707,481 posts

I lost my way, how do i recover? Feedback desired

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April 3, 2019
9 upvotes

I appologize in beforehand, english is not my primary language.

Unknowing about red and blue pill i have had my own self created philosopy when it comes to relationships and personal growth.

It started young, 16. I got friendzoned by my first big crush because i did not have the balls to tell her. I made a vow to myself to never let something like that slip thru my fingers again. I told myself everyday, im great, im confident, i look good. It stuck, it was pure. I got attention from most girls in school, Guys looked up to me, i was the leader, the alpha.

I found one girl more intressting than the others, we stuck around for several years, great sex, submissive, she felt lucky to be with me and was a wonderful girlfriend i put her on hold thou, never wanted to fully commit i saw myself as a kid, and even thou this was currently perfect i had no intention to marry at the age of 20.

Than came uni, i moved town, studied electronics. A class of 100, 4 females. The confidence i had enforced by being popular among the girls was lost. I lost the natural dread of having girls throwing themselfs at me, me being the king had made me passive, i spent time drinking beer, having sex, watching sports and eventually my sweetheart and i split up. Or acctually she left me for some other guy, rugby player, energetic. I dont blame her, i had lost it.

After a year of being silly, crying like a baby, realising she was "the one" blaming myself for pushing her away. I once again told myself, man up stop, being a bitch, you had it once you will have it again. I went to clubs, started internet dating, had a flow of casual sexual encounters with various females. I still had it.

I got tired of this, i wanted a LTR again. I let one of my plates stick around, i ditched the rest. It was all good to begin with, then the issues came,

she said i had been emotionally unavailable , i tried to listen more. She said i had been to aggressive when it came to sex, so i stepped down my advances, she said i didnt call my mom enough, so i started calling her. She said i didnt clean the house ( i did, im no sleeze) but never good enough, so i followed her cleaning schedule. She said it was unfair i made more money than her, so we shared economy. She complained that my policial views were to extreme ( she's very leftist) so i kept my views to myself but agreed to hers when it was a topic. It progressed further and further, the cleaning was still not good enough so she started to scream at me. She said i never listened, if i did she wouldnt be angry. She got me to believe that i was this super douche when we met, and i believed in it. I felt guilty to appease her, i allowed myself to become to ultimate blue pill by feeling guilt that i hadnt been this wonderful thougtful loving man when we met... I have now not had sex in over a year.

I got badly depressed, went to therapy, it did help me see clearer. And i have come to the conclusion that i been abused by my girlfriend or atleast pussywhipped against my nature to the degree that i lost the leadership and i have myself to blame for passing the reins to an unfit person.

So askmrp, how do i get out of this situation.

If i leave her, it's going to go nuclear, i can handle it, but i'm fearful that this woman will have problems recovering, and i will be the one blamed for a long time to come.

If i stay i must conquer, im currently gradually recovering from being a total blue pill. -I no longer give in to endless arguments were i try to convince her that i care about her. ( I do, even if my text would suggest otherwise). -I went back to lifting, it has always done me good. -I went back to never asking for permission if i go out drinking. I inform, but never ask. -I got her to stop screaming at me, by firmly informing her that it has no other effect but pissing me of.

The remaining challanges i have is - that i have to forgive her for treating me disrespectful. - i have to forgive myself for letting this happen - i have to balance my emotionel control, frame without being a "psycopath"

But the most difficult question is, should i stay or should i go? I honestly can' identify why i stay or why i wouldnt leave her. Tell me to man up for my woman, or tell me to man up and leave.

Tldr; highschool chad, lost his way in uni, turned total blue pill, awoken at rock bottom. How do i proceed?

I


Post Information
Title I lost my way, how do i recover? Feedback desired
Author inkul132vi
Upvotes 9
Comments 46
Date 03 April 2019 07:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/224558
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/b92rhs/i_lost_my_way_how_do_i_recover_feedback_desired/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
leadershipalphaChaddread gameframelong term relationshipplateliftthe blue pill
Comments

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret17 points18 points  (11 children) | Copy

If i leave her, it's going to go nuclear, i can handle it, but i'm fearful that this woman will have problems recovering, and i will be the one blamed for a long time to come.

