Wife gets overt and angry when I pass shit tests

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March 18, 2019

I'll try to make this short. Already married for the second time when I discovered the red pill last year. I have decided to keep her, as she is above average in every way, and game her monogamously.

Anyways, aside from a couple isolated incidents, I have not gone full Rambo, but have been incorporating my own self improvement into our relationship. I was unknowingly pretty alpha when we met but after we got married I went beta blue pill again. She expects that I fail most shit tests. What has worked the most is Agree/Amplify. Example: Her: where were you really, with your girlfriend? Me: girlfriendSSS... plural [smile]

She has a lot of insecurity. Sometimes my padsing the tests shuts her up, and sometimes she just goes overt. "You're being a sarcastic asshole. Why the fuck would you say something like that? Are you TRYING to get a divorce?"

Here is where I falter. I truly am fine with a divorce. I would be MGTOW or a plate spinner but definitely not in a relationship had I been red pilled as a single man. My reaction, "oh no, what would I do, no one to bitch and moan, or to work overtime for... why would I want to finish this great movie when I can pause it and converse with an angry woman all evening..."

I know I get sucked in. I am working on disengaging. When I leave for the gym or start scrolling on my phone, she makes it a point to threaten me, "you truly don't care, ok, I see how it is, your wife doesnt matter to you, you just do whatever you want, you're a narcissist, 2 can play at that game..." yadda yadda. I just grin and say "ok, you're obviously frazzled. Come talk to me about how you feel when you have come down off it..."

She wants me to go beta and DEER. But when I used to do that, she didn't respect me. She still doesnt sometimes but overall it's better because I can look myself in the mirror.

How do you handle this?

Post Information
Title Wife gets overt and angry when I pass shit tests
Author PilotBass
Upvotes 127
Comments 100
Date 18 March 2019 11:43 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/222418
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/b2hp48/wife_gets_overt_and_angry_when_i_pass_shit_tests/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
DEERalphabetaplateshit testgamethe red pillthe blue pillMGTOW

[–]alleyteris226 points227 points  (36 children) | Copy

Remember , while in a relationship , being completely alpha is as bad as being total beta , you must find the perfect mix off apha and beta to something like 70 -30 or 80-20 but you mudt not go full apha on her

[–]iintrOOutroo75 points76 points  (7 children) | Copy

Never go full alpha.

[–]LucrativeMath49 points50 points  (6 children) | Copy

Can confirm. This is where I fucked up. My five year LTR ended two months ago because of this. No regrets though. I’m doing better than ever post breakup.

Wait a minute, maybe going full alpha is the answer after all? 🤔🤔🤔

[–]JustDaMax10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Going full alpha afterwards definetly is

[–]CasaDeFranco0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No contact and hit up new plates, right?

[–]dontlike-hotz82 points83 points  (2 children) | Copy

The unpredictability is maddening for them! Haha

[–]alleyteris86 points87 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thats how i survived my ltr, give them some cocky/ funny and then tell her about minor problems you face but show them that you have it all under control . This allows them to respect you and pairbond with you

[–]Crotons9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Part of this is creating emotional diversity. Be civil most of the time but don’t forget to piss her off occasionally. The saying is “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”

[–]omega_dawg936 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

i agree but women are nature's nurturers so instead of going full alpha with a mix of beta... drop the beta completely & appeal to her nurturing side by needing her to help you with something.

for example, matching your work clothes with socks, a tie, or shoes. asking her to feel/massage around your back or ankle bc it's sore. or to hold something while you fix on something... like stabilizing the ladder while you change the bulb.

it will convey that you both value her presence and need her around... and doesn't give her an ounce of beta.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (14 children) | Copy

Wow I have never heard this before. This is a thing?

[–]DexiAntoniu58 points59 points  (9 children) | Copy

Being an alpha means you will put yourself fully over others in any compromise that you haven't initiated, to the point of refusing to engage in the compromise completely if the situation requires, and moving on.

If you agree to a monogamous LTR relationship, you will fail it being an alpha 100% of the time by definition. No one has to put up with your crap. The world doesn't revolve around any 1 person, and if you don't compromise, why should she?

