One of the subtle and difficult to see traps many of us married guys fall into is the fact that we move from operating in our own frames into operating in our wives’ frames. The first iron rule of Tomassi states “Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.”
Frame can be a very blurred and difficult concept to grasp in the first place, which makes it even harder to wrap your head around the conscious momentary awareness of who’s frame in which you are operating. Coupled this with emotional flooding, male ego investment, and fear makes this a cache of power kegs sitting in a burning warehouse.
Here is a list tips, or a set of litmus tests, that have worked well for me, to recognize who’s frame in which you are operating at a given moment (remember, women LIVE in the moment), AND when you are being controlled by or operating in her frame.
- You have an interaction with your wife after being apart from her for some routine or given amount of time such as coming home from work, she returns from grocery shopping or running errands, or some other sort of interaction where you and she have not interacted for several hours. Example -- You come home from work and you’ve had at least an average or above average day. However, your wife / LTR is in a pissy mood about something that happened to her that day and is acting like a bitch. Normally, she greets you and ask how your day is and kisses you, but this day, she does not do that. The exact moment you notice or recognize this fact, you are in danger of being pulled into her frame! How you experience this or what you do in the next few moments are critical. What worked for me is to go over to her, greet her, kiss her and ask how her day was. Now, my wife initiates this meet and greet kiss after work about 75% of the time, so I know she is hamstering about something if she is too distracted to kiss her man. If she is dismissive, distant, or bitchy, I snicker at her like I would my two 12-year-old daughters, and possibly poke a light joke (not about her mood… don’t call it out at this time) then open the fridge and get a bottle of water or something. The key is to act unphased and do what you would do if she was not there in the first place. Normally, she might push me away and say not to touch her (whatever bad or shitty hormonal mood she is in… I don’t care). As soon as you care, or even OVERTLY recognize it, you are even deeper down the frame loss rabbit hole you started down as soon as you gave it importance by noticing it when you walked through the door. Once you start giving energy to it by asking “What’s wrong honey?” you’re fucked, because that very act pulls you into her shitty frame and then you are drawn into a senseless, illogical argument and you begin DEERing. Kiss your frame goodbye my friend.
- You go on vacation and you feel some sort of tension in the air after getting there and planning to go out sight seeing or some other shit you do on vacation with the wife or the wife and kids. Example – My wife and I went away last weekend without the kids. The vacation started out with her being tense. I absolutely know she was tense by reading her body language and her nuances, but I said NOTHING. Some personal background of why she was tense: Before my red pill days, I used to have (no longer have) a covert contract that when we go away on an adults only vacation in a new city or place, I expected us to have crazy monkey sex that whole weekend. Now it wasn’t the idea of crazy monkey sex that my wife didn’t like. In fact, she loves that kind of stuff. What she did NOT like was the convert contract that had existed in the past. I was aware that this contract existed before, and I was able to recognize that fact in my own mind and correct it, BUT I never voiced this to my wife. I STFU and did, not talked. Women respond to men’s action and leadership, not your words. So, seeing she was tense, I told her what I wanted to do that afternoon and told her to get dressed and let’s go out. She relaxed a bit when I took the lead and we went out and had a great time. Later that day, I initiated sex and was shut down. I recognized this as shit test (be it conscience or unconscious… who cares…) and blew it off like it was nothing. I held frame, didn’t get mad and started getting ready to go out that night. This is the test here… she was fighting my frame and I saw that. If I would have gotten mad, GAME OVER! It is funny how quickly frame can be challenged and lost. I found it to be a sudden event in many cases, especially like this. After the denial, I didn’t react negatively to it. She looked at me confused, because the old pre-red pill me would have been butt hurt. I saw her confusion, and smiled at her and said, I had a great time today and I want to go back out. She relaxed again got dressed and we went out till the wee hours of the morning. She was more relaxed and I began to lay the ground work by creating fun and sexual tension. That next morning, I woke up and felt her snuggle up and start rubbing up against me. I took her and dominated her (read the sex god method), gave her several orgasms and ruled her. We ended up having passionate sex two times a day for the next 3 days before we came home. Now, that’s great for a married couple both in their early 40’s, so this red pill stuff works guys.