This is a lie. Start with some truth.

We can't tell you how to be you. We cant tell you what to do.

Start with the rational male. Read it cover to cover, for real this time.

The rest of the crew will be coming by with the faggot jokes.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are right. It's a lie. I worry that i will feel guilt and be sorry for her. So the statement that i can handle it is indeed a lie. However my point did'nt come of. I wanted to get external input on if it's possible to turn this around. Or if it would be better to just leave. Is there any experiance in turning it around?

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

Start with the rational male. Read it cover to cover, for real this time.

Oh man, isn’t that the truth. I know so many guys who say they read TRM, but it’s clear they didn’t internalize much of it.... especially the audio book ones who “just listened to TRM for the 6th time” driving to and from work.

[–]red88lobster2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Hay I do that. Love a good comute . Do you think less information sinks in via audio book? Because I've found audiobooks great and I'd take years to read all the sidebar material conventionally.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

It depends if you learn better visually or through audio. I absorb a lot more when I read and highlight areas. I may never even come back to look at the highlights, but it forces me to be aware of what I’m reading thus absorb more.

I leave audiobooks for fiction where I don’t need to pay 100% attention.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Driving visual and active listening use the same part of the brain, so it’s unquestionably inferior to reading. Plus, don’t you sometimes find yourself zoning out and missing some sentences?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is why driving is left to fiction and podcasts.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Under the same argument, some researchers have concluded that listening to audio material while doing another engaging activity actually "engraves" the material on the visuals or actions we perform while listening.

Kinda the same way a song can transport you to another time and place in your memory. Granted, these things are different for everyone.

[–]red88lobster1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I find the opposite. While reading I often zone out and end up re reading a page .

While driving the same route to work I'm on auto pilot so can easily focus on Audiobooks .

If something happens like I get cut off or have to suddenly break than yea I have to rewind because I wasn't listening.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah I think too many guys skim that shit - that book was the thing that really made me fucking choke down the red pill. It was like reading about the history of all of my relationships and my friends relationships - every time I turned the page I was like wtf how is it possible that it can be this accurate.

At one point I think I broke out in a cold sweat reading one of the sections and it almost put me over the edge into mental breakdown territory. In typical fashion I transitioned to pure anger from there - it was an interesting couple of months of my life.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The experience of reading the rational male is a clear demarcation point between the old me, and the new me.

I remember when I read the section about frame. Rollo writes like an academic and I have struggled with academics my whole life. I knew the second i read it, it was the answer, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I clearly remember visualizing so many fights with my wife when I would scream at the top of my lungs, "WHY IS YOUR VERSION OF REALITY THE ONLY TRUE REALITY". I read that essay on frame about a dozen times until it sunk In. I could finally see what I was doing wrong.

Like you, as I read the book, every interaction I have had over the years with woman finally made sense.

And the way he ends the book? He states clearly that the path is different for each of us, nobody can tell you how to live your life.

Then the new guys come here and ask. That's how I can tell when they skipped the rational male.

Its the most important book on the sidebar. It's the most important book for a man in 2019.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And the way he ends the book? He states clearly that the path is different for each of us, nobody can tell you how to live your life.

Yeah that little bit at the end is easy to skip over and the impact of it I don't think you can really comprehend until you are a little further. He sneakily stuck in the secret to everything in that one little section.

Mental point of origin, frame, living life how you want and owning the consequences - if you are being congruent and know what you want then there are no real questions, only actions to be taken. Its the point where you no longer have to dodge bullets.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

You have zero reason to stay with her. You have demonstrated to her that you are indeed a faggot. Trying to un-fuck that while you haven't un-fucked yourself is a recipe for disaster.

Drop the harpy immediately. Lift, read and find your mission. You don't have enough energy to manage a woman when you aren't strong. They will smell the bitch in you as it seeps out of your faggotty pores. This has been thoroughly demonstrated in your current LTR.

Get to work faggot.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

That is true, i dont have the energy. For months my daily life were only filled with work, tv, cooking, sleeping. Im no captain, im a bystander

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

OK great. Work on being a captain. Do you have a plan?

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Im working at it, i have secured some options. And old bro offered me a couch until i find a suitable location to move to.

