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noticing a pattern in my wife responding to my new red pill aware life

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April 1, 2019
20 upvotes

So, I'm several months into my MAP. Have good lifts, look good, and have an active life. One thing I started doing from the get go (and more and more as time goes on) is tending to my needs first, of course with situational prioritization (ex // if one of my kids needs my help and input for the annual science fair and has limited time to work on it, I would rearrange my schedule to accommodate, OR if my wife had a company event at her work and asked me to come, I'd gladly go with her)

That being said, as I began to prioritize my own needs and life, and take responsibility and action to get those needs met, my wife has occasionally bitched about it, by calling me a selfish asshole, and saying (in a shrewish and mocking tone) things like, "I forgot, your needs and wants come first... I just need to learn my place." I just shrug it off and say, "ok" in my mind, and I stopped DEERing. I used to try and please her, but I've significantly mitigated that behavior.

I assume this is just shit test resistance to see if I hold my frame. My wife is respectful almost all the time and we have a decent sex life (I'd like more frequency, but it's always passionate and high quality sex). I just see this as an attempt to shit test and gain control over me in some fashion. Thoughts?


Post Information
Title noticing a pattern in my wife responding to my new red pill aware life
Author dll142
Upvotes 20
Comments 34
Date 01 April 2019 02:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/223976
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/b8316q/noticing_a_pattern_in_my_wife_responding_to_my/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPframeshit testthe red pill
Comments

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy

Standard behavior.

One note if she used the exact words "I forgot, your needs and wants come first... " ... did you talk about fight club? Or just verbalize something she should have picked up on via action.

If she's paraphrasing then...ok. But if you literally told her with your mouth "My needs and wants come first".

Waaaaaaahhh

STFU

[–]dll142[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

nope, never opened my mouth... I might have 6 months or a year ago, but absolutely stopped that

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good deal!

That means things are being illustrated via action clearly.

And that her hamster paraphrasing is just a weak shit test to color the situation. She's checking the "guilt" variety off her playbook.

[–]dll142[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree... just from a factual, scientific (behavioral) nugget, I notice that this response is a way that women like to try and wrestle for power and dominance. It's ironic, but my wife is very submissive by nature, but like a typical woman, needs to test.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

She's mad because she's not first in your priorities... you are. This is normal - just don't do anything stupid and STFU or you'll set everything back (ask me how I know!).

One thing I would caution about is over-doing DNGAF with her... it was my big mistake where I was just being an ass and not providing ANY comfort. This was my fear in slipping back into faggot needy behavior. Make sure you have a balance in your relationship.

[–]pussykiller0090 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How do you know?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

How do you know?

A few months ago, I fucked up by demanding more sex, sex acts, etc. I also was just being an asshole all the time (to be an asshole). It was 100% dancing monkey. Took awhile to resolve this in myself and get to the point I'm improving for me and not her.

[–]helaughsinhidden8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

When addicts are weaned off of a drug, there becomes a point when it's still their blood stream, but in much smaller doses. When this happens, normally the addict goes and gets another bag, drink, smoke, or another blue pill.

Or, you are like a captain that has always sailed by the coast, always watching the shoreline for navigation. You now have a compass instead and the Blue Pill Mountains that used to validate your direction have just gone out of reach of your telescope. The wind just caught your sails and the current is taking you away.

Either way, you are feeling that point of no return. Your at a point where you could turn back away from permanent change. The twinge of your familiar withdrawal still making you a bit shaky. Just beyond the horizon, past the jitters, you see a new you that isn't just role playing, but is a different person, one in charge of his destiny.

No doubt, it is new, even scary. The rules are different, boundaries have been removed, and you aren't sure what new dangers and pitfalls are in front of you. Crew may try to mutiny the boat or jump off and swim back if they don't trust the "new you". Addicts usually lose ALL their friends when they get clean.

STAY THE COURSE!

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ah this old chestnut. Ya that's her bumping up against your frame, it's a test to see if you will open your big fuckin mouth and engage the hamster. You pass, you didn't, you came here to get roasted. You win! This what I do.

I give her this look, and all I hear is this song comming out of her mouth

Then I laugh.

[–]Dialerstring2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

LMAO!! I like this. When my wife is bitching, I’m going to act like she’s RickRoll’n!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seems pretty accurate and is something I got aswell.

First it was push-back at me going to the gym. I didn't budge and 6+ months later she is now clearing time for me KNOWING i will be going to the gym and will schedule her events around me returning from the gym.

When i started going out socially, with what would be considered a 'club', the same resistance was put up... 2+ months later she is no longer putting up resistance

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.02 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is normal behavior. She is trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. My wife did the same thing. Now however everything filters through me. An example being, "RPWolf I have this work thing, I would like you to come with me, unless you had somethign planned thats not on the calendar." or "I'll go pick up the kids so you can lift." etc.

When you start putting yourself first and she sees you won't bend on it, it becomes the new norm.

[–]dll142[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"RPWolf I have this work thing, I would like you to come with me, unless you had something planned that's not on the calendar." or "I'll go pick up the kids so you can lift."

This is a good example of your wife being respectful of your time, and it's also an example of her making a reasonable request of you. I see a VERY similar dynamic with my wife. She always seems to ask my "permission" or seek my approval on logistical and financial things such as in the example you presented.

This is how you would make a similar type request of a friend or co-worker that you respected.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s normal. She’s pissed because billy beta always dropped what he was doing to be her fetching boy. You were always SO convenient & accommodating before - putting her/family first over yourself.

Why would she want that to change? She was getting all her needz met while keeping you in the unattractive/beta/faggot category- so no other woman would ever find you sexy. You were doing her a huge favor by doing all the work for her.

