She wants to turn it into a long distance relationship

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Antibuddy
March 27, 2019
14 upvotes
askMRP

TL;DR Live-in GF has last-minute decided not to follow me for job, wondering how I can salvage

Disclaimer: I am posting to a married RP sub because we are effectively in that kind of relationship.

I am moving for work in July. My gf lives with me now for over a year. We have met each other's families and marriage was somewhere in the plan, but the relationship has gotten EXTREMELY stale over the past time she's been here.

I have periodically checked with her throughout the year and she has always said, yes of course I'm coming with you. Her finding a job in the new area requires months of prep work for licensing, etc. I check in again and she drops this bomb on me about, oh maybe it's not such a good idea since our relationship is not in a good place right now. We're 3 months away. Not starting the process now effectively means it's not happening.

First of all, I agree. Don't move in with somebody if your relationship is stale.

But then she also thinks that we can stay together after I move. The distance we're talking about is about a 2 hour train ride. For me, I'm busy as shit. I'm a doctor. That's going to complicate life in a way that I don't want.

So I immediately tell her this sounds like a terrible idea. Right, don't move away from your home (we are still near her fam right now) if you don't feel good about somebody. But you think turning a relationship into distance is something that will make it stronger? That's just bullshit thinking.

My questions for you guys are:

  • Is this the nail in the coffin? Am I correct in thinking this is now a truly dead relationship and she's just too weak to breakup like she actually wants to?

  • Is it possible to save this sort of situation?

  • Is there a chance she is actually right and my gut instinct about the distance thing being bad is totally wrong?

Advice appreciated.


Post Information
Title She wants to turn it into a long distance relationship
Author Antibuddy
Upvotes 14
Comments 65
Date 27 March 2019 10:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/223442
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/b62tja/she_wants_to_turn_it_into_a_long_distance/
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LDR
Comments

[–]PilotBass42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has already checked out. She wants an out if her new plan fails so she wants you to stay in her orbit even though you'll be far away because you are familiar to her.

Save yourself the trouble and RIP the band aid off. Do your plans and you'll find another in no time, if you want.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret53 points54 points  (11 children) | Copy

Disclaimer: I am posting to a married RP sub because we are effectively in that kind of relationship.

i don't mind you posting, but i LOL so hard every time someone says live in GF = married. that's like saying my nephew visited for a few weeks and now i have kids. no you don't. you're not married until the ink is dry and the judge is standing next to you with a gun pointed at your head . . . then you're married.

she wants you to shoot the puppy. go forward with your plans without her. go minimal/zero contact initiated by you. if she really wants you and your D; she'll work for it. you're a free agent doctor now. it's up to her to win back the prize.

[–]resolutions3168 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I absolutely hate whenever anyone says this. But then, you can't know until you've been through it - very much like having kids.

[–]mrpwtf3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Meh. I don’t think there’s any significant difference in behavior between a long term live-in girlfriend and a marriage. Literally nothing meaningful day-to-day with my relationship changed when I got married. I’d been living with my girlfriend/fiancée for years. The only thing getting married does is make separation far more complicated and potentially damaging.

The only exception I can see would be if your girlfriend/fiancée were consciously auditioning and intentionally turned it off the moment you got married. But in that case your relationship is probably fucked anyway because your girlfriend is a low quality person.

Edit: Oh, yeah. OP, your relationship is over. She’s literally and explicitly chosen not to be with you. Time to move on.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

winning is always easy, it's the losing part that changes the stakes and characteristic of any game or enterprise.

[–]QueenSlapFight-2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy

Of course some of us aren't stupid enough to ever marry but would like to discuss LTR topics with fellow redpillers in multi year or decade relationships, who are midlife etc. Good for you for signing a stupid ass contract. Some topics and perspective still apply.

[–]SuperCrazy070 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t think his issue was that OP posted, it’s that he said his relationship was “effectively the same.”