[–]FrontloadPain14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's a pretty decent description. Thing is that a definite lack of compromise is not sustainable in any kind of relationship, this is not exclusive to LTRs with women. Yes, even male companionship revolves around compromise and concession to a degree. While this is natural to most, many newbies seem to go way overboard with their recklessness in relationships.

[–]Imtoosexyformypants10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

There’s a spectrum, no ones fully alpha. You have weaknesses, as much as you don’t want to admit.

This sub is hilarious talking about alphas like it’s black and white. Even the nerdiest programmer can be alpha in his element of work.

Regardless op doesn’t understand a comfort test vs a shit test

[–]james33740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great perspective!

[–]SeamusAwl9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

I disagree. If your version of being an alpha is what they get from watching captive wolves, then you are not actually an alpha. You are just an asshole. Alpha’s in the wild are not the same as captive wolves. They are respected by their pack. Not feared. Women in LTR/marriages are looking for that type of alpha. They settle for the BB/AF strategy as a means to get what they want. But make no mistake, they want a true alpha (wild wolf) and not some fake alpha wannabe (captive wolf). When you are an Alpha those under you (wife/GF/friends/coworkers/employees) trust you to make the right decisions for them as well. Your version of an Alpha suggests that you would take your LTR with severe peanut allergies to Texas Roadhouse or Five Guys, becasue fuck there allergies. That is what you want. Nope. That is just being an asshole and she will be gone before you are done reading my reply. It isnt being a Beta to consider thier needs when deciding where to eat. You are still making the decision of where you can eat.

[–]DexiAntoniu0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Buddy, you made a bunch of assumptions about me and jumped at them to prove God-knows what... C'mon, we're all nice fellas in here, be a bit more generous with what I was trying to say, that's how we actually get to learn from one another :)

[–]SeamusAwl5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are correct. My disagreement was with being alpha 100% comment you made. I was just trying to show that you can be 100% alpha and maintain an LTR. But it centers around the definition of alpha. Also, some say you have to infuse beta traits, but there are beta ways of handling things alpha ways of handling the same thing. Just like doing the dishes. If you are doing the dishes to impress her - beta. But if you do the dishes because you want ti keep a clean house - alpha. The truth is that women want to be desired by a high value man more than they want to be loved. Always be attractive. Always be gaming her. And always display high value.

[–]SolarTortality0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed, you don’t have to submit to her to demonstrate that you do it out of love, not hate. Standing up for yourself is not synonymous with putting others down.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you agree to a monogamous LTR relationship, you will fail it being an alpha 100% of the time by definition. No one has to put up with your crap. The world doesn't revolve around any 1 person, and if you don't compromise, why should she?

I bet this will go over a massive amount of heads in this sub.

[–]do_it_or_leave0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You heard about it. They are also called comfort tests.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I meant not being completely alpha

[–]do_it_or_leave0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Comfort tests aren't about being alpha.

[–]cuztrp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man I'm struggling with this... A lot. Every time I go into a relationship, I'm alpha and everything is playing well. But as the relationship progresses, I grow needier and lose sight of who I am and end up being a useless bitchy beta :( it's truly pathetic... I don't get how to do the 80-20% rule... Like every time I decide, "Alright, let's give her some comfort. Let's act a beta a little," and I just... Can't stop. It's seriously maddening. I really hate myself.

[–]erthian1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

exactly. LTR is about push and pull, but most guys only ever push.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great answer.

[–]red2hilt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

very important post.

comfort tests are also important.

[–]eddee_d-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

Since when tf were we not supposed to go full alpha and why didn't anyone tell me that earlier ☹️

[–]alleyteris4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You dont have to be told shit, learn to obsserve. Red pill is a toolbox use what works for you best. For me for example what works in a LTR is being an alpha leader but show them that you have beta traits like the fact that you can care for them and listen to her problems, being in a ltr means that you are a potential father to her kids and that you will care for them too,

haveing said that , women will get a baby from you if they deside too despide you being a complete alpha (in the bad dark triad asshole way alpha) but in this cases the end is not happy and i believe that it ends in a devorse that leaves behind aplha widows and fathers that dont give a fuck about their children ,leaving them in the hands of the now hurt newly made feminist Yet again worsening the problem

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy

Post to "askmrp" sub.

