The fallout of saying no

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April 8, 2019

For weeks my wife has been talking about going to see her half brother's son's new baby girl. She has a big family and is intent on keeping ties, so obligations come up frequently to spend time with them. I've always dutifully accompanied her. But whenever she brought up going to visit this baby I said I didn't want to.

Yesterday she was getting ready to go, an hour and a half's drive, and I still said no. She went without me and took our infant son. I stayed home and got some work done. Heard nothing from her other than a text to say she'd arrived and our son was ok.

When she got back she didn't say hello, didn't talk, looked past me. I plated up some food I'd made and gave it to her while she breast fed out son. She thanked Me, but after eating went on a tirade about how I only care about my own happiness, how my selfishness had permanently affected the relationship etc. Money is tight currently, so she found a way to bring that in and bemoan that I never give her money for 'just woman things '.

I've been listening to a lot of Patrice who says you should explain a woman's behaviour to her. So I told her that these obligations are tyrannical since they force me to either be unhappy fulfilling them or unhappy getting the fallout. This may have been a mistake since she refused to see it that way.

She tried to make me sleep downstairs but I told her it was my house and bed, I can sleep where i like. So she spent a while making as much noise as possible with as much light on as possible since she knew I'd be up at 5:30 For gym and work.

How to handle this? Simple STFU and then what?

Also, how do I avoid this in the future for simply not doing things I don't want to do every weekend I have some actual free time?

Post Information
Title The fallout of saying no
Author throwingawayylmao88
Upvotes 12
Comments 39
Date 08 April 2019 05:47 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]SepeanRed Beret21 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy

Handle it like any shit test.

Look, you can't read a bit of red pill literature and the it is smooth sailing from there.

You have to read it and apply it. You have to actually lift, actually strengthen your frame, actually get your game on point. That takes time and effort, it's a learning process.

And even if you by some miracle knew and did everything right, that's just you being prepared for the fight. You still have to take the fight.

She needs to know you actually have frame, so she'll test you. This is her testing you. And she'll keep on testing you, and she'll test you harder and harder. It's like the test to join special forces, they don't just make you do tough shit for half an hour. They test you for many weeks, to see if you can handle the pressure long term.

So what you can expect (to the degree your frame is actually there), is that her shit testing will get increasingly more hostile, interspersed with short periods of increasingly greater sweetness and submissiveness as you pass tests. She'll go:

  • I'll bitch a bit harder at him to test if he is a bit more alpha than I thought

  • he passed, that's hot!

  • repeat

We see it all the time here, and it throws a lot of guys for a loop. Maybe they expected a smooth ride, but it won't be. It'll be big fights, then seemingly out of nowhere she's sweet and horny. And then you'll think "hey I got this" and when she goes back to shit testing you come here and ask "why did it stop working?" It didn't stop working, it's just the cycle of ever escalating test-harder/reward-for-passing that you'll keep on seeing for months. Until you hit the main event, days of nuclear level shit testing - hold frame through that, she internalizes you're alpha, and things get a lot smoother - permanent submissiveness and only shit testing when you show signs of weakness.

I've been listening to a lot of Patrice who says you should explain a woman's behaviour to her.

If you think you gain anything by pointing out that she is unreasonable, you're wrong. Her being a bitch is a feature, not a bug. The whole idea of it is to see if you have the frame to not be fazed by it, if you're alpha enough to tease the shrieking harpy. She's testing you, not trying to be nice and polite.

[–]haraishi2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck me there is some gold here! Ima gonna print out some of these catchprases and nail them to the wall. Especially like the one about the special forces - so true and something I keep forgetting. Special mention to the feature and not bug, had me spitting out my coffee at 530 in the morning

[–]DeanMaverick13Uncle Vas Sectomy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am seriously bringing this comment and framing it on my wall. This should be biblically cannon.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

explain a woman's behaviour to her. So I told her that these obligations are tyrannical since they force me to either be unhappy fulfilling them or unhappy getting the fallout. This may have been a mistake since she refused to see it that way.

Excuse me motherfucker, did you just say you need to explain things to a woman? Did you think she would see things your way because you used logic?

Have you read anything in the sidebar faggot?

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been listening to a lot of Patrice who says you should explain a woman's behaviour to her. So I told her that these obligations are tyrannical since they force me to either be unhappy fulfilling them or unhappy getting the fallout.

