Is it ever ok to open up to Women?

0io- · 2019-02-28T14:05:44+00:00

It's probably OK to say something along the lines of "I had to deal with a bunch of bullshit but it's all taken care of now." In general you want to be in a good mood and confident that you can handle everything. Expressing any genuine worry or concern to her is a bad idea, as she may think you're weak or unstable or out-of-control.

monsieurhire2 · 2019-02-28T14:38:40+00:00

Yes, on your deathbed. And only to say, "Ha, you thought I was alpha, but I was actually a massive beta this whole time. Every time you thought I was out banging a side-piece, I was secretly playing D&D and watching Inuyasha with the nerd herd. Thank you for passing on muh beta genes, and now, I bid you adieu."

Ihatemoi · 2019-02-28T15:20:51+00:00

Nope, just nope, never, you are a rock, done. My Dad, the manliest figure in my life, only ever told my mom he was sad when his father diet at 93 years old (my grandfather), he never shed a tear in front of me, my mom or anyone else.

I know he was devastated after the burial ceremony on the way home, he was driving by himself after droping me in another city, and I know he cried because he told me he "felt bad" during that solo trip he did.

Suffer in silence. I learn so much from him.

SirKolbath · 2019-02-28T13:52:33+00:00

The only time it’s acceptable to show women your softer side is when your dog dies. Anything else will breed contempt in them.

Velebit · 2019-02-28T15:00:07+00:00

There was a guy that told story of his female friend saying to a group of friends she broke up with her boyfriend after he started crying when the story of his childhood without his dead mother came up. After seeing him squeal and get all runny nosed and grimacing in tears, she just lost sexual attraction to him. When she told it she even felt bad.

There is simply no point in expecting women to be emotionally useful. They are not raised to do that. They are raised to be princesses and leave kids at daycare while they focus on whatever makes THEM happy. Todays mothers do not talk to their kids in a genuine, deep, empathizing and wise way, they give them an iphone or candy or some cash to go away or hire someone and hope the problem goes away. If she is like that with her kids how do you expect her to be useful or even willing to you.

You opening up only makes sense if she got to know you like that. If you sold her the story of hard alpha macho guy and she bought it, it is 100% idiotic to talk now how you have pains in the morning and how you dislike your coworker or how Trumps tax policy is making you worried or how your dad is cold to you and never talks about important issues or how it slightly bothers you when she does not make it ABUNDANTLY clear she orgasmed.

If she fell for the alpha macho male she WILL BE TURNED OFF BY THESE THINGS

I got long hair and am artist with 160lb and I attract different type of women (nurses, tomboys, athletes, emo/goth, autistic) but even a doctor female has limited desire to 'fix' you. They are attracted to a problematic bad boy due to her excitement at overpowering your problematic (toxic masculinity or pride, aggression, ambition, hate, disgust, overdiscipline, uncaring) nature in a sneaky backhanded way by using her pussy to controle you. But if you go about: here is the problem, now tell me how to go about it... they will be instantly overwhelmed and confused.

I know it is retarded, but today it is easier to find woman who will be happy to have you on the recieving end of financial, attention, sexual side of things rather then emotional.

I currently have an autistic plate and she once mentioned how she left her previous bf because she became like a 'walking stick' to him. She hates the feeling of beeing needed by a man. This woman is by far THE MOST career oriented woman I know and is even religious and has a medically different mind then most women. Think how unusual a woman interested in airplane engineering must be. Yet still... that is a turnoff. Simple self absorption.

Women today lost their primary feminine role of being emotional support and empathising.

It is easier to find a sugar mommy then a woman who will hug you and tell you all is going to be alright, she believes in you and there is nothing that can stop you or give you an actual useful solution.

If you tell them your problems those neurotic creatures just get stressed out, worried and dry.

throwawaybpdnpd · 2019-02-28T14:28:49+00:00

I only ONCE broke down when talking about my toxic parents....

