I work full time and generally lead a busy life with variety. Yet spinning plates just doesn't do it for me, I can't stop craving a LTR and it's fucking with my head. What do?

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April 8, 2019

I'm 25 and since 19 have had 6 short-term flings with girls only lasting up to 4 months, the longest 7 months in length. Each time I start a new girl it only takes a short amount of time and I see red flags and their behavior changes and they fuck off or I fuck them off as a result. So tiring and it is leaving me emotionally depleted as a result.

I have attended 2 weddings this year too, and I was truly amazed at how much emotion was coming out from me during the ceremonies and various speeches through the evening (I didn't cry though)

I dunno man, I know guys are by default romantics and caring types, but trp has made me so fucking picky to the point where I can't really trust a woman long enough to open up to her. And I do want to open up to someone and find an "ally". Is this a pipe dream or what?

I legit can't shake the craving to find a LTR. I want to pour effort and time into knowing someone on a deep personal intimate level. Not this fucking someone for a few months and having it end shit.

How are you all wired, wtf am I doing wrong, I don't know what way is up anymore. I'm also moderately introverted too. Not sure if that hinders this.

A few pre-requisites, yes I lift, yes I dress well, am not autistic, can talk to people and look masculine and receive attention.

Post Information
Title I work full time and generally lead a busy life with variety. Yet spinning plates just doesn't do it for me, I can't stop craving a LTR and it's fucking with my head. What do?
Author 321cmecum
Upvotes 77
Comments 51
Date 08 April 2019 09:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/224726
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/barolk/i_work_full_time_and_generally_lead_a_busy_life/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipplateliftthe red pill

[–]ModTheRedPike[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

You are deeply entrenched here. https://therationalmale.com/tag/blue-pill-mindset/ Until you really understand this post, you will not find the help you want here.

[–]Bruchibre158 points159 points  (3 children) | Copy

Dude do what you want, TRP is not a religion with unbreakable dogmas. Vet a girl properly and let a LTR happen, just follow the rules.

You'll see that after a while being in a LTR you might start missing being single and crave the diversity :)

[–]PimPedOutGeese31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

Probably the best advice. When seeking LTR vet to YOUR standards.

Embrace the hard mode.

[–]Imtoosexyformypants2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maintenance can be easy depending on your situation

[–]matt6757 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Take what’s useful from the sub and drop the rest. TRP is not what dictates your life, it’s just a bunch of dudes throwing in their two cents based on certain experiences they’ve had, and you can take some valuable lessons from it sometimes.

[–]hateandpower 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

I know exactly what you mean by wanting an ally. Problem is this just doesn't exist. Or when it does it's almost impossible to find. I think the most thing you can get out of a women is temporary affection and a weak emotional bond. That's basically the red pill. The blue pill sells you this Bonnie and Clyde fantasy which sounds really good. Having a partner who sacrifices as much as you do and who you can trust. But it just doesn't exist.

Imo if you want an LTR you need to be in control of everything. Than you can enjoy the warm feeling and affection for a while. But youve to be able to dump your girl at any moment which reduces the warm feelings anyway. It's just a vicious cycle.

[–]321cmecum 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

Dude I know. I'm fucking torn lately. I've met so many couples my age who have been together for say 3 or 4 years and how they interact with such affection and care, on top of the fact I know they both fuck often just makes me feel like a lacking beta again (even if I have plates at the time). Dunno, life is weird sometimes. Just trying to get back to my old fucking (literally) and dumping self, I felt much more masculine when I wasn't feeling like I do currently, which is craving a LTR.

[–]Apfeltee17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

They may seem happy from the outside, but you never know, what actually happens behind the curtains. I have so many friends that act just that way: when in the public they act like the perfect couple, but when in private both of them (especially my AFC friends) really struggle.

Right now I get far more IOIs and affection by my plates than in any previous relationship. I’ll just enjoy this behavior as long as possible and if I see no red flags I might upgrade to a LTR.

[–]smolzino 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Most people on TRP talk shit about LTR's because they were too beta to have a good LTR when they had one.