NO. Read the sidebar instead of listening to your own shit? How has making your own program worked out for you so far? Are you having regular sex? Are you lifting? What are you lifts, height, and weight.

You are DEERing here. You’d know that if you read any of the suggested material.

Quit giving so many fucks. The one thing you did right was not go because you didn’t want to. But, then you Deered and negated that even.

Quit being a pussy and living in her frame.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

Basic shit test. Shut the fuck up and stop explaining. Men keep busy with projects on the weekend and then relax.

Live your life. Don’t let her mood affect you. She’ll get over it. She’s just used to beta billy following her around. How dare he talk back to me.

“how do I avoid this in the future”

You are finally acting like a man and it feelz different for you. There’s nothing to avoid. The fact that you stood up to mommy and now think there’s a fallout is very telling. Only thing to avoid is going back to holding her purse.

Planning ahead might help. I see that the kids have a friend’s bday party this sat afternoon, I’ll be cutting grass while you take them. I’ll be building the backyard fence on Sunday will be at Home Depot. When I get back home, be ready under the covers with no panties on. Ass slap, grind, head out the door.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

I dont get this, and I realize you are not being 100% literal in your examples, but:

I have not cut my grass in half a decade. I do not even own a mower. Build a fence? Fuck that. I didnt even paint my own walls. I dont clean my own pool. I have a maid who cleans my house. I have a dry cleaner for most of my laundry.

I dont change my own oil, wash my own car or even change my own windshield wipers. I dont even like to pump my own gas and get the smell on my hands.

I spend as little time in my home as possible. My projects include taking the kids to the Zoo, Six Flags, sports, museums, etc.

We are never home. To think I have to spend my precious weekends and time doing manual fucking labor around my home is a RP concept I have never understood.

I work to fucking hard during the week to just come home and work fucking more.

Life is short, and I have more money than time.

[–]lololasaurus6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Different people, unsurprisingly, have different goals and areas of achievement. I like to fix all my own stuff. It appeals to some deep part of me that wishes I lived off grid in Alaska on some subsistence lifestyle (although I grew up on a farm and do have many of those skills I realize this is just fantasy, but it still deeply appeals). I could possibly pay someone to do it instead. But then I wouldn't get the time teaching my children to build things or fix things, and the competence and mastery that comes with that.

None of that is saying you're doing the wrong thing. But it's a little glimpse of what it would be like in a world where men's gifts and strengths were more necessary as they were in former times.

Read Jack Donovan's The way of men if you haven't already, (which led me to also listen to Livy's History of Rome) to see what I mean, possibly.

Of course all this assumes you really care to understand that, which is why I shared it.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I grew up on a farm and did all the survival camping and outdoor shit you can think of. In no way do I want to go live on the Alaksan wild.

My father taught me to understand how things work but to make enough money to pay others to do it. he spent far too much time repairing trucks, tractors, and other things.

Red-sfppls has a mission in his life and he pursues it. The point here is the OP is coming off as entitled. Yes men do as they wish and yet I don't get that sense from OP. He just as much threw a tempertantrum about not wanting to go as she threw about him not going.

His reason could have been as simple as not wanting to miss his BJJ class. She should have known how important that was to him.

And yet like UEMcGill points out...bitch management is also a factor here. A new born is a big to women as it is to the family. It was also an opportunity to be the oak. Of course OP may have been a beta all this time and this was his first No ever. In which case he deserved what he got and no harm and no foul.

What else did he expect? her to suddenly bow to the great mighty alpha? Fuck no.

There's more to this story than what OP is letting on.

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I fully agree, I took the post I responded to as a response to MCT, not the op.

Shrug. Maybe I misunderstood. I agree the op has loads of work to do.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I agree.

But I have a feelz where OP is currently. He has an infant, and his wife makes him follow her around all weekend going to stupid shit like children’s birthday parties and visiting her relatives...

OP just wants some free time to take care of shit. He even says that he got work done. He’s looking for free time, grasping for air. Most definitely neglecting shit around the house.

But he’s in full daddy mode and continually holding his wife’s purse.

The dude needs to say no, and grow some balls.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

But he’s in full daddy mode and continually holding his wife’s purse.

You must know more about OP's history that I do.

Regardless, I agree with everyone here that OP is a fag.