[–]QueenSlapFight-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A 10 year relationship with or without marriage has a similar dynamic, the woman just has more leverage if it's a marriage.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Some topics and perspective still apply.

of course, which is why provide OP the advise he was seeking

Of course some of us aren't stupid enough to ever marry

the only reason to get married is to have and raise children. you obviously want the best genetic female material and character that your SMV affords. we all agree that marriage is a contract that favors the woman. given the "best genetic female material and character" has agency why would such a woman raise children in an arrangement that clearly does not favor her? tldr: Briffaults Law. iv'e floated this argument a few times here and on the main sub. it remains undefeated.

however, for you . . . you're right you should not get married. just because some men can do something does not mean most men can or should do something.

[–]QueenSlapFight-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

I like how essentially you're saying NAWALT because you're so awesome. Cool story bro, glad you feel "undefeated".

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

you got it half right. only the awesome can handle AWALT. the rest hide behind it.

[–]QueenSlapFight0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

k

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

username checks out

[–]PillUpAss24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s already over, you both know it but you just can’t vocalize it yet (oneitis). Kindly but succinctly end it. Leave the door open, then work immediately on getting abundance. This might be one of the best things that ever happened to you, don’t ruin it by being weak.

[–]QueenSlapFight0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Too often "leaving the door open" in this situation turns into orbiting. OP should be cautious. Plus if he's a Dr and she's dragging her feet and acting like the prize, he should sever hard and if he's interested in an LTR, find someone who will recognize that he's the prize.

[–]resolutions31611 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

gooooooooo fuck someone ellllsssseeeeeee

[–]GoodWillFunky15 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy

https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

Read that then blow up the pedestal where you have her.

You are the prize not her faggot.

Sidebar—————>

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Upvoted for one of my favorite RT essays.

[–]GoodWillFunky5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

That essay is what got my head out of my ass. Fucking brilliant

[–]zajdlem1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Damn man, that was a good read. Thank you for sharing it with us, you made my day.

[–]GoodWillFunky0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There’s more like that one right there-->

Everything is right there————->

Sidebar

If you want something more shocking and effective, more like a kick in your balls with a safety boot, then check out the OP’s of the guys flared red beret or hardcore red.

[–]zajdlem0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Forgot to attach your links man! I will be happy to read them.

[–]NordicVikingKing5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well doctor my prognosis for this relationship is that it’s toast!

For starters, you should be focusing on your mission and leave the relationship shit to her. If she’s interested, she’ll follow. If not, I’m sure you’ll make new options.

Secondly, why the fuck would you want to save an EXTREMELY stale relationship! You should know this and not ask strangers on the internet.

Lastly, LDR’s are a bad idea. What, like Romeo and Juliet’s ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ bullshit works. Pffttttt.....find someone else to drain your balls.

PS: Lift. Read the sidebar. Over and out.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are in the best possible place here! She has shown you by her words AND her actions that she's just not that into you.

You have to let go of your invisible friends and realize that a LDR is NOT a option.

It's over. Kick this girl who is not that into you out, and get yourself out there. And don't let the ladies know you're a doctor else you will be put into the beta bux category.

EDIT

You've been posting on red pill for 4 years and you don't know this shit? WTF. You should know better than to live with a girl who you are not going to marry, or even what to do in your specific situation.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ladies have to work to lock down a beta bux. He could keep his dick perpetually wet if he plays his cards right.

[–]ParaXilo4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am posting to a married RP sub because we are effectively in that kind of relationship.

No you're not. LTR is nothing like being married. You marry this chick and we will be seeing your posts in a few years.

We have met each other's families (first gf I took to family overseas) and marriage was somewhere in the plan, but the relationship has gotten EXTREMELY stale over the past time she's been here.

Who cares. It's your life not theirs. That's giving excuse that you have to commit because mommy and daddy met her. Big fucking deal.

oh maybe it's not such a good idea since our relationship is not in a good place right now. We're 3 months away. Not starting the process now effectively means it's not happening.

She's either fucking someone or wants to fuck someone else.

Is this the nail in the coffin? Am I correct in thinking this is now a truly dead relationship and she's just too weak to breakup like she actually wants to?