Been in a LTR for 2,5 years almost, I get showered with affection every single day, sex literally became at will in the last 6 months, I can get a quickie or a blowjob on demand on the spot. She is mega invested, gives me gifts, puts me first in every way (she just had a 3 week vacation and didn't go anywhere because she doesn't want to be without me), and is legitimately my best friend. There are legit no downsides, and I don't accept it otherwise. That's how you make your LTR. It shouldn't be bad, ever, or it's over

[–]PimPedOutGeese5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's how you make your LTR. It shouldn't be bad, ever, or it's over

Yep. Thing is most guys cant do this... Ill even venture to say some RPers cant as well. It's not super tought once RP is internalized.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is so true lol.

[–]BuckNekkid184 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

TRP is just a set of tools for you to do whatever you want with them. You make your own choices. Aren't you an dominant and assertive alpha male who does whatever he wants with outcome independence and a idgaf attitude? If you are, then do exactly whatever you feel like doing. If having a multiple plates at once isn't your thing then drop em and look for a girl you think is the best for you. At least you have the plate spinning experience, and hopefully enough self respect to know when to drop a bitch or to know if that girl is worth your time and exclusivity.

But be warned, LTRs are TRP in hard mode so you better know what you are doing and never be scared to walk away.

[–]FlyingSexistPig12 points13 points  (9 children) | Copy

It's fucking with your head because you haven't swallowed the red pill. You still think that there's a unicorn out there who will love you unconditionally. Whose love won't be tied to your ability to give her the tingles, whether from your rock hard abs or your ability to provide.

This woman does not exist. So you have two choices. You can give up on women, or accept them for who they really are. It truly is a choice, and regardless of which one you choose, tomorrow morning you will still wake up with yourself.

[–]reddit309 1 points [recovered]  (8 children) | Copy

Whose love won't be tied to your ability to give her the tingles, whether from your rock hard abs or your ability to provide.

so you are saying if you have rock hard abs she will love you unconditionally?

[–]FlyingSexistPig1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

No. I'm saying the exact opposite. She will love you for your rock hard abs. It will have a condition.

[–]reddit309 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

that condition is quite easy to meet. i dont think women are as bad as so many like to paint them as.

[–]FlyingSexistPig6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

But it's not an easy condition to keep for most men.

Also, if it's easy to meet, as you say, then there are many guys that will satisfy that requirement.

[–]reddit309 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

thats because they dont have any discipline. just bec theyre lazy doesnt make it difficult. abs is mainly just diet on top of a basic foundation of strength. unless you are obese this takes at MOST 1 year to achieve. for most more like 6mon. so all it takes is 6mon of work for women to love you. downvoting me just shows you laziness. i thought this was the red pill.

[–]FlyingSexistPig1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy


"unless you are obese this takes at MOST 1 year to achieve"

I'm talking about this: https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/what-4-specific-body-fat-percentage-ranges-look-men/5-8/

This knocks out most guys. And it's hard. I didn't say it was impossible, and I didn't say you didn't need discipline. But the same level of discipline that you need to get rock hard abs will serve you well to fill all of the other checkboxes, except height.

The red pill is about understanding female nature as well as focusing on changing yourself.

[–]Zakkaro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women arent bad, theyre just really different than us in nature.

[–]precocious_pakoda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True. RPs are larping when they say all women are a certain type.

[–]AuberyBitoni2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude It's like I wrote this post.. everything you said applies to my life. Opening up to a woman is scary. I am way too picky and see red flags so easily. I have never been in love, only had short flings (1-6 months) and I feel so fucking empty.

Wasting time on plates sucks. The whole dating scene sucks. I have yet to find a 7/10 girl who isn't addicted to social media, works out and doesn't get absolutely wasted during the weekends. One can only dream.. Better to stay single than waste time on a shitty LTR.

[–]RaccoonJanitor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Society is built on the foundations of a family and long term relationships. Nothing wrong with getting married and raising some kids if it’s with a loving partner. Without good people doing this we will literally go extinct or society will breakdown.

Of course, it doesnt have to lead to marriage to still be a meaningful Ltr. In my opinion trp doesn’t conflict with this goal of an ltr. The red pill helps you better understand many of the underlying motivations of women as well as offer a great guide for better life goals like lifting and confidence.

In my opinion understanding women in no way detracts from having a meaningful relationship. I’d compare it to understanding that people go to work because they want to be paid. Money is the underlying motivation. But often times people find more meaning in their work than simply a paycheck. You might become real friends with clients and co-workers and genuinely enjoy your work. Same way women need men to satisfy biological needs but in fulfilling this need they will likely develop a truly loving relationship.

