Dog just died. How to hold frame

idontlikemangos · 2019-03-29T14:21:54+00:00

I am so sorry man. Take some time to grieve by yourslef. Cry if you must. Talk to a friend. Grief is not a sign of weakness.

throwawaybjj44 · 2019-03-29T14:32:26+00:00

Sorry to hear man

hazelstein · 2019-03-29T18:46:24+00:00

Sorry for your loss.

Grieve in private.

Don't depend of drugs or liquor.

swallow the sadness.
What's gone is gone, remember dog in kind words.

Dont_call_me_Jesus · 2019-03-29T13:25:00+00:00

You act like a father would do if it was his kids dog. Obviously sad, yet reassuring. Not sad, "grave" is more like it.

Take some time alone to go walk where you'd have gone with him, as a way to remember him. Alone, with your memories of him, still strong and keeping your feelings for yourself.

BurnoutRS · 2019-03-29T14:30:54+00:00

If the worst does happen and she finds you in a broken down state, be sure that any "This is fucking tough, I loved that dog" statements are followed by "Im gonna get through this"

This is a transitory state, its fleeting and you recognize this. Theres a difference between healthy grieving and taking up a permanent residence within your own personal pity party

FereallyRed · 2019-03-29T13:47:25+00:00

Step away.

Use the "I need space" line.

Grieve in private. Never let them SEE you weak.

Condolences, man.

[deleted] · 2019-03-29T14:01:52+00:00

Im sorry bro. He may be gone but the memories you have together will stay forever.

[deleted] · 2019-03-29T22:30:52+00:00

Here.

boy_named_su · 2019-03-29T18:00:59+00:00

It's okay to be sad and cry when your dog dies. But not in front of a woman. Go see/talk to a male family member or close male friend

moviemaker10 · 2019-03-29T21:16:48+00:00

Feel free to DM me if you want to tell me some of your favorite stories of your good boy if it’d help. Don’t be afraid to grieve, man. Only a monster wouldn’t feel anything when their dog passed away, and there is nothing wrong with taking time to process the grief. If someone starts to talk about it, don’t be afraid to say ‘i don’t want to discuss it’ or something like that

Black_m0ngoose · 2019-03-29T18:59:18+00:00

Step one: try to hold frame.

Step two: Fail, cry anyway.

Few things hurt worse than losing someone who loved you unconditionally. Don't waste this opportunity to be human and have genuine feelings. You don't get to do that with many people, certainly not over women.

Being vulnerable is not the same as being weak. If she's the kind of girl that will start shit testing you for being emotional over losing a dog, she's not the kind of girl you want to be in a LTR with. The upside of being vulnerable is you get to see exactly who you can and can't trust: obviously the people you can trust will come to your aid because you're a valuable member of their social group. The people you can't trust will take advantage of your weakened state. Great time to see just how AWALT she is.

Positivezero4 · 2019-03-29T19:26:52+00:00

You are allowed to grieve bro

theaskingdude1337 · 2019-03-29T22:07:04+00:00

Sorry for your loss brother. I wish you enough power to overcome this hard time. If you start to cry just cry it was your best friend and if she doesn't accept it then just dump her then she isn't worth it.

pangolin001 · 2019-03-29T18:05:07+00:00

I heard this once before and I think it's true enough. It was something like this: Men are allowed to cry like twice in his life, when his dad dies and when his dog dies.

So, if you have one that would 'change' on you because you cried over your dead dog, she's a demon.

_Anarchon_ · 2019-03-29T16:22:23+00:00

If you're worried about "holding frame" at a time like this, there's something wrong with you. Grieve. Be yourself. Worrying about how your woman is going to react is disrespectful to your dog. If she can't support you in a time like this, or chooses this time to take advantage, she's not worth keeping around.

archaic-guy · 2019-03-29T18:00:52+00:00

Frame isnt being an unemotional rock is being in control

ronswanson3322 · 2019-03-29T19:16:07+00:00

A man is only allowed to cry over 3 things. 1. His dog dying. 2. Getting hit in the balls. 3. Losing close family or friends.

