659,329 posts

How bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back?

by Foid1376 | March 08, 2019 | askMRP

25 upvotes

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Asking you guys because I know you'll be honest with me.

My husband (24) and I (24) met a few years ago and realized pretty quickly that we both read TRP. At the time I read it to be able to play the game from the other side (it's easier when you know the other team's playbook), and now I read MRP to see myself objectively as best I can and to recognize when it's the hamster going crazy and I'm not using my logical brain. (Fuck RPWomen. That's just a sub about how to trick men into marrying you.)

Having kids is kind of a weird topic with my husband and I. Anyone who has ever asked us got an immediate "no fucking way" from both of us, because we hate other people's kids. But we talked about it recently and the more he thinks about it, the more he does want to have kids. I was okay with this, because I was kind of in the same boat, but...

I asked if he wanted to adopt. There are PLENTY of children in the world that need real homes, so why make more? We have two rescue dogs, and they're the best thing that ever happened to us. Rescue dogs, rescue kids, same thing, right?? But no. He wants to have a biological child (in about 3 or 4 years. we like to plan for the long term).

This scares the shit out of me. Not raising a child—I'm on board with that—but the squeezing-a-kid-out part.

Posts like this scare the living shit out of me. And they are endless on TRP, and even MRP.

My husband is the most important person in the world to me. Making him happy is my #1 goal. He's my captain. If he wants to have a child instead of adopting, then I'm on-board.

But I won't be the same. Having a fucking kid changes your body in ways I can't imagine, physically and hormonally. I've heard women say countless times, "ever since I had little *insert consonant*-ayden, I *insert some awful thing that their body does now*."

I brought it up to my husband, "You know if we have a kid that my body will be FUCKED right? Like, it will never be the same. It will be a mom body."

He was spinning plates when I met him and a couple of them were moms. He said they had great bodies. But I think he was just trying to make me feel better.

I take care of myself: I’m active, I eat well. My husband and I do Taekwondo 3+ times a week, I’m 5’9”, 140lbs. 36”x26”x38”. He’s convinced that I’ll “bounce back to normal”.

But what I’m MOST afraid of is the male primal brain, and the female pregnant brain. When a woman is pregnant, the make primal brain says “this one has already been used. Go fuck one that isn’t used.”

I’m not worried about my husband cheating, but what I am afraid of is that we have a kid, like he wants, but the entire process changes me in his mind from his BDSM sub in the bedroom to his ole’ lady. Or that the hormones from being pregnant would throw me off the deep end and a annihilate the Spock part of my brain I hold in such high regard.

THE FUCKING POINT/tl;dr:

For those of you with kids, what did you think of your wife through the whole pregnancy thing? Especially after.

Do you feel like she let herself go? Is sex not as enjoyable anymore? Did she go all cunty when she wasn’t before?

What, if anything, could she have done better—to keep you feeling the same way about her?

I know I’ll probably be horny af with all those hormones, and my husband said there’s no way he could want to fuck me while I’m pregnant.

I know you can’t say that you wish your kids weren’t born, but how bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back?


Post Information
Title How bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back?
Author Foid1376
Upvotes 25
Comments 55
Date 08 March 2019 03:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/221067
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ayreec/how_bad_do_you_wish_you_had_your_prekids_wife_back/
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Comments

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

Ok, I think she got what she came for. Locking this one up.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy

I got my pre-kid wife back when the guy she married came back from betaland.

Actually, she's better and we're better.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beat me to it. I was scrolling by to reply and say the same exact thing.

Mines better than ever, so’s her husband. Must be some sort of strange coincidence.

[–]rogerramjetz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This times 1000.

[–]ManguZa11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Three kids, my wife is perfect as she is.

If you eat (really) well, if you do sport, and if the hospital don't fuck during delivering (seriously consider homebirth with a midwife) your body WON'T be fucked.