The point that I am trying to make, and I literally see no-one else grasping onto is the terrorist level response OP's wife gave him at bed time.

Who fucking cares if the grass is not cut? Who cares if he wanted free time? Who fucking cares if shit is slipping around the house?

I am hyper-focused on the flagrant act of disrespect she continued to show at bedtime, which if we even 50% believe OP - he was doing his best to STFU.

This motherfucker should have shut that shit down - hard with zero regards to the next time he got his dick sucked or wet.

What is it with guys here, that when their wives are at this level of disrespect they cant stand up, look the cunt directly in the eyes and in two direct sentences tell her to go fucking pound sand?

Had he done it - my money is on not only wife falling in line, but I bet she would have sucked his dick 30 mins later since he showed some fucking backbone for once in his life.

Who the fuck lays in bed and lets another human make a bunch of noise and keep all the lights on in what is a clear passive-aggressive move on her part?

[–]RStonePT2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly you are at day 0. You aren't ready to "do" anything different at this point. You need to take the time, put in in the work, hit the sidebar, hit the gym, and for god's sake, STFU.

Also, don't ask the internet what to do, especially don't ask what others would do. They aren't you. You need to figure out what you would do if you were doing what you wanted to do.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Taking advice from a comedian that endorses plates over LTR, applying said theory to your LTR, than being surprised when to puzzle pieces don't match up?

I wonder what your error could have been?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

who says you should explain a woman's behaviour to her.

Patrice said that? He was a comedian, too. So that's a no as it's pointless.

The moment you sussed out her returning mood I would have put a kibosh to any further conversation. Either verbally or O.I.

I feel like she successfully foisted some of her mood onto you to. You absorbed instead of deflected...since you seem to have had a skirmish over the bed.

How would you act if your angry kid told you that you had to sleep in the yard. It'd definitely make me chuckle. That should have had the same impact.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Your first mistake was that you listened to Black Phillip. Stop that shit. Black Phillip is about 10 years out of date. Even Beige Phillip while somewhat within the Red Pill ideal it is not Red Pill. Good lessons in frame. Otherwise you are using a lot of PUA techniques. Until you can tell the difference stop.

You lack frame. If you had it what she did wouldn't matter.

If you had a purpose for your life and your family, what she did would not have mattered.

Ever try to explain poor behavior to a 5 year old? It's the samething. You don't explain. You show through action, but you had to go for it. You had to tell exactly what she did wrong in your eyes.

Your wife's strong connection to her family is a strength not a weakness. It means she knows how to raise a family that will be strong and connected. Your approach in whining about your happiness was irrelevant to her. Your happiness is not her problem nor her concern. if you are unhappy that's your fault and she is pretty much telling you that.

take charge of your family. Now that you have one started why aren't they coming there? Why is she driving all over with an infant. You don't understand that she wants to show off her family, in some way show you off. You do not yet command a position where you can say, not this weekend babe. Yet this isn't an all or nothing deal.

She brought all those things up because she knew it would piss you off. You are living with a 5 year old and an infant. Do you really explain to your child why they did something wrong and how it made you feel? My xMIL does this. she likes to have conversations with all the grandkids when they break a rule. She will go into in-depth moral, and emotional discussions on why things were wrong.

It's like wrestling with a pig. You're dirty. Pig is happy.

But I am going to ask one simple question.

Why didn't you want to go? It was a new child in the family. that is a chance for you to bump uglies with the BIL and swap manly stories.

Did you have better things to do? Was your mission getting furthered or did you just spend on the couch?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

A man can do whatever the fuck he wants to do. But in the long term bitch management, this seems like a major faux pas on his part. New babies in the family are a major life event for women, and noping out of it (for a measly 1.5-hour drive) is sure to engender major animosity on the wifeys part.

Tactically he could have done well, but it seems like it was a strategic failure. Maybe there is more to this story? u/throwingawayylmao88 what's the whole story?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

what's the whole story?

His wife has the hots for her "half brother" and he is butthurt about it and didnt want to go.

[–]mrpwtf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tangent here, but what the fuck do you think “bump uglies” means?

I’m doubtful the OP wanted to fuck his brother in law and then swap manly stories.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy


Everything was cool until she “made noise and light” to keep you up.

It was in that action she crossed from just being a bitch to a terrorist.

It was also in that moment she showed you how little she respected you.

It was also in that moment you showed her how weak you are.