- Your wife bitches at you for not doing some simple household chore “correctly” or shows disgust about one of your habits, or makes fun of one of your short comings. Example – My wife was fretting about her hair roots being gray and it not being convenient that she could get a stupid hair appointment squeezed into her schedule. Many blue pill guys take this bitching seriously and offer to take the kids, create space for her, or some other supplicating pussy whipped bullshit to please her. I just let her bitch and listen and STFU. Now, if she nicely requests help from me in a COMFORT test, I’ll accommodate her, BUT I’ll say something smart ass and sarcastically (with a teasing tone) “I suppose I can carve out some time to help, but it’s not free baby…” Usually she will laugh and say, “I know what you want…” I’ll tease back and say something like, “you, me, some wine, and one of your sexy outfits tonight… then I’ll smack her ass and she’ll giggle at me.” Look, it doesn’t matter to me if that happens later that night or not, it’s just the point and the “feelz” during the interaction that matter. Women respond to the context or feeling, not the content. My advice, make everything playful. As soon as you start taking her seriously and trouble shooting her problems without a genuine respectful request from her, you’re in her frame.
My point in all this is that I think a key concept in controlling the frame revolves around the style and type of communication you employ. As I mentioned earlier, women think and communicate covertly and emotionally, and we think and communicate overtly and logically. The very act of moving the communication from covert to overt is an important key in controlling or losing the frame. Also, calling our or “observing” her mood or your perception of the interaction, changes the interaction all together.
There are a couple of principles in quantum mechanics that illustrate this concept and the underlying ideas can be applied to interactions with women. These are the double slit experiment and Schrodinger’s Cat.
The double slit experiment – best described in this YouTube videohttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfPeprQ7oGc–
light exhibits the properties and behaviors of both a wave and a particle. We can see that light or electron particles behave like waves on the screen behind the slits, when we would expect them to behave like particles since they are fired one at a time. Therefore, in order to determine that, it is measured or observed. However, the observer collapses the wave function simply by observing and blows up the behavior.
Schrodinger’s cat – (from Wikipedia)A cat is placed in a room that is separated from the outside world.A Geiger counter which counts the amount of radioactive decay and a little bit of a radioactive element are in the room.Within one hour, one of the atoms of the radioactive material might decay (or break down because the material is not stable), or it may not.If the material breaks down, it will release an atomic particle, which will hit the Geiger counter, which will release poison gas, which will kill the cat.The question now is: at the end of the hour, is the cat alive or dead? Schrödinger says that according to the Copenhagen Interpretation, as long as the door is closed, the cat is dead and alive. There is no way to know until the door is opened. But by opening the door, the person is interfering with the experiment. The person and the experiment have to be described with reference to each other. By looking at the experiment the person has influenced the experiment.
Here is the takeaway. Like in quantum mechanics, observing or overtly bringing attention (in a weak or blue pill way) to your wife’s mood or behavior changes the nature of the interaction. Observation either defines (or frames) the outcome of the experiment in quantum physics AND the frame in which you are operating with your wife. A woman’s mind is strange and weird like the world of quantum mechanics. It has any and all possibilities in it at all times, then during an observation (i.e. in a “moment” for her), it becomes a measurable reality. That is why when she says, “I hate you”, or “You’re such a disgusting asshole” you add the words “right now” in your mind to the end of ANYTHING she says. Your goal is to control the frame and have at least an 80/20 split of positive feelz toward you to negative feelz toward you. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so if you are just starting, do the work. If you are improving and getting better, she most likely will come aboard, but she may not. If she doesn’t you win anyway, because when you fix you, AND assuming you stay true to the red pill, history shouldn’t repeat itself in your next LTR.