Meditation, barriers and fragile ego

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March 4, 2019

I find myself taking my goals seriously, putting in effort, feeling good about that effort, and then as a response getting lazy and complacent in other parts of my development. Maybe I am constructing some sort of covert contract that as long as I am a good dancing monkey and I go to the gym and I eat my peanut butter and just try really hard to change and get really angry at myself when I do something wrong, I will change and drown in self-fulfillment and dripping wet pussy.

This is obviously Nice Guy bullshit.

Maybe I like sitting where I am comfortable, on my freshly-built fragile ego, ignoring my problems behind me, closing my eyes and smelling the glue until my cardboard ego collapses under my sorry ass and I start crying like a fucking baby.

A concrete example:

In my last OYS I was riding the high, and feeling really good about myself. I was, however, having difficulties with anger due to beta tendencies. I had recognized that I probably needed to meditate, so I asked you for advice.

The advice was: you literally only need your phone's timer. Start with 2 minutes twice a day.

And I did not do it. Why? Because I felt like I did not know what to do, thus creating a tiny little barrier.

And because it was uncomfortable to think of having to do that, I avoided it and instead went to the gym and read through all of the reddits: (ask)trp, (ask)MRP, NMMNG, etc.

I just downloaded Headspace and did my first meditation. When that smug British voice told me to let my thoughts run for a few seconds, I got tears in my eyes because I was so angry and frustrated at myself for giving up and scrolling through Reddit earlier tonight.

I want to improve myself, but I am such a Nice Guy that I manage to even turn self-improvement into a sad pile of excuses, avoidance, feelings of self-loathing and covert contracts.

Hope this helps some of you.

PS I got the meditation thing now, I don't want another account and the hand-holding easy way with a paid subscription to a machine. I'll set a fucking timer as I should have done earlier and maybe check in with a real person once I can do this shit without crying.

PPS maybe this is not worth a thread but if you couldn't tell yet, I am a sorry Nice Guy who wants to be called a faggot by you for validation. Fire away guys

Post Information
Title Meditation, barriers and fragile ego
Author Ireallyamtheprize
Upvotes 10
Comments 17
Date 04 March 2019 09:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

Step zero is to stop hating yourself. I've seen guys achieve a ton of success, never solve this underlying problem, and simply become jacked or rich depressed guys instead of fat or middling depressed guys.

Getting all pissed off and mopey is breaking frame...with yourself. Worse, coming here to outsource your "punishment" when you should instead be disciplining yourself is gay as fuck.

You suck at meditating and controlling your emotions because you never tried. Worse, you punish yourself for being weak. That's like walking into a gym, intentionally racking weight you know you can't lift, then crying about failing the rep. Instead of the instant punishment of Snap City, your punishment is a gradual degredation of your mental health, which in turn will impede all your progress.

Control of your emotions and developing a rock solid frame are like deadlifting 405lbs. You add 5 to 10 lbs a week and practice every fucking week until you're strong, because deadlifting 400lbs is no fuckin joke. It take real strength and real strength comes from consistently trained muscles.

Your mental muscles are fucking weak. Stop crying because you can't lift the weight, accept your weakness and see the journey as acceptable pain in your journey to becoming mentally strong.

[–]Ireallyamtheprize[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, that sounds like an even more accurate diagnosis than what I was asking for...

"gradual degredation of your mental health"

Sounds a lot like my first OYS.

[–]tspitsatgp3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why you bottling bro? If you can't close your eyes for two minutes without crying then you've got some shit to deal with. So deal with it.

I used to bottle. I used to wear it as a badge of honor that the only time my wife saw me cry in 15 years of marriage was when a close friend died (motherfucker I'm tearing up just writing that). Big boys don't cry, right? Well you know what, fuck that shit.

Feeling like crying? Meditate or listen to sad songs or whatever gets you going and fucking cry. It's OK. Just don't go crying to Mommy.

Feeling angry? Hit the gym. Lift until exhaustion.

You get the idea. Get it out of your system and then reset. Ride the waves until you get to calmer water.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You don't "literally only need your phone's timer," you literally need nothing but your fucking brain, which presumably comes along inherently wherever your dumb-ass goes.

and I start crying like a fucking baby.


I got tears in my eyes because I was so angry and frustrated at myself

... don't be so uber-gay, dude. Enough with the crying. Christ, crying twice in in one fucking post?

PS I got the meditation thing now

Of course you did. One day (probably fucking yesterday) you failed, next day (today) you've succeeded. Jesus jumped, the drama.

once I can do this shit without crying.

For fuck sake, crying again? I should have known.

Fire away guys

Don't do that. It's even worse than the crying.

[–]Ireallyamtheprize[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not saying you are wrong, but..

I cried once. And I hate myself for it. So I came to you.


