Up until I was 19 I had almost no friends and never had any social encounter at all, never.
I learn about TRP, joined a gym, learned social basics, etc, I felt good.
I joined college last year, was having the time of my life, I felt awesome cause I had found TRP and was for the first time I remember skinny. I was meeting friends everywhere, striking up conversations everywhere, meeting girls, was having a blast.
A couple weeks in I had my ever first girl in love with me, she was DM'ing me left and right, she was super down for it. I kinda realized it but at the same time I was like 'nah man, this is too easy, this cant be it' but I kept playing my cards.
Then we had a movie meetup with her and a few mutual friends and lo and behold without me even realizing we were in my dorm room and she was in my bed, putting on a movie.
This was the first time reality hit me, I portrayed the high value male up until here but this was the ultimate test, I failed it miserably. I pussied out and didnt make a move. She lost interest in me and dropped me.
From this point onward until now, I had hit a wall but couldnt explain what happened, why did I pussy out? It was so easy, what happened? So I just kept trying to figure why it happened
After a year of surfing the waves of partying and having fun and studying but never approaching a girl cause I was afraid the same thing would happen I had a blast but always with that thought of being a virgin always present in the back of my head.
After all this time I fnally realized, I have been faking high value instead of actually internalizing it. Now I realize that learning that girls dont really love you, just the feeling you give them. And that life isnt the beta dream I always was thinking it was is just hitting me hard.
Bottom point is, how can I really get high value? Im at the gym getting gains, im going to fix my teeth, got a dope haircut, bla bla, but this is only external. What can I do for the internal? Every word that comes out of my mouth is searching for validation, every time. I always say things that make me the guy on top of the world, and people get tired of talking to me because of this and I dont even realize it. What can I do about it?