About the primal brain, if you show loyalty so your man can trust that he's the only one for you, he will be even more in love with you because of the kids. Quantity is just a strategy for men, and not the best because the kids haven't a father. If the primal brain can go quality it takes the opportunity 100% of the times.

Respect him, seduce him each day (don't take him for granted) and you will be fine. However your husband... no fucking while pregnant? HE IS A MORON. Talk about that with him and don't do children if he persist in his madness.

[–]rogerramjetz3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

He is a moron alright !

Although, right towards the end it felt a bit awkward if I'm honest though.

[–]ManguZa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who care? You do it anyway. I bet you're the type of guy you'ld bitch if a woman refuse to have anal because it felt awkward.

[–]Foid1376[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I haven't really heard this argument before, outside of some of the comments here: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/apur79/why_stay_with_an_old_woman/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share but I'm glad to hear it. (And I'm hoping he'll come around on the pregnancy sex thing when the time comes lol)

[–]ManguZa4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No hope. Talk to him about it NOW. That's seriously a huge thing.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret24 points25 points  (7 children) | Copy

Overall you're thinking like a woman. Wife goggles are a thing, and if you're loyal, sweet, dutiful, and sexy before, during, and after the pregnancy, you have nothing to worry about. Plus, you're 24: even in 3 years, you likely will "bounce back" (with some careful planning and habits of course), which is why women should have children relatively young. Chill your shit.

EDIT:

how bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back?

The extent to which that is true usually has more to do with wanting the pre-kids wife personality and attitude back, not necessarily the body.

[–]beta_game6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

“The extent to which that is true usually has more to do with wanting the pre-kids wife personality and attitude back, not necessarily the body.”

This.

Once you have kids they invariably become the main focus.

[–]rogerramjetz4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. The personality and attitude is more important overall in this context.

[–]Foid1376[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Chilling my shit. Thanks for the input. Trying to get an objective perspective on the whole idea. It's really hard to tell what worries are warranted and which are the hamster running free.

Edit: the mentality is what I'm most concerned with. The body is secondary. I see the way pregnant chicks and moms are, and sometimes it's like a switch went off in their brain. Women's hormones change for basically forever after having a kid. Fucking freaky.

[–]NightFire451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being in shape and taking care of yourself is a very very large part of bouncing back. My LTR was back to pre-pregnancy in 2 months at 36 with only 6 hours of labour on first and only kid. We often joke that if we had met earlier we should have pounded out a few more.

A big indicator will also be on how your mom faired. Her mother had quick and reasonably easy pregnancies.

[–]Xtinamina0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The mentality is what I'm most concerned with.

Do you think that by adopting a kid, your hormones will be more stable and you would be able to handle mom life better? Mom life is hard, biological kid or not. Raising a baby is hard and crazy no matter what. As they get older they push boundaries, take up all of your free time, surprise you in the craziest ways and sometimes are just so damn annoying. I think it's safe to say this is true whether you "squeeze them out" yourself or not.

As far as the actual labor and delivery goes, it's a walk in the park compared to actually raising the child (I've done it twice). And I hope that was a typo when you said your husband would not have sex with you while you were pregnant. As somebody in another comment said, that will open a whole new set of issues.

[–]Foid1376[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hm. I think I've assumed that most of the "mom"-change is hormones, but that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, that is what he said. But he's 24, and at the time we'd never really talked about having kids before. I think he thinks I'll turn into a generic "pregnant lady". I hope that when the time comes he'll come around... or at least be too horny to care if I'm pregnant or not lmao

[–]ManguZa-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not the hormones, it's the time. Even without kid, most women change when the relationship last long.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

It does appear that some women have more natural "bounce back" than others, so assuming your mother took care of herself a tour through the family album will be insightful. If she didn't, you may want to look though some of your aunts, etc.

my wife and i have two kids. no bullshit, i find her just as or more attractive after kids. she is a very small woman, and kids filled out her tits and ass nicely (wife goggles on, check). i've got some girth so i think her opened up pussy fits me perfectly now.

