Almost 1 in 3 American men aged 18-30 are incels. Can you believe this statistic? Why is it so high?

You're doing the right things. I didn't. I'll be honest: a few years ago (I guess almost a decade by now) I was thirsty af and though I had a steady gf and some occasional side action I was terrible at picking up women in random places. In meeting women in general. I read everything on TRP and decided to head out. Messy start. The theory was only marginally useful as I could remember maybe 10-20 things in total out of my mass of readings. I had no real base of experience (one LTR plus occasional one night stands teaches you something but not a whole lot) which I could use to screen the helpful stuff here from the trash. I fell down the wisdom tree and hit my face on every branch on the way down. A year prior, I went from excellent college shape to 10-14 hour workdays with free food, often too exhausted to work out and various other excuses which led to me gaining 60 lbs. No idea how I failed to notice it - all the weed I was smoking as an unhealthy coping mechanism definitely contributed.

You already live a better life than I did. You're healthy and committed to it. That is a great trait and, if projected, attractive on its own and something I'm trying to build.

Don't feel too bad about uni. It's full of people who don't get laid that much - or at all. I think Harvard has 27% of the student body graduate as virgins according to a survey they conduct (no idea how they decided to include that question) and 73% start as virgin - sure some of them become party animals but I imagine most get lucky occasionally in the stacks or have the occasional self loathing filled hookup with an equally lonely female. The prominence of final clubs or good frats or sports teams makes it seem like everyone is drowning in pussy, but like in real life it's an elite. Said elite, in my experience, can't comprehend how someone can't get laid and are useless for learning from. Like me, you'll need to find your own way.

Not sure which megacity but I had great luck in NY despite its cold reputation and find Chicago, where I recently moved, almost impossible to crack. Completely different culture - I'm assuming you get used to it and adapt.

For my own sake, I find that in person attraction manages to be more shallow than apps. Whether I get laid is directly proportional to how I look/feel that day, no using good pics or anything witty as an intro. Now that I'm halfway down from 60 lbs I started to get moderate female attention (mild would be women who aren't absolutely disgusting themselves check you out once in a while), which I define as random drunk sluts coming up to me to make out before being rescued by a friend or getting a good feel of my flab. I could probably take advantage of this but honestly I'm still fat enough that it's not worth it as they tend to be drunk enough that I could see myself getting in trouble. They're not slumped over or anything but I wouldn't bet on them waking up the next morning and remembering how they got to my bed. As someone who gained and lost massive weight in real time it is amazing how consistently you lose respect and attractiveness with every five pounds - it's like adjusting a sliding scale on a computer in precision. The girls I have luck in with bars are, though not unfuckable, below my level. I don't know how to rate women. 6s I guess? Minimal standard to fuck if too horny but not be ashamed the next morning, whatever that is.

I'm going out on a limb but you sound shy around women - many professionals feel unprepared for pickup and the contrast in their intense preparation for school and work only raises how self conscious they are. If I'm wrong let me know. When I say you're shy I assume that means 4s give you highly visible obvious signals that you don't act on. That's not bad - if 6s and 7s are throwing themselves at you its a pretty clear sign you're very high value as women can generally punch above their weight without being too obvious about it.

And hey I can relate to the degree thing - went to a good undergrad (not top in the world but close enough) and had a shit GPA due to drug use, laziness, illness brought on by a shit lifestyle and various other factors within my control. The main reason I went to grad school is for a second bite at the apple career wise. And as bad as that felt, not being able to score except with fat chicks actually feels worse. I know, having gone through both.

And as I put more effort into women I absolutely got worse at life overall. If I make it sound like they fall into my lap, it might be akin to that now from your perspective (from mine, I always know someone taller, buffer, more alpha and etc who does a feat like casually getting 12 girls in a week to his roommate's shock and awe. I tend to surround myself with people I respect and want to emulate hence me finding all these outliers) but it was a very slow and gradual process to get here. I humiliated myself a lot in the beginning, then less so as time went on. I can't say I stopped altogether but I no longer care.

