This is going to relate most to the guys who were in LTR's or toxic marriages so if you're a kiss-less virgin, proceed to the sidebar.

Last week I decided I'd have a laugh and go through some old Facebook messages from high school (2010).

I was expecting pointless conversations and cringy comments like, "swag" or "epic fail!"

I'd only had sex with one girl before I graduated so I never really thought of myself as that much in HS but my old conversations spoke otherwise.

I noticed a few things:

  1. I was ALWAYS out doing shit. Even though I never had money, I spent every Friday - Sunday night out doing something. Smoking, drinking, partying, etc. I'd stay out super late and constantly had to sneak back in to the house. I saw on one message I was trying to meet up with this girl and I straight up told her that I didn't have time to meet as I had an overwhelming number of functions I had to attend.
  2. I was never talking to enough women and I understood numbers game. I go back to 2011 and I see that I messaged dozens of girls and half of them left me on read. I didn't double text or be a nice guy and say, "fuck you, you're ugly anyways." I simply just messaged more girls. I had abundance mentality at like 15. I even messaged girls from outside my school. Some times I'd say something like, "you look familiar, did you go to that party last week?" and sometimes I'd straight up be like, "You don't know me but what's up anyways." I was bold.
  3. I was overconfident and a bit braggy. I thought I was fucking cool. I saw this message of a girl asking what I was doing and I was like, "I'm setting up this DOPE sound system in my room. I'm hella excited." and it was just some $15 cheap speakers from Big Lots. I'd played battle of the bands and I was inviting all kinds of girls to the event. I'd no problem being cocky about telling everyone I was playing in 2 bands and how much fun the event was gonna be. I'd brag about how many parties and events I was invited to and how fucked up I got last night. I was claiming to be a fucking rockstar.
  4. I'd always go for a n-close on facebook. I understood that n-close was a form of escalation. My go to line was "I'm getting off this. Text me XXX-XXX-XXXX". Worked every time.
  5. Last point and my favorite one. Because I was always broke, I had to get creative and efficient with my logistics. My ideas were things like sneaking in to the movies, playing at the playground at the park late at night, going to Best Buy and playing guitar while they watched, sneaking in to the school in the middle of the night and jumping in the pool. Ghetto, yes, but fun as fuck.

Of course, all of these natural alpha traits were suppressed and fading away after being in an LTR for 5 years. If I was going out, 99% of the time it was with my LTR's friends and it was my LTR's plans. I never flirted or talked with other women. I was a gentlemen and did not want to disrespect my girl. I stopped respecting myself and stopped being an individual so my confidence and value dropped. If I wasn't hanging with my LTR, I'd be at home playing video games, binging Netflix, or watching porn.

TRP found me. I broke up with my LTR. 18 months later I've considerably improved myself. My n-count quintripled.

I'd thought that I'd become a new person, but the real question is if I was already this person all along and I'd just been filtered, suppressed, and watered down.

It's better and easier to feel like I only need to brush myself off and remove all of the grime and dirt from my sculpted self instead of trying to mold my frame into something that already is.

So, my message to all you men who've gone through the months, years, or even decades of blue pill training is to reflect back to your self before you were in an LTR and realize if maybe you were already the person you're trying to become.

There's no need to pretend, imitate, or act like somebody you want to become, because in reality, some of us had already been that person underneath all along.