So, I grew up overweight. Bullied in highschool ala food being dumped on me at homecoming. Ugly duckling. Recently turned 22. Never dated/ been on a date. Virgin. In school boys would dare each other to pretend they liked me. Really haven't had guys show intrest this strong in me until a year ago. ( Lost 50 pounds)

I kayak, bake & cook like crazy, lift heavy, take beginners latin dance, make glass vases. Like my job. No social life nor friends/ aquaintances. Or even family due to unusual circumstances in death. Only one family member.

Don't really feel like a woman or a full person if I am fully honest.

Met a man at a gala who is one of the top 5 wealthiest in my city, he showed intrest by asking questions about me all night,

wanting to introduce me to the most popular mead makers in our city, ordered it for me, gave me some of the most

expensive chianti as well as made a public toast to me at his party due to my birthday being 3 days earlier, etc etc.

Didn't know he was rich until someone whispered to me wow do you know who that is?

Practically ran up the staircase away when I found out. Didn't say goodnight, ran away before I could try the mead or exchange information.

Always pushing away guys that I think are great. And even guys that I consider beta once they like me, all I can think is it's a trap it's a trap! They will figure out who you really are & discard you! Very little self confidence with men and interpersonal relationships.

How do I stop sabotaging? How can I feel comfortable with being valued? How can I feel at ease with wealth?
How to feel comfortable with non rich high value men ? Is nun mode reccomended for me? What sort of things should I do?