Ditario · 2019-03-29T19:48:57+00:00

Here is how I try and approach it.

There is a difference of grieving in front of people and posting it on Facebook for some sort of validation or attention.

On that spectrum, lean towards the side that is about remembering your dog and the relationship you and your loved ones had with it

lololasaurus · 2019-03-30T02:06:24+00:00

A trick I learned from George Bruno is to schedule your grieving. Decide when you're going to do it. Do it then. End it when you have the next thing on your schedule. It has been helpful for me so far.

I'm sorry for your loss. That's hard.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-03-30T13:22:14+00:00

There has been one endorsed contributor comment. Pay attention to it.

Your dog died, and that fucking sucks. In no way am I ignoring that fact.

Your question, though, is in regards to what to do in front of your girlfriend. Be wary of following the bluepill advice of 80% of the replies.

Do NOT show weakness, ever. It is ok to say it's hard, it's fucked, tell her you're down. But TRY to show you can handle it. Show it hasn't broken you. It's a golden balance.

Women are primed to need a man who knows how to survive. That's not just red pill bullshit. It's biological.

If you break down, and show you can't handle it, there will be some subconscious part of her brain that says 'oh, he couldn't handle it'. Not saying she will pack up and leave tomorrow, but some part of her will notice it.

L0nerizm · 2019-03-29T16:46:09+00:00

Alright this over manly shit is stupid. Be a human and grieve however u feel like. Who gives a shit what anyone thinks. if you’re sad about your dog then trp is the least of your worries

RStonePT · 2019-03-29T18:13:16+00:00

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Aeterne · 2019-03-29T19:50:55+00:00

Inform her that your dog has died, and that you need some space and privacy.

This lets you process your grief without her mistaking you for being weak, and similarly, signals to her that you are dealing with it, which is a sign of masculine emotional strength and coping skill.

machiavellianlaws · 2019-03-29T23:00:59+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss

dj1041 · 2019-03-29T23:57:18+00:00

It’s up to you, just make sure you deal with those emotions one way or another. If you able to talk to your girl about it then do it, or if you have bros that you can talk to do that.

Just don’t play it cool and brush it under the rug. Take some time to yourself or go hard in the gym for a few days. I think guys who bottle that shit are worse of later down the rode and people can see through it mate

allcryptal · 2019-03-30T04:22:07+00:00

A man can show emotion and not break down and lose frame. That means being the one composed but your words can show your emotion. Also, if you want a harsher opinion, outside influences shouldn't effect you that much. But, all the best with your loss. Been there, shit is tough.

[deleted] · 2019-03-30T09:50:28+00:00

cry it all out alone or with a good male friend. good luck brother

kayfab · 2019-03-29T22:36:59+00:00

Man fuck this holding frame, your dog died, its one of the most important thing, i could care less with i was with my ex and one of my cat died, i cried it out, its humanity.

ImFreeMan · 2019-03-29T22:02:30+00:00

Am I the only one that thinks that if a bitch leaves or loses attraction because she saw me crying about the loss of a loved one, then she can go get the fuck out ?.

I mean it is a shit test of a kind, if she shows she is an unemphatic bitch, then why the fuck i want her in my life ?=

E46M54 · 2019-03-29T23:36:33+00:00

Why be with a woman at all if she's just going to suck another mans penis if you shed a tear over the death of your best friend?

TheRedPillRipper · 2019-03-30T04:10:06+00:00

Condolences for loss u/AttentionDenail. At least you had 15 years of solid loyalty, unwavering love and reciprocated affection. Focusing on those memories too will help the process.

It’s true what they say about grief, loss and time; whilst it may not heal you will live through this experience; and; hopefully learn from it.

I’ll reiterate others; DON’T GRIEVE with/in front of your partner. EVER. Womyn are emotional connectors so viewing you in that light only lessens you in her eyes.

I’d suggest a simple call just telling her your dog just died, you need some time and you’ll be in touch soon. Nothing more is necessary. If more is then I’d be scrutinising her and your relationship hard. This time is for you to process and mourn however you see fit.

