So new account because new to MRP which is my new focus I guess... spun plates successfully for a long time. Got into my 30s and now I have been living with my LTR — of 3 years — for a year now.
Background on my LTR: everything is great. Sex is the best I’ve ever had. She’s normally super receptive, doesn’t fight me for control and accepts the hierarchy of decision making. I haven’t lost control despite handling this poorly, but I just need some education so I can maintain control in the future. I don’t expect any more problems for her, but I don’t want to lack a tool when I need a tool. Anyway...
Hey you salty bastards. I got a question that I really need some help on and I can’t see anything in the sidebar on it. It’s a pretty basic question, so point me in the right direction if you can, or better yet just tell me.
But how the fuck do you enforce boundaries?! I let my LTR move in (stupid, I know) and now ol’ reliable AKA soft next is no longer available.
My girl was under a shit ton of stress since we were visiting her parents and that shit is complicated. I was not able to help her plan the trip because I can’t set her priorities with her friends and family, but would go and meet everyone and charm the shit out of them.
Well, she winds up a fucking mess. Crying, yelling at me, etc. and I know it was over the stress and she’s taking it out on me. I’m no newbie to RP and that shit ain’t cool. All my normal tactics with shit tests and spinning her emotions around failed, making her shit into something absurd failed, teasing her failed, everything I normally do to manage her emotional shit failed. So I nuked and set a boundary. “That is not how you will talk to me. I am your partner and you will talk to me with respect. Yada yada yada and some other shit.” She seemed to accept it, apologized, then simmered down. But then the very next day and for the very same reason, she did it again (over pulling into the wrong parking lot as I drive her ass around in a city I’m unfamiliar with).
Now I get her stress level, I normally handle a lot of the shit she tried to take on and/or I oversee when she does and I’ll drop a veto when needed. But I couldn’t veto her seeing her friends and family whom I’ve never met, and like I said, I don’t know who is important and not and she insisted they all were.
So she apologizes and semi cries (sympathy-bait tears) and explains how she’s feeling stress with everyone texting her and trying to spend time with her and her trying to keep our schedule on. But so what. Boundary crossed.
But then I realized “holy shit. I can’t soft next her and being a silent butt hurt guy around the house sounds pretty beta and faggy.”
So here I am, I’ve forgiven her and moved past it because I don’t have any other choice, my best tool for punishing bad behavior is gone, and switching women has been banned in the US for at least the last 10 years.
Tl;dr Having trouble finding a way to enforce boundaries with live in LTR.
PS someone already told me my nuclear “don’t speak to me that way” was lame. If you have advice on any of it I’m open.