My next step is to get rid of all my built up blame and be at peace with that i fucked up. I lost control of my life, and i only got myself to blame. I would despise myself if i took this out on her, blaming her for our situation and why im leaving. She hasnt been kind to me, but what i'm feeling is on me not her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fake it till you make it. Lift all the heavy things. Read all the books.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Can you see what your biggest problem is?

You had some early success pulling women. It made you feel like a Chad. You thought that you were a king. But once you pulled one for an LTR, you got lazy, started drinking and she fucked off with a real Chad.

When she left, you went back on the pull again. Sex with other women made you feel validated - it made you feel like a king again - but it didn't give you what you wanted, so you went for another LTR. In this LTR, you've become an enormous, supplicating pussy doing everything you can to make her happy. As a result, you haven't fucked in a year and you don't know what to do.

So, now can you see what your biggest problem is?

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, i get your point. I'm not living, i contemplate on past successes for validation. Iam my biggest problem, i'm starting to get pissed at myself. How did i manage to lie so much to myself, about being in control, about having a frame. I have even preached to my bros about being in control of your own validation while living a lie myself.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

The problem is that you make - and have always made - pussy the prize.

When you first started getting laid, pussy was the prize. It boosted your confidence, made you feel like a King. When you went to Uni, you didn't get much pussy and your confidence tanked because you had made pussy the prize and you weren't getting any. Your self belief was purely reliant on the validation of getting women to sleep with you. Therefor, you lacked any real self belief.

When you entered into long term relationships, you pedastalised the women and became a supplicating Beta bicth boy, running around after them, doing whatever you thought would make them happy just so they would fuck you. Again, you made pussy the prize.

And look what happens when you pedastalise women and make pussy the prize.. they are so disgusted and turned off by this that they stopped fucking you. Women don't want to be the prize, they don't want a man to pedastalise them, they don't want a man to worship them - they want a man who IS the prize, who they can run around after and who they can look up to and follow.

When you become the prize, when you become the King - it's not because you are getting pussy. Pussy is just a by product of being the prize. So, take pussy off the pedastal, start working on yourself and become the prize.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is true, this mentality i used to have it. Not truly as it was a byproduct of getting all the attention.

I fucking lost what i preached, what you write here is pretty much what i told my friends when they asked about my success, whenever they were feeling down, or said life was unfair. I told them, they had the power, they were im control to shape thier life and that they should never put pussy on the pedistal. I was and i am a hypocrite.

Thank you for this reply

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

She... She... She... She... She... She... She... She... She... She... She... She...

Wow, 12 times! Is that a record? Fix your frame, find your mission, start by reading Rational Male. Do you lift?

[–]inkul132vi[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you, i put blame on her for my lack of strength. I even focus on her being a part of the problem. It's me.

I do lift, or rather i began lifting when i realised how miserable id gotten.

[–]Morpheus_TNTB0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Don't blame your harpy, this is all on you! You led her and then reinforced her complete shit behavior. Fixing this relationshit will be like climbing Mt Everest without ropes. You need to fix your shit first before attempting an expedition to Mt. SHITHOLE.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I did enforce it. I had no realisation that my behaviour would put me in this situation. From my experiance i kept a girl pleasant and happy by just being me. I was oblivious to my natural dread and when i lost it. I slowly slipped into my own missery.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

sadly, it's not even close to the record

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The mods have a spreadsheet for this?

We're all fucked.

[–]tspitsatgp2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Maaaaate... the simple truth is you recover by making hard decisions. Stop hamstering excuses.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are right, i'm currently planning my exit. I have kept a secret account from her, i can afford a flat of my own (we currently pay rent). I have secured a couch at an old friend until a place opens up for me to restart in.

[–]KalenTheGreat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Ignore the faggot jokes, this is what it boils down to.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Keep lifting, sidebar, stfu

Improve yourself and stop worrying about her. You don’t sound abused. You sound like a faggot who isn’t leading the relationship or owning his shit. It’s an easy formula but hard to implement. There are no shortcuts or tricks. Figure yourself out... there’s a lot of she, she, she. It’s not about her. It’s about you.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's about me

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

“she's very leftis”

I stopped reading faggot.