Next thing you know, 2 weeks later she’s already branch swinging; telling me the time I broke down is when her attraction turned all off

Trust me on that, keep it all in if you have to talk about it then hire a therapist or talk to your close MALE friends; you can’t show weakness otherwise women feel defenseless and start looking elsewhere for security

Chad1738 · 2019-02-28T13:55:55+00:00

“I don’t really like sharing my current emotional status or even talking about shit like that because even though i do feel and experience just like everyone else i don’t really like to open up like that at all.”

You answered your own question. Women say they want you to open up. What they mean is tell them interesting stuff about you, not share your feelings. Women don’t really care about you at the end of the day. They just want what you have to offer = high value and the life that comes with it.

red_philosopher · 2019-02-28T13:52:45+00:00

I have a working theory that it's a lot about how you are handling it, and not how you are feeling.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-02-28T14:23:31+00:00

No.

Next question.

EosMermaidGoddess · 2019-02-28T15:17:07+00:00

23 RPW here..

It depends on your relationship to the woman. If youre in a "spinning plates" mode then no. Just fuck her and go home. Dont make her think youre more serious than you are.

But if you're in a real relationship with someone then yes, absolutely its ok to confide in her if and when you feel comfortable. If youre married though, expect your boundaries to be pushed. Being married isnt always comfortable and being more honest and open makes you a better person.

These "men" saying women dont care about you sound like MGTOW losers. Only feminist retard women dont know what they want. Dont get me wrong- we do want to get a man on the highest point of the hierarchy that we can reach but once a good woman has that shes going to stay. Womens sexuality also has a lot more to do with mental/emotional well being than just physical alone but please stay fit and clean...nobody wants to suck a smelly dick on a fat and ugly guy.

Edit- Im sorry to the guys that have opened up to someone and had it go wrong. Those "women" sound like useless trash.

I dont want a guy that cries over miniscule crap. But crying every now and then when something big happens is reasonable and welcome. my man cannot cry as much as i do... women need stability! its a double standard but its also just biology. our hormones are different so we cry more! sorry!

Lambdal7 · 2019-02-28T20:57:08+00:00

There are two ways you can go.

You are never vulnerable, hide all the weaknesses you have and never once are you allowed to slip up or show feelings. You have to take your life.

You are vulnerable, own your weaknesses, aren’t afraid of emotions and showing them.

The former will optimize for insecure women who need a strong man, because they are living in anxiety and they need someone to pretend that they know everything and will turn off confident women, because they can do that for themselves already and they are looking for a man who is authentic and doesn’t pretend.

The latter will optimize for confident women and turn off insecure women.

That being said, don’t tell her your life story within the first 5 minutes. Very few women are very confident, but also very few are very insecure. 80% are at the medium level of confidence and they require a man to be vulnerable, showing emotions and owning weaknesses.

FlyingSexistPig · 2019-02-28T15:39:52+00:00

Just ask her more questions. When she says, "How was your day?", what she really means is "Ask me about my day".

When she tells you about crap that happened, ask her how it made her feel.

boredrandomguy · 2019-02-28T14:40:53+00:00

Never. They see it as a weakness and will use anything you tell them against you when you least expect it.

EDIT: I'd also like to mention that anything deeply personal/private you reveal will get passed onto her gossip circle.

Irtotallynotrobot · 2019-02-28T15:27:49+00:00

Nope

women are information brokers. Anything you tell them they view as currency provided to them, that's why they think people who tell them stuff without getting something in return are suckers. When you open up, they just think you're an idiot for showing them your weak points. Then they start thinking about how vulnerable you are to other people and lose faith that you can protect and provide, that's when they leave.

Imaginary_Historian · 2019-02-28T18:09:34+00:00

If you want, there's probably little harm in opening up a little to your mother, aunt, grandma, sister, or female cousin. Maybe an older female coworker. In other words, not anyone you are fucking or might want to fuck, as opening up is a one-way ticket to the friend zone.

hugaddiction · 2019-02-28T19:17:07+00:00

If you have the upper hand, most of the time it doesn’t make a difference in my experience. Yes it’s unattractive, but it won’t scare off a girl that thinks she is blessed to be the one on your D.