[–]RedLegendx86 points87 points  (10 children) | Copy

When she brought up the “are you trying to get a divorce?!” I would have just smiled, pulled her in kissed her and proceeded to seduce and have sex while calling her a brat or some shit like that. You have to know how to not take shit serious and deescalate with women after you pass the shit test and they keep bitching and moaning.

Edit: You did good with the agree and amplify. Just that I would have proceeded to do what I wrote afterwards.

[–]babybopp58 points59 points  (1 child) | Copy

Leans in and whispers..

do u want me to fuck you like a slut, a princess or like a divorced wife..?

[–]Crotons10 points11 points  (6 children) | Copy

This is the best answer. Shit tests with long term relationships need to be passed delicately. It’s not so much about being a total panty wetter and more about maintaining your dignity and frame when she says some stupid shit.

Passing too aggressively typically puts women off unless they are mentally unstable. Also, you should have more tools than just agree and amplify. If you default to agree and amplify, the simple ignore or a light hearted pressure flip can go a long way.

[–]lolrtz0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Does ignoring shit tests actually work? Like do you pretend she just didn't say it? What if she calls you out on the fact that you're ignoring what she's saying?

Can you give a few examples of a pressure flip? I've read it in the sidebar before but I don't quite understand it.

[–]Crotons1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They work as long as you don’t say nothing. An eye roll or a “fuck off” and then continue the convo works well. Ignoring by saying nothing is a failed shit test.

A pressure flip is just asking a question in return.

[–]KatanaRunner0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

light hearted pressure flip

Can you give an example? or can I find this on the sidebar?

[–]Crotons4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

You can find pressure flip in the side bar. A pressure flip is just asking a question in return, so therefore a light hearted pressure flip would be a simple and non aggressive question in return.


Her: “OMG you want a divorce!?”

Him: “Why would you assume that?”

[–]nu121x-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is not a pressure flip.

[–]Crotons2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes it is.

[–]spicy_fries-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, it didn't sound like he passed her shit test. If she is grinning and calling you an asshole, then good. If she is getting angry, then not so much. Just smirking and saying "No way baby! I'm taking one for the team." Keeping it fun and playful.

[–]Yashugan0051 points52 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're already on your way down the beta-fication slide. She's frustrated you're putting up resistance and she's now having to redo her progress. Her getting angry is typically how they cow beta's. Your only option here is to: not give a shit about this. Don't enter her frame where you have done something wrong and need to be taught a lesson. You're not her trained dog, you're a wolf.

Start leading again. She either follows or she's out of the pack.

[–]antariusz-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

The fact that he’s posting asking for advice on how to deal with her, caring about her fee-fees, is the only proof you need that the beta process has already begun/in full swing.

Stop caring so much OP. That path leads to the blue side.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy


Comfort when you can, people go too rambo, be aware.

[–]mrpthrowa37 points38 points  (3 children) | Copy

First your say:

I have decided to keep her, as she is above average in every way, and game her monogamously.

Then you go on and describe a raging shrew.

Take off the pink coloured glasses, you definitely have oneties and you know you can't get better than her.

[–]SICFJC2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]gotalowiq0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t believe he knows he can’t get better than her. I believe he think he can’t, but that doesn’t mean he truly can’t.

[–]DatingTank9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

When you develop yourself, you threaten other people's world-view. You will experience a lot of resistance, from friends, family, lovers, co-workers and society

Continue on your own path, see who follows and who parts.

PS: Sometimes the resistance you get is actually valid, because you're changing in a way that's not valuable to even yourself. When learning new stuff, we have to test the boundaries. Example, we want to be more assertive, but suddenly find ourselves controlling, arrogant and realizing we have turned into a Karen. We've overdone it. Time to dial back and find a healthy level. In this process, your networks' resistance can serve as valuable feedback. In time you will learn to distinguish valuable feedback from ego-centered resistance.