“Hot rock bottom. How do i proceed?”

Like the rest of us did. ===>

*It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I missed the leftist angle. This is a dealbreaker.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I really wish I'd skipped to the 'tl;dr' a bit earlier.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The stckied post above yours is " we can't answer that". For a good reason.

Either follow the mrp sidebar or start again ( break up). It really is that simple.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A name does not define you. Boyfriend, Alpha Male, Chad...these terms are nothing more than a role you act out in someone else's life. They do not define your life's mission.

You're an individual.

You need a goal that's exclusive to you and no one else.

Stop worrying about what others are thinking. Start worrying about the time you're wasting.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

High-school Chad?

Guess what Chad, I am in between squat sets with sleeves greatly constricting my 28.5” quads. Helps keep the knees healthy ya know.

I was a high-school nerd who wore a Beavis and Butthead T-Shirt to his senior picture day. I played on the Varsity golf team as a Freshman. When I wasn’t golfing I was doing WAREZ in AOL chat rooms on my 56.6k modem.

I didn’t fuck the prom queen.

Ya know what?

I fuck em all now. And the high-school football guy that picked on me? He served me dinner at Chillis when I was around 25 and pulling down over 150k a year.

Want advise? Go read my post on anal training. It will be easier for you to get fucked in the ass.

Fuck off.

Faggot.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Respect you took control of your life.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Want advise? Go read my post on anal training. It will be easier for you to get fucked in the ass.

Was afraid you were going soft on us until you wrote this. Good to see you again, red-sfp.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

56k modems were amazing. You mean it only takes me ten minutes to download a song?

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You don't know what you really want so you replace that void with stuff that feels good like women, video games, etc. You are like a ship without a rudder. You have no idea where you are going in life so external forces push you around.

Find out what you want from life in terms of your job, your finances, your fitness, your mission, your hobbies, your goals, etc. Once you have all these mapped out, write down how to go about doing them. Then break that down into yearly / monthly / weekly / daily tasks. You want to squat 500lbs? Better get to the gym. You want to make $1M a year? Better figure out how to get better at your job or start a company. You want to learn a new language? Start practicing.

You will probably change your mind a few times on these goals & course correct but at least you will be moving forward.

A man who is moving forward on his goals is immensely attractive to women (as long as those goals are productive... video games and looking at every piece of porn on the internet doesn't count). The flip side of this is that a man who is focused on his goals will have a better sense a self-worth and be able to maintain his frame better though that's certainly never guaranteed.

All of this though must come after one big thing. You've got to dump the chick. She is toxic and is ruining you. You will be miserable until you get rid of her. Simply put, she is an asshole and isn't worth one more second of your life, time, or thoughts.

Good luck. Sidebar. Lift. Goals. Repeat.

[–]inkul132vi[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You have me nailed down. I have no idea what i want. I have no vision and i fill that void with decadency. I dont allow myself to struggle. The fact is i have never really struggled, girls, education, job, well payed with no effort. It has gotten me lazy and its worth nothing. The only sickness i have is this lack of vision, im wasting my life and potential. Im a bystander in my own life, afraid to really challange myself.

The closest thing i would have of a mission is as a leader, the place i felt real is the moments my bros turn to me for help and guidance.

If i envision something, which is very hard for me. It is to be a leader. I feel in place when people, coworkers, friends look to me for decsions.

Thank you once again, when i stumbled upon this this subreddit, lurking the threads i was under the impression you would all look down at me once my story was posted, maybe you do. But all these comments, it gives me the ability to stand besides you and see myself. A loser. I got to get my shit together.

I'm planning on leaving this girl, it does not have to be pretty, however i want to atleast do it respectfully. I will process all the missguided blame i put on her, i won't lower myself to her level and put my shit on her.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn’t worry about being “respectful” in the breakup. She doesn’t warrant anything more than “we are done effective immediately” and then terminate all contact.

Don’t waste another moment. Don’t worry about her feelings or how you look. Just get it done as soon as possible.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop being a pussy and leave her. Who cares what she will feel. Time to man up and start over

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re in the FOG

The

Fear Obligation Guilt

You need to leave the fog behind



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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