OilyB · 2019-02-28T15:51:47+00:00

There is of course a middle road. Not talking about feelings because women can't handle them is like never riding a bike because you fell a couple of times.

Middle road is, yes, talking about your feelings BUT:

making sure you select a woman with a realistic view of masculinity!
making sure the easy to handle feelings outweigh the hard ones,
making sure you don't go too far in sharing (I sometimes tell my gf about my troubles but I make sure I've got a feasible plan and I tell her about it as well, so she doesn't have to worry about my problems),
making sure you don't come off as weak or needy (those stories you simply don't tell),
making sure she remains reverent to you, admiring you and above all, respecting you.
making sure your problems are always smaller than hers (or: her problems are always more or bigger than yours)

If you can bring yourself to attain this fine level of skill, talk is easy, it begets more intimacy and you don't lose her as quickly.

Just keep frame and maintain your dominant position.

centaursg · 2019-02-28T17:22:19+00:00

Most of the comments are spot on .. one thing I would like to add- never ask this question to a women. More often than not they will say not all wowen are same and it's okay to break down or to share feelings..they say this only out of niceness not from a attarction/romance perspective

187oddfuture · 2019-02-28T19:22:56+00:00

NO. They just use whatever you say against you down the road. Opening up is weakness, no matter whether you do it to men or women. The idea that you need to open up to be healthy is just gynocentric brainwashing. Accept and come to terms with your emotions in private and move on with your day.

grizzer99 · 2019-02-28T15:34:30+00:00

Opened up to my ex about a few really traumatic experiences. She used them against me in our breakup so I'm smarter now about who I open up to. I really only open up to family now and close female friends

solstone109 · 2019-02-28T15:43:02+00:00

Depends on the woman, is she a plate? If so than she ain't learning shit. If you have a LTR than you need to open up to strengthen the long term bond with her. If you can't open up to a LTR, it'll make her hamster run but not for the better, she'll leave for whatever reason she comes up with.

magx01 · 2019-02-28T15:51:15+00:00

Sure if you want her to break up with you.

LilLoserFreny · 2019-02-28T16:15:25+00:00

Yeah, don’t tbh.

bluefingerblue · 2019-02-28T16:28:54+00:00

Would you open up to your children about your emotional problems? Hell no. They want to see you as unflappable. Same thing with women.

If you absolutely must, you can open up about problems to an extent — but the key is you have to frame it positively. In other words, frame it in a way that makes you seem like you have it under control, and you have a plan to handle it accordingly.

red_matrix · 2019-02-28T17:04:39+00:00

Nope. You’re her rock.

LongDongLondonDon · 2019-02-28T17:05:02+00:00

Depends on what "opening up" is. Essentially, do not ever complain, beg or cry in front of a woman. Stoicism is great for this.

AstuteBlackMan · 2019-02-28T17:16:12+00:00

I've heard the only time where its understandable is basically during a death. But even then I've seen posts where a dudes parent dies and they cry or get emotional (which understandably makes sense) and their LTR chick ends of getting turned off by it.

Hyper_Sonik · 2019-02-28T17:19:15+00:00

Never. Read up on stoicism. Being the Rock. The oak tree.

resnine · 2019-02-28T17:24:35+00:00

You break frame, emotionally swayed by them.

thrwy75479 · 2019-02-28T17:35:40+00:00

Opening up is to establish a better connection with her, it's not about becoming a mess and needing her to support you. It's about telling her that you can feel sadness, and some of the darker emotions.

For instance, in a serious tone, "Yeah, I was sad when my grandmother died," and then switch the topic to death, in general, or ask her about what makes her sad, or what's the worst she's ever felt, etc. You turn it around on her, and let her do the feeling.

When she's testing you with this, it's to see if she can feel safe enough to breakdown in front of you. If you breakdown, she won't be free to do that, and will actually resent you for it because she's aware that this is a weakness in her.

Thus, it's not about actually feeling the dark emotions, and absolutely not about doing that in front of them.