[–]FederalAnxiety2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quality response right here

[–]Wrapper_Manners0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"When you develop yourself, you threaten other people's world-view. You will experience a lot of resistance, from friends, family, lovers, co-workers and society"

Can relate brother.

[–]jellyman6437 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're not alpha you're just being an ass hole ...

[–]Crotons7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

It sounds like you’re not answering her comfort tests. You can be an alpha douche all day long by answering shit tests, but if you never answer a comfort test, you’re asking for a seriously unstable partner. Her comfort tests have been unanswered for so long that they are becoming more desperate and more overt and that’s what you’re seeing. Then you double down with an abusive answer. You’re literally farming her mental instability and your own unhappiness.

Master the art of being a jerk and a sweetheart.

[–]MisterMarbles19881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think I've learned this recently as well. If a girl doesn't have enough comfort, she'll start acting out. Like a kid would in an unstable family situation.

[–]amd20616 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

I know this is a red pill sub; but have you considered that truly being alpha means that you take care of her needs and not neglect her with fake nonchalance? That’s pretty childish... there is a difference between leading and having a vision and having her as your second officer while you’re the captain as opposed to being disengaged and operating alone as a wolf rather than a family of lions.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

iM nOt a bEtA

[–]amd2062 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I HaVe To Pr0Ve mY MasCuLiNiTy

[–]Project_Zero_Betas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]rpsheepdog4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It kind of seems like you're using shit test reponses to some comfort tests.

[–]FederalAnxiety3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"oh no, what would I do, no one to bitch and moan, or to work overtime for... why would I want to finish this great movie when I can pause it and converse with an angry woman all evening..."

You've got the right idea on agree and amplify, but it's coming off as resentful and passive aggressive, which is pure beta behaviour. You can let her know she's being a brat while still keeping it playful. Pull her in for a kiss then say "and get some peace and quiet? Definitely not."

[–]RPAlternate422 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy


Any misgivings she has about whether you are faking it are solved when you are jacked.

[–]PilotBass[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Been lifting. A lot.

[–]RPAlternate420 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then your frame, to her, is weak. Past history has an effect on the now.

Stay the course and consciously and thoughtfully evaluate if your frame is truly strong.

[–]SeasonedRP2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Being more beta isn't the answer. Being alpha won't work either. If you keep frame, she may back off on the specific shit tests she has been throwing at you, but she'll find new ones. Unfortunately, over the long term, this won't get any better. Dread will work temporarily. You'll get to the point, however, where you'll have to follow through on it or she'll learn that she can do whatever she wants and you won't leave.

Prior to locking you down, women know they are in competition with other women for your attention and go out of their way to treat you well. This is how guys get roped into marriage--they think nothing will change once they move in with the woman. But everything changes then, as you've learned. They are free to be their bitchy selves and may even try to tear down your SMV so other women won't try to procure your resources (an example of this is the many married women who push so hard for their husbands to have vasectomies). Your experiences are why the sidebar advises never cohabiting with a woman.

I wish I could offer positive suggestions for you. Your best bet is to start making exit plans. Since it's a second marriage, I am presuming no kids. That will benefit you, and if you haven't been married long, she might not get any alimony either. The sooner you pull the trigger, the less she'll be able to squeeze out of you. The main thing is don't have unrealistic expectations that this is going to get better, that there is something you can do to make her behave the way you want. It isn't and there isn't.

[–]LilLoserFreny0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Finally someone who knows what they are talking about.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your experiences are why the sidebar advises never cohabiting with a woman.

Disagree. If you're in a LTR, cohabiting is the only way to determine if a marriage will work. The better answer is don't cohabitate with someone if you know marriage isn't in the cards for them.

[–]Fulp_Piction1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The sarcastic asshole could be the asshole who cares too much, or the asshole who doesn't know what a comfort test is. Agree and amplify isn't going to cut it 100% of the time. You don't mention dread, gym, frame? If she's overt and angry she's not in your frame.