My advice, go for a ltr. Just vet well. Be smart but i’d say never be afraid to love.

Best of luck!

[–]CosmicVoidd 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

This isnt MGTOW yo, fool ya fool. Just manr sure to get her properly

[–]Michael_Uchiha64 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Tell 'em Bee.

[–]DrJrod-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm new here, what does Vet exactly mean?

[–]CosmicVoidd 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Basically checking if she's relationship material.

[–]DrJrod0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thank you!

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're 'picky' because you are judging them as they are. Lead, mould and build them. Stop waiting for the 'quality' to just fall in your lap.

IF they are always ending shit, you aren't training them properly.

[–]rnsbrum1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need a friend

[–]DamnDirtyApe872 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You do you, if you want an LTR go ahead and find a decent girl to start one with.

[–]T-P-T-W-P3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m sort of similar, I’m a lot more open to an LTR than most on this community but can’t seem to ever find the right combination in a chick to where I’m actually in on it. I’ll bang super hot chicks that I gradually learn are absolute bimbos/insert other notable issues that indicate that I would never consider providing them with my dna. Then there are super interesting or ambitious women who don’t quite make the cut in terms of looks to keep me from not wanting to bang the more attractive women likely available to me. Then there the ones who seemingly fulfill all the pre reqs but I just can’t seem to get myself going in that way emotionally no matter what. But I’m fine with this however, I have fun with the way I interact with women and maybe one day one will blow my socks off. But one thing I do know is that I will never cave to that want for deeper intimacy, as in I will never just force the issue and seriously date a woman on the sole basis of wanting a girlfriend. That move may be the foundation of blue pill status. I’d advise you to keep improving, meet new women, and never settle.

[–]babayega1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The fact that you mention these weddings and couples shows that you are still insecure and compare yourself to others. Due to our tribal evolution where social exclusion most likely meant death most people are like that and most never get over it. But learning to stop giving a shit about what others are doing and telling you, and figuring out what you really want is a very important step if you want to become a better man.

The point of Redpill for me is not simply having tons of casual sex. It's realizing the reality of your situation and acting accordingly. "Spinning plates" is not an optimal strategy for everyone 100% of the time. If you think that you are following dogma and opposite of what Redpill stands for. It is recognizing that being in LTR does not solve that existential crisis, only temporarily masks it, just like buying a lambo would. If you rely on LTR to make you happy, you are taking a huge risk if it goes sideways. And it can at any moment for a million reasons, that's just life. That's why people talk so much about hypergamy and divorce rape. That's why spinning plates helps you get rid of that dependence and cultivates abundance. Recognize that the world does not owe you shit, including a great partner, or 'ally', you might find one, you might not. After you internalize that for a few years then by all means try to find an LTR.

[–]3chazthundergut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you want a LTR then get a LTR

But you absolutely should be picky

[–]tbu9870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes men need to learn the hard way and thats fine because there is no wise men without experience.

If thats what you want go for it. If you want to make it work go for it but never stop striving for self improvement a woman is not the goal, you are.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The way I think of it is spinning plates are a prerequisite to an LTR. When you have options and multiple girls you will be able to start an LTR on the right foot and you will be discerning enough to pick a good one that you really like. She has to be the one to ask for the relationship. If you ask, you done goofed. Watch out for them hinting at it. They will rarely be up front and ask you to be their boyfriend. They'll say something like "what are we?" Then you can say something like, what do you want us to be or what do you want to be to me? This gets it out of them and then you can say ok if she was the one you wanted most.

If one of your plates does this and she isn't the one you're waiting on to ask for it then you can say something like "we have fun, right?". They get the message and since they didn't straight up ask the question and you didn't straight up reject her it continues on. This is speaking their language, it's only when they speak man's language that things become concrete.

All tested by me personally and all had the desired effect. One of the plates asked me "What are we?" and I told her that and we kept on fucking and hanging out until the plate I wanted to be my LTR asked "what are we?" and I asked her, what do you want to be? and she said "your girlfriend" and I said ok. She treated me like a king during our relationship up till the end.