He said they had great bodies. But I think he was just trying to make me feel better.

MILF is a real thing. take him at his word.

I know I’ll probably be horny af with all those hormones, and my husband said there’s no way he could want to fuck me while I’m pregnant.

yep my wife was DTF a lot when pregnant. him not wanting you when your prego does sound like a shitshow in the making. guess i'm a freak, but i think fit pregnant women are hot as fuck. wife and i were sexing it right up to 2-3 weeks before delivery.

i agree with https://www.reddit.com/user/SorcererKing, both the temporary and permanent changes in personality and attitude are regrettable. short term i felt very ignored with the first child, although this did not occur to the same extent with the second child.

her personality changed in ways best summarized as "you're a lot less fun and kinda buzzkill". appetite for risk and adventure fell off a cliff. the doting nagging mother traits came out in full force. i take at least 50% responsibility for this as like a lot of new father's i lagged in my new role horribly.

i will say that as we approach an empty nest i'm starting to see hints of that more adventurous woman i married long ago.

edit, check out redpillwives as opposed to redpillwomen

[–]Foid1376[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

And I haven't read RedPillWives. I'll have to check that out. Hopefully it's more useful than RedPillWomen

[–]Foid1376[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is exactly the kinda insight I was looking for. Thank you. I can see how becoming a parent could turn someone into a buzzkill, it's something we'll both probably have to keep the right perspective on. I really don't want to fall down the motherhood rabbithole of negativity.

[–]ImplodedVeggies3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I don’t know much but I’ve watched many family members have kids, and the “bounce back” is much more elegant the younger you are. When the 20 year old had a kid she looked the same after, but when the 35 year old had one....she lost some SMV

I think having the kids when your body is naturally going to handle it better is the only solution to avoid longterm physical changes.

But I’m also not a doctor, or a husband, or a women....just a guy whose spectated half a dozen pregnancies

[–]Foid1376[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your opinion still counts. My husband originally said he didn't want to have kids for 10 years but I had to say, "If you want kids we gotta do this in the next few years. I don't want to be 30+ having my first kid. The female body does NOT seem to handle that well." I'm trying to play the balancing act between not having kids before we've lived our adult lives more and having them before I'm too old to bounce back, which is still super young in today's world. 30 is not the new 20 as far as our bodies are concerned lol

[–]ImplodedVeggies1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The fine line you are trying to walk is a tough one. The only preventative maintenance I can think of is fitness. There is a trainer at my gym who had a kid, and the kid is 2 now but she looks hotter than ever. She has also just passed 30.

She’s been working out for years, but she kept herself in shape before, during, and after the pregnancy.

I would say that’s your best option you can put into action now.

....I’m not talking about skinny cardio fitness, she lifts and eats...but by no means does she look like a man, she’s still has a fragile feminine vibe.

Also my sister has been using stretch mark lotion for years, months before she even conceived because she wanted to improve “elasticity” before stretching even began, and the few marks she does have are skin level and barely noticeable.

Half your battle will be convincing your husband to change the timeline(don’t nag too much) but the other half should be preventive maintenance...fitness, skincare, and foods that promote brown fat>white fat.

I think all the horror stories you have read are probably from sedentary women who got off birth control and waited until they were in their 30s to start a family. Hormonal birth control can also trick your body into always thinking you are pregnant or some shit, hence all the crazy side effects that are similar to the side effects people get in pregnancies, so avoid that too.

[–]Foid1376[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've gotten a small glimpse into the hormonal aspects of it. I donate my eggs occasionally (5–10k a round. Paid for college lol), and the meds I have to go on for those are like pseudo pregnancy. The first round I went on my husband and I fought a lot before I realized it was 100% my hormones making me a cunt and I had to eat shit. The donation cycles since then I've been much better about recognizing the hormonal hamster voice in my head and ignoring it. It's kinda like being a schizophrenic.