[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got a better idea!

Just saw your OYS for the first time:

Stats 1.88 m 71 kg Lifts: 42.5 kg Bench press, Squats, Dead Lifts, Barbell Rows. 60kg (body weight - 10) chinups, 30 kg overhead press

Do I understand this right, you are doing bench, squat, dead lift, and barbell rows all at 42.5kg / 93lbs? What kind kind of crap is that? Do you only have a Fisher Price Weight Set and that's all the plates? Get serious, your squats/dead lifts should be double your bench and bar bell rows, even for a self proclaimed faggot such as yourself.

Meditation is fine I guess, but honestly, pounding out heavier reps does the trick so much better. Hit the gym and FIND YOUR ONE REP MAX for all those. Then pick a program like Stronglifts 5x5 or Grayskull and enter about 80% of those 1RM in as starting numbers, start lifting for real 3 days a week, and follow the recommended progressions.

Sure, it's gonna hurt to give maximum effort and your body will kind of always ache a little bit, but you won't care. In fact, all those little things that make you mad won't matter that much anymore. Sure, they will be there still but you can take your anger out on the iron instead of acting like a small child who's been told he can't have a 3rd ice cream cone.

[–]resolutions3164 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy


It just takes time.

Stop judging. Focus on following the plan.

Fuck up, get back on plan.

Give up, start again the next day.

No matter what. Get back on plan.

And forget beating yourself up. It doesn’t help.

[–]light-----------dark1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

While I respect your decision to not give into the a machine / paid subscription, hopefully the following gives you insight around the benefits of doing so.

Firstly, while theoretically meditation is easy, it can be really challenging at first. Using Headspace daily helped me lay a strong foundation 3 years ago. This is because Andy Puddicomb (the voice that guides you) is a proper Buddhist monk. He subtly introduces proper mindfulness meditation techniques that literally re-wires one’s brain through consistency - laying a foundation for properly approaching meditation in an easy and fluid way.

3 years later, and I’m a changed fucking man. Still use Headspace every morning - 20 minutes. I’ve also increased my practice to 2x a day.

Frame is a state of mind. Headspace has been very influential as I continue to build mine.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you well on your meditation journey. If you stay consistent and build a daily habit, you will be a changed man too.

[–]Ireallyamtheprize[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks! I will leave the app on my phone and at least finish the free "Basics" course then.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What the fuck is this? Seriously, get out of self pity. Meditation is a small step forward, but you need to just take action. Sidebar, lift, work the dread levels, etc. Quit beating yourself up - it’s counterproductive

[–]The-Wizard-of-Oz-1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What? Your main problem comes off as self loathing. How does meditation have to do with everything your self esteem revolves around?? This sounds like absolute nonsense. Recent research indicates that meditation isn't even that effective. If you could kindly go into how exactly you turned self improvement into a patch of excuses (instead of focusing on a trivial aspect of it) we would better be able to understand if your self loathing is justified. I am certain, that if you gave us a detailed analysis of exactly what the problem is, instead of an emotional story about meditation (yes, your avoidance in it could be considered as a symbol for the whole aspect), the good people of reddit will be more than happy to give you advice.

Assuming thats what youre looking for, not to vent.

[–]Punishermp61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Whoever stays down is a LOSER. You always get up, that is a WINNER." - Arnold

Your trend line will go up and down as you experience successes and make mistakes. The point is it always trends up over time as you continuously improve yourself. You're going to make mistakes. Recognize you made one, learn from it, and cowboy the fuck up and get back on the wagon.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only fags rush in 1/2 cocked trying to sprinkle alpha on it.

Fucking lazy idiots ask for advice then admit to self sabatoge seriously, who else is going to do it, if you don’t ?

[–]donmcde1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was so angry and frustrated at myself for giving up and scrolling through Reddit earlier tonight.

That's a good thing. I've even faked my anger at first and had the same effect. You're associating bad feelings to the collapse of discipline. Keep it up. Destroy your excuses, give yourself no avenue to retreat and your ego will not survive. Life gets so much easier once you don't need anyone to call you out on your bullshit and it becomes automatic.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The advice was: you literally only need your phone's timer. Start with 2 minutes twice a day.

And I did not do it. Why? Because I felt like I did not know what to do, thus creating a tiny little barrier

Much of what is taught here you learn by doing. Trial and error. Your problem is lack of discipline.

[–]NorthernWarriorRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

PPS maybe this is not worth a thread but if you couldn't tell yet, I am a sorry Nice Guy who wants to be called a faggot by you for validation. Fire away guys

A post post scriptum DEERing to be called a faggot?

No. Fags are grown, you're still a child.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The Waking Up app is good if you want less British smug and more cerebral monotone physicist.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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