Yes. Just end it. She's wanting you to end it so it shifts the blame.

Is it possible to save this sort of situation?

Why bother? Oneitis much?

Is there a chance she is actually right and my gut instinct about the distance thing being bad is totally wrong?

It's absolutely wrong. Have you read TRM? LDRs are not relationships.

Literally doesn't sound worth it. Good luck.

[–]Bedtimeshine6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude... how is this not good news?

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's asking you to kill the puppy. Break up, go radio silent and embrace your new career in a new town: pipe layer.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd kill to have known RP kung-fu before I was married with 3 kids. You are in a position to take control of your fucking life instead of selling out for the first chick to open her legs for you. You are a doctor, you should be fucking countless nurses. If you want to settle down with a woman, make it one that demonstrates, through her actions that she would walk through fire to be with you. Her taking steps to distance herself from you via LTR should tell you all you need to know about where you stand with her. Break up with her and maintain your dignity. If anything, keep her as a plate, and if she wants another chance at a promotion, she'll have to beat out the nurses that are worshiping your cock.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

She isn't interested, hard next. Have a solid goodbye fuck and never talk to her again unless she is the one driving down to you so she can suck your cock (as a plate).

If you are a man of value (aside from beta bux) you should be drowning in pussy when you move.

Out of curiosity, is your relationship stale because you are busy being a doctor or because you are a faggot?

[–]Antibuddy3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Out of curiosity, is your relationship stale because you are busy being a doctor or because you are a faggot?

Both. Other doctors don't have shit relationships like me. I might not be relationship material. I have no idea what I'm doing once I get them.

[–]mrpwtf3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I might not be relationship material. I have no idea what I'm doing once I get them.

Lame. This just means you suck. If you cannot manage a relationship it means you’re either just boring once people actually get to know you or that you’re turning into a loser once you get into a relationship.

If you don’t want to be in a relationship, the don’t. But clearly you do, because you’re asking this question, so I guess you suck. Stop being a shitty male.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This sounds like worthless advice. Actually, I take that back, it is no advice at all, it is you just showing off.

Dude needs help, has admitted as much, and you say 'stop being a shitty male'.

[–]mrpwtf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wasn’t responding to his plea for a bunch of guys on the internet to validate his feelings about long distance relationships. I responded to his offhand comment that he “might not be relationship material”. It was intended to point out the loser nature he’s demonstrating with that comment.

If he wants advice on how to not suck at relationships, he can ask. And you can fuck off.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like a dog chasing a fire truck. Maybe figure that out before you waste time and energy in an LTR. Sure you aren't gay?

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Other doctors don't have shit relationships like me.

Don't count on it. Both my parents were doctors, and I observed a lot of their married doctor friends while I was growing up. Pretty clear that most of the men were pussywhipped betas. I remember one of their colleagues pulled up in a brand new sports car - and he climbed painfully out of the tiny back seat because his wife was driving it and his son was riding shotgun. Poor bastard couldn't even enjoy his midlife crisis.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ouch!

[–]SteveStJohn2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The advice here is it's over. Do you have the frame to end it? If you did, you already would have.

Cut the cord, if you can. If you can't verbalize it to her, then at least do it to yourself on that 2-hour train ride. The guy who arrives in the new city is single. Get that frame.

[–]dandar46002 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just read the rational male and go from there. There really is nothing to salvage here.

I'm busy as shit. I'm a doctor.

Just read the fucking sidebar.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm sure you being a doctor with serious income (and potential) is a good enough reason to keep you somewhere on her line so that if new and other exciting options don't pan out for her she'll sudden want to move there.

Don't be her backup plan.

Kill the puppy. Move on.

Now you can focus unhindered in solidifying your new area. Then when the time is right you can add in a woman (or better yet women..to vet or spin) who will compliment your life.

You may have spent time with this one girl thinking one thing...but there is no one. Just one Mary with many faces with varying compatibility levels.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I bet she's a doctor as well, given his talk about licensing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then even more reason she probably just keeps him around as an option as her pool is other physicians. Fuck that.