Hence the up-tick in shit tests and shaming tactics.

She’ll respect you more for being selfish. She didn’t give a fuck about shaming Chad about his needs & wants while he railed her back in high school on spring break.

Only Betas get shamed. Assholes get respected.

[–]dll142[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Indeed... Women not olnly respect jerks, they fuck them with passion as well. Nothing beats passionate fucking from your woman.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would get this shit all the time when she would give me a hard no and say she was tired and I said cool I'm not going to go out for a bit. 100% of the time I'd get the you are a selfish asshole, you don't care about me, all you care about is yourself, etc. It's just her expressing her feelz that she isn't the center of your world anymore - funny thing is she didn't like being the center of your world anyway. I also got the you didn't ask for permission to go out - that was a funny one.

Honestly its all just mouth noise - I love the asshole stuff because its so much fun to fuck with. I tell her to call me sir asshole or thats mr asshole to you. One time I had her burst out laughing because I told her to stop for a second, went to the safe, grabbed a copy of my birth certificate, walked out and was like phew I had to check because for a second there I thought maybe I forgot my legal name was asshole.

You seem to be headed in the right direction so keep on moving forward - just watch out for some shitty comfort tests coming into play. They are easy to miss and I admittedly am guilty of making things rockier than they needed to be because I couldn't recognize them for what they were.

[–]Actanonverbahellya1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I get this reaction as well.....when walking away, it raises a whole new level of shouting from her, basically that I'm abandoning her/the relationship.....possible bpd? at that moment, I want out til things are calmer and can be discussed, but it escalates either way. Advice please.

[–]NightFire451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I actually do the stance from an above post and STFU. http://imgur.com/yfhKkN3 She hates this because I'm not engaging but I find it works better than tucking tail and leaving. Usually once she's done spinning whatever has made her mad she leaves and I continue on. Don't forget to reset the next day.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You’re on the right track. STFU is the best move there... or A&A it into something sexual while you grab her.

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, I found STFU is a valuable tool. I do the A&A from time to time and make sexual grabs, but they are sometimes met with more attempts at shaming... BUT sometimes they make her laugh and she becomes sexually receptive later in the day or evening. I found my wife is VERY cycle driven with her feelz as well.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I found my wife is VERY cycle driven with her feelz as well.

For sure. A turning point in a MRP man’s life once you figure this out and start using it to your advantage

[–]DeplorableRay4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think you’re here for a pat on the back and validation. I also think this is basic side bar shit.

This entire site is full of thoughts on this very subject.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

As a validation whore, I would agree.

[–]redismyfuture2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

She's sensing the dynamic change and trying to rope you back in with shaming you.

But really, why do you care what she says?

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll admit, caring too much was the hardest (and still is at times) things for me to shake... I'll own that. Working on that as well as many other things. I have noticed that the red pill has improved my life professionally as well. Thanks for the advice.

[–]Dialerstring0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Echo this!!

[–]captainbourbon500 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Funny, I just heard this same thing this past weekend. "You are being a selfish asshole".... my response...Yes, I am.

[–]Reach180Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If it's not a test and it's observably true and her honest assessment of your behavior, does that change anything for you?

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a sneaky fucking question right there...

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is true of my behavior and my wife is very direct for a woman. So, yes, it is her honest assessment of my behavior. Doesn't change anything for me. I made a choice to take the red pill, and I'm choosing to keep my eyes open. My stay plan is my go plan. I did this for me. I got tired of placating and pleasing... I didn't get far doing that in ANY facet of my life. I like what I see and I can see my greater effectiveness in life.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I just can’t respect a person who lets their wife talk to them like that. The only people that might do it are adversaries. Not people I go screw later.

Your issue is frame and respect. Missing one. Haven’t earned the other. If you let your wife talk to you like this, I can only imagine what your kids are like.

I’d suggest you leave, but you’re lost with her and you’d be lost without her. You haven’t earned the right to leave her because you haven’t learned how to MRP.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When she says "I forget...first", that's where you say "Finally! You're a keeper! Now, pop them titties out!" No need to get all morose about it-have some fun.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you got STFU down then move on to some more advanced techniques to shit tests like Agree and Amplify or Pressure Flips. Warning, you have to be quick witted and actually possess frame or it won't work and you will look like a faggot.

I have been working on them, and its really fun to make your wife bitchy on purpose. It adds a "skill" component and makes her being a bitch and saying shitty things more like a game. I like games and I like winning.

Im still pretty shitty at them and it takes a while to even get my brain to figure it out, but when I get a good one it works wonders and gets her hamster working on my team instead of against me.

Edit: The other morning she was asking for help on her phone with Amazon or some shit. I went up behind her and wrapped my arms around her to "help". I really just wanted to rub my dick on her and maybe help a little bit. She replied with "Who says I even like you?" because she felt like being a bitch. I responded with "What are you trying to run game on me woman?"

Its probably not even a very good PF, maybe a 6/10. However, it worked. She immediately shifted into a girly attitude, felt silly and joined my frame. She had no comeback and was sweet as pie after.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You almost talked about fight club.

Yes, you need to be doing Drive Bys on her all the time... not giving a fuck about her response. Remember, you’re doing them for you, not her. Not trying to get a good response. You like groping her because you’re a man. It’s fun to fuck with her. It’s fun to treat her like a girl on the playground.

She’ll be attracted to this new attitude of being self amused and non reactive to her feelz because it shows her that your value is higher than hers and that YOU are the Prize. You have other options.

Need to start ramping up the cocky funny attitude. She needz to know that there is a man in the house who wants to fuck her.



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