Any motherfucker who purposefully would try to keep me up would have been met with zero tolerance and kicked the fuck outta the bedroom.

Period end of story.

Stand up for yourself faggot.

[–]ImNotSlash1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Any motherfucker who purposefully would try to keep me up would have been met with zero tolerance and kicked the fuck outta the bedroom

Noble, but some women (aka, my wife) would escalate that shit even more. Maybe OP's wife is a pushover and he could get away with it. Maybe she's not and it turns physical.

My wife just pulled this shit the other night. I accepted that's what I married, ignored her bullshit and five minutes later she was gone. To each his own.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife just pulled this shit the other night. I accepted that's what I married, ignored her bullshit and five minutes later she was gone.

I am so fucking glad this is not my life anymore....

[–]ImNotSlash2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, I've read your posts and I absolutely don't fucking blame you. Maybe one day I'll be on that path. Time will tell.

[–]Luck-671 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’m one of the guys with a BPD ex. I also frequently work nights so sleep at home is a premium mandate, especially back when I was married. This will date me but she once pulled the bed time TV /noise manipulation horseshit much described in the OP. After about 15 minutes I walked over, grabbed the disc player with the loud movie she was watching in it , and dumped out the second story window of our bedroom. I think that was the same year I filed for dissolution . Any so called “loving life partner” that fucks with your sleep or general health is going to be a long term disease. JMHO.

[–]ImNotSlash0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No disagreement. OP has kids so I'd imagine he's not quite ready for dissolution

[–]Luck-670 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like he’s just starting out, so no. The situation I relayed was 8 years in with a kid. Hopefully he will get it handled sooner than I did

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Seriously, if I tried to kick bitchzilla out of the bedroom it would 100% become physical. I could do it easily, but I would have to video the whole thing and it wouldn't be worth the effort. It might turn into hot sex, or it could turn into the cops being called. Not a gamble I want to take.

Last time she tried to keep me awake, I just smoked a little weed, had a glass of wine and turned on the white noise machine. Sleeping is my super power.

I know this is frowned upon here, but I can easily sleep in another bedroom on a different floor of my house. Bitchface HATES when I don't sleep in bed and sees it as a punishment because she can't cuddle me while I am comatose. I can easily tell her to turn her bullshit off so I can sleep or I will have to go sleep elsewhere. Its pretty gay, but it usually does the trick.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Then you are fucked and so is your relationship.

NO ONE should ever be afraid of a physical altercation with their SO. And this is coming from the fucking guy who was ARRESTED ON FALSE DV.

Fuck that, fuck her and fuck you for being a pussy.

Your relationship is over and you are to fucking dumb to realize it.

And your screen name can fuck off to. There is only MCT and to take half his name is gay AF.

[–]ImNotSlash1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

NO ONE should ever be afraid of a physical altercation with their SO

lol WHAT? Glad you didn't get hit hard by false accusations but survivorship bias applies here.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t forget that “verbal intercourse” is optional. There’s a good post on this in MRP main sub. Search for it. Just as sex is optional to some women, you don’t have to sit there and DEER why you didn’t want to go. In short, you don’t owe her any answer as to why you didn’t feel like going beyond, “I’d rather stay... have a good time.” This is straight up manipulative behavior on her part. Her feelings, her problem.

It’s how you respond to this behavior that’s important. Redsf is right about the keeping you up thing being a boundary crossed. Show with your actions that that is unsat.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shit test.

Who am I to say you are wrong, or just not operating in your frame ?

STFU is basic and yet extreme Advanced

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I take melatonin to sleep when there is noise and light. Works great.

I also laugh whenever they try to bully me into feeling guilty that I'm not servicing them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What do you mean "not servicing them"? Are you getting hit up for multiple hand jobs a night?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mostly I was getting hit up to carry shit when I was in the middle of something else, or drop everything to do something for them the moment they arrived like she was the most important thing in the room.

Thanks for the question daddy.

[–]RicoDunne-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude you are totally in her frame...

Read the title of this post, "The fallout of saying no". It reeks of your insecurity in making her upset, because you had the audacity to have a mission other than hers.

[–]mrpthrowa-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This purposefully making noise and lights business is worth ending the relationship over.

No woman does this to a man, unless she resents him so much, because she has another dick she is ready to ride or is already riding and she knows it's not yours./

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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