So let's do bad news and good news.

Bad news is that nobody except said landwhales will fall in your lap. You're a man. Given your background you clearly are no fool and don't shrink in the face of competition. I, ironically, struggled with perfectionism and still do so I can see your dilemma - you see all that you have achieved and think what the fuck they want me to start from scratch with getting pussy? Yep. Very few skills translate to that. I find sales usually does - or both come from the same wellspring. I'm not a salesman and you don't strike me as one either. Being an aspiring rainmaker MD/Partner doesn't count - I mean real sales where you face rejection 400 times a day starting out.

Some good news: you are not the first to do this. I know a guy who is externally the epitome of alpha. Tall, nordic, sporty, devilishly handsome and an easy charm. He was a virgin starting college (who knows, maybe his single mom upbringing is to blame - he certainly is bitter about it) and got played hard by the most mediocre girl you can imagine. I've been there too and when I shared my story with good friends I found, once people trust you enough to drop the alpha act, basically everyone's been played in a similar way at one point. The girl fucked his mind so hard he dropped out of a top non Ivy school in econ despite a Goldman internship offer to go model in LA, personal training for cash. After being tired of getting paid to be harassed by old gay dudes, he went back to an ivy as a physics major. He completed that and went to a second ivy as a physics PhD. At some point during this time he transformed into that guy who always leaves a bar with a girl within 20 minutes, the same guy who banged 12 chicks in a week basically by accident and being constantly blackout drunk. So he's set for life right? Wrong. Poor inner game led him to fall in love with a girl he met at a scientific junket at some beach on an island in Europe. Girl was Irish and only there to be a beach slut, not a physicist. They "fell in love" which you're free to interpret however you want and he married her for the greencard. She's actually a lovely girl and has that biting Irish wit. However, on top of needing a greencard marriage she came with some more baggage: a one year old. Half arab by the look of him - a bit dark for her pale Irish skin to produce without some help. So my friend adopted the kid and lives in the burbs at his PhD program. The kid turned out to be autistic and needs expensive help. My friend, who talked down to my Wall Street bros for being pointless sellouts and working bummer jobs and was considered (don't ask how this is measured, it's an unverified rumor) to be among the top 100 prospective physicists of our generation, is now suddenly pounding the pavement looking for a sellout job so he can support his new wife and adopted kid. He calls us sometimes to be like hey how was your weekend and wistfully listens to our tales. Three years ago, he'd have any of us beat. Now he listens sadly. The lesson there is, no matter how good you are, you are one wrong move away from a fall. Another lesson is that you can cover up your internal weaknesses but you're better of fixing them lest they bubble up at a bad time. I merely lost a good fuck that way recently, he essentially lost his life.

Other alpha as fuck guys often have similar stories - more the first part than the second. Stop assuming everyone has it easy. It's defeatist.

My advice is simple: start with apps. Worked for me. It allows you to project a fixed image and to try a wide variety of approaches. Think of it as riding a bike with training wheels - except you get pussy.

If you're not outwardly handsome, go for Tinder. Lower standards these days, usually a chick's first stop if she's just out of a relationship or growing bored in hers. Most girls get nonstop notifications and turn them off for months then redipped into the pool - so don't ever expect a timely response. Sometimes you'll get one months later. Those work - means the girl was so horny she trolled her old matches and picked you.

Try different approaches. General rule: amused mastery, cocky and funny. Don't take yourself too seriously as Crimson boys often do (though you strike as more Oxbridge than ivy). Don't be afraid to fail. I found starting with apps lowers approach anxiety in real life and boosts confidence (which is often defined wrong: confidence is knowing you are up to a challenge and is usually informed by recent past successes) by succeeding. Don't do the dumb thing and swipe right on everyone, only on women you'd be genuinely proud to fuck. I mean, if that means 10s only, lower your standards and learn some humility but I assume you have average standards.

Small continuation coming up.