Then do you. I’ll hit up a drink tonight too to toast to the memory of your bestest of best boys!

Godspeed and good luck!

mikayla_rivera · 2019-03-30T01:36:55+00:00

Dude just be sad, it's not weak to cry or grieve for your dog especially to your girlfriend. If she is that shallow that she thinks you're less of a man for being sad about your dog, than fuck her for real because you deserve better. You should have a beer and pass out maybe watch a movie or something, whatever can help you deal with your loss.

ainihon · 2019-03-30T02:08:42+00:00

You can be sad but never cry

Nighthawkdragon8 · 2019-04-10T21:04:26+00:00

Ya dont cry in front of her whatever you do. Be sad, show emotion, just get the crying done by yourself.

WiredT · 2019-03-29T20:48:36+00:00

Some of these dudes take the redpill shit to a whole other realm of stupidity. We cant be sad if a family member died?? Who tf are you tryna impress. This shit is ridiculous

Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits · 2019-03-29T16:39:30+00:00

It depends on the level of intimacy with the LTR. Something that is important, which I have seen being discussed lately, is that you can't be alpha all the time. You are permitted moments of weakness. But intermittent, sparingly indulged-in moments of weakness. You can cry when you parents or siblings die. I consider my cat my family. That being said, if you've been with this girl for more than a year, I think it is okay if she sees you weak for once. As long as you don't spiral out it'll be fine. If you're not that close with her, tell her you want time to yourself.

Xkirbyx · 2019-03-29T18:32:42+00:00

First and foremost, fuck all that don’t cry don’t show weakness in front of your girl. Dude, you’re best friend just died let that shit out crying doesn’t make you weak. All this machismo shit is getting out of hand. If your girl acts in any way negatively about you showing human emotion dump her ass, that’s just being a cold hearted bitch.

heyprestorevolution · 2019-03-29T20:01:57+00:00

Lol what a cuck having feelings, go on female hormones today, quit wasting everyone's time.

mr-satan · 2019-03-29T21:36:53+00:00

Your priorities are *you*, not how some goofy bitch perceives you.

If she perceives your legitimate pain as weakness (and she might) you shouldn't care.

Should the King give a shit about what the Queen thinks of him?

Esaulph · 2019-03-30T01:40:58+00:00

Dude, it's your dog. A fellow family member who'll love you like no one else. Who cares what she thinks? She has to know what matters to you.

Kabuki431 · 2019-03-29T21:18:02+00:00

Isolate and mourn in person.

distinctmasterpiece · 2019-03-30T03:28:07+00:00

Rastafarian tradition says to only grieve your loss for six days; and on the seventh day when you wake up, you then celebrate the life of that which you lost, and from then on you only remember in joy and celebrations.

LordMarkStark · 2019-03-30T04:21:53+00:00

Don't become a blabbering mess but it's ok to feel down and sad. Talk to her about it. She should be understanding. Don't take trp too far, you're only going to hurt yourself. Sure have a rememberance drink but don't get drunk at all. Your girl should appreciate your life and circumstances. Just don't lean too much on her in this. Stay classy. This is not something you should go on about with any great intensity to her over. I.e get it done and over with it's not an excuse for her to be nurse for the month. You'll have a whole lifetime to remember your pet. Include it in conversation and interaction with her but don't be a blabbering fool over it, maintain some strength in this adversity, it's ok to air such feelings and all that as your relationship goes on but like anything you'll have to deal with it on your own. Your girl is just your sidekick, not your problem solver.

Take a moment for yourself. Lay on your bed think about your dog hard and cry your eyes out before she gets home. Even if just for one minute. This is the start of a healthy grieving and letting go thing. Nothing wrong with that and it's healthy. You may even then be able to open up to her in a healthy way later and have a decent conversation around it. It will then fit into your day in a better way than it otherwise would. You're going to miss that mut, so no use bottling it up.

Geleemann · 2019-03-30T19:54:43+00:00

So basically from reading the comments here; a lot of users think that crying in public will push women away - that may be so. But It's natural to shed a tear. It's different if you're howling and balling your eyes out for hours and days on end, is what I'm getting at. Then it would be best to do it in private.