[–]0io-1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's possible to over-do the agree-and-amplifying. It sounds like you're still passing the shit tests which is good, but you could mix in a lot more STFU and fewer snarky comebacks and maybe do a little bit better. Imagine there were some stranger standing around when the wife starts being obnoxious. You don't ever want to be the one arguing with an idiot, because (as the old saying goes) a stranger can't tell who's the idiot. So make it your plan not to get drawn in to any pointless arguments. If she starts yelling or being bitchy offer her a kiss and if she doesn't kiss just leave the room, and then go to the gym or do your other stuff. The imaginary stranger should be thinking "wow, that woman is completely nuts, and her husband never loses his cool."

You want to be in a good mood all of the time, and if she throws a tantrum it doesn't ruin your mood, you just walk away from it. (Which is where shutting the fuck up is very effective.) You can invite her to some other activity too, "I'm going to go play tennis, you want to come with me?"

I wouldn't comment on her emotional state "you seem angry" or anything like that. Just let her finish ranting and raving and then either leave or suggest some other thing you guys might enjoy doing together. Remember it takes two to tango, and she's going to get bored really fast being the only one yelling and arguing when you go about your day and have fun.

tldr; STFU 2/3 of the time, agree and amplify shit tests 1/3 of the time.

[–]Opioidus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Daily spankings must be administered in every marriage.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you escalated/improved too quickly. Women want betas to stay in their own lane. They loath even purple-pill stuff(Jordan Peterson, Simple Pickup) because they're terrified of the idea of being impregnated by a False Chad.

[–]StopGaming12340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This will be really hard to salvage. From what you are telling us I can already tell that she has low respect for you. I would've dumped any girl instantly that says such things to me.

[–]codek_sly0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“Haven’t gone full Rambo yet”


[–]SwoleyMoleyFrijoley0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Where was she at in her menstrual cycle? Start tracking that shit so you know when to be alpha asshole and when to comfort insecurity. Dude I think a lot of people would lash out if their SO changed whether it's a control thing or not. She's still a person, just a woman. Learn to speak her language. You have to manage the relationship. 100% on you.

[–]PilotBass[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Day 4 of the red part of the cycle.

[–]SwoleyMoleyFrijoley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Alpha asshole when they're around ovulation. Comforting guy during PMS and period. Track the cycle on your phone with an app and plan accordingly. This is a big help to me personally. I know how to act when to keep her just where I want her. And that's what is best for her. You totally failed the comfort test man. Read Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life Primer. There is a healthy balance but it takes a bit to find it..

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like an Estrogen imbalance is clouding your ability to decipher what deserves no reaction and what deserves a positive/ negative reaction.

Wife/ girl shit-tests you as you go to gym? That's when u smirk and fuck off to the gym. Why would you even entertain her stupid fucking attempt at shit-testing you, like why would you entertain a horny ant poking you with the tip of its proboscis?

[–]0mnipath0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What kind of nationality is she? Sounds like a Slavic shit test lol

[–]pishposh440 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Divorce is how I’d handle it. She sounds like she doesn’t respect you. You sound like you don’t love her and are settling.

[–]Thisismybot80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her reaction within itself is another shit test. She's trying to see if you can stay calm under pressure. Congrats on passing consistently.

[–]ThinSpiritual0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

TIL: I'll grow more and more autistic just like OP.

[–]gtphanta0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That sounds very disrespectful to me and anyone I was with would have been screened for that before marriage. In saying that, deal with the disrespect. Threats should always be taken at their word.

[–]_Anarchon_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know what the most recommended way to handle shit tests is, but I find just strait up ignoring them is useful.

[–]lozboss0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She sounds low quality to me, lots of drama over nothing.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try the Married Red Pill sub, brother. See what they say, too.

[–]BusterVadge1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Lost respect cannot be gained back.

Take it from a guy who's been there. Get the divorce instead, you'll be happier without the constant bullshit.

[–]civilizedfrog15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

Pure BS. It can be gained but it is not easy. They put up a monstrous fight back. Ask the folks in MRP

[–]BusterVadge-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I browse that sub semi-regularly and while SOME men can regain respect they are truly the exception rather than the rule.

It's a better road to have abundance and move on rather than swim upstream.

[–]HurricaneHugues-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wjy waste time fixing something that's broken when u can get a new one. Abundance mentality my guy. OP isn't even that into his marriage. He said it himself that he wouldn't be committed if he had found TRP before this 2nd marriage. The chick is not worth all that headache.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It can be but you have to demonstrate a tremendous amount of change. Small changes that would impress most people won’t make a dent until a massive tipping point occurs where they see you entirely differently. You get a new better job and a new vehicle and you’ve lost 40 pounds etc.

[–]PilotBass[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have gotten a new vehicle. 2, in fact. I'm working on my pilots license. Paid off a lot of debt, lost 20 pounds. Playing music behind moderately famous people. She hates all of it (except for the annually increasing earnings). Most of her shit tests are around the gym, and doing things I like.

[–]Carbone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She should stop talking to her girls friends. Fcking bad influence they got on her.

Shes all confrontational and hysteric. Imagine just imagine for a second having a relationship where you look forward doing thing with each other and not going into an argument everytime .

Keep your path. She will soon prefer keeping you and taking your side when how sad her girls friends will look.

[–]Izakthegreat230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When she says “do you want a divorce” you gotta remember, ultimatums are declarations of powerlessness

[–]Thotasaurus_Rex-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]moorekom-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"You're being a sarcastic asshole. Why the fuck would you say something like that? Are you TRYING to get a divorce?"

This is an ultimatum. If an ultimatum is thrown out once, you need to be concerned. When it is thrown out repeatedly, it shows their frustration and feeling of powerlessness. You can handle this two ways.

  1. Personally, I don't like these games. If she says she's out, I show her the door. Once you let this kind of shit pass, she'll feel comfortable pulling it again because she wasn't punished for it in any way. Reward good behavior, punish bad behavior. Force her to make up her mind and be done with it. Alternate way of doing this, since you're in a marriage, is to disengage completely, make it formal and start consulting a lawyer for a preemptive strike.

  2. You agree and amplify. You run passive dread heavily. Don't run any active dread since she's apparently very insecure. Go to mrp and see how guys defused this very situation.

This is a power struggle. The way you are going to handle it will determine the future course of your relationship. If you think she's worth it, you have some work to do. But if don't think she isn't, go for broke. Women take their cues from you. Her insecurity is an issue. It will always be an issue. She might never transform into a submissive wife because of that. It's up to you to determine if she has that potential.

[–]HurricaneHugues-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

She sounds way too problematic to be worth yoir time man. Also stop working overtime "for her". She will never be grateful and she will resent you not spending more time with her. How are your finances generally? Dors she not have a job?

Protext yourself before u wreck yourself. Buy some gold, silver, watches or some other high value item that you can resell at a later date. Stash them somewhere safe that's not your house, in case you go through a divorce and she finnesse your known assets. You can then resell all that gold and silver and bounce back.

[–]Herdsengineers-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's either:

  1. turning into a real manipulator and things are going into a really bad place - ie the more you give in the more she demands, nothing is ever enough, and this ends very badly (i've been ther)
  2. Or she's trying to test your resolve.

Honest, the best response to either, considering her wife status, is to be respectful but strong with boundaries. Either way, she's being disrespectful. Be respectful back but set boundaries with the disrespect. You'd be surprised the power of just not saying a word and going to take a shower when you get home from the gym isntead of getting caught up in word bantery/quasi-arguing with her accusations.

The point is you are trying to build yourself into the best version of you that you can be, and she will benefit from that. It would be much better if she would respect and value you for the effort, instead of try to tear you down. She's displaying crab bucket mentality.

In the face of this, I'd just sit her down and tell her you've chosen to invest some of your energy and time into your own self-improvement to make yourself the best version of you that you can be. That means gym time. Trying to put your effort into making yourself a better, more capable man isn't narcissistic. It's drive and effort, that will pay off with results that you can and should be proud of. It's validation and recognizinng your own value and that you are worth the self-effort.

Then tell her that she can continue to antagonize you like she is, or she can realize that your efforts will make you a better man for her to be married to. It will imply that she should be striving to maker herself a better woman for you to be married to as well, but don't actually say this to her. She'll get it, and how she reacts will tell you a lot about where your marriage is goinng.

[–]Hjalmbere-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The woman OP describes sounds very disagreeable.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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