I've heard that waiting until you're pregnant/after to start working out won't help you much. Unless you were active BEFORE, you won't be able to go back to normal near as fast. Def seems to be something to this.

Starting stretch marks cream before is brilliant. Keeping that in mind.

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

As soon as she was a mother of a baby, she said "It's like my heart went from inside of my chest to in my arms".

That means a lot of things, including constant worry and anxiety about the kids at all times. Before the kids, she was carefree, fun, and just went with the flow without issues.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

As soon as she was a mother of a baby, she said "It's like my heart went from inside of my chest to in my arms".

I echo this sentiment. My entire world changed when my daughter was born. One of the only times my wife has seen me cry.

[–]Foid1376[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can't you be more on the carefree/not-a-buzzkill side and still be a good parent? (Trying not to wander off into parenting advice here) It seems to be generally accepted that "once you become a parent, your priorities change", but that can lead so quickly to the good-mother-but-not-good-wife syndrome. u/Redpillbrigade17 is right: I want to have my cake and eat it, too, goddamnit. My husband deserves a good mother for his kid and a damn good wife at the same time.

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Posts like this scare the living shit out of me.

That guy is a faggot and he is banned now too. Read the top comments, he gets called out and rightfully so. Shallow man without a mission or direction. Drunk captain at best exhibiting low value behaviors and getting relentlessly shit-tested because of it. He hates her because her attitude is like a mirror reflecting his leadership skills.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Keep his ballz drained and he’ll be happy.

Shut the fuck up.

[–]Foid1376[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

(salutes) STFU is the best general piece of advice a woman can get.

[–]Redpillbrigade172 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Add ‘and his belly full’ and sounds like heavenly bliss.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

My line is “Feed me and fuck me - I’m a simple man.”

I’ve also mixed in the occasional “Bacon and blowjobs” too.

Didn’t go over well at first but now when the plate of bacon comes out I just chuckle and she calls me an asshole.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cute. But keep in mind that you don’t want to limit yourself. Balls empty means you unload any which way you want. Ass, mouth, throat, pussy, you name it. Everything should be on the table, if you don’t push her sexual boundaries eventually she’ll find someone who will , Or she will simply be less satisfied physically and most importantly psychologically than is optimal.

Good luck

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Zero fucking percent.

The single largest contribution she made to my life was giving me two fucking amazing kids.

Beyond that her utility was her vagina, which I have since come to learn - there is better quality and quantity out there.

Edit:

Just saw you are a chick. Dont pollute your womb with drugs and alcohol before you have kids and damage the single greatest asset you have to offer.

Beyond that, shut up.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife had our daughter at 28, shes 31 now and still hot but she takes care of herself and trains. I wondered if she would turn into a shrew like some of our friends but all is OK so far but I lead by example.

[–]HerukaArisen2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

My wife had our first two kids (out of three) with 18 months between them. Yeah, there were changes. Short-term, it took a while to adjust to them in my head. Long-term, I actually wouldn't consider this a major issue in our relationship. My wife keeps herself in shape and sexiness so much more than appearance.

Nobody knows what will happen. But life cannot be planned to the full, it's meant to be lived. If your husband wants kids and you really regard him as your captain, I think it is pretty obvious what you should do.

[–]Foid1376[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Oh I never intended to say no to having kids if he wants to. I'm just trying to get an idea of what I need to keep in mind so I don't slip into used-up harpy-land during/after pregnancy

[–]HerukaArisen1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, but none of us can tell how your husband will react to you having children. Even he cannot tell you that, because he doesn't know it yet. So what are you going to do about it?

[–]Redpillbrigade172 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You’re overthinking it. And it’s because you know too much and you understand the sexual marketplace by now way better than most people. You are objective almost to a fault.

Can’t give any advice as a man, but it sounds like you want your cake and to eat it too, but more importantly on an emotional level you’re hamstering in “what if” land , in a version of ” he loves me/ he loves me not.”

