come to look at it as a huge plus for me - I can now judge the value my wife brings to me without any emotion or fear. If I end up keeping her it’s because she adds real value to my life and that I actually want her in my life and don’t need her.

[–]IRunYourRiver[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. This is good advice. I would say I'm in the rash danger zone right now. Mostly I just want to get better at living my life and if that breaks up my marriage, then that's what happens.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What do I do next?

  1. Actually lift. I mentor a young kid who was bragging about being able to squat 310 and he was mocking me for being bigger but only doing 280. was able to do 5 sets at 5 reps at 290 and he was only able to do 1 rep at 310 and he was finished. My criticism of CF is that some of what I saw them teaching was how to cut corners for impressive looking numbers and calling it "gains". Do full body workouts using a program like StrongLifts 5x5 or Grayskull LP (3 sets of 10 reps). Should include a healthy dose of SQ, DL, BP, OHP, and ROW.
  2. Give less FFFFs. I see you are there, but I feel like you still give a crap what people think. Certainly what wifey thinks, you worry how you compare to Chad in front of his wife, worry about what plates will say. I don't spin plates myself as in having sex, but I am constantly flirting . I don't care if they like me or not, I am doing it out of my abundance and for my entertainment only. You should do it and not care what happens. Start today.
  3. Do whatever you want. You have your mission or whatever, but what is YOUR vision for what you want to do in a year or five years or ten years? Make your own plan, crush it, your kids will think your awesome and the wife will be on a 1000ft rope where she will either get fully back in the boat or feel that rope rank from her fingers.

[–]IRunYourRiver[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. A few thoughts. 1. Still on the fence about this. At the risk of DEERing, the extra lifting I'm doing at CF is cycling through a few different programs and Wendler 5-3-1 is coming up. I want more bonafide lifting but get a lot out of CF too. The gym I go to is really good and the coaches aren't really into cutting corners.

  1. You hit on something here. I'm making myself out to be a little more OI than I actually am. It's still an act of will to avoid victim puking, DEERing, beta orbiting. All of that. I'm getting better, but OYS is a difficult thing and I haven't internalized this yet.

  2. Yep. The eternal question. Again, I'm getting better, but not there yet.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was in New Orleans, Nashville, and Vegas this year for work and I had time to myself. I went down to the fun parts of town alone and for the first time in a while, I used my game and tried cold approach. It worked. I had a great time. You can't fake abundance and it took me having the experience of successfully approaching real women to get it. One 25yo HB7 wanted to return with me to my room and another 35yo HB8 repeatedly asked to return to her room after drinks a different night. I passed because.... well I'm not "there" but the catch and release exercise changed me. Like I shifted gears, gave WAY less ffffs, and knew that even if she didn't see me a a prize, other women sure as hell did.

I also have a brother. Went to college, no debt, wife is RN and makes good money, was paying the house off early, three kids, did everything on paper the way it should be done. The whole Dave Ramsey blue pill version of the modern church egalitarian family thing. Total beta through and through. He even "chose" to go back to school to be an RN like her because she was making 3x his salary. The man hasn't made a decision since about politics, religious beliefs, clothing, food, cars, or TV shows in 10 years without asking for her input or blessing first. She with insisted on it and when he complied, hated him for letting it happen. Oh yeah, she is divorcing him saying that she hasn't loved him for 7 years and every time the had sex it was against her will, including when they were trying to have kids.

Start small and try some stuff out. Get a gun, motorcycle, fast car, big truck, boat, golf clubs, skydiving, backpack, or go alone someplace awesome that YOU have always wanted to but she shot down because that is what unhappy women do. Walk away from your comfort zone into something totally different before coming back.

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your frame has improved. Start having fun again. Invite her along. Play.

[–]JudgeDoom690 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You still have Oneitis for your wife and your MAP is all a huge covert contract to getting "mommy" to love you again.

Time to switch it up:

  1. Read Bang and Day Bang by Roosh

  2. Graduate from CF to lifting actual iron, using a structured program and lifting heavy weights.

  3. Start practicing catch-and-release by gaming and getting numbers.

As far as Chad goes, you need to develop actual Outcome Indifference. She's getting validation from his attention. You need to increase your SMV and dread level so that she wants that validation from YOU instead of him. Stalking her is only weakening your frame.

\

When her girlfriends and random waitresses start hitting on you in front of her, she'll lose her interest in Chad and start trying to salvage her marriage with you. You won't get that with skinny cross-fit "runner's body". You need to lift heavy weights and get JACKED.

[–]IRunYourRiver[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stalking her is only weakening your frame.

To clarify, I don't do this anymore. Actually, I haven't done it since discovering MRP. I get how this puts me in her frame and I don't want to be there.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Finally, one day, it came to me:  Our relationship, the way I understood it, was dead.  There was something there, but it wasn’t what it was before. That was gone, dead.  And I was staring at the corpse.

I’m not terribly woo woo, but once this sunk in, I swear to God I found TRP completely by accident within about 24 hours.  If I had found TRP even a week earlier, I probably would have dismissed the entire premise.

This is EXACTLY how I discovered MRP. I read this and it gave me chills.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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