[–]MCA_T0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

do what you fucking want bro, ain't nothing wrong with a ltr, better to have someone worthwhile than banging meaningless junge's so you can radiate alpha cunt frequencies

[–]new__vision0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's a huge misunderstanding that TRP is anti-LTR. Some of the best posts of all time in this community are on LTRs. For example "LTR Red Pill game in 8 parts" from the asktrp sidebar -->

For how to select and vet the right woman for an LTR, read "How To Manage Your Bitches" from TRP main sidebar.

There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling, these sidebar articles were written for that.

[–]Warren_Bateman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The issue here is you’re operating under a pretty common covert contract: “if I give commitment, then I will get commitment.” It’s a core tenet of TRP that covert contracts aren’t valid and a lot of the sidebar material explains why.

If you want to change the way you think about relationships, you’ll need to understand why you believe in that covert contract. I suggest the book “no more mr. nice guy” as a starting point. Read it and do the activities (even though they may seem like a waste of time). Mix in some introspection and figure out why you are wired the way you are, then start to rewrite the script.

It sounds like there’s something you learned growing up which directed your beliefs now. TRP is focused on sexual strategy, but a lot of this stuff is tied to childhood misconceptions or abuse (not necessarily beatings, but even a degree of neglect is abusive to a child and will have consequences down the road). Now this doesn’t mean you are broken, just that you have some understanding of the world that worked when you were younger but needs to be improved on now that you’re maturing.

As a point of solidarity, I’m a 25 yr old guy who a lot of people assume is a natural - I’m dealing with the same issues, but getting better day by day. It’s a slog, and I fuck up frequently, but its either that or wallow in self-pity.

[–]McVaghunter-5 points-4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Your post is against Rule Zero; aka support the mission or fuck off.

You're not interested in fucking lots of women the same way I'm not interested in sucking dick, the only difference is I'm not shitposting in a gay sub asking them "How are you all wired?"

What do?

head on to the romance sub

[–]WoodWizzy8710 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

The mission of RP is to become a better person overall achieving goals, women come on the side. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be redpill and have a fully vetted LTR

[–]McVaghunter3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

TRP (the original TRP, not the neoTRP) is a sexual strategy sub, and sticking to only one piece of vagina is not only a terrible sexual strategy, it's actually a weakness. "Becoming a better person" is just one of the tools used to achieve the end goal, which is to fuck a lot of women. TRP is a purely sexual sub.

TRP should never be associated with monogamy and marriage, hell even the married TRP sub says in its sidebar that they're against marriage.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be redpill and have a fully vetted LTR

As you said you just "want" to be redpilled, unfortunately you don't have what it takes to actually be one. Sure, you can lie to yourself and make it believe that you've chosen to give up on all these hot girls just to be with your special girl, but we both no that you can't choose to give up what you never had to begin with.

[–]WoodWizzy872 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]terpredpill-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Swallow the pill and read the sidebar 10 to 15 times.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why not have an "idgaf" LTR? Meaning, you just like bonding and having consistent sex and someone to do shit with that you wouldn't want to do with a male friend, so you "date" her. At the same time, you do your own thing, fuck other girls if you want, look for "real" LTR prospects when possible, and let her do the same.

I pretty much do this. I broke up with my LTR back in November because she had too many dealbreakers for me. She was like a low tier plate for a bit but then we started hanging out more. I just made it clear I didn't want an LTR with her, and I've fucked maybe 7 or 8 girls in the past 4 months. She's well-aware, and to my knowledge, she's not trying anything with other guys--she thinks we'll get back together one day, so she's been trying to "prove herself." I've kinda said she has no hope, but whatever, she can keep doing it. On my end, it's good bc I have some nice stability, a fun, hot girl I can call up whenever, and I'm free to do anything I want with no one to answer to at the same time.

[–]1redhawkes-5 points-4 points  (3 children) | Copy

wtf am I doing wrong

Using RP to achieve bloop goals.

Head over the main sub and read the sidebar, all of it.

Mandatory, check your T levels.

[–]Andorli1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah bruh, must be T levels cuz his narrative doesn't fit the definition of RedPill alpha so he is totally low T gay ass beta bitch...smh

[–]1redhawkes-4 points-3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Check yours too

[–]Andorli0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am good, thx for concern bruh

[–]yungplayz-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Uon gotta do shit. If it fuck with your head, screw it, uon need it. You don't owe nobody nothing partner. Do what brings you joy, uon need to apply stuff that bring you no joy, ain't nothing good finna come from that

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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