Anecdotally, I know of one elderly married couple where the wife, from time to time, still tries to tell her husband that it's okay to cry, or asks him if he's ever felt like crying. He's never done it—at least not in front of her—and they've been married for over 40 years.

Hardwire6 · 2019-02-28T17:45:47+00:00

my man , dont open up to anyone you dont see yourself with as a friend or partner with as it will be completely useless to open up to people as most of them ase liars and fakes no matter how good they may seem . if you see yourself as a friend or a partener with this girl , sure open up with her . if not , then dont let her know as much as you know about yourself.

RuleTheOne · 2019-02-28T18:03:30+00:00

I can say so much on this topic. But it was one of the most unaware choices that I made - it's not a good idea to open up. Depending on the kind of woman you're dealing with - it is usually a no-go unfortunately.

Whisper · 2019-02-28T18:12:45+00:00

You can talk abstractly about things that sucked (but you handled them like a boss, because you are awesome).

Always hide pain.

friendandadvisor · 2019-02-28T18:36:08+00:00

Any genuine pain that indicates a weaker position in life is a big no no. It can only breed contempt/disgust in your trending downward stock.

If she says you don’t open up about your feelings etc. that’s a shit test, she wants you to tell her if your value is dropping so she can know to whether it’s time to back a different horse.

Guys in love will always ignore this advice til after the break up

Obnoxiousjimmyjames · 2019-02-28T18:39:15+00:00

Yes. Sometimes it’s useful. I can be very honest/open and often it doesn’t make me vulnerable, it’s empowering. The trick is to communicate authentic emotions BUT manage them.
Example: if you’re upset, say “I’m upset right now.” But don’t punch the wall and throw a tantrum. Maintain control. Every time I have shared feelings, the woman has responded in a positive way, and I often level up their attraction because of it; Women want some semblance of “humanity” not a fucking robot & you will stand out to her against all the other men she knows who don’t share that part of themselves. Also bear in mind, timing. Only share in an intimate setting, with privacy. And Do NOT overshare.

Gruss_p · 2019-02-28T18:57:18+00:00

No, that is whole problem, you can't never be truly comfortable around your gf. She will never be your life companion.

wanderer779 · 2019-02-28T18:58:26+00:00

You can do whatever you want. But you're kinda creating work for yourself in the form of extra shit tests, or worse.

aDrunkenWhaler · 2019-02-28T19:01:53+00:00

There was a post recently about a girl having an alpha chad, tall, muscular, succesful, and how she was very in love and fucked like rabbits, and then the guy confessed he was raped when he was a child, and she lost all attraction to him. Keep your mouth shut.

[deleted] · 2019-02-28T19:04:35+00:00

It's generally not a good idea to open up about anything you're struggling with. Women want to see you as a stable rock in their life.

But opening up about how good you feel about her is not a bad thing and that is generally what they're looking for when they ask you to open up.

If you feel like you're struggling with emotional issues, then talk to a good male friend or a therapist. Women normally don't want to hear that shit. Not even your own mother.

civilizedfrog · 2019-02-28T19:12:50+00:00

Why do you need to open up to women? It is better if you open up to your bros.

friendandadvisor · 2019-02-28T19:31:33+00:00

WTF would you?

Actually, it is OK to do whatever you want, this is America. But, read TRP and find out why it would be not in your interest to pursue this course.

Thor-Loki-1 · 2019-02-28T20:23:34+00:00

If a parent dies, or something similarly emotionally impacting.

If you want to detail stuff after the fact, that's fine. You can, and should, share your good times--not for validation, but to let her see your life being awesome.

Keeping the bullshit below the surface is what you should be doing.

WIA20XX · 2019-02-28T21:03:26+00:00

If you open up, you can lose the chick. It is what it is.

But if a chick is ready to lose you for some b.s., so you have to edit yourself - then you aren't the alpha, she is. Mouth breathers don't get that, and basically have the pussy on a pedestal. If I'm mad, I'm mad. If I'm sad I'm sad. If the broad disappoints me, she disappoints. If she finds out, and bounces, good.