[–]Foid1376[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're definitely right. I knew this post was bordering on hamster reassurance (but it's the internet, I had nothing to lose). I do want to have my cake and eat it, too. And I'll be damned if I don't try to make it happen.

[–]Foid1376[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking thanks for the input/advice guys. This is a hell of a lot more than I expected.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you feel like she let herself go?

I was pretty much a dick during her pregnancies. People would tell her to have an extra slice of cake - "You are eating for two!" I would say, actually, it's more like eating for 1 point 2 (1.2). People would call me a dick, I'd shrug. My wife didn't get stretch marks, but she didn't gain a hundred pounds like some women do. It's absurd how fat some women get. You can't expect to gain a hundred pounds, lose it after and be normal. And most women don't lose it all after. Some don't lose any. It's just not healthy and I don't care what anyone says.

So, you need to keep perspective and not eat everything in sight because it's socially acceptable and because fuck it, your pregnant.

I know I’ll probably be horny af with all those hormones,

You don't know that, but it's a nice assumption to have.

my husband said there’s no way he could want to fuck me while I’m pregnant.

What a buzz-kill. Pretty piss poor leadership too. Points for honesty, but damn.

Is sex not as enjoyable anymore?

You mean with kids screaming in the adjacent room?

how bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back?

It's not possible, so I don't give it much thought.

[–]Foid1376[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's the damn truth about the eating thing. You're right. A women only need a FEW hundred more calories a day when pregnant, not to eat "for two" obese adults lol

[–]bourbonhipster0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Let's be honest about a few things.

Adopting a kid is nothing like rescuing a puppy. His biological imperative to replicate may be the only driving factor behind him wanting kids. That's not a bad thing. It's just real talk.

Kids are a life-long investment. You don't want to fall out of your commitment because you rescued some squirt that you find out over time that you have absolutely no feelings for. Getting rid of your adopted child isn't like rehoming a rescue dog.

About you being pregnant:

Yes you'll be hormonal as fuck. Morning sickness sucks. You won't be in the mood for sex through many parts of it. Nor will you have that same drive while breastfeeding. Your roles and focus are temporarily shifted. But this is what you both want, and should both be onbouard going in that it'll take compromise from you both.

If your dude turns into an emotional bitch halfway through because you aren't deepthroating 3x a week like normal, you both are going to be miserable.

About your body:

The biggest think you can't change is the possibility your breasts aren't quite the same after breastfeeding and any stretch marks you acquire. The rest is about keeping fit and in shape. It's not going to danger the baby. You won't starve it of nutrients.

Women who are fit are still sexy as hell when pregnant. Dudes can tell the difference between being pregnant and being yucko fat.

Otherwise your body shouldn't be 'wrecked'.

Remember most mom's let themselves go to shit because their discipline is weak and their goals aren't the same.

About the pain:

Epidurals are your friend.

About how I saw my woman differently:

I much prefer to see her take on the role of nurturer and it's attractive. If you suck as a nurturing mother it's unattractive. I don't see her as some used up thing. The main issue is logistically figuring out alone time for kinky shit as your kids grow older.

Last note:

It's fine to be afraid of the unknown. But if you two really have your shit sorted out you'll be fine.

Don't vaccinate and don't circumcise. Your kids will thank you for it some day.

[–]ARUKET3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm with you on everything except don't vaccinate. You don't agree with getting the essentials? Could you explain why not?

[–]Foid1376[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm upvoting every bit of that except the "don't vaccinate" part. Fuck that. I like my children measles-free. Definitely wouldn't circumcise. That's just child mutilation for... what purpose do people even think it serves again? I can't remember what they say now. My husband is weirdly passionate about how kids shouldn't get circumcised lol he'll never forgive his parents for it.

I'm glad and surprised that men see the nurturing side attractive. I get that it's a desirable trait—to be a good mom—but I never thought anyone saw it as specifically attractive. I've never really even thought about having kids before, so there's a lot I haven't really paid attention to before.



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