If your gf/wife leaves you for crying over a loved one/pet for a few hrs then she's doing you a favour and wasn't worth shit to begin with. Next.

blackkzeus · 2019-03-31T20:27:26+00:00

Don’t listen to any of these chumps. You’re a human. Sometimes we get down. Your girl will understood as long as most of the time you’re a strong, solid man. If you’re solid 90% of the time you can afford to be vulnerable a little bit. It won’t make her any less attracted to you. By the way sorry for your loss.

DatingTank · 2019-03-29T18:39:10+00:00

You don't need to keep your fucking frame when your dog dies. Allow yourself to be sad and shed a tear. It would be weird NOT to lose your frame.

Sorry for your loss.

yungplayz · 2019-03-30T02:55:16+00:00

If you're scared to let your girlfriend know you're emotional over your dog passing away, then you've got a wrong girlfriend. Also, my condolences

kaazsssz · 2019-03-30T04:39:06+00:00

Maybe I’m just not knowledgeable enough about TRP, but to me? I say fucking cry your eyes out all you want and if she doesn’t like it, dump her fuckin ass. She doesn’t deserve you.

I suppose the literature will teach you that no woman will ever accept any kind of crying?

mrpoopistan · 2019-03-30T06:01:53+00:00

It's your dog. This isn't about game. Your dog's a friggin soldier and a family member. Mourn him openly.

if she makes a thing out of it, just remind her you won't be crying for her like you will your dog.

bigboxguy · 2019-03-30T06:26:18+00:00

I don’t think your girlfriend will care of you tear up a bit or not.

I just fully tore my acl, meniscus and mcl during our rugby game a month ago. My girlfriend and all of her friends were there and saw me tearing up on the sideline when I was getting checked out. She didn’t care or dump me.

What am I supposed to do not show any pain or weakness?

Lambdal7 · 2019-03-30T06:35:52+00:00

Frame is not being ashamed of your emotions.

It’s a test for your LTR if she gets insecure about you being human or if you can be a human being around her.

augustopinochet27 · 2019-03-29T23:01:55+00:00

This forum is supposed to be about being the best man you can be. Here we see a prime example of a modern pussified womenized boy. I raised 7 dogs and all of them died. They are good and loyal beasts but you as a man should not even be effected by this. Go hunt and understand the nature of death and life. Ffs stop being a crybaby. Your dog followed you because you were the masculine and the alpha figure. Become that fully. Do not depend on anything and be ready to live and die courageously. This entire forum bases manhood around the material. But seek something inner, the masculine core of your being. Like the Spartans of Old who did not flinch in the face of death.

Prysefighter · 2019-03-30T01:30:08+00:00

I'm convinced you guys are trolling. If you're sad, cry dude, a woman isn't gonna leave you cause you cried over your dead dog, unless she's an absolute psychopath. My heart goes out to you but take it easy on the I have to be a certain way stuff. The point is that we don't let others dictate and control our emotions, not that we torture ourselves to seem fake tough. Let it out, if she doesn't like it, fuck the cute chick from the pet store when you look for a new one.

rnsbrum · 2019-03-29T16:28:52+00:00

If you have to do that then it means you don't have any frame. You are a freaking bitch. Why do you try to look like you have frame when you actually don't? This is what separates the men from the boys.

Kizzou · 2019-03-30T01:35:40+00:00

Sorry for your lost brother. Just wanted to say to not listen to these clowns telling you not to cry in front of your girl. Its okay to grieve and any respectable and empathetic friend or girlfriend would understand and be there for you.

If your girl looks down on you for being vulnerable in an understandable moment in your life, then you know she isn't the one for you.

Also just to make clear, i am in no way saying men should make a habit out of crying in front of their ladies but sometimes it is okay

Title	Dog just died. How to hold frame
Author	AttentionDenail
Upvotes	169
Comments	147
Date	March 29, 2019 1:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/b6x41f/dog_just_died_how_to_hold_frame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dog-just-died-how-to-hold-frame.223648 https://theredarchive.com/post/223648