That's not what is happening here.

In your particular situation, she's bullying you.

This is a real shit test not like "aren't you too old to be at club" or the corny stuff I see guys post about.

The girl is saying,

"If you don't communicate the way I want you to, I'm going to make your life hell."

If the sexes were reversed, this would be called manipulation, if not abuse.

Now she probably didn't do this consciously, but if you let her define the terms, she will dictate the relationship. Because if you start trying to reach her with your emotions, and doing it for her, it's over.

xNinja36 · 2019-02-28T21:09:25+00:00

Opening up to a woman will dry her pussy up so fast and your value will go down. If a family member dies that different

imtheoneimmortal · 2019-02-28T21:35:36+00:00

If I’m fucking happy or excited because it was good week it’s good

But something negative I prefer saying to my friend.

WayneNolting · 2019-02-28T22:39:29+00:00

It's a trap. Tell your guy friends.

SeasonedRP · 2019-02-28T22:48:44+00:00

No, it's not, and don't take advice on the subject from women.

spartan_samurai · 2019-02-28T22:57:59+00:00

Try to open up once and you can see your value and frame going down in her eyes within few months. Then you will promise yourself not to do this mistake ever again. Most women want a man who can be the rock in relationship but not vice versa.

z2a1-9 · 2019-02-28T23:17:33+00:00

Never.

laserdicks · 2019-02-28T23:21:20+00:00

Of course it is! You'll just never fuck that woman and anything you tell her is now public knowledge. This may be manageable for you or it might not - depending on the content or the context.

rockyp32 · 2019-02-28T23:25:08+00:00

Bruh animals do that shit when they lose somebody even the alpha animals will express their sadness when they lose a loved one it’s normal but we’ve been conditioned to view it as weak so When you do express the woman will see you that way

NextForever · 2019-02-28T23:40:19+00:00

It really boils down to your level of intimacy with her and how you go about expressing yourself, there is far too much nuance and circumstantial variables to give you a clear answer.

As a general rule, I personally advocate not complaining about aspects of existence that are beyond your control. It is counter productive and not enjoyable for most.

hugaddiction · 2019-03-01T00:16:38+00:00

Meh, if your SMV > her SMV, she isn’t going anywhere. People tolerate a lot of garbage if they get emotionally attached or think their partner can do better. Men and women both. My example applies to guys dating down more so than having an equal partner.

Prysefighter · 2019-03-01T00:50:37+00:00

No! YOU BURY IT

amwfhunter · 2019-03-01T01:49:34+00:00

It depends I open to my sister about problems and some close female friends. They are like my bros anyways.

But u mean with respect to women you are fucking.

I have a plate whom I console my problems to and I also consult with my ex wife. They both usually give me pretty good advice esp my ex wife. She knows what makes me tick anyways. It just depends on your relationship with them. They still have yet to leave my side.

[deleted] · 2019-02-28T14:31:41+00:00

I guess not

[deleted] · 2019-02-28T14:31:55+00:00

SimplyFishOil · 2019-02-28T15:25:53+00:00

Yeah if you consider her a friend and not just a fuck buddy

jenovajunkie · 2019-03-01T06:24:46+00:00

No, they say that men should be more open about their feelings, but they don't care. They'll use whatever they can get their hands on against you when the time comes to it.

It's all a game to them, so I don't trust them.

Rapp5601 · 2019-02-28T19:13:57+00:00

Yea I wouldn't do it. You really have nothing to gain from telling them. My last girlfriend would rant on about how she tried to kill herself because her parents broke up. Thinking it was appropriate to do so I told her how three of my best friends died in a car crash the year previous and that I watched my cousin get crushed under a car earlier that year. She just brushed off what i said and continued to talk about herself.

Title	Is it ever ok to open up to Women?
Author	spider_1337
Upvotes	118
Comments	177
Date	28 February 2019 01:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/220074
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/avrby7/is_it_ever_ok_to_open_up_to_women/