[–]dll1421 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Since you are asking for advice, mine is to end it. She would follow you, no questions asked if her heart and soul was in the relationship.

You're just lucky you aren't actually married.

[–]civilizedfrog1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is over, brother. She wants you to be a man and end this.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here your play. You relocate and do your thing. Some say to not be strung along by her. I would say don’t burn any bridges, but still relocate and keep her on the string. If she decides a month or two down the road to follow she knows where to find you. You always maintain control. Regardless, you need to treat it as the nail in the coffin and move on.

[–]mabden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Any girl with a high interest level in you, would move mountains to stay with you.

She told you, you didn't listen, the relationship is not in a good plce, she does not want to move with you, she is out.

This bullshit about a LDR is her way of keeping you on the hook (not fucking other chicks) while sets up your replacement.

Move, end it clean with her, meet /date/fuck other chicks.

[–]ManguZa3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

She said she'll follow you and now she renege... tell her that you won't do LDR and if she don't follow you it's over.

It's possible to save the relation if she accept to follow you and that BOTH of you work seriously on the problems you have.

[–]ClickForMoreInfo1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Really? “BOTH of you work seriously on the problems you have.” Where does that fit in “be the prize?” Men work on becoming better men. She doesn’t see him as the prize.

[–]ManguZa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well. If you want a relationship to work, the man must work on becoming a better man and the woman must work on becoming a better woman... and you specifically work on the aspects that are problematics.

If you work on you "to be the prize" but the woman don't do shit, it's unsalvable.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

LTR's don't work

​

Is this the nail in the coffin? Am I correct in thinking this is now a truly dead relationship and she's just too weak to breakup like she actually wants to?

​

LTR's don't work

​

Is it possible to save this sort of situation?

​

LTR's don't work

​

Is there a chance she is actually right and my gut instinct about the distance thing being bad is totally wrong?

​

LTR's don't work

​

[–]resolutions3165 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

(LDR)

[–]resolutions3162 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

but then again - also, LTRs

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can smell the oneitis from here.

You probably became a bad captain long ago. Not sure what value she brings to you but if you desire her, you'll have to captain up.

You're a doctor dude. I'd just move, bang away and make her a plate.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • A doctor armed with Red Pill knowledge....holy fuck

  • Having her up on such a high pedestal..tragic

[–]ahackercalled4chan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Iron Rule #4:

NEVER live with a woman that you aren't planning to marry within 6 months.

https://medium.com/@redpillnorman/the-iron-rules-of-tomassi-3e01b8c31d64

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes yes, no no

​

/

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On a scale of1 to 10, how Autistic are you?

It sounds like you’ve got no frame, no vision, no control. Even “your” girl is not invested enough to keep up the charade.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

LDR sunk cost fallacy.

Next.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Plate her and date her but don't give up on looking for a mate if that is your goal. She downgraded herself and you need to accept that fact.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It IS the nail in the coffin. Relationship is totally dead.

Not possible to save.

The distance thing IS totally wrong.

Read the sidebar.

[–]nomorepartiesinsd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Trust your gut man, staying together after you move away IS a terrible idea.

[–]rp_sjw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You already know the answer to your question.

Long distance relationships don’t work. Do you really expect to stay together while that far apart and have this turn into a family life?

[–]Grimsterr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is done, sounds like you know it but won't admit it.

the relationship has gotten EXTREMELY stale over the past time she's been here.

There's the nail in the coffin, you're just beating a dead horse with any further jibber jabber.

[–]becoming_alpha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Am I correct in thinking this is now a truly dead relationship and she's just too weak to breakup like she actually wants to?

Yes. Look at her actions, not her words. Her actions say she's done and wants you to kill the puppy because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Persaeus is right, you're a free agent now. Go enjoy the new city and build an awesome life there. If she comes to her senses and follows later, she's going to need to compete for your time and attention. Right now, she can't be